AIO my former roomate took a specific shopping bag I specifically asked her not to take?

I had a reusable shopping bag from a. Very specific store that is 8+ hours away from me. It was in my bag of reusable shopping bags, and my roommate told me as she went into the bags that she was grabbing some of them. I told her very specially to make sure she didn’t take that specific bag and she assured me she wasn’t. But I noticed that she had a handful in her hand and didn’t check them as she was walking away, so there’s no way for her to have known if she had accidentally taken that bag or not. Fast forward, and that specific Bag is missing.
There’s a metric ton of meaning/memories I have wrapped up in that bag, as it serves as an emotional/mental anchor of proof that something happened that I’ve had trouble in the past remembering as having happened due to repressed memories. I understand it’s my fault that I left the bag in with the rest of my personal shopping bags, but still. I told her not to take that bag and she couldn’t even be bothered to check. Am I overreacting? It’s just a bag, but it’s also a significant mental anchor for a repressed memory.

Edit to add: this was a roomate/ tenant renting a room in a house I owned. Not a shared apartment or residence.

Also, the problem wasn’t that she took a reusable shopping bag. It was that she was told not to take a specific bag as she was taking bags, but couldn’t be bothered to check that she wasn’t taking that specific bag.

Apparently I’m too sensitive and shouldn’t have kept a sentimental bag in with the rest of my bags I didn’t intend on sharing with a tenant. Thanks all for the replies. I’m going to stop responding to posts on here now.

in AmIOverreactingby K23Meow

79%

ambrford11

But if you noticed she just “grabbed a handful and didn’t check them” why would you not address it right then? Like hey double check those and make sure you didn’t get my bag.

SaffronHoneysuckle

I hope she didnt know the meaning attached. It sounds careless and rude, because you asked specifically, but not egregious if she didnt know. Your real concern should be what now. Maybe write yourself a note, "yes, the bag did exist and this is why it is gone...i held it, it lived here, and it was real" let the note be the new anchor.

K23Meow

No she didn’t understand the specific meaning. Only that she was specifically asked to be careful and not take it, but didn’t bother to check. It should matter the reason, just that she was asked not to do something but was dismissive despite knowing I was neurodivergent.
That’s a good idea for a new anchor since I can’t easily replace the bag without a road trip. Thanks!

Selena_B305

What did she do with the bag?

was it thrown/given away?

Doyoulikeithere

Stop expecting others to do what is right! You'll stop being disappointed that way!

ConsciousCopy9092

YESSS! Perfectly said 👏👏

setittonormal

Looks like maybe it's time for a roadtrip.

thevirginswhore

In this economy?

AlleyQV

18h

Bring on the downvotes, because I can't believe people are actually validating this nonsense.

Shashi1066

Insignificant items can carry important memories. I doubt if your roommate was being malicious. You may want to move it away from the other reusable bags.

AlleyQV

Especially if OP never intended to use it again for its original purpose.

VoodooBrite

I think at the end of the day this is a low level offense. I wouldn't check bags for a roommate. If they wanted something I'd expect them to take it and leave me out of their issues.

K23Meow

-20

Low level yes. But one more thing in a long line of offenses. Unfortunately I’m having trouble letting this one go. Thank you for your perspective

AngelicaPickles08

I mean maybe I'm petty but I woke be mad that someone took something I specifically said not to. But do you mind me asking what you did when she just grabbed a handful without checking?

boudicas_shield

No this would irritate me, too. It’s one thing if she hadn’t been told at all and had no way of knowing, but OP told her directly at the time she was selecting bags to not take a certain one. It doesn’t take a genius to check which bags are in your hand to avoid taking that bag.

OP shouldn’t have to hide things in their own home to avoid someone using something they’ve specifically just been asked not to use. It makes sense to keep the bag with the other bags; it doesn’t make sense to take a bag immediately after you were asked not to do so. This isn’t on OP.

Doyoulikeithere

You wrote FORMER roommate, why is she at your place using your things?

YourWoodGod

You're allowed to feel however you want OP, I'm not sure why you're being down voted. Probably some weird ass anti landlord stuff that doesn't fit here at all. It doesn't matter that it was a reusable shopping bag, you have all the right in the world to associate whatever you want with important memories. Modem importantly, it wouldn't have taken her two seconds to look through the bags and make sure she didn't take the one you mentioned.

percypersimmon

I mean- it sounds like you don’t wanna let this go.

This former (?) roommate probably doesn’t think about it at all (and shouldn’t) and you would probably be better served by forgetting about it as well.

AlleyQV

18h

Underrated comment.

Stargazer_0101

That is being petty and silly. Be an adult and next time, keep all your shopping bags in your room closet.

Sylvannaa9

You don’t need to let it go. You specifically asked someone NOT to touch that and they didn’t even check and confirmed they wouldn’t.. that was them saying “I don’t care I’m just grabbing a bunch and going” I’d be mad as well and start asking why they didn’t bother to look? You don’t need to explain you shouldn’t keep all your bags in one place. What you should be saying is why did the roommate just not listen and check to make sure. I’d be asking what happened.

ScarletDarkstar

If a reusable shopping bag means that much to you, I think the burden is on you to protect it. What's to say your roommate didn't recognize it? You saw them take "some" without looking and didn't react either.

Is the bag recovered? Even if they used it, wouldn't they bring it back?

It's not something the average person would prioritize.

Fancy_Bass_1920

If it’s important you don’t leave it in a communal area.

If I was grabbing a reusable bag I wouldn’t be looking at the bag itself.

VoodooBrite

I was under the impression it was a communal pile. I still think if it was important you'd keep it seperate.

K23Meow

-15

No it wasn’t specifically a communal pile. But I do understand that normally a special item wouldn’t be stored with non special items of the same type. My issue is that as she retrieved bags from that pile I specifically asked her to make sure she didn’t take that specific bag. And she didn’t bother to check.

SaltSquirrel7745

Did you put her in check at the time?? Like you saw her walk away without checking.

Doyoulikeithere

And now you know you can't trust her, so stop complaining about your error in judgement.

shammy_dammy

Yup and start planning to let her go as a tenant when her lease comes due.

Holiday_Newspaper_29

Because she used a shopping bag and other unmentioned 'offences'?

shammy_dammy

If op doesn't want to live with her for those offences, then that's pretty much the end of that. Which is probably why she's referred to as the ex roommate

Holiday_Newspaper_29

Unfortunately, I think the next room mate is in for a rude awakening.

Available-Seesaw-492

-5

Is the bag destroyed? If not, you are over reacting, move it's home to somewhere these mistakes can't be made. If so, then I totally understand.

keen238

At the end of the day, this is a disposable item that you have assigned way too much emotional energy to.

AlleyQV

18h

Underrated comment.

Unepetiteveggie

What's wrong with the bag? She used it and didn't bring it back?

K23Meow

Pretty much yes. And she’s no longer a roomate for a multitude of other reasons.

_awfulfalafel

Have you contacted her to ask for it back?

North-Judgment5929

I don’t understand hardly anyone in this thread. There was one rule. She broke it. Why would someone agree to something and then not make sure they’re following through with the agreement? I’d be upset too.

SaffronHoneysuckle

It's a pretty harsh comment section. We are allowed to assign value to anything we want. We can also share with specifications and expect them to be followed. Meh, everyone seems stuck on it being a bag or just being rude about mental health. It's strange and i hope reddit does its usual even out to reasonable over time thing

percypersimmon

I guess the issue is that this roommate doesn’t even live with her anymore. It could be months or even years since this bag went missing.

I’m not sure how holding this grudge is serving OP and even less sure how posting this to Reddit specifically asking for feedback on if it’s an overreaction and then getting upset at said feedback is serving OP.

Did her roommate mess up? Certainly.

Is OP overreacting? Even the act of making this post is an overreaction.

Muffin278

There is something about the post that is confusing me. Idk if OP is explaining things badly, or if there is something else, but I just don't quite understand. Can OP not just message the roommate and ask if they have the bag? Did this happen recently? Why did the roommate take a handful of OP's reusable bags?

I don't think OP's reaction is wrong, it sound like they have a lot of emotions tied to that bag that they may not have realized were so deep when they stored the bag there. But I also don't think the roommate did anything malicious, just careless. Or maybe they misunderstood OP. If OP messaged them and explained the situation, I am sure any good person would allow OP to pick up the bag.

VoodooBrite

If it meant that much you shouldn't have left it there. Give me a break.

K23Meow

-4

So I shouldn’t have kept it with my own belongings?

Doyoulikeithere

Not ones that you're willing to share, no. You wrote that she is a former roommate, and there were other offenses, so why is she even in your place. What you should have done was to go with her where the bags were and get the bag and put it some place safe, you are old enough to know that the world is full of untrustworthy people! Go find her and get your bag back and stop leaving it out!

AlleyQV

-11

"Belongings"? Really?

Available-Seesaw-492

Have you considered keeping The Precious in a place where it can't be used by others?

AlleyQV

as it serves as an emotional/mental anchor of proof that something happened that I’ve had trouble in the past remembering as having happened due to repressed memories.

WTAF?

percypersimmon

Yea I’m not usually one to question someone’s feelings but like- what?

It’s a reusable bag from a store that is far away. OP has some sort of traumatic/important memory related to this store and the bag is a physical reminder of that?

Should roommate have looked after OP asked her not to take the specific bag? Probably.

Would roommate have any idea that this bag is some magickal token of meaning? Definitely not.

Should OP consider working through her feelings about this memory so that a missing reusable bag doesn’t trigger these intense feelings for such a long period of time? Who am I to say.

blackrosekat16

Hey, as someone with PTSD, I do get that items can be incredibly meaningful in linking to specific memories. Especially older ones, or memory of a loss. However, lets be honest here: if that bag genuinely meant a lot to you, you would not have kept it with other reusable bags. Because you’re saying its not JUST a reusable bag, but it looked like one.

Now, I think your roommate sucks to have not followed directions and it sounds like she lost it too. Thats pretty shitty, but its possible your description wasn’t clear or above all she didn’t know the importance.

The importance of the bag is heightened by the fact that you no longer have the item. This is a lesson to be learned. Other people cannot gauge how important things are to you unless you verbalize it, and even then it will never be the same level. Do not trust other people to understand. Everything that is important to me is in my room, and the most important things are on my bed’s headboard - closest to my head as I sleep.

Items will be lost, broken, damaged, or changed eventually. Try to find a way to reconnect to what you need without the physical object.

Edme_Milliards

But if the bag was so special, why was it in the self serve pile with the others?

Impressive_Society81

ppl are saying you're overreacting but I don't think so for the simple fact you asked her not to take that specific bag, she agreed to & didn't even make sure she wasn't. like?

sofacouch813

I agree! It seems like there are many people caught up on the fact we’re talking about a reusable bag. But whatever the item was shouldn’t matter. She asked her not to, she confirmed that she wouldn’t, but did it anyway. That’s shitty.

igotquestionsokay

Ask for her to return it and don't trust her anymore.

Francie1966

Yes, you are overreacting. Something very special should be stored where anyone can get at it.

Imaginary_Chair_6958

You can get another one fairly easily. Order it online.

Electrical_Parfait64

Not overreacting

DeniseBaudu

I understand why you’re upset. At the same time, it is the kind of thing that you might look back on and wonder why you were this upset (it probably wasn’t about the bag).

HyperDsloth

Why can't you just ask for it back?

Stargazer_0101

Sounds like you are overreacting about a bag. Next time, keep specific bag in your bedroom closet. Never leave where others will grab and use for their shopping. Just keep the bags in your bedroom closet, problem solved.

KathAlMyPal

You’re overreacting and being petty. If it’s so special then keep it in a separate area. You may have told her not to take it but people don’t usually take the time to check. If it was in a communal area then it’s fair game. Get over it.

bluespruce5

I would definitely be ticked off about this. If she didn't feel like checking, she shouldn't have taken any bags, especially if she knew she wouldn't be returning and bringing them back. Can you go to her new place and get it back before she maybe discards it?

Live_Western_1389

Where did she take it & why can’t she just bring it back?

Fit_General7058

You are over reacting.

Seriously petty minded to get pissed about so. E thing like this.

If you share your house you put things you don't want other people to use in your private space. You are getting money in return for her sharing communal areas, get over yourself

Doyoulikeithere

Can't you get it back when she returns? And then make sure it's never with the other bags? Problem solved. You can't know if she did it on purpose or not but if she comes back without it, you'll know she's kept it. Can't you write down that "repressed memory" so that you always have it handy?

K23Meow

Oh I doubt it was on purpose. The problem is she was specifically asked not to take it as she was taking bags, and she couldn’t be bothered to check the bags she was taking rather she just said she hadn’t taken it. So she didn’t check and couldn’t be bothered to care about it. That’s what gets me. She’s no longer a roomate, and she was taking the bags to transport stuff to her new place so she never intended to bring them back.

purplelilac2017

So text her and ask for it back.

FrogFriendRibbit

But you also didn't check

SampleNo947

That's frustrating.

I'm sorry.

Azlazee1

You’re assuming she didn’t realize she had it. You’re being too kind. Any way you can contact her and see about getting it back?

Turbulent-Buy3575

Oh brother. Really??? This is what you have to worry about in your life??? A shopping bag???

AlleyQV

18h

THANK YOU!!

Diela1968

If she’s your roommate then once she’s done shopping the bag will come back to you. Then if it’s that important to you, keep it somewhere else.

Accomplished_Buy8681

So did u ask her for the bag back. What did she do with them. Is it gone for good. U should have just taken that bag out, but if she still has it she should just return it.

Alfred-Register7379

NOR. But I would have kept that in my room, or hid it somewhere else.

fbskxbdjabcsk

If it was that important to you then you should have moved it. You’re allowed to keep your stuff with your stuff but if you’re telling her please don’t take this and she accidentally does then it’s your fault for not removing it. It’s not her job to make sure your precious repressed memory bag isn’t in a pile of bags she’s taking. She doesn’t know the meaning of the bag and you do so it’s your job to make sure your precious things are someplace else and not just thrown in with everything. Get over it.

AlleyQV

-3

A bag of things OP said she could take.

terijwright

I’m so sorry she disrespected your direct request. It was uncalled for. I hope that you can close your eyes and bring back those memories.

wakawah

Oh the humanity!

Sillybumblebee33

did she not return it?

Absinthe_gaze

You’re overreacting yes, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to your feelings about it. I get it, it’s tough. When she gets back with the bag, make sure to take it back and put it away somewhere that nobody else can access it. I don’t even want to say you’re overreacting because I feel it’s on the very low end. It’s more like your roommate doesn’t understand the significance of the bag, as most people wouldn’t associate any kind of emotional attachment to a reusable shopping bag. Internet hugs.

simply_botanical

Realistically, when you saw she didn’t check what bags she had in her hand you should have asked her to check or checked yourself. It’s almost like you were waiting for her to mess up so you could get upset with her for her “long line of offenses”.

shammy_dammy

-1

If you told her not to take it and she deliberately took it...then my question is when is her lease up?

niki2184

Blasé

Listen I’m not trying to invalidate you of anything but I you cannot remember something without looking at a bag you really should get help for that. It’s a bag. And you needed to have put it up if you didn’t want it touched. I’m not trying to be mean. But anything I don’t want anyone touching if it’s super special I put it away so that if it were to be messed with it would have to be hunted down. And maliciously messed with. But also just because no one gave you the respond you wanted you now are mad and won’t respond to any posts…. It makes it hard to be on your side now that you are throwing a tantrum.

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