Navigating bachelorette party with friends at different incomes

Neither my MoH and I grew up in privilege but we both work in high paying fields now. Not all my friends are doing the same.

My MoH is in every way an amazing friend and has been hard at work coming up with bachelorette ideas that I would love. I feel a little guilty being lukewarm on some of her initial ideas. She recently calls me with a new idea and I think it sounds amazing and we both get very excited. She sends me some hotel options and that’s when it hits me: just to get there and stay for a weekend- before any activities- would be like $700 per person.

To be clear, this is something I would love to do with my MoH and any mutual friends but I feel so conflicted asking other friends who don’t know anyone but me to come on a trip that’s potentially a large financial burden basically for me. On the one hand, I’d have no problem if they decline, but I feel like if I were in that situation, I would begrudgingly opt in if it’s for my good friend. And while I’m willing to do that, I’m not comfortable putting someone else in that situation.

Has anyone else navigated a bachelorette party with friends at different income brackets? Any suggestions on what to do?

in BigBudgetBridesby lilac_lemur

97%

3mo

Not_Your_Lobster

3mo

You have three options:

Ask for everyone's budget via anonymous survey, then work within the lowest listed amount.
Plan for something more extravagant but subsidize costs by covering everything extra over that lowest amount.
Make it explicitly clear that you know it's a pricey trip and you don't expect everyone to attend and you're happy to catch up over a happy hour or dinner later.

I didn't end up having my bachelorette for various scheduling reasons on my end, but I was planning for number 2 and had it in my budget to cover most of the costs of the weekend since there were pretty large disparities in the group.

LawSchoolLoser1

3mo

I have done all three of the above-listed options, and so far so good! (Plan as close to the lowest budget possible, offer to subsidize for the part that’s gone over, and no hard feelings for those who can’t come)

bbcrocodile

3mo

I did #3. About half the gals invited came and I was thrilled. Before finalizing the location, I did make sure my “VIPs” could and would come (my sisters, best friends). So even if every other person declined, I would still be so so happy.

It was not the first destination bach or wedding in any of my friend groups so I didn’t feel like I was asking something crazy. I had a sense of what the group would be comfortable paying for.

I would say have the bach you want to have, have individual convos with the main people you really want to be there, and trust that everyone else will do what makes sense for them.

(I have def “begrudgingly” said yes to an expensive bach before - but I could afford it, I just get grumpy about spending the money or vacation days, but once I’m actually on the trip I am soooo abundantly glad I went and don’t think twice about the money. So yeah, I’m sure everyone would in theory like to spend less money, but I think if they say yes, it means they can go. I don’t think anyone would say yes to a $1000 trip if it would cause a financial hardship, that’s an easy “no.” You just have to trust that people will do what’s right for them.)

LocationForward9303

3mo

I’m in the same situation as you, OP. I’m doing 3 but for 1-2 expensive choices I’m going to quietly cover or subsidize my friend who could use the help. So she’s not embarrassed, I’ll just tell her that I’m so happy she could come and it’s to cover the gas money for all the free rides she gave me in high school ❤️

figureskatress

3mo

Also would add if comfortable include peoples so's and let single friends bring a friend. That way it's more a vacation and room costs are split.

hanyo24

3mo

If you can afford to pay for the group or cover one expense or the other, I would recommend doing that if it will mean your friends can come. For example, could you pay for either transport or accommodation for everyone?

Senior_Sense_8071

3mo

I’d recommend covering some expenses if you can! For mine, we all went to Chicago for the weekend. I covered the hotel rooms (I got 3 rooms for 7 people and everyone had their own bed), one brunch, and one dinner (at a nice restaurant). Everyone was responsible for their own travel costs, and the other brunch and dinner, which were at more affordable places. We had some activities that were free and some were optional, so some people opted to hang back at the hotel. I thought it worked very well!

BuffyBlue82

3mo

My daughter is doing a destination wedding. To avoid having her bridal party spend extra, she is doing a bachelorette party before the wedding. They will have a spa day and dinner. Then head out on the town for a bit! This will happen the Thursday before the wedding so her bridal party and friends only have to buy one plane ticket.

Josie_Dear_13

3mo

I planned my friend’s bachelorette recently. It was about 700 per person. We are normal girls with ranging incomes located in LA area. I just made sure to communicate the budget with invitations so there were no surprises. I purchased the decor myself and the bride pitched in for a portion of the Airbnb to bring down costs for everyone. Good luck!

Chanel1202

3mo

I’m in the same boat, including the fact that my MoH is my sister, whom turns 21 this week and is a college student (with a full time job, but still a college student).

I think a bride should have the bachelorette party she wants, but if it’s an expensive destination or activity, she has to understand some people may not be able to afford to go and that has to be okay.

I’m a Disney person. My bachelorette party will be in Orlando/at Disney World. Obviously Orlando itself isn’t crazy expensive, but Disney certainly is.

I’m doing the following:

1) making my bachelorette party completely optional, even for bridal party members.

2) cutting costs for guests however I can.

We have an AirBnB that will allow everyone a bed. It’s going to cost $100 per person (for all 3 nights of the trip). It also has a pool and a hot tub, which will help fill time spent at the house.

I also am subsidizing the Disney park hopper ticket. I refunded my annual pass for 2022-2023 because I ended up not using it. I’m using that money to purchase park hoppers for my bachelorette guests to use. I also am incredibly fortunate and received two extra park hoppers from a friend of my FH whom works for Disney cruise line. He can’t possibly use them before they expire. With all of these subsidies, it will be about $50 per person for their Disney park hopper (about a $150 discount per person)

I am covering the major expense myself. I’m paying for a VIP tour guide for our Disney park day. This has two significant advantages: it will let us see everything in all the parks in one day, which means we don’t need a second park day, and it makes it special and will be a memory for everyone on the trip.

I really think it comes down to trying to be gracious if people can’t come and being reasonable about what you expect people to pay for.

SoCalBoilerGirl

3mo

I planned a bachelorette a few years ago that had a higher price per person. Our friends had varying income levels and the bride told me to only extend invites to people who could afford it. We were flying to Austin for an extended weekend staying in a nice hotel having a spa day. This backfired. A girl who wasn’t in the bridal party but whom we’ve known since kindergarten saw all the pictures of the bachelorette and was so hurt that she wasn’t invited. I told her I didn’t invite her because I knew she was struggling financially. (she was going through some medical problems and wasn’t working) She said she could have made it happen and attended. I also think it was hurtful because there were 12 of us on the bachelorette party. I’m not sure exactly what transpired between her and the bride but she didn’t even end up coming to the wedding. So it’s a slippery slope.

DietCokeYummie

3mo

I had a destination bachelorette and basically told everyone “absolutely no pressure at all”.

I had 5 friends come.. coincidentally all girls who had been DYING for a trip together. The rest stayed back, and that was ok too!

eyalane

SoCal | 8/27/22

3mo

So I purposely kept my bachelorette small to make sure everyone was on the same page income wise. The people who were invited/attended all were people who would’ve gone on a similar trip/made the same expense on their own. There absolutely were a handful of others I could’ve invited but having been on the planning end of navigating everyone’s budget (and having the sister of the groom not pay me until the groom called to yell at her), I really just didn’t want to put my MOH or anyone through that.

You have three options: Go on the trip you want with the people who will be comfortable with the price, subsidize a chunk of it to include everyone, or find an alternate trip within a budget that works for everyone.

FWIW, I loved my small bachelorette, I never felt bad about the cost of things and I still subsidized a bit of it by not allowing them to pay for my travel, I bought a couple gifts and some rounds of drinks over the weekend.

Fresh-Heron-4579

2mo

Planning for my bachelorette made me realize how much I live in a bubble. My closest girlfriends are all very well-to-do either through their work or husbands. I just assumed everyone would be comfortable with $500-700/night for four nights + airfare before any activities. Then I had this instinct to check myself and so I talked individually with each friend to get a sense of how much they were comfortable spending. Turns out it's NBD and everyone is coming. Phew. I decided to subsidize some of the cost as a Thank You.

avpuppy

3mo

Many of my closest friends are not in high paying fields: academia, nonprofits, etc. It was already a big enough of a hurdle for them to buy plane tickets for my bachelorette that I actually covered the cost of the airbnb we all stayed at that weekend (my parents pitched in, so sweet)! It really took a lot of pressure to not worry about affording the rooms that weekend that people were more happy to splurge on a nice dinner out, and other activities. I also made sure to send a breakdown of the activities and the costs beforehand as well.

helpwitheating

3mo

We did an anonymous budget (+ dates and activity preferences) survey on Google Forms in advance, and went with the lowest budget.