Would I be the A-hole if I moved across the country to escape babysitting for my family

So I (19f) have 5 younger siblings (11m,9f, and 1 triplets) and have been roped into babysitting them almost everyday. It’s gotten to the point where I had to change my work schedule so that I have less hours to accommodate for the fact that my parents dump my siblings on me. At first I didn’t mind because I was living under my parents roof rent free and because my job doesn’t pay enough for me to rent an apartment where we live.

But now I’m barely able to go out with my friends or even do the activities that I signed up to do on the weekends because my parents just hand me a child and disappear. I even end up have to put one of the triplets to sleep which can take hours and takes sleep away from me. I’m up between 4-6am to help get the triplets ready for daycare which often ends with one of them having to stay for some reason or another. One of the triplets even calls me Ma and my mom Mama, which my mom hates.

I’m trying to go to college and one of the colleges I applied for is basically across the country and if I go my parents would have to deal with how expensive daycare is for three babies since both of them work. I’ve heard my parents complain about it so I feel a little bad but I honestly need to escape because I feel exhausted all the time.

Edit: I’m not choosing this college only because it’s far from my family. It also has the degree that I want and I wouldn’t have to worry about out of state tuition which is something that I checked before applying. I have tried many times to set boundaries but my parents just ignore them. In fact as I’m typing this I’m putting one of the triplets down for nap time because my parents decided to leave them with me even though this is my only day off. I couldn’t say no because as soon as I got back from a doctors appointment my mom walked out the door after complaining about being late to work because of me.

Edit 2: I did post a small update to my situation if anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Y1R4EIIySM

in AITAHby ZealousidealPut2549

2.7K

97%

16d

dr_lucia

3.5K

16d

Go to college away from home especially if they aren't paying! Absolutely. It will be very difficult to babysit full time and go to school full time. And they need to learn that their kids are their responsibility.

ZealousidealPut2549

1.6K

16d

They definitely aren’t paying for my college. They said that they would help out but my mom used most of the college fund that she saved for me to pay for some stuff for the babies and their house which I don’t care too much about since it’s not my money

Affectionate-Law6315

900

16d

So just leave make a battle plan and SAVE.

SkippySkep

555

16d

Save in an account that the parents don't have access to in a different bank than they use - don't use any legacy accounts the parents had access to when the OP was a minor.

mutant6399

210

16d

and make sure that you have your important papers: birth certificate, passport, Social Security card (if you're American) or equivalent

klezart

15d

If you can't get them they can be reordered, too.

Affectionate-Law6315

232

16d

This, but once you do login and make sure you ask for paperless statements, this is important

Feeling-Visit1472

16d

I’d actually take it a step further and open a PO Box first.

Brilliant-Object-467

15d

And keep all passwords secret.

Voice_of_Season

118

16d

This exactly. Make sure they have no way to access these accounts.

Terangela

16d

I would also go ahead and check your credit and freeze it.. just in case

maroongrad

141

16d

Battle plan here; if you work at a chain, whether a chain restaurant, auto parts store, or whatever, you can transfer to another store pretty easily. It's awesome. Explain to your boss what you are doing. "My parents have prevented me from being able to work by making me spend upwards of 40 hours each week caring for my siblings, plus school, plus work. I'm moving to (city) in (month). I wanted to give you plenty of notice, and wanted to request a reference for a store in that area. Would you be able to contact the manager at (name and location of store you've already spoken with) about my training and ability?" Contact a store in the area, near the college, ask to talk to the manager. Explain you are moving out there in a few months, you've worked at the local store in (city) under (manager's name) who can give you a good reference. Ask if, when they get a good reference for you, they'd be willing to hire you at the new store. Fill out the online application, give a start date, cross your fingers.

This lets you move out FAST with little to no notice. I spent the summer in Colorado that way. I found housing in a place being sublet over the summer. Called the Pizza Hut there, had them call my boss at my HS Pizza Hut, filled out and mailed (it was a long time ago!) the application. When I drove out, I unpacked my car, changed pants, went to Pizza Hut, they scanned my license and SS card, gave me a shirt....and I went to work and had tips that same night!

I hope this helps. Even if it's not the same brand, if it's similar, you'd just need training (ie, another car parts store, or another florist, or another fast food place).

ryneches

15d

This is FANTASTIC advice.

dr_lucia

15d

GREAT concrete advise.

CamelotBurns

16d

Look at any and every scholarship available to you. Scholarships for ethnic backgrounds, which sometimes includes European decent, there’s research based scholarships that you have to write an essay for, there’s degree specific or field specific(like if you’re going into STEM as a woman, there’s scholarships for that).

You can even get a scholarship for being 19 and going to college(it’s a $1000 grant, but it’s better than nothing).

PinkMonorail

16d

I got two scholarships for choosing Chinese as my foreign language. If you were a Girl Scout there’s a scholarship for that. There’s also EOPS if you’re a first generation college student or under a certain income level. Equal Opportunities Programs and Services. They even gave me new shoes when my shoes had holes in them. Pumas, which are practically buy it for life. They will help with textbook grants too.

Pups-and-pigs

15d

It’s been a long time, but when I was going to college I think I got a scholarship through the post office because that’s where my mom worked. Pretty sure other companies might offer them to their employees kids, so OP you should look into that.
You’re most definitely NTA!

chicagoliz

241

16d

Since this is the case, I think it is an excellent idea to move away. That way they can't drop off a child. Since they aren't paying, they don't have leverage over you.

AlmondMilkmann

240

16d

Sorry to say but your parents sound pretty irresponsible. It’s not your job to take care after their kids.

Ok-Inspector-9588

16d

So true!

tropicsandcaffeine

201

16d

You do not have to explain. Just GO! Do not tell your family which college until you are ready to go. Otherwise they may sabotage you or try to prevent you from leaving.

2dogslife

165

16d

Yeah, there was that post where one parent contacted the college and declined a scholarship for their kid because they didn't want them to leave.

OP, you can place password protections on your account with the school if you request it, and you should look into that.

LGW45

16d

I read that post today but that girl at the time hadn't turned 18 yet so legally her mom could do that. This girl is 19 so her parents have no legal say. However you're right she should still place passwords as awful as the parents sound I wouldn't be surprised if the mom got a friend or herself to call the school and cancel everything by impersonating the daughter to stop her from leaving

Voice_of_Season

16d

That is awful! Was the student able to accept the scholarship?

BlazingHeart007

12d

I'm curious about this too...

PeachyFairyDragon

16d

Don't tell them ever. Well, after getting her degree, then it'd be safe to tell them the name of the college.

Shuteye_491

16d

P.O. Box looking like a good idea

meitinas

16d

Absolutely this!

Ok-Priority7269

12d

I wouldn't tell the parents anything, just bye bye. Tell them you are moving out of state.

LobstahLovahRI

16d

NTA! its unfair of them to expect you to give up your education. Thats what will help you pay for your own expenses. You aren't the person who had them, so don't feel bad for having your own goals and trying to build a future.

Fredredphooey

16d

Don't tell them that you're leaving. Have your mail sent somewhere else so they can't throw away anything important or even see it. They will try to prevent you from going.

LilaFowler88

16d

Absolutely. Do NOT tell them you’re leaving until you’ve left. They might escalate trying to get your documents and the like if they know you’re leaving. I’d honestly tell them you’re going to a doctors appointment or work when you’re actually leaving to give you a head start - and so they can’t physically hand you a baby.

The_Nice_Marmot

132

16d

You’re being parentified, which is abuse. You didn’t have these kids, your parents did. They should be looking after them because it’s what they chose for their lives. I’m a mom, btw. Go away to school and enjoy your youth.

wallstreetbetsdebts

16d

Fucking run save yourself! You've paid your dues to "the family". It's time to live your life.

Cat-Mama_2

15d

100% agree. They don't think about your needs but only see you as a babysitter and another parent to your siblings. OP, if it was up to your parents, you would live there and be in charge of the kids until they were ready to move out. Get out and do it soon.

Havanesemom43

15d

The 9 year old is going to be 12 soon, she is going to parentified

Aylauria

16d

Your parents chose to have these kids. It's their responsibility to raise them. Good for you for putting your future ahead of their demands. Get as far away as you can and live your best life. If your parents can't afford these kids, then they should have taken steps not to get pregnant.

JemmaMimic

16d

You're a rock star. Go to college and enjoy life, you deserve it for being such a great sister for so long!

Morngwilwileth

16d

If adults can't afford 6 kids, they should not have 6 kids. What they are doing is parentification. NTA

Cat-Mama_2

15d

I agree. You can't just have 6 kids with no dedicated babysitters and expect your oldest child to just step in and be a parent too.

marpoo_

15d

This is the entire model of "quiverfull" families. So gross. Why even have kids if you stifle their growth and flourishing, as the default plan.

Easy-Concentrate2636

16d

Go to the college you want. You are allowed to do this for yourself. Your parents made choices and the children are their responsibility.

Get a life for yourself. Don’t look back. Don’t feel guilty.

Might I also recommend Trevor Noah’s memoir? In it, he talks about how poor people are always expected to keep doing things for family members and how it keeps everyone locked into poverty. Please think of your future.

Low_Cook_5235

16d

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. They had triplets, not you.

Narrow_Guava_6239

16d

NTA, they’re the adults they need to figure this stuff out. Maybe you can financially help them WAAAAYY in the future.

I understand they have triplets but it’s honestly unfair to mate you the 3rd parent, did they really think they’d get free help from you for life??

They need to tackle this together, mummy and daddy, you OP are not anyone’s parents.

All the best X.

Nogravyplease

16d

NTA - Don’t tell them you are applying either. My mom wanted me to go to community college minutes from my house. She found out I applied and got into a college 2 hours away. She called the university to try to cancel my acceptance and refused to sign any documentations (I was 17). She had different plans for me which also included younger siblings. Save yourself the headache and keep quiet.

whatthewhat3214

16d

Please tell me somehow you worked something out, and were able to go to that college? I'm scared to hear she was able to trap you at home...

Nogravyplease

15d

She eventually let me leave but it took a while for my dad to convince her to let me go. She wanted more “free time” but when we dug deeper she didn’t like the fact she couldn’t monitor what I was doing and didn’t feel I was ready to be an adult. As an adult, looking back on the memory, I’d chop it up as parental fear.

agogKiwi

16d

I wanted my kids to have the experience of going away to school that I never had. I lived at home and went to the local school. But I didn't have to take care of someone else's kids.

If you stay local your parents will make it impossible for you to enjoy your school experience. Hell, they may make it impossible for you to finish.

Your parents should have been responsible enough to not get pregnant if they couldn't manage more kids. That is not on you. Go away and start your independent life. You can go back short visits to see your sibs

NTA

Pristine-Pen-9885

16d

So they took away your college fund for the babies and then they expect you to babysit for free. Grab hold of your life, you’re 19 and they can’t make you give up your college education so you can do more work for them for free.

Goldilocks1454

16d

Those aren't your babies and not your responsibility. Get away and live your life.

NatureCarolynGate

16d

Your parents are parentifying you. They decided to have children, especially the youngest ones, so it's their job to parent them.

Parentification is now actually a crime and if your parents do this to your siblings when you leave [and you should leave], and it can be proven to the child protection people, child protection will remove your sibling from the home until your parents can prove they will not abdicate their parental responsibilities and parent their children.

LooseCharacter6731

16d

Just leave for your own sake, have a nice experience elsewhere away from constant child rearing!

Chaoticgood790

16d

Make sure you get those acceptances emailed or mailed to somewhere you trust. I don’t trust your family to not get rid of any acceptance letters

Impossible_Art_7981

16d

I feel bad for your brother and sister that will be next. What were your parents thinking having triplets after 3 kids ??!!!

Mistyam

16d

NTA- you deserve your education and a lot of people roll in a parentectomy in their decision to go away to college. If your parents won't work with you on boundaries, you need a geographical one.

Maleficent-Sport1970

16d

Run! Go live YOUR life!

hoats_andboes

16d

Get far away, change your passwords and make sure all your finances and important accounts are ONLY in your name

mi_nombre_es_ricardo

16d

Then absolutely nothing stops you from leaving. You don't owe them anything, if anything they owe you backpay child support.

Commercial_Yellow344

16d

You’re one of the few unentitled teenagers I have seen in a while. NTA. Go and don’t look back. If you choose some where closer they will find a way to make you babysit instead of attending classes. Absolutely go across country and enjoy your adulthood since you’ve missed the last bit of your childhood already.

Puzzleheaded_Big3319

16d

Tell your parents you are no longer willing to babysit. At all. Period. Tell them if they leave any children home with you, it would be child abandonment and you will in fact call CPS and then the police. Walk away when they start trying to leave and remind them that they are THEIR children, not yours and you have zero obligation or responsibility to them.

IamGoldenGod

16d

Except shes not paying rent and cant afford to if she gets kicked out which she could at her age. Even though parents are in the wrong she still needs to play this properly so she doesnt get screwed.

Puzzleheaded_Big3319

16d

She could also try just not being home. Go to her job and work, go out with friends, just be sure to be the first one up in the morning and leave before anyone else wakes up. Then return late at night after the kids are down.

They aren't paying for her college anyway, so she's on a short runway before she's on her own. She won't be able to go to college and be a daycare for four kids, so she NEEDS to go away to school where she's too far away to be used by her parents. She's going to end up having to have a job and take out loans to graduate, which means she needs to stay even more laser focused on schoolwork and not go into student loan debt but not graduate.

TheSecondEikonOfFire

16d

Yeah if this post is real, then it’s parentification out the wazoo. OP, at the end of the day, you are not responsible for raising your siblings. It doesn’t matter how hard things are for your parents, that’s not your job.

Now, it would be one thing if they asked you to only occasionally babysit for a few hours, or especially if it was a special circumstance (like their anniversary or your mom’s birthday or something). But even then, asking a 19 year old to babysit 5 kids (with a set of god damn triplets to boot) is still pretty irresponsible in my book.

You’ve said that they both work, so I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt here and not say that they’re lazy parents, they’re just in a shitty situation. I’m going to assume that you’re not super well off, so they basically both have to work and this is the best they can do. That’s rough, and I feel for them. But when it starts to negatively impact your life and your potential, it becomes a serious problem. And as harsh as it is to say, at the end of the day it’s not your problem. You didn’t choose to have the kids, you’re not responsible for raising them. NTA

TurtlesRUnique

16d

I grew up w shytee parents. Also, the oldest of 5. There were days that I missed grade school because they were still out partying, having left me w a newborn all night. I'm very low contact/no contact with most of my family. This post makes me angry. Live your life, sweetie! You only get 1! Don't be angry and bitter, for all these years, like me.

Emotional-Pilot-4811

536

16d

NTA.

Your parents have a job and that’s to parent all of their kids. This is not your responsibility.

Go to the college that will be best for your education and future. Your parents will need to figure out childcare but that is not your responsibility and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Ok-Inspector-9588

16d

Yes, their job is to parent all their children and make the best decisions for them, and this includes you. Go, and don't look back. Live your youth because it goes by so fast.

Charlie_Hotchner

16d

I completely agree with this 100% especially if they don't pay you at all and just use you for free childcare. They should not have continued to have children if they couldn't manage it all themselves

Buddy-Sue

475

16d

GO…and work on the guilt you’re gonna feel! Maybe counseling sessions at your new college!

ZealousidealPut2549

368

16d

I’m planning on trying the counseling sessions at college because therapy/counseling is one of the things that I wanted to do but I’ve been unable to because of how busy I am

rythmicbread

209

16d

OP look up parentification. They aren’t your kids

ProfessionalEqual461

16d

Yeah seriously. And your mom is mad is mad about you getting called ma? Maybe she shouldn't have made you ma then

LilyDaze10

15d

I was expecting this advice to be higher. This is parentification. Please read up on it for your own well being.

reader484892

16d

Look for counseling resource at the college, most colleges have free or reduced price mental health resources

katamino

16d

Why should OP feel any guilt. OP didnt choose to have these kids, the parents did. They arent OPs kids and it is perfectly normal for siblings to leave for college or move out around the ages of 17 to 21. OP has to do what's best for themselves and their own future be ause OPs parents sure arent going to be able to support OP for another 17 years until the triplets can also move out.

Commercial_Yellow344

16d

But OP obviously does feel guilty for even considering moving across country where her parents can’t use her. Buddy-Sue isn’t saying she should feel guilty but that she will feel guilty and I agree OP is going to feel guilty. She is already feeling guilty just for applying and getting accepted. And OP wasn’t applying because of where but they have her program and no out if state fees which is something very important to look at. OP in general just has it together except for her feelings of guilt!

Buddy-Sue

16d

Normal humans will feel “guilt” over this situation and OP has already said she will seek a college therapist to help her through everything. Feeling the guilt doesn’t mean you don’t move forward.

TheSecondEikonOfFire

16d

Guilt isn’t always rational, especially if the parents try and make her feel even worse for choosing to move away.

Tinlizzie2

16d

Which they most definitely will do. They're losing their free nanny.

SuperHuckleberry125

340

16d

Get your documents to a safe place because I can almost guarantee that they will do everything in their power to sabotage you going anywhere.

You are an in-house unpaid and underappreciated nanny. You are not obligated to give up your entire life to parent your siblings because your parents are too lazy to.

Get out. Far away. So they can't call you up and tell you to come babysitting 🤔.

NTA

ZealousidealPut2549

320

16d

Thankfully I got all my documents from my parents when I had to get my drivers license so they won’t be able to hold them from me

SuperHuckleberry125

101

16d

Excellent. Fly free and enjoy your life. You deserve it. Good luck in college.

Hot_Aside_4637

16d

If you have any joint accounts with them, open a new account at a different bank (one that has a branch near your school) and close the old one.

Lock down your credit.

Password protect all account and school accounts. Make sure they can't sabotage your enrollment or scholarships.

No discussion with them about moving. Just go.

Tinlizzie2

16d

You should do ALL this.

FragrantChicken666

16d

Please consider getting a safety box at a bank to store everything you need to leave town

Desperate-Laugh-7257

16d

Scan your docs to google drive w password oritection

VegaSolo

16d

Hide them now. I'd get a security box at a bank.

Coujelais

16d

You need to hide them somewhere very very creative or have a trusted friend hold onto them for you until it’s time to go.

Durty_Durty_Durty

16d

Run and go live your life! Your parents robbed your childhood already, you can absolutely take care of your siblings but it is not your job and sole responsibility.

You’re a young adult, there’s a whole world out there for you to be just stuck at home.

Feeling-Visit1472

16d

Maybe put them in a safe deposit box for now…

Leucotheasveils

16d

Yes OP, get your birth certificate and social security card. Buy a fireproof lock box for important documents to keep in your apartment.

yakkerswasneverhere

204

16d

It really grinds my gears when I hear parents dumping their parenting responsibilities on their children. They didn't have the kids. They're fuckin kids!

They've trained you to feel guilty. After everything you've done for them over the last decade, you have zero need to feel guilty about a damn thing. Go learn about the world and discover yourself. You need it. They'll be fine.

Intrepid_Potential60

126

16d

Go to college, live your life!

coldhammerforged

16d

They had a bunch of kids, that's on them. Making it your problem is wrong. Here is an experiment you can try. Start setting small boundaries. Tell them you can't help babysit because your friend got you tickets to whatever. My guess is they will be upset but let it slide. However the more often you choose your own life over babysitting the more upset they become. Soon enough you will be called selfish and inconsiderate. Don't you know hard it is to raise all these kids? Isn't family important to you? We work so hard to have a home and food!! Guess what, none of that is your problem. Babysitting is a courtesy not an expectation. The closer you are to that home the more they will want help. Need time to study for that test? Do it while babysitting. Need to unwind cuz this week was really tough? Sorry the triplets have diahrreah and we need help. Boyfriend wants a romantic weekend with just you and him? Sorry dad got called away last minute to work and your little brother just set the back yard on fire. Trust me, there will always be a reason they need you. Save your sanity. RUN!

Ilovesucculents_24

16d

I was in a similar situation to yourself that took away my late teens. My mother passed and my stepfather dumped my much younger brother on me to watch every weekend and evenings, so he could be with a new woman. I was still in high school but he claimed it was my pay for rent. I missed out on so many things and was forced to grow up way too early. I have made up for it in my late 20s and early 30s, traveled to other countries and new places. But…those younger years in life you will never get back.

Go wherever your heart desires. Do not feel guilty. It is not your responsibility. Go live life.

7ulioSants95

119

16d

NTA

You’re 19 and your parents have 5 kids under 11. They are in no position to complain about childcare costs. They made their choices and now they have to deal with them.

You are not obligated to sacrifice your education, career, and social life for them.

[deleted]

16d

Yeah alot of households experience a few lean years while the kids are daycare-aged. Nothing new about it, and also not OP's problem

Cute-Profession9983

16d

Go as far as possible. Your parents are irresponsible asshats.

Interesting_Wing_461

16d

70 year old grandma here. Your parents are taking serious advantage of you. They chose to have kids and need to figure this out. Leave, don't look back. Build your new life. You deserve this

Kindly_Reveal_1104

16d

Every time you start to feel guilty, repeat this to yourself:

"Not my creampie, not my problem."

YOU did not choose to have a bazillion kids. Your parents did. It is THEIR responsibility to provide and care for them, not yours.

Mimicofmaple

16d

I thought the saying was not my monkeys not my circus? Or was it a different saying

ChefKnifeBotanist

16d

The saying is indeed "not my circus, not my monkeys" however the ah creampie twist on it is their clever if crude tweak to the phrase to show that the parents could have practiced birth control methods and willingly brought many children into the world. Meaning it's not the poor 19 year olds fault that their parents were irresponsible and didn't think ahead to proper childcare (other than OP)

Kindly_Reveal_1104

15d

"Clever if crude" is the vibe I want to shoot for from now on, lol. Thanks.

LongjumpingAdvance51

16d

Ya but it’s easy to say that until you’re in a situation like that. Feelings are not reasonable and you don’t stop feeling guilty just like that.

error404echonotfound

16d

NTA. Be free

Snackinpenguin

16d

NTA. They chose to have more kids. With their logic that OP should continue to be a babysitter, she can get to go off to college herself when the last one is 18. 17th years of babysitting before you can finally have a life of your own? Don’t think so.

Please go and live your life.

cachalker

16d

YWNBTA. Escape…whatever it takes, escape. They chose to have 4 pregnancies. You did not. Do not put your life on hold to raise babies you had no part in creating. They will figure it out.

Be prepared for the guilt they’re going to try and lay on you. For the “But, family…” card they will try to pull. Be prepared that you might have to go limited contact in order to preserve your own mental health. But you are not free labor just because you’re family. You’re entitled to determine your own life. Your parents are willing to sacrifice your life to make their lives easier. And that is not okay.

fromhelley

16d

my mom walked out the door after complaining about being late to work because of me.

It wasn't because of you, it was because she chose to have 3 kids because hers were growing up and she wanted a baby!

She knew your age when she got pregnant. She knew you would want to go to college. She only assumed though, that you would put her life ahead of your own and give up all your wants and needs for hers. That was a huge mistake on her part.

And I have to wonder if the triplets were the result of ivf. Often that is the case with older couples that have multiple births. If the did ivf, then this is nobody's problem but their (once you escape to college).

I think you should get out of there asap whether you go to college out of state or not. They have triple-parentified you. You don't deserve that and won't prosper until you escape that.

And yes, I use escape because it will never end by her parents choice, and it won't end through discussion. They will never condone her moving out, so escape is the correct word!

Nta!

Senator_Bink

16d

NTA. Run like the wind. Your folks can learn about birth control.

l3ex_G

16d

Nta your parents are willing to sacrifice your life for their choices. Don’t fall for the guilt. They should want you to succeed and have a life. They are two grown adults and you are only 19, you deserve to experience your youth. The distance is needed for them to take responsibility of their own children. If you stay close they will revert to making you a parent of their children.

Omfggtfohwts

16d

Someone who would actually be paid for this would be rolling in dough. They're saving a ton of money with you around.

LacaBoma

16d

Your parent’s kids are not your responsibility. You need to create boundaries and don’t have to uproot your life and move away to do so. Go to school locally and live on campus. They had the kids. They can figure out how to take care of them without a slave.

Edit:type-o

JJQuantum

16d

NTA. Get the hell out of there.

Total-Meringue-5437

16d

Go. Fly on Little Wing. Live your best life.

Jaded-Kitty87

16d

Go enjoy college and your freedom! Your parents chose to start over with 3 babies and they're their responsibility, not yours!

SteampunkHarley

16d

This internet stranger gives you permission to go as far away as you need to. Your parents have taken enough of your time - do not let them take anymore

Icy-Doctor23

16d

NTA they are parentifying you

Get away and enjoy college life!

https://www.healthline.com/health/parentification

idkwhyimdoingthis2

16d

They’ll steal your future from you if you let them. I’d say they should’ve thought about all this when they decided to go without protection, but it’s very likely that they actually planned for you to be a third parent for as long as they need.

NTA, please move away asap. They can deal with their responsibilities like they’re supposed to have been doing for years

Forsaken_Composer_60

16d

Go to college and do not feel bad. You're being parentified and it's going to have its affects on you later on. Your parents need to figure out how to handle the kids they made. That's not on you to do, you're supposed to also be a kid.

Fit-Gap-8908

16d

you are being used they have no right to steal this part of your life away please please get the hell out of Dodge with all the stress of babysitting you won’t be able to put full-time effort into your college education this is one of the most important times of your life it’s time for you to take care of you I’m getting Emotional now because this is so fucking wrong. Please please go to college far far away so they can’t hang this burden on you once again this is one of the most important times of your life you are not being selfish you are being an adult good luck God bless and GODSPEED 🌹👌👍😎

Efficient_Run63

16d

U didn’t get pregnant that’s not your job or responsibility go to fucking college

Mammoth_Leg_8489

16d

How are you going to take on a full class load and continue to do this? Sounds like the only way you can go to college is if you move away.

cherrygirlbabycakes

16d

OP if you don’t move across country, you will regret it and the years will fly. Your parents had the kids, not you. Not your responsibility! NTA I’ll be disappointed if you don’t choose yourself first!

Grouchy_Writer_Dude

16d

Go to college. Go to college. Go to college.

[deleted]

16d

You would be silly to stay. Escape is your only option

HugeNefariousness222

16d

Run like the freaking wind!!!

Sensitive-Delay-8449

16d

Honestly it sounds like the only hope you have of being able to focus on college is to move far far away for college. I’m so sorry your parents are just selfish and irresponsible.

Born_Examination_177

16d

NTA. At 19, you deserve to focus on your own life and education. Your parents' reliance on you for childcare is excessive and impacts your well-being. Your parents need to find alternative childcare solutions, which is their responsibility, not yours. Also you only live once, go to collage and live your life!

PaleSandwich123

16d

Oh hell naw! Leave them behind and build your own life. Don’t worry about them!

Vegetable-Fix-4702

16d

You aren't a slave. Your parents are responsible for their own children. Go get the life you want! Good luck kid!

Impossible_Ad_4182

16d

NTA and as someone who just graduated college you need to do this because it is hard. And it's not like highschool where your teachers reach out when you don't get work done and try to figure out what's happening it's all on you. You will not be able to keep up with your course work and succeed while raising 5 kids. You need to go so you can have peace to actually focus on your life.

Potential_Beat6619

16d

NTA - go, they aren't your kids or responsibility. Common sense is go to college. DUH!

Emptyteacup13

16d

NTA. Run or you will never have your own life.

Apart-Dragonfly8540

16d

Get going. Pack up. Not the Mama.

revdj

16d

NTA. Escape.

WearyReach6776

16d

NTA. RUN!!!

Megmelons55

16d

Go and be free. You didn't spawn those kids, and you deserve your own life. NTA

CookbooksRUs

16d

NTA. Go. Break free. Let your parents parent.

Ok-Ocelot-6222

16d

I joined the military to get away from a similar situation, and it's honestly the best thing I could have done for myself. Here's how I see it, your parents made the decision to keep having children and its their responsibility to figure things out for their children. I felt bad about living my siblings, but at the end of the day you only get one life.

max-in-the-house

16d

NTA I would move away if I were you. Good luck.

IneedAName37

16d

Run, parentification is abuse.

Don't be shocked if you decide to be child free one day, as you've already spent your time raising kids as well

Melgel4444

16d

Your parents chose to have a ton of kids and parenting and childcare is THEIR responsibility not yours. They’re taking advantage of you and stealing your youth and freedom.

Interesting_Wing_461

16d

Leave, don't look back. Build your new life. You deserve this

ThanosWasRight_ACOH

16d

Repeat after me… “I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY PARENTS’ RESPONSIBILITIES!” These are the important years when you should be doing things that will benefit the successful woman you wish to become. If you want to attend a college that is out of state, do it without any guilt or shame. I am a father with a daughter your age and I would tell her the same thing. Your parents will adjust and deal with their situation and be just fine. Live your dream, go to college, and be successful darlin’!

Blonde2468

16d

NTA. Op go to the best college for what you want to do as a career - no matter where it is!

Second, to avoid being stuck babysitting, just be out of the house. Go to parks, libraries, book stores and museums - heck even McDonald's lets you stay for hours. If you have a University, there are multiple places you could go on campus for all day. Just don't be home as much as possible. Make sure to book yourself as many work hours you want - then don't even go straight home. Even leave an hour or two early if they try to sabotage you leaving time. Turn your phone off as soon as you leave the house.

THESE ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN - is what you say to your parents Each and Every Time they ask you to babysit. If they pull the crap your mother did today - tell her 'I am leaving in an hour so you need to make plans for someone else to watch these kids' and then DO IT. Leave and then text your mother that the kids are home alone and she needs to get care for them. You can actually just be a few steps away, as long as you are out of the house before someone else gets there.

anon_notanon

16d

Remind them that you are also their child and not their sister wife. You didn't decide to have triplets when you were 18, they did. It's their responsibility as the more adultier adults to mind their children. All of them. Including you. And right now their phase of taking care of you should be preparing you to live on your own, not raising babies that aren't yours.

Kitsumekat

16d

NTA

It's not your fault your parents couldn't stay out of the bed long enough to not have six kids.

If they're working that much, it's because they chose to. Not because they don't know what permanent birth control is.

Literally_Taken

16d

My dear child, the parentification your parents are forcing on you is abuse. I think they may go to extraordinary lengths to keep you at home. Therefore, I suggest you take the same measures to plan your escape as an abused wife would.

Get a PO Box, and a burner phone. Use the Post Office Box as your address for your applications, and the burner phone as your phone number (if you’ve already applied, update your address and phone).

Open a bank account at a new bank. Move your money there. Get Safety Deposit Box at the new bank. Put your birth certificate, Passport, bank account documents, and any other documentation you will need when you leave in the Safety Deposit Box.

Protecting your money and documents will keep you in charge of your fate.

Don’t let your parents change your mind.

NTA. You have the right to live your own life.

ninjascraff

15d

NTA. My parents fucking did this to me before they kicked me out for being gay (and then realised how much babysitters actually cost LMAO). Move across the country. Let them take care of their own kids.

blue_moon_68

16d

You don’t need to move across the country. You can go to college anywhere you like. Your siblings are not your responsibility. They are your parents responsibility. You are 19 and anything you do for your parents is a gift to them, just like anything they do for you is a gift to you. Once you turned 18, you and they were no longer responsible for each other. That’s what being an adult is all about. They are taking advantage of you. It’s time to live your life.

ZealousidealPut2549

16d

I’m not moving across the country completely because of them it. The colleges near me don’t have the degree I’d like to pursue but being far from my family is definitely a plus. My parents just want me to stay closer to home which I definitely don’t want to do.

ChronicKitten97

16d

NTA. Move for any reason you want to. You don't owe your family babysitting.

Sasha_Urshka

16d

It's their kids, they have to take care of them, they're the ones who decided to have all those kids. You do with your life what you need to and want to, you owe them nothing.

NTA. Good luck with college, avoid the student loans and/or a degree that you wouldn't end up using though!

SockMaster9273

16d

NTA

You are being parentified. You should go and be happy and let your parents deal with the fact they decided to have more kids. Go live your best life!

Edit: Spelling

Gljvf

16d

Hey definitely go.

But make sire your money is in an account they can't access and make sure you don't tell them you are leaving. They will try and stop you. Just ine day hire a baby sitter while theybare gone, pack your shit and leave

Dry_Sandwich_860

16d

This is a ridiculous situation. You didn't choose to have these kids. You should be focusing on studying and working and starting your own life.

Yes, absolutely go elsewhere for college. Do it as soon as possible.

MrAbsolute42

16d

No is a complete sentence.

MtnMoose307

16d

Don’t feel bad for your parents. All those children were their choice, their responsibility.

Look ahead, not behind. Go live your best life.

lordcommander55

16d

NTA go away to college and enjoy yourself.

mybloodyballentine

16d

You have to leave. If you stay and go to college, your parents will sabotage everything. You won't be able to study, and you won't be able to go out, and then they'll blame you for not trying hard enough. NTA.

echo_sang

16d

Not your kids. You’re the sibling. You have no obligation to provide child care for your parents. They did not plan well. Go live your life. Best wishes!

Auquaholic

16d

I couldn't imagine trying to study and take care of kids. You need to do you.

Anna2Youu

16d

Go be a teenager. They had the babies, they are your parents responsibility. You are a convenient solution, but they are not taking into account your needs. You need to get distance so you don’t resent your siblings and can have a sibling rather than parental relationship with them.

JojoLesh

16d

If you are doing it for other reasons and getting out of babysitting is just an added benefit, do it.

If you were moving across the country just to get out of unpaid labor, I'd say there are better options.

Either way, you have to look out for your own future self. They may not be.

That being said, once you are on your own, going out with friends becomes far less of a priority. Doing well in school, keeping food on the table, keeping a clean house, paying all your bills... All the stupid boring things will be what sucks up the vast majority of your time and energy.

Good luck.

Smallparline

16d

This isn’t right. Siblings should not be raising siblings. You need to establish your own life. This is so unfair to you, I can’t believe they kept having kids they didn’t have the time or finances for.

online_jesus_fukers

16d

Go to college...maybe your dad will finally learn how to use a condom.

GirlStiletto

16d

NTA - Don;t feel bad. They are not taking your well being into consideration and you didn't have the three brats, so they kids are NOT your responsibility.

Leave now.

Jupitersatonme

16d

Have you told them no, I have other things to do?

ZealousidealPut2549

16d

I have which leads them to guilt tripping, threatening to charge me rent, or threatening to take away my car since my dad co-signed for it and it’s under my dad’s insurance

Voice_of_Season

16d

That’s blackmail, you owe them nothing. Get out of there.

Jupitersatonme

16d

Have you called their bluff? You need to let the guilty feelings go. You really have nothing to feel guilty for. They are USUING you. Put your foot down. You have the power to ruin their credit if you default on the car loan. Let them charge you rent. He has to pay for the car insurance because it is part of the co-sign agreement with the loan. Seriously educate yourself about all the rental laws and loan requirements. At the same time you need to accept the consequences. Possibly no car. Possibly an eviction but that takes time. Time for you to get your life together free from their abusive bull shit. You can always build credit by yourself. Sticking up for yourself against family is going to give you a lifetime of confidence. I can do it myself! The only person you can rely on is you. They need you more than you need them. Knowledge is power. I'm done with my rant. My mom pulled the same shit on me for years. She never expected me to say no. Then no again and again. Eventually she figured it out. I was no longer her doormat. I was my own person smarter and stronger than anything she could say or to to me. The guilty feeling is going to be hard to free your mind from. There are lots of tools online for that. I don't have any links though. I'm old.

DazzlingPotion

16d

In this this scenario one thought I would have would be to call the bank where the loan resides and confirm whose name is going to be on the title of the car after the loan is paid off.

Because if it's both you and your Dad's name then, IMO your Dad should be paying for 1/2 of the loan because 1/2 of the car is legally his unless he signs off on the back of the title once it's paid off.

So, this could indicate some financial jeopardy for you that maybe you didn't think about?? He could say No, it's 1/2 my car and I'm not signing the title and then you can't sell the car and/or trade it in. Hopefully your Dad wouldn't do an AH thing like that.

So, to possibly ease your mind somewhat, I suggest you may want to find out how much power your Dad has. Once the car is paid off, then the bank is going to mail the title to you and/or both of you.

When you call the bank you may even want to ask them, when the time comes, how you could get them to send the paid off title someplace other than your home if you confirm it's going to be in your name only. I say this because it's a pain to get a title replaced if someone takes it or hides it.

If he only signed on to guarantee your loan then he can't do anything about the loan now other than pay it off himself or allow you to pay it off. At some point you may also want to think about getting your own auto insurance so they cannot threaten to cancel it and then you cannot drive your car?

I hope some of this might help you.

angry-always80

16d

Considering what they are doing to op now I would not put it past them. He will definitely not sign the car back to her and will continually use it as a form of control

LilaFowler88

16d

Not to be flippant, but what would they do if they charged you rent and you didn’t pay it? Evict you? (Practically speaking, this is another reason to have a bank account they can’t access and make sure your direct deposits from work go they so they can’t just go in and take “rent” from you)

Definitely get clarity on the insurance and ownership.

PotentialGiraffe1600

16d

NTA - Go! If it’s something you really want to do and aren’t just doing to get away from your family.

👏You are not your siblings parent 👏

lynnefrommn2

16d

NTA one bit. It is their responsibility to raise their children. It is not your responsibility to raise your younger siblings, which is what is happening right now due to the fact they expect you to do so much babysitting.

NamedUserOfReddit

16d

Adults get to make adult choices. If you can make it, go for it.

Eeyorejitsu

16d

NTA. Based on experience with parents like this. Get out and do you.

Disgruntledatlife

16d

NTA!! College is intense and you won’t be able to focus if you’re babysitting that many kids! It’s not worth the free rent, your parents will realise how much they used and abused you. Yeah you should give back and do your part when you’re living under their roof, but there is such a thing as boundaries. They’re holding you back.

For now I would say if you can afford it, move away

NotScruffyNerfherder

16d

Google parentification trauma and abuse, and learn that you are NTA in any way shape or form.

You are a victim and your teen years were stolen from you. Don’t let them steal your college years too.

Shporzee

16d

You’re not the mother, go. Enjoy life! nta

Funny_Clue5413

16d

College would be the first choice. The Air Force would be another great choice. Move to California where you can snow ski and surf in the same day. Stay child-free and single and enjoy the hell out of life.

MarthaFletcher

16d

I was here 25+ years ago. You have to watch out for yourself. They’ll use you until you find yourself 40 and essentially their nanny. Go as far away as you can for college and don’t let them guilt you. Those are not your kids and not your responsibility

Minimalistmacrophage

16d

Just a guess, but your parents had IVF or Fertility treatments (inducing hyper-ovulation)?

Triplets are extremely rare without them (identical triplets are super rare) in the US 1 in 100k to 1 in a million live births are identical triplets.

Assuming that, in essence in desiring another child relatively late in life they have unreasonably burdened you.

NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILTY!!!

Have fun at college.

InevitableRhubarb232

16d

Did they only sign up 2 daycare positions and rotate the 3 through? Because I don’t know any daycare that doesn’t charge for days kids skip

Did your parents have natural triplets? Prob not. So they knew the risks when using IVF. Or if they just happened to have triplets that’s not your problem at all

Go to the school. Don’t look back.

NTA

Informal-Access6793

16d

You need to stop setting yourself on fire to keep the rest of your family warm.

If your parents have more kids in a few years, are you going to keep watching them as well? When will it end?

Answer: When you make it end.

imanamcan

16d

Make your plans carefully and very quietly — either when you can get away or when parents are away. Make a list on your password protected phone or computer of every single thing you need to do. If you can, use a friend’s address or a mailbox service for any communication with your school. Organize your transportation, pack only what you must have. Thrift stores/charity shops will fill in the holes. If they notice changes in your room, say you are decluttering. Others may disagree, but I think you should tell them the night before you leave. The likelihood of them sabotaging their indentured servant’s escape is high.

newwriter365

16d

NTA.

Contact your school and let them know that you’re going to receive zero parental financial support. Go get an education and build a life for yourself.

I’m gobsmacked that people think having triplets and a high school senior is good family planning. Your parents may be good people but they are selfish.

practical_mastic

16d

Your parents are FUCKED UP. Get far away and look out for yourself. They stole your childhood. Don't let them steal your college experience, too. GET OUT.

Conscious-Practice79

16d

Go as far away as you can for college. If you stay home, they will make it where you flunk out of college because you have to babysit, can't study, can't go to class and everything else that comes with it.

Go get your degree and your freedom.

Agreeable_Rabbit3144

16d

Go far away, OP.

They've parentified you

entechad

16d

You didn’t make those children. Go live your life youngen!

Proper-Photograph-86

16d

Do not tell them you are thinking of doing this they may sabotage you. Don’t tell them anything

Timely-Ad-7978

13d

Go live YOUR life.

RavenclawEC

16d

NTA, you are not responsable for your sibblings and need to do what is best for YOU!!

Your parents are the ones who decided on having more kids so, they are the ones who need to figure out how to take care of their kids.

Go to college, and start living your own life!

vinsanity_07

16d

Do it

raonstarry

16d

NTA. Their choice, their responsibility.

firefox1792

16d

Not the a-hole. At a certain point you need to do what's best for you and it sounds like this is a perfect opportunity to do that. They need to figure out how to handle things on their own.

Meep42

16d

NTA And get out!!! Good luck!

MasterGas9570

16d

NTA - do it! sounds like a great way to move forward with your life to get yourself set up for success. If you stay home, it will be very difficult for your to study and really do well in classes. They aren't your kids, your parents will need to take responsibility for their own decisions and you need to take control of your future. Good Luck! You got this!

Several_Leather_9500

16d

Fly free, little bird. Your parents should be raising their own children.