AITA for basically forcing my husband to choose between me and a friend of his?

I cannot stand women like that. She probably is over at her house crying at Chris about how "yet another" woman doesn't like her and she doesn't understand why. The bottom line is that her behavior is questionable at best, Chris has seen it on display for himself (when she'd ask your husband to help him with shit instead of him), and both of them are blaming the wrong person for the fact that the friendship has taken a bit of a hit. I mean, you said yourself that your husband was also uncomfortable with her behavior for fuck's sake.

NTA but if a woman ever does this shit to you again, you need to let her know straight up that you see through her tricks by saying things like "Why are you asking my husband to do that when your own fella is sitting right there?" or even "So weird how you come running outside anytime my husband is out here. So. So. Weird."

PS...next time they give you "death glares", give them right back.

Start calling out those behaviors.

Gee Claire, can’t keep your mitts of my husband? How weird!

Claire it’s really gross how you keep touching my husband. Why do you keep acting so gross?

Claire, I know you want to be me, but you’re acting a bit extra right now. That’s weird.

Just keep on telling her she’s weird and gross.

Because she is.

NTA

NTA. Claire is one of those women who needs the attention of ALL the men that are around her. I feel sorry for Chris.

Nope, NTA. You and your husband are on the same page, but your husband is terrified of conflict and confrontation. He not necessarily an AH here, but he needs to realize that sometimes he needs to be the "bad guy" in order to do the right thing. In this case, setting that boundary and being ok with the fact that it might kill the relationship with his neighbor friends.

When I read "force my husband to choose between..." I was expecting ultimatums. You didn't - you communicated and asked him to set boundaries. The result being them not talking to you guys anymore and it being awkward is their fault, not you nor your husband's.

Good job OP.

NTA. Your husband can schedule one on one activities with Chris so he doesn’t have to give up the friendship. That girl knows she’s being inappropriate.

NTA

But Claire sounds more like an attention whore than a regular whore. They crave attention like a drug addict craves their next fix.

NTA but it sucks bc you live right next door so you will have to have some type of relationship with them. 

Did Chris ask why you are uncomfortable? Did hubby give him any of your examples? 

Claire is inappropriate and she knows it, and she just doesn't care. Call her out on it every time. Embarrass her and make her uncomfortable.

Nta, Claire seems to be obsessed with your husband. Chris doesn't want to hear the reality, but Claire is trying very hard to cheat on him, and she's chosen your husband. If Chris isn't willing to accept that his chosen partner has some serious boundary stomping and mental issues, then he's going to have a really hard time when she stops hiding her blatant attempts to ho around.

NTA and Claire is the female version of the handsy guy friend or relative that won’t stop invading a woman’s personal space.

Your husband is being sexually harassed. I’m sure claire told Chris that it was mutual flirting. Bravo that your husband explained it to his friend. Death glares are the cost of protecting your husband.

Got a feeling Claire is the cheating type.

While Claire is definitely in the wrong, your husvand is NOT shutting her down enough.

She just parked her ass there and basically ignored me and kept trying to talk to my husband. So, my husband looks at me and says "babe, here take my seat" and got up and moved and Claire goes "oh, sorry" and gets up and walks off. I asked my husband what that was about and he's like "I have no idea. I literally told her you and I were trying to get alone time and she just sat down anyways." So it's NOT my husband. It's her. Not even 10 minutes later, her and Chris come out and Chris goes "Claire said you guys were partying without me" and it ultimately soured the mood.

He needs to tell her to GTFO when she gets near him. Fuck being polite and nice. Chris is his friend. Your husband needs to have a chat with Chris about how inappropriate Claire is.

If Chris and Claire are unwilling to respect boundaries, perhaps you and your husband should treat them as acquaintances at the most and look to move.

Nta

But at least they are avoiding you now.  Better that than overstepping boundaries.  It was going to come to this eventually because claire wouldnt have stopped on her own and she is just pissed off she got called out for her narcissistic  behavior.  If chris is truly a good friend to your husband he will get past this, because he probably was secretly  sick of her behavior too but didnt call her out because he didnt want her to be upset with him.  But if he doesn't get over it, losing and gaining friends is a part of life and you and your husband need friends more like yourselves, not immature attention seeking friends.

Girl. You clearly do have a husband problem because first chance he got, he threw you under the bus. He should have addressed it with Chris as his discomfort. Not "Oh Wifey's uncomfortable and I agree" because that makes it seem like it's all you and he's just trying to please you. He could have also spoken up and said "No Chris. We told her we were trying to reconnect as a couple and she can't take a fucking hint. Please leave us alone."

NTA though. She's way out of line.

Hoping hubby has not permanently lost a friend. But Chris is in a difficult place. He has to avoid you guys or be in dog house. Hopefully the boys will have a chat. Sadly I am guessing that Chris and Claire are divorced within 2 years.

Time to install a privacy fence. And make sure there’s no access on Chris and Claire’s side.

It’s also time to be blunt. When you and your husband were hanging out to reconnect, you should have calmly stated, “Claire, husband and I are basically on a date. Just he and I and no one else. Have a good evening.” Then turn away, and ask husband, “where did we leave off? Oh, yes - we were talking about…”

NTA. But it’s time to bite the bullet and be VERY clear with Chris and Claire at the same time so nothing is lost in translation.

If it happens again, your husband needs to step up and say something, not just drop hints. She wants him to hold her baby ? Tell her to ask her husband. When his best friend comes over saying you're partying without him, explain she lied. (No, I said we wanted alone time as a couple, why would she tell you that?).

Maybe your husband should talk to Chris and give him examples of what's wrong with her and straighten the narrative.

I would show her how comfortable I am with other women friends with my hubby. You know, a few gatherings and so. But I'm a bit petty.

NTA, Claire sounds like a pick me girl.  She ignores her baby daddy to latch on to your husband which I think is wrong.  It's almost like she sees you as being in her way to be with your DH.  It's gotten to the point where you are uncomfortable around her and so is your DH.  I would say she's jealous because you're married and she isn't but ignoring Chris is wrong.

The best thing to do is move. Barring that, your husband (with you present) have a “come to Jesus meeting” with Chris and Claire.

You all lay out that you’ve both noticed Claire has become much too familiar/touchy feely/inappropriate towards him and you’re putting them on notice that it stops now.

Your backyard is yours and if you’re in it that is not an invitation to come over and hang out.

You’re going to have to distance yourselves as Claire’s actions make you both uncomfortable.

Then what you do is have your phone on you at all times and start recording every time she comes over.

Hubby needs to be assertive - “Claire - I’ve told you and Chris your actions make me uncomfortable. You need to stop right now. I am recording you.”

You also need to get ahead of this with family and friends so Chris and Claire don’t re-write the narrative and make it look like your husband is the aggressor.

NTA. But for the love of god grow a spine. Your passiveness is part of the problem. It never should have gotten to this point because “stop touching my husband Claire”. ” your man can hold your baby Claire”. “Your man can help you Claire” “your making it fucking wierd Claire”. “ that’s my seat and you damn well know it so get tf out of my way”.

Ntt but your husband should have a conversation with Chris and explain why you will no longer be hanging out with her and that he's,still welcome.

Time to build a fence. Who cares if they don’t like it. You and your husband calmly repeat over and over “good fences make good neighbors” and “we want our privacy in our yard”. It also sounds like your husband needs to VERY firmly tell her to back off. Don’t sugar coat it. Don’t be nice. Be very blunt. She is not your friend. She’s not your husband’s friend-so don’t worry about hurting her feelings. She doesn’t care about YOURS. Seriously do build a fence though.

Sell the house. Moving next to your best friend sounds like a great idea when you're 16, but not as damn adults. I love my best friend and would scorch the earth for him, but live next to him? Fuck all that...

These kind of women are gross. Want to believe any man wants them and they’ll violate any relationship to prove a point and then it’s

“Oooppppssss I don’t know why other women don’t like me” lifts tits

Claire isn’t just a bitch, she’s that special kind of bitch that specializes in breaking marriages. Kudos to your husband for behind a decent human being. Death glares? Good. Ignore with désinvolture.

NTA

You handled it fine, but your husband has screwed it up. I agree he wasn't interested in her BS, but he should have spoken up and told her off without involving your feelings. That makes it your fault in the eyes of both Claire and Chris.

She needs to be told straight up to stop.

NTA for your and your spouse

Claire is an AH, and her husband seems like maybe an AH or maybe she's just manipulative.

Are Chris and Claire pretty serious? Because if they're like really gonna stay together and stay living there and yada yada, I would probably move. You know what's really nice? Neighbors that you don't know and don't feel comfortable interrupting your time anytime they see you outside. Sheesh I put up a fence at every place I buy lol. You can't buy better boundaries than an actual fence going up before you get to know neighbors lol. We invite friends over that we want to see, we do not want people just...there all the time. This is gonna get worse and as your kid gets older and your husband is outside with the kiddo more, it's gonna be way worse for you because she'll be out there all up in your kid's business, not just your husband's

Oh hail nah, NTA.

Time to assert your dominance, honey!! Anytime she asks your husband to do something, answer for him and tell her no. Remind her that HER MAN is right there, that she is capable of doing things by herself, or hell even be like “Actually honey, I need some help with something inside. Please come with me.” And just remove both of you from her antics.

When she was sitting in your seat you should’ve told her to move. When her and Chris came out saying “heard you were partying without me” you should have called her out and said “Actually we were trying to have alone time but it seems Claire didn’t like that. I guess we will go inside and have our alone time.”

CALL HER OUT. I don’t think your husband should interact with her at all. She is not his friend, Chris is.

Also, speak to your husband about how he addressed this. He put the blame on you instead of on Claire who is the actual problem.

NTA

I dont even agree with the question, you're not making him choose or anything Claire ist just overstepping everyones boundaries like crazy. Nobody in this story is fine with that so it's not like you are the one stressing this issue imo.

You and your husband have had a completely reasonable response and handled it like adults. Claire has an issue. It might be an Attraction issue, or it might be an attention issue. Either way she sounds tiring.

NTA

Let them be for now. If losing Chris is too upsetting to your husband, you can always try to talk to him and tell him the details of where you feel Claire is crossing the line with you and your husband, but reiterate that neither of you have a problem with him. You both really appreciate his friendship. It is more on him, however, to keep Claire out of your and your husband’s space as her boyfriend since it appears she can’t control herself around your husband.

I am sorry you live next door to these people. Your husband is 50/50 AH but it's super weird having to tell your friend's person to back off. Women, you know what it's like, until you learned to say to speak up, people try to get into your space He needs to say outloud in front of people " Please , I don't like to be touched unless it's my wife. " . The end.

NTA. I bet Claire is giving your death glares - which you can simply ignore - and Chris is simply embarrassed. You did right. I'd suggest that you consider moving to another location if it's possible for you.

Here is what me and my partner do.

I don't interact with men in any way that would make me uncomfortable if the situation was reversed and a woman was acting that way around my partner.

Example: if your husband wouldn't want you totally simping on another guy and constantly attention-signalling the way Claire does, then he should not tolerate it when it is directed at him.

Your husband is doing okay so far, honestly. It's just that he's being polite while Claire is being manipulative, and he needs firmer boundaries. Instead of telling her you just went inside, he should have told her to leave, flat-out. "We're not free to hang out right now and that's my wife's chair."

When she brought Chris over, he should have said, "That's funny, I just told Claire that my wife and I wanted some quality time alone together. Why are you both here now?"

Start. Calling. Out. Her. Behavior. If it starts to cause issues with her husband, it will probably stop.

NTA at all. She's out of line.

Nta. Me and wives of our husbands have our own group chat. If we are in an uncomfortable situation then yeah the closet male we know we will cling to but he will help diffuse the situation.

Other than that no, we are just shop wives. We take care of each other. We don't push boundaries and if one of us did then we would be given solid reasons to back the fuck off

Nta. If establishing a boundary gets you hate then they know they were wrong.

"Oh, you don't get along with other women? I just can't figure out why that could be" said sweetly with a smile. NTA, your husband's friendship with Chris is not worth ruining your marriage.

NTA. I’m glad your husband told Chris that Claire makes you both uncomfortable.

NTA. And it’s a WIN for you! Who cares if she gives you looks? She’s acting inappropriately towards your husband. Maybe Chris doesn’t want to upset her but that’s not your or your husband’s issues to deal with.

She sounds like a "pick me" girl. I'd be uncomfortable as well. Maybe it's for the best until Chris finally figures her out. I'm sure she's probably already cheating with someone, given her behavior.

Sis, I’ll tell you this…I had a pick me in my life. Got introduced to my family bc she was my friend. This heifer literally tried to replace me as my ex’s wife by having an affair with him after telling me she didn’t understand why no one liked her. Even tried to tell me that people mistake my kids for hers, isn’t that so cute?

Put that wanna be side piece in her place. Eff being nice to everyone but hubby, yourself and your baby. And you have PPD? Them neighbor bitches are lucky they are still alive. She’s a snake and her hubby is whupped. Maybe he’s trapped by the baby, who tf cares. NTA, OP. Those are adults and they FAFOed.

Nta. She's completely inappropriate, and she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. You're WAY better than me. I would have physically removed her from my chair and created a bigger problem.

NTA. first, i’m sorry you’re going through PPD. I can imagine how difficult it is, but i don’t think your reactions are invalidated because of it! Claire does seem to be crossing a line. At first it just seemed like she was shy (and maybe knows ur husband better??) but the bonfire thing is just weird. It seems like they want you all to be a group rather than two separate couples. you guys did the right thing by just avoiding them and if chris asked a question that’s answer could upset him, that’s on him. I think it’s for the best and it sounds like you guys could use some space from them overall. with time it won’t be as awkward. they may need the time to reflect and realize that Claire’s actions came across strange.