I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Majestic_Geologist83 posting in r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationship_advice and r/AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
Content warning -
Thanks to u/Prestigious-Maybe-73 for finding this BORU
2 updates - Long
Original - 19th October 2022
Update1 - 21st October 2022
Update2 - 12th June 2024
AITA for ALMOST throwing away my stepson's pillowcase?
My stepson is 23 and he sleeps with a body pillow that he has one pillowcase for. It has a cartoon on it of a girl in a cat costume.
I was doing the laundry yesterday and I noticed it was pretty threadbare when it came out of the dryer. So I threw it in the rag bag.
When he came home from work he asked where it was and I told him. He acted shocked and almost looked like he was going to cry. He went and took it out of the bag and washed and dried it again. When his mom got home he talked to her right in front of me and said I wasn't allowed to wash it any more. She sat with him in his room after and calmed him down.
It isn't one of his collectibles. He doesn't keep it sealed away or anything. But they are both mad at me. I don't know what I did wrong.
Why am I the asshole?
Sorry I guess I'm supposed to put that this is an edit.
I'm retired and my wife works. That's why I do the housework. We have lots of pillowcases that would fit. I don't want to look up what a waifu is. I made that mistake with futunari. And when one of my t shirts or my wife's jeans or a towel gets worn out it goes in the rag bag for the garage. That is why I threw it away. I didn't rip it or put it in the trash with food waste. It went into a plastic bag with other clean worn out stuff.
EDIT I did apologize. And if what you guys are saying is true I'm never going to touch it again. He can do his own laundry.
Comments
JeepersCreepers74
YTA for being oblivious to the fact that you threw away his girlfriend.
OOP: What?
JeepersCreepers74
He's in a sexual relationship with the pillow + pillowcase. I don't get it either, but apparently your wife does. Maybe she bought it for him? I'm sorry he hasn't introduced you to her but perhaps you let the occasional anti-pillow comment slip and he was worried how you would react?
In any event, a threadbare item is usually a much-loved one, and a 23-year old is old enough to determine when it's time to throw out their own things. Granted, he doesn't sound like the most mature 23-year-old, but at least have the decency of introducing him to a new pillowcase and allowing for a proper break-up with the old one first.
ETA re:
We have lots of pillowcases that would fit.
Dude, unless you have a harem of cat girls in your linen closet, they're not going to do the trick.
seventeenblackbirds
but at least have the decency of introducing him to a new pillowcase and allowing for a proper break-up with the old one first.
This phrasing is gonna destroy me. Do they meet at a neutral location like a coffeeshop...does she pay her own way or is she just gonna have a water
BaitedBreaths
Who throws their girlfriend in the laundry for their stepdad to wash?
Necessary_Jello_1206
No one has considered this perspective yet. It’s going to have to be an ESH from me. If OP is TA for throwing his stepson’s girlfriend in the rag bin, we can’t ignore the stepson’s cavalier treatment toward the same girlfriend.
RedSAuthor
YTA for treating your daughter-in-law as a worn out rag.
ItzAshOutHere
"Step dad Im stuck in the washing machine HELP ME!!"
Puzzleheaded_Ad_7204
What are you doing Step Pillow?
FN1987
You’re the best step-sham!
How can I convince my stepson that he might want to seek therapy? - 2 days later
I 62 recently found out some stuff about my stepson 23 that I would really rather not know. My daughter 16 helped me post to a different sub and, although part of me wishes I hadn't, I'm kind of glad I did. It gave me some insight into the kid. He's been in my life since he was 5. Now she told me to post here since my post over there got removed.
I had a long talk with my wife 42 about our son. I showed her the original post. She is kind of in shock about it. She knew he was attached to his property and kind of upset with me for throwing it away without asking.
So I listened to some of the commenters there and suggested therapy. Trust me when I say I'm considering it for myself after what I read. I am old guy but I'm not one of those that thinks getting mental health services makes you weak. I think that my stepson has some problems that I am not equipped to deal with.
My stepson is upset with me to begin with and now he is angry that I think he is crazy. I do not. I worked with some guys who were completely around the bend. He just needs some help. My old man would have told me to take him to Amsterdam and make him grow up. I'm not going to do that. I don't know what he needs but I know it's not that.
I don't think what some of those guys suggested is true. I think he is just confused about how to deal in this world you young people have got going on.
He said that he isn't crazy and I am an asshole for saying he is.
Once again I just want him to get help. I'm not judging his life.
How can I convince him that I love him, want what is best for him, and that he needs help?
TLDR:
My son is very attached to some of his bedding. He is 23. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or something else. I think he needs to see someone to help him get over this.
Comments
diagnosedwolf
Lots of young people have sexual fetishes that they don’t necessarily want their parents to find out about. Having a sexual fetish that involves a printed pillow case is not in itself indicative of a need for therapy, not any more than your being disturbed by that fetish is indicative that you need therapy.
Unless he has trauma or other cognitive dysfunction that is causing him distress, which is being expressed in the form of this fetish, there’s no reason to think there is anything wrong with your stepson.
His sex life is none of your business. Just repeat that to yourself over and over.
OOP: He is a good kid. I want him to have his best life. I know his sex life isn't my business. I am just having trouble thinking this is best for him.
diagnosedwolf
I want you to think about everything you have ever done sexually. Think about all the porn you have ever watched. Think about every fantasy you’ve masturbated to. Think about everything you’ve ever blurted out during sex, and everything ever said to you during sex. Think about every awkward boner.
If your father received an itemised list of all these things, what would he think of you?
Think of this issue in this context. Imagine that your own father was viewing the weirdest thing you’ve ever done sexually, and decide whether you think a sexual fantasy is indicative of a mental health issue.
OOP: I get your point. I outgrew some of that stuff when I finally touched a real woman. But is it really wrong for me and his mom to want him to not put all his emotional connections into an inanimate object?
diagnosedwolf
It’s not wrong for you to want your son to have healthy emotional connections with real humans - and to not form an unhealthy emotional attachment to a pillowcase.
What I’m advising here is that you don’t start pushing a “you need to go to therapy because something is wrong with you” narrative. That is 100% guaranteed to make your son shut down any kind of dialogue with you at all.
Yes, he might have an unhealthy attachment to this pillow. If that is the case, do you think that telling him to get therapy directly after throwing his pillowcase out is a good way to get him to listen to you? Or is he going to feel persecuted and ashamed, and deafen himself to anything you say?
AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my step son's "relationship". - 2 years later
I posted in another group before but it got taken down. I hope this is okay my daughter says this is the same but different.
My step son has a relationship with a pillowcase. I almost got divorced because I upset him so much when I put it in the rag bag. His mom just humors him no matter what. I just shake my head. I have tried to get him to go see a therapist. He will not. I know he is an awkward young man but he obviously need help but my wife won't see it.
He has decided that he wants to marry his waifu. I swear to Christ I know more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. The folks in the other group explained it and helped me understand. I really wish I did not.
My step son wants to have a ceremony where he marries his pillowcase. This has to be a mental condition. No one out there is really going to tell me that I am just old I I cannot understand the new relationships between people and linens.
I can't do it. My wife is going along with it. She is getting it catered. In our back yard. I refuse to attend. I am going to go to Michigan to see family that whole week. I just don't want to see that.
I want to know if I am in the wrong for thinking this has to be an elaborate joke at my expense.
Comments
Specific_Anxiety_343
NTA. Your wife is a moron
euclideincalgary
Can you convince your wife to talk to a therapist about her son? Your step son may have a mental condition and her mom isn’t helping at all.
OOP: She won't go. I have tried. I have even offered to go with her.
euclideincalgary
Sorry to read. At least mental condition isn’t contagious but can be hereditary. Enjoy Montana
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
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