ADHD

AMA: I'm a clinical psychologist researcher who has studied ADHD for three decades. Ask me anything about the nature, diagnosis and treatment of ADHD. Articles/Information AMA: I'm a clinical psychologist researcher who has studied ADHD for three decades. Ask me anything about the nature, diagnosis and treatment of ADHD.

Articles/Information

The Internet is rife with misinformation about ADHD. I've tried to correct that by setting up curated evidence at www.ADHDevidence.org. I'm here today to spread the evidence about ADHD by answering any questions you may have about the nature , treatment and diagnosis of ADHD.

**** I provide information, not advice to individuals. Only your healthcare provider can give advice for your situation. Here is my Wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Faraone

​

​

Mod note: Thank you so much u/sfaraone for coming back to the community for another AMA! We appreciate you being here for this.

So, basically, title. Me and boyfriend both have our mental health issues and he is really good at supporting mine so I want to support his, which is diagnosed ADHD. Therefore I have the primary “mental load” in remembering what need to be done and when, and so I mostly am the “commander” and shuffle tasks onto him which he always does with a smile. He also says he really likes task that are not time constrained the most (so eg not things like putting up the laundry to dry before it’ll start rotting). All that’s fine and good.

The thing is… he takes 30 or 40 minutes loading and unloading the dishwasher. I think this is mostly because he constantly stops and watches a video or just takes breaks or whatever. But I just feel so bad for him? And it’s also a bit frustrating because I’m sitting here thinking it could’ve been done 28 minutes ago?

Do I say something to him? I have casually joked about it before and it seems like it doesn’t bother him, but I’m legitimately wondering if he even knows that… things… can be done faster. Can I and/or should I teach him to be faster?

As ADHD people, can you shed some light on this and help me understand him?

I’m a bit new to actually discovering how ADHD actually works, what sort of traits we as ADHDers have, and etcetera. Over the course of exploring this sub, I’ve noticed that we seem to be drawn towards repetition, such as listening to the same songs to death or eating the same meals every day.

After watching the whole LoTR trilogy (non-extended versions because no streaming service that I have has them 😒), for the 1046th time the other day, I was curious if anyone else did this as well with movies, or even shows. I find that when I am looking for something to watch, I am more drawn to watching movies or shows that I’ve already seen, whether I’ve seen them 100 times already or only once or twice, rather than finding something new to watch.

Is anybody else like this? If so how many different movies/shows do you rewatch over and over again, or what are your top 2 or 3 that you constantly rewatch?

I’ve personally worked on not rewatching shows anymore, I used to do that frequently. I just kind of tell myself that there are so many more great shows that I’m missing out on when I watch ones I’ve already seen. I also heard in a podcast once, one of the hosts saying that he never rewatches anything because of how much of a waste of time it is and how he would rather discover great new shows/films, and that helped me as well.

I’ve rewatched A LOT of stuff in my day, but the top ones would be The Office, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Interstellar, Inception, LoTR, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Fast and Furious (typically I only care about the first 3 lol) and Hanna (movie).

Right now, I’ve been wanting to play Terraria. Despite attempts wanting to play it, I never push through with it. Even if I was successful, I immediately get bored that I don’t touch it again. Happens to a lot of games to me, and even other medias like movies and shows. Either this situation or I spend days to weeks hyperfixating on something lol

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it feels like a lot of the things in my life can be explained. Everyday I’m discovering something about myself that’s a symptom of ADHD. Some of the ones I hate the most are:

1. my memory is so bad that I can’t remember what I ate yesterday.

2. I talk too damn much. All I do is yap yap yap. And my family is so irritated with me but it’s not like I can just stop.

3. I’m always tired. It doesn’t matter how much or how little I sleep. It’s so annoying.

4. I know I need to go outside more. But I just can’t bring myself to. It’s just easier to stay home. So I end up bailing on a lot of plans to scroll through Instagram.

Finally got back on my medication (dextroamphetamine 15mg) after a year of hell without it. During that time I forgot how suppressed my appetite gets when i’m on my medication. It gets to the point where I don’t want to eat anything but obviously can’t function without food. Currently the only thing I can stomach is the Barbells protein bar or a tortilla with butter. What’s your go-to snack that gives you energy when you take your medicine?

I grew up with my mother, who really struggled to deal with me being so energetic and then experiencing emotional outbursts when she wasn't able to help me manage that. I know this isn't my fault, but our relationship became more fraught as we both got older and I ended up cutting her off for years because she couldn't understand why I wanted to do things a certain way and I wasn't able to handle her not letting me do things a certain way.

I was able to maintain that no-contact approach until she became terminally ill a few years ago. Things might have gone better if it had been picked up at an earlier age by someone in a position to do something about it. Maybe we would have understood each other better and she could have been a bigger part of my adult life.

I wanna say “I can’t remember, I’m good at this moment but prior to the last 10 minutes I don’t really remember.. if you give me like 5 minutes I can probably answer the question with more clarity but I can’t make eye contact while I think”

This is why I have no friends. My brain is not user friendly :(

My bf has aspergers & adhd and he doesn't miss me. We have been dating for a year and a half, i only can remember several instances in which he missed me. This kind of hurts me because i miss him like... all of the time and i have really bad attachment issues. He once said he never really misses anyone, rarely feels it. Anyway, just wanted to know if this is a common trait in adhd

I feel anxious when there's no sound, when there isn't some music playing, or at least some constant natural sounds, like rain or thunder or train noises. Like, I feel understimulated. Which puts me kinda at odds with surprising amount of people who prefer "peace and quiet". Like, when I had a bf and he stayed over - usually only one of us gets to sleep (I can't fall asleep in silence, he can't fall asleep when there's any sound at all). And my current roommate is constantly annoyed how loud I am even when I'm not listening to any music - due to all gasps and groans I do whenever literally anything happens

So I wonder if this is a common experience

I strongly desire for things to be concrete and straightforward. Excessively ambiguous, open ended, or abstract doesn't work for me. Such causes me to feel aimless and directionless, like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going.

Conversely, concrete, straightforward, and structured makes me feel a lot more comfortable and confident in what I'm doing and thinking.

Is this an ADHD thing? Is it part of the condition, and if so, what's your experience?

Thank you all for your replies and God bless you. I admittedly am learning new things about my condition every day. Which is odd, because I'm 34 😂😂😂 I feel I should have a grasp on it by now.

Even to people I WANT to talk to. Something about being on the phone just sucks out my humanity and deadens me.

With a keyboard I can be lively and engaging and thoughtful and even clever, if I may say so myself, but those “skills” simply cannot transfer when I am required to speak into a phone. I don’t know what it is; it just kind of makes me shut down.

Anyway, just throwing this out there because the thought popped into my head as I prepare for sleep.

I thought everyone thought visually until I saw this (BTW, this husband and wife team - ADHD Love - are great!).

https://youtu.be/VLxi3Vbsq7Y?si=ppF4TsKc6d2-U0-1

After talking to a bunch of people, especially my wife, it really seems like an ADHD trait.

I can’t believe my wife doesn’t think visually, and she can’t believe I do! It’s been an interesting topic of conversation between us for a few days now. 

It’s such a normal part of how I operate that I couldn’t (and really, still can’t) see how people function without seeing information. Just like as mentioned in the video, I can’t comprehend where they pull their information from if they don’t do it visually - I see everything!. 

Another surprise was touch typing, my wife is amazingly fast and I’m very slow. She can also hold a conversation while typing something completely unrelated. When I type, I see every letter in my head before I type it, also, my complete focus must be on the typing. She tells me that her hands just hit the right keys without ‘seeing’ anything in her mind. She is a much better multitasker than I am.

This is such a crazy area to find that people are different.

I wanted to share with everyone here that I've tried Wellbutrin and Adderall. Wellbutrin was great for my depression, not my ADHD, and Adderall was great for my ADHD, but horrible for depression. If you're looking to feel fully like yourself again, don't settle for only treating one mental health issue!

I'm almost a month into taking Vyvanse and it has managed to tackle both my ADHD and Depression so well! I feel like a brand new person! I was so happy after a day of taking it that I cried tears of joy.

I wish full success for all of you in your treatment journey, it is truly lifechanging once you don't have big obstacles to complete tasks or get through the day.

Please don't settle and advocate for your *entire* mental health.

I feel like I always have the urge to Go Out and Do Stuff but whenever I do go out I instantly get really overwhelmed and overstimulated. I feel like the only places I really feel comfortable are work and home but they’re also very understimulating places. Staying home for too many days in a row makes me restless. I sometimes feel like a zoo animal trapped in its enclosure. I may have my enrichment toys, but it’s nothing compared to the wild, even though the wild is super overwhelming and I am not quite prepared for it.

I don’t know what about going out overwhelms me so much. Even going to my favorite places like the bookstore or the thrift store has me feeling more and more stressed lately, and I am not sure why. I don’t really feel anxious about going out or anything. It’s just a lot out there. But inside can be too little sometimes.

I have a great partner and great friends and I have lots of hobbies and interests. I just feel like I’m constantly fighting to keep my senses balanced and properly stimulated. I guess I just am wondering about how you guys deal with not over- or understimulating yourself, how you guys find the right balance with ADHD.

I don't know if it's just me, but I got diagnosed at 37 and it seems like I've completely reverted to adolescence and I have to, 're-learn' how to do everything. Like, I had a pretty solid routine where I could manage my life and then with the diagnosis it all just flew out the window and I couldn't do anything anymore. I was in a constant state of paralysis and would spend most of my time in my bed...now, I'm slowly starting to do the things I used to do to manage my life, but it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel right. Has this happened to anyone else?

This is less about work and obligations, moreso activities you actually enjoy and want to do, but don’t.

I play a musical instrument. I want to improve. I want to learn. I love the way it sounds. It was a focus for about 2 years until the novelty wore off, and then my brain filed it under “chore that is akin to eating a wet hair sandwich” and no matter how much I WANT to, I…am unable to can. HALP

ETA: I am medicated

I got diagnosed when i was 18, ive been pretty open about my adhd since then. Ive gotten a lot of the “i think i have adhd too” remarks, after which i always dive into why they think that. Some of them don’t really seem to have a lot of adhd symptoms but others deeply resonated with what adhd looks like for me.

Obviously i don’t know they have it so i encourage most of them to get it checked out. Especially the ones who are clearly struggling, or ask me for meds. But the answer is almost always no. and when i ask them why they don’t want to get diagnosed they ask “why should I? I don’t want to be labeled with adhd” or they say “I dont want to talk to a psychiatrist about my issues” ??? BUT YOU ARE CLEARLY STRUGGLING TO KEEP YOUR LIFE TOGETHER??

Sorry for being upset but everyone in my country is insured, an adhd diagnosis doesn’t fundamentally change anything about you, you don’t have to be medicated if you don’t want to be. I really don’t get it, with a diagnosis you get access to accommodations, an explanation and most importantly imo: peace of mind. Just knowing I have It made me waaaay more empathetic towards myself.

So I ask, maybe some of you are like this and can enlighten me: Why do people not want to get diagnosed dispite them struggling?

TLDR: People who are clearly struggling with adhd dont want to get diagnosed and I don’t understand why.

As soon as I wake up I feel this stomach churning anxiety due to the fact I have so many options and ideas and goals, yet have no mental or physical energy to work towards them. There are clothes scattered around my room. There are so many people I have to reach out to and apologize for being distant to. As a creative, there are so many genres of music I want to learn, so many art styles I want to experiment with. I also have OCD which paired with anxiety adhd and depression, makes me feel like I’m getting into a fist fight with my brain just trying to function as a human being. I struggle staying focused and keeping a routine so instead I sit and ruminate about the things I could be doing instead of just getting up and doing them. I am unmedicated but would like to try and look into meds, but im terrified anything perscribed for ADHD will make my anxiety worse. If anyone has any advice please feel free to comment or PM 🙏🏻

I feel like my ADHD has worsened in the last 6 months. My short term memory has gone to hell, my "last-minute override" doesn't work anymore, beginning tasks has gone from difficult to nearly impossible, i can't pay attention in class for more than 10 minutes, and i keep interrupting people when they're talking to me (which i didn't do so often before). Hell, i can't even play videogames for more than 30 minutes anymore, i get distracted even from that. Is it normal for this to happen? I got diagnosed 2 years ago and i took medication for 6 months, but then i stopped because i wasn't getting the results i expected.

This was actually a little awhile ago but I was just thinking of it again and you know it really pissed me off and made me feel like a child.

Basically I got PROPER STUCK in a dress at a clothing store and literally no matter what I did I couldn't get it off so, naturally, I got a little panicked and mad. She was asking me if I needed help getting it off and I really didn't want it because I didn't want to have to be undressed infront of her but ultimately I HAD to because I needed another person to pull it off me.

So she comes into the changing room and I'm almost crying because I was getting claustrophobic and genuinely thought they'd have to cut me out of it and she goes "Just calm down! I will get it off." in a very annoyed, fed up, like she was talking to a child kind of way.

It was so embarrassing and I feel like she sees me as the messy friend or the dramatic and weird friend. She could have tried to calm me down in a nicer way and not been so condescending :(

Been feeling shitty all week. Had a good workout routine going and although I knew I should've kept it going I ignored what my body needed. Turbulent eating patterns and getting drunk on Monday didn't help.

Today isn't going to solve anything, but I'm kinda proud of myself for not giving up (again) at least. Had a lot of breakups like this one, where SO assures me nothing is wrong with me, but that she doesn't feel like keeping this going - just as I've started getting hopeful again. Not their fault. Not my fault (I guess). For my own sanity I'm just gonna have to attribute it to bad luck, and keep working on the things I do have control over.

Wishing you all a pleasant Sunday! We've got this.

Hi all

From the outside, everyone wants to be me. But I hate me.

I have a PhD. I have a great career. Women think I'm really attractive (m). But I feel like a loser. I feel like ADHD has ruined my life. And it has not helped me achieve anything meaningful.

If you asked me what I'm good at, I'd say writing. If you asked me "what have you written that you've actually finished that you're proud of" - I'd say nothing.

No matter what I do. No matter how many achievements I rack up. It'll never be enough.

And that's the most broken part of ADHD. The total emptiness regardless of trying so hard.

I don't know who needs to hear this. But if you feel like me, you're not alone. And it breaks my heart being a total underachiever inside, even though people think I'm successful.

So much wasted energy on so much which amounts to nothing.

So my question is: what do you do when you feel like this?

Kind of put myself in a horrible financial situation ever since I turned 18, I constantly forget to do paperwork, I am bad at opening and addressing my mail, I can't read complicated paperwork and understand it. I'm not even that unintelligent. I just can't compact it into my brain and make structured plans to handle it. I lost my wallet .. again. This is kind of the last straw. I'm having a mental breakdown idk what to do anymore. I just failed at everything. I'll be 30 and there isn't ever going to be any self reliance in my life, I will never be able to be responsible for a family or myself. I'm disabled. I can't handle my life at all and have intense support needs and it hurts so much to feel that. My mom still needs to help me out, and she is fed up with me. And I get it. I am too. It would've been better if I wasn't even born but now I am here. And I cost a lot of unnecessary money.

I work as a project/program manager. Insane amounts of organization. But it's a bit exciting for me because it's always changing.

Meanwhile I haven't unpacked from a camping trip last month aaaand I haven't planned my meals out for the week .

I've seen posts here asking for what careers are great for ADHD, but sometimes that's a bit hard because it depends on your interests + urgency in a given industry. (For me, I fail horribly at easy jobs).

Have you also experience that skin crawling feeling whenever you go to consecutive social gathering?

Like after the events you just don't eat nor sleep and just want to die. It's like you want to eat but you just can't, well you can't do anything for yourself you just shutdown.

Is this ADHD acting up or other disorder or is this just me?