I never owned a pet growing up so I couldn't understand the sentiment people had for pets. I never doubted it, I just had no personal context. Then my sister got a dog and I understood. All I tell that sweetheart is that he's the most handsome boy in the world and the most good boy of all the boys that ever existed. Cause he is.

I don't drink for medical reasons but went to my cousin's bachelorette party a couple years ago.

On the first day, someone kindly offered me a Truly and my cousin said, "oh (name) doesn't drink," and that was just that. I played all the drinking games with soda and no one pressured me to drink a single time.

My other cousin (her sister) organized it and kept the alcohol and nonalcohol expenses tabulated separately the whole long weekend. At the end, she venmoed me less, splitting the alcohol costs between everyone else. I didn't expect that and thought it was so thoughtful.

We all had a blast and I got to bond with some cool new people. It was basically the same experience when my other cousin got married the next year. It really doesn't have to be that complicated.

Ugh, the way his trauma was used against him to downplay something most people would find uncomfortable. That's such an abuser-favorite move.

I've never even nicked myself with a sharp object beyond a shallow scratch, let alone faced any major loss or trauma related to one, and I would be living in a constant state of anxiety if someone was always playing with a naked blade in the same vicinity as me. That's not an overreaction. It's a natural evolutionary fear response.

I have family members who have guns and like to play with them but they'd never bring them out of their safe storage without enthusiastic consent of those present. They don't even bother asking to bring them around you if they know you aren't 100% gun-friendly.

It's just basic human decency. You want to play with weapons, that's your business. But asking other people to change their level of comfort is insane. I can't believe the original verdict was INFO. My god, if my gun nut hillbilly cousins are rational enough to get weapon hobby decorum, it's shocking that so many Internet people can't.

Yea, I had a few friends growing up that had parents my parents loved (and who's own subsequent friendships far outlasted us kids') and I had a few friends with weird, difficult, or downright unpleasant parents. I felt bad for my mom particularly who had to deal with them for my sake. But my parents always adored my friends so they would just grin, bear it, and avoid wherever possible.

Yea, OOP was right to prioritize his sister but went about it all wrong. His IDGAF attitude soaked his entire post- both, really.

Event conflicts is just part of life. What's important is that you make people feel important to you. You can achieve that while still bumping them for the arguably more important thing. There's a world of difference between "I'm so sorry I'm going to miss this thing. This other event needs me more but regardless, this occasion means a lot to me and I know it's important to you so it's a bummer im going to miss it. I'm going to make sure we still celebrate properly." and "you should understand why this doesn't matter by comparison."

99% of people would of course know the birth of a child matters more than a birthday and anniversary. But it would suck if the person made you feel like the birth eclipsed those occasions so entirely that they didn't matter at all. And that its so obvious why they don't matter, you're selfish if you think they do at all.

Damn, guys can get multiple orgasms, too? With all the curses of having a female body, I thought we at least got ONE biologically superior physical perk.

It's natural for OOP to be thinking about this from her perspective because this is an emotionally devastating situation, not to mention the physical and psychological trauma coming up.

But what matters more is that she think about what's best for her baby. What's better- being raised by a teenaged impoverished (likely) high school dropout in a loveless, strategic marriage with a long-distance reluctant father or being adopted by financially-stable mature parents who can provide all the love, emotional stability, and material goods a baby could ever need?

OOP is right that there is no real choice here. Especially when it comes to the welfare of the child.

OOP held that in for so long, I can't imagine the tension in the house. I'm glad it all came out for OOP's sake.

"When the truth is buried, it grows. It chokes. It gathers such an explosive force that on the day it bursts out, it blows up everything with it." -Emile Zola

I'm a lifelong simmer (over 20 years) and still love the game. I've shelled out thousands of dollars over the years and am a hopelessly devoted player that'll shell out $30 for a pack that's on sale. A pack that's incredibly buggy in a way that consistently breaks the game. I'm like an addict that keeps buying coke I know is increasingly cut with more and more flour and dangerous substitutes. For many years it was the only game I played.

I'm a Minecraft child of the pandemic. I could not believe the updates were free when I started playing.

My frame of reference is so highly skewed that every free update with anything in it has me saying: "wow! A free update?? For little ole me??? With new stuff and gameplay???? That works?????? For free??????????"

I feel like if you're a longtime devoted minecraft player, it's a bit harder to get perspective and you kind of feel like you earn the right as a devotee to be more critical which maybe you do (my god, the amount of time I've spent moaning about EA). But idk. Maybe a dash of outsider/newbie perspective might be good for the most cynical contingent of the fan base. You don't have to be as extreme to the other side as me, obviously. But a few inches closer might be warranted.

Sounds like Clara didn't want to raise a kid with a man that really doesn't want to have kids but knew if she told OOP, he'd push her into it.

There's a big difference between having an intentional kid with someone who wants one and having an accidental kid with someone who definitely doesn't. It's perfectly reasonable for someone who likes the idea of being pregnant in the former scenario to get an abortion in the latter. I don't think OOP understands that difference.

I always joke that if you want everyone in my family to know something, tell my grandma. She's a gossip, but more in like a reporter kind of way- all facts of the situation. It's not really a bad thing, if I specified "hey I don't want anyone to know this" she'd keep a secret but if you don't explicitly ask, she'll make sure everyone is up to date in her next visit with them. Breakups, new partners, fights, awards, mental or physical health problems, school experience, etc. I think she likes to keep everyone on the same page as a family in order to stay close. Honestly, she's kind of not wrong in our case.

That "keep everything a secret thing" might change and probably should. My sister has been through hell and back over the past year getting treatment through her ED but she's actually in a good place now, living alone (with her puppy) and working full time. But she was taught that addiction (which an ED is) "lives in the dark" or something like that. Treating her disorder like a shameful secret she only told to some people is what led to her awful relapse last summer.

I'm so so so proud of OOP. I've seen first hand how hard it was for my sister to willingly accept help.

If you're reading, you absolutely can do this and life can get better now that you've sought help. As I'm sure you're experiencing now, in-patient is difficult but you'll absolutely learn some great skills and it'll do wonders for your self-confidence and mental healing. My biggest advice I can give as an outsider: show yourself some grace when you struggle or slip up (recovery is not a straight line!) and build a good support network. If you have friends you can rely on, that's helpful but if you don't right now, that network can be your therapist, Doctor, dietician, case manager, program nurse, and whoever else is there for you on your road to recovery. They are all there to make sure you're heading in the right direction.

My sister's journey seemed equally about learning how to eat and learning how to properly love herself. I hope the same for you. Good luck at college and you can do this!❤️‍🩹

I listened to a podcast where they interviewed the guy who was placed in Guyana during the Jonestown massacre. He was a relative newbie and the embassy is tiny there. This young guy, practically new to the job, was responsible for contacting families and getting these bodies shipped back to the US. He saw the whole scene and talked to witnesses. Not to mention the absolute diplomatic and media shit storm. I haven't made a "drank the koolaid" reference since.

Being an FSO is so admirable. It really deserves more respect than being a conservative rage whistle. They put their life on the line like any soldier and are the first people you call when you're in trouble in a foreign country. They live far from family and sometimes in developing world conditions. There's something very tidy about being able to frame a world view as "us versus them" but diplomats wade into the mess and break bread with our enemies as well as our friends. That takes a kind of bravery of the soul, I think.

I may have decided the lifestyle was not personally for me but I didn't lose an ounce of reverence for the job itself or the people that do it.

I really wanted to be a diplomat for a LONG time (like since I was 16). It's extremely hard to achieve but I actually passed the test and moved on before getting knocked out which isn't *that* impressive but at a 20% pass rate, it's not nothing either. But most people try multiple times as I intended to do. In my mid-20s, I once sat down for a coffee with someone in my network that worked for the state department and she gave me some good advice that completely killed my dream.

She clearly thought I shouldn't do it but she delivered this message in such a helpful, constructive way. First, she gave me some general advice on the career (she had plenty of diplomat friends) and said she could provide more insight after the other things she wanted to go over. Next, she asked me *why* I wanted to do it- to which I gave her my many, well thought-out reasons. Third, she acknowledged they were all good reasons and reasonable things to want and that they could be experienced as an FSO (learning languages, working abroad, cultural exchange, the actual work of diplomacy, etc.). Fourth, she gave me the downsides to balance out the upsides that had led multiple FSOs she knew to quit even though it had been their own dream - constantly moving, insane hours (like 60-80), no control over your time and location of living, easily burnt out, having to execute the policies of either government you're working under even when you know you're doing harm, etc. I was more than willing to live in dangerous places or places with lifestyle hardship and she assumed I was researched enough to know those downsides which made me feel like she wasn't underestimating my will to do the job itself. Fifth, she pointed me towards career options WITH the job aspects I said I wanted out of being an FSO WITHOUT the downsides of what she knew led to people hating the career. Finally, she offered to connect me with her FSO friends, the ones who stayed and/or the ones who quit, or people from those other options, so that I could get whatever guidance I wished going forward.

I went home and had a long long think about it. Journaled. Thought more. Talked to my mom. Thought more. And within days of that meeting, I decided that the dream I'd had for 9 years was not right for me. I wouldn't be happy. However, it wasn't tragic or crushing because she'd pointed me towards new, better opportunities to shoot for. I'll always be so so so grateful for the complete stranger that sat me down, smothered my dream to death with a pillow, and did it so tactfully that I thanked her for the service.

OOP sounds like she delivered her "you shouldn't do this career, it's better to do a different option" message from a place of unchecked cynicism. Make no mistake, the woman I met was absolutely jaded and cynical about the foreign service but she reigned in those feelings so that it wasn't a meeting about pissing on my optimism, just redirecting it to a more fruitful place in a gentle way. She also didn't include ANYTHING about why I couldn't do it or what I lacked. She framed it as, "okay, here is what I think is required to have a chance" and let me be the judge of what I lacked and if I could manage to acquire/achieve them going forward. She killed my wish to become a diplomat, she didn't crush my belief that I could potentially hack it.

Maybe the cousin didn't have the chops but she's only 16, why kill her self-confidence and drive? Seems kinder and more effective to offer a roadmap that will make her confidently drive somewhere better.

The boyfriend wasn't helpful at all. OOP may not have delivered her message as tactfully and strategically as she could have but it was an important message to deliver. At 16 you're starting to map out your potential options and "you can do anything" may work for children but it's a disservice to young people.

Speaking as someone who came from a middle class family and went to a public school, that is absolutely its own bubble, too. It may not be quite as disconnected as a rich private school but let's not pretend middle america suburbia is equivalent to the mean streets.

In my dad's side of the family, girls are raised to be helpful, thoughtful, well-mannered, and low maintenance. But "boys will be boys" - rowdy, rude, bullying (more jokes taken too far), selfish. To make it worse, men/boys far outnumber women/girls.

I can absolutely imagine how generational patriarchy could be used so effectively to create an operation like in OOP's post.

Even in my minor "garden variety" patriarchal family it was so hard when we were all together and I felt a lot of resentment. That dynamic still manages to slip into place with my bullying uncles. The worse they act (mocking, rage issues, favoritism), the more appeasing I become to smooth the situation and I always hate myself after.

Shock of all shocks, that kind of upbringing did not work out well for the boys. In my generation, the collective advance degrees among the women matches the collective DUIs among the men. A prime example of the way patriarchies are a double edged sword.

However, to my great surprise, my cousins and I have managed to make pretty good strides as adults in repairing those dynamics. I met up with a group of guy cousins for two long weekends in the past year and was sort of wary of being a target because I was going to be only one of two female cousins there. But they were kind and respectful the whole time. And not in an eggshell way, just a genuinely fun, warm-spirited way. When my uncles got drunk and tried to egg my boy cousins on, the cousins basically just ignored them and fell back into an unspoken united front with me. They went so far as to exclude one of my uncles from a card game and he threw a full on cussing, raging temper-tantrum. It was embarrassing.

I've tried really hard but I don't think I'll ever have a healthy, positive relationship with my uncles (on either family side). Their mentality is too deeply ingrained. But cousins, that's a positive part of my life I never took for granted I'd have.

Honestly, I can't imagine how you can even begin to heal dynamics like in OOP's story. I guess one loving, patient step at a time.

"Do not be dismayed at the brokenness of the world. All things break and all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention." -LR Knost

Upon my explanation of the theme/story and suggestion, she's going to wear her black dress she already owns and tell people she "represents decay." It's perfectly in theme!

My friend is going to be a bridesmaid and the bride wants the entire wedding party to get matching tattoos. Can you imagine the audacity of asking other people to be permanently marked to remember your wedding??? Luckily it's optional so my friend just said no, as did most others, but some of them are including the couple, the best man, and the MOH. What on earth.

The dress code for the bachelorette party is "catamaran chic" and the dress code for the wedding is "Met Gala 2024 garden of time." The drama of it all.

"During the phone screens, the interviewer always really likes me."

Are you sure they do or are they just being polite before putting your resume in the waste basket?

This sounds exactly like my cousin who has BPD. Unhinged gender and sexuality confusion (ending with her being cis and straight). Pregnant at 17. Toxic baby daddy that ultimately dipped (his entire family moved away to escape responsibility). Revolving door of menial jobs. Emotionally unstable. Blew up her relationship with her parents, blaming them for everything. Moved away with her new bf but ultimately ended up homeless. CPS took her son and my aunt and uncle raised him.

She's doing better now but it took like a decade to be in a semi-okay state. I feel for OOP and if her daughter is suffering from BPD, I feel bad for her too. It's a long and suffering road ahead.

My sister went through a major mental health crisis last summer and went into a full time facility for bulimia from September to right before Christmas. Then she stepped down to the full day but sleep at home for a few months and then finally the version that's a few part-days days a week. She finally moved out of my parent's house a few weeks ago. We are still on a "visit rotation" where either one of my parents, my brother or myself will stay with her to be moral support. For me, that involves flying from one US coast all the way to the other.

She went in patently refusing to see there's a problem. However, her friends had contacted our parents and they all had an intervention. Then my brother and I basically begged her to do it. I told her that I knew the feeling of not wanting to get help but I said, "this will be the biggest thing I ever ask of you: get help not for you, but for me, because I need my sister to be okay and here for the rest of my life."

It was her people pleasing nature that contributed to this impossible standard that fueled her eating disorder but it's also what pushed her into treatment when we all told her we really really wanted her to go. It was absolutely hellish and I'm so grateful she would put herself through that for me. It wasn't until months in that she said, "I finally feel like I'm at a place where I'm putting all this effort into healing for me."

The demons in her head won't let her hear the reassurance, it's not about OOP. It's her own malfunctioning brain. Months of bulimia is not going to be solved by a conversation, she needs serious medical help. I feel for her so much. I feel for OOP too because I know how hard being part of that support network can be.

I went to stay with my cousin and his wife for a long weekend when their baby was about 3 months. She'd had a pretty rough birth, it was pretty scary for a day. Anyway, while I visited, I brought food and some pre prepared meals. I offered to feed the baby every time (she was more than happy to let me), changed diapers, cleaned up after meals and activities, and made myself scarce in the evening so they could have their relaxation and bonding time.

When you visit someone after they give birth, it's about helping the mother. When you travel to visit the recovered parents and new baby (like me), you need to make sure you make their life easier, not be an additional burden.

People who visit new parents and expect to be hosted are insane.

Good riddance nudes? That's a new one.

I agree. If my cousin cheated, I would highly disapprove but I wouldn't sever our relationship. I'd just make it that one thing we don't talk about and internally have lower respect for/trust in them. But if they randomly called me and told me about it? I'd be like... um okay. Then I'd feel so awkward I wouldn't know how to act because apparently this is big news I need to hear about personally and immediately. So now I need to treat it like big news and I don't know what that entails. It can't be that one thing we don't talk about so how am I supposed to act...?

Every generation is different. I switch up personalities, storylines, objectives, aesthetics, and relationship circles (or the absence of one). There's always a different loose theme. The only consistent thing is that my heir is the last female sim born so whoever they may marry gets her last name and she's the one to propose unless the guy is living with her first, then it's determined by the generation qualities.

Like other people have said, I end up playing a lot of lesbian couples. I like the female CAS experience more.