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Shit man, I give my dad a card on Father's day... And he has dimentia and has forgotten my name. I'm happy he loves his card tho....
Happy belated Father's day my dude!
My dad died in January and I still wished him a Happy Father’s Day
OP’s kids suck
They def might both be kids that suck, buuut since Father’s Day is advertised w nonstop emails to our inboxes I dont think they forgot, I think they did not acknowledge it for a reason
OP Idk what that reason could be but instead of pulling the silent treatment on your family (is this how you usually respond when you’re upset or hurt?) maybe you should talk to them??
If I could afford it, I’d give you an award for this comment! OP literally said that he himself reminded his wife and both kids REPEATEDLY during the week prior. There’s no way they all “forgot.” And even if someone does just lose track of what day it is, they would typically rectify it the next day.
OP, your post is raising the “missing reasons” flag, to me at least. You haven’t given us any context at all- how do they normally treat you on your birthday or Christmas? Is this a one-off event, or part of a pattern?
You say you remember everyone’s birthdays and Mother’s Day, but what do you actually do on those days to celebrate with them? You also seem reeeeeally bitter and resentful about Mother’s Day; yes, you have a valid reason as to why. But you’ve also been married to your wife for 22 years and she’s been a mother for 21 of those years. How much of that resentment and anger towards your parents has been leaking through into all of your wive’s Mother’s Days? Whether it’s could be overt or subconsciously happening, it might be an area to investigate. What did this past Mother’s Day look like?
What responses did you get when you reminded them that Father’s Day was coming up? Positive, neutral, disinterested?
3 separate people simultaneously forgetting the day and not acknowledging it for days until you prompt them on it is not a coincidence.
Your wife says that she did remember, but didn’t say anything. Did you ask her, without accusations or anger, why she didn’t say anything?
Also…. You say they all think you are being an asshole and that you need to apologize. And you don’t give any context for that either! You didn’t even tell us what they wanted you to apologize for.
It’s not inherently wrong to feel hurt and angry at the situation. At the same time, you presented an extremely one-sided view of what happened, without any attempt at explaining the other parties stances or even a single guess about what you may have done to be an asshole beyond “I’ve been treating them the way they treated me.” With no examples or quotes? This doesn’t read like you actually came to ask for advice OR to ask if you are the asshole.
It reads like you want the instant gratification of an echo chamber telling you that you did nothing wrong and your family sucks.
That may feel vindicating in the short term, but it’s not productive and resolves nothing. Don’t fall into the trap of stewing in anger and resentment! It’s a problem that feeds itself. Clear, emotionally vulnerable communication can be really, really hard. But if you actually want to understand what happened. And you want them to understand how hurt you feel. Instead of ‘punishing’ them with the silent treatment, you need to have a sit down and calmly talk about it.
Happy Father’s Day. I hope you are able to figure this out with your family; I’m sorry things are strained. Best of luck to you.
God tier
I so agree with this. My really abusive ex was horrible about holidays. Yes he did get me a card for my birthday, but rarely gifts,let alone a dinner out. But his birthday he scheduled a week or two off every year and traveled to a foreign destination. Sometimes I even went. And he was good with cards and gifts for his mother and grown kids but also used that as a cudgel to get them to do what he wanted. He was an ass. I stayed to long and this post has his vibes all over it.
My abusive ex is the same. Farthers day seemed to be a trigger for him. He hasn't seen the children in nearly 7 years now, but during covid he turned up on fartners day demanding to see the children he hadn't bothered to see for 3 years. No Christmas gifts or birthday wishes for them, but don't dare forget super-dad's fathers day. Narcissist prick.
Fartner's Day....... 🤣
Honestly my spelling mistakes sometimes take a Freudian slip!
Yep. Those types are all different, but EXACTLY the same..
You’re amazing with words. I said something similar but not nearly as beautiful said as you. I try to take these stories at face value and not make assumptions but this clearly isn’t the full story. This isn’t just a one day incident. This is something that’s been building for a while and they really need to sit down and talk about it. If op is right, then he deserves the chance to explain to his family how and why their refusal to acknowledge Father’s Day hurt him. If the family is right, they deserve the right to explain to op why he doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged on Father’s Day. The silent treatment never solves anything.
This!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ It definitely sounds like there is more to this story. Was your wife afraid of your reaction? Maybe that was why she chose not to say anything.
Anyone giving me the silent treatment is funny to me. I just enjoy the peace and quiet. Hardly punishment 🤣 this guy has issues
Yeah, there’s something else going on. My husband and sister have the same May birthday that is often right around Mother’s Day and it never occurred to me that someone might resent mother’s day because of a nearby bday, they don’t seem to mind in the slightest. Something is hinky.
OP does provide a very valid reason as to the origin of his feelings about Mother’s Day; his parents used Mother’s Day in an incredibly hurtful and cruel way. They used it as a thin excuse for not ever celebrating OP’s birthday for his entire childhood, and ‘essentially saying he didn’t deserve one.’ That would fuck anyone up!
But just because something is valid, doesn’t mean it can’t be negatively impacting your relationships or expressed in inappropriate ways. And is an avenue to explore to see if there IS a source of conflict hidden there.
I said that something else is going on, I know what he said about Mother’s Day, we’re not getting the whole story.
I wonder why, though, that his parents never celebrated his birthday because it was so close to Mother's Day. On the other hand, Mother's Day is rarely ever the same exact date every year. 🤔
The part about him not deserving one? That's incredibly sad and could be the reason he's so upset about Father's Day. He might be feeling (because of what his parents said) that he doesn't deserve any recognition on Father's Day either.
Talk about being resentful. My birthday is 3 days after Christmas! I'm really not resentful at all and actually always joke about it. But I do have to admit, though, that I never really liked the "combination" birthday/Christmas presents.
This smells to me like someone trying to prove some point about sexism by putting a Father's Day spin on the usual Mother's Day complaints. The problem, as you say, is it's lacking depth and details .
This is the softest victim blame I’ve ever seen. Great advice from a mental health perspective, while minimizing the validity of OPs feelings. I totally agree, that the silent treatment isn’t a good strategy. But the way you jump to indirectly accusing him of him being bad on Mother’s Day was priceless.
If you read a comment from a kid who messed up on his 1st day on the job straight out of tech school, you’ll see the beacon shining on those red flags. Instead of offering some support & encouragement, he dressed him down like a Master Drill Sergeant. He was unnecessarily brutal!
I completely disagree with this comment. Call me an AH, downvote me, do your worst. If they do not understand what they did wrong by completely missing Father's Day, then they are the one's who lack empathy, concern, or respect for you. Talking to them will only lead to them gaslighting and turning themselves into the victim, while making you feel as if you're wrong for expecting a little appreciation.
Show them this vide: Men Get Tired and then start doing something for yourself. It is also Men's Health month and how much advertising or information has been distributed surrounding it? We as men suffer from heart disease, stress, and cancer at the highest rates. We have the highest self deletion rate, particularly because of things like this and our cries for help go unheard, ignored, or turned around on us. Although we cannot do much about cancer, we can do something regarding our stress, heart, and mental health. Step 1: Take time to reward yourself as clearly others are not, especially within this current system.
Happy Father's Day! You have provided for your family and done your duty sir. You deserve the utmost respect.