Tbh I haven't had this happen since I made this post, idk what triggers it.

I had something similar happen to me, but I was in space and docked to a ship. When I entered the ship and then exited out back to my ship, there was a bunch of space debris and parts scattered throughout my ship. I saved and loaded it back up and it was back to normal.

Ever since my adolescence (around 10 years old) I would always be thinking about my early childhood and longing for it. I've never understood why.

If not sexual abuse, maybe you experienced emotional incest and your nervous system came away with the feeling that you were sexually abused.

I'm a maladaptive daydreamer, and in my teenage years I would daydream and pace around the house for hours. Maybe that's a form of dissociation.

I would think it falls under the escapism umbrella that's for sure. As for dissociation, I could never pinpoint what that is and if I do it.

Maybe it's because that age is when I wasn't traumatized and I felt like my true authentic self, and my mind is trying to capture that by constantly thinking about it? I'm a mystery to myself.

The thing about me is around age 10 I would constantly reminisce to an unhealthy degree about my early childhood, maybe thinking about ages 4-6. I never knew why I did that and still don't. I still do it to this day but it's not as bad. The emotional aspect of it isn't nearly as strong. Would love if someone could attempt to give some insight on that.

That shines a new light on it. I don't believe I was given the tools in early childhood to prepare for it.

Yeah, there's probably a lot of variables that go into this, such as natural temperament. I'm sure there are people that have experienced trauma from birth that have turned out better than people that experienced trauma in adolescence. I'm totally biased in this and want there to be even more hope for me, as all my problems happened in adolescence.

I wondered because in my mind it made sense that around age 10 we might be slightly equipped with more tools to deal with adversity than say maybe a toddler.

Yes, no matter the set or setting or strain I feel the same way.

I go through hell when I smoke, and I can't wait for the high to be over. I think of terrible things I wouldn't think of when sober and I question my life choices when high. I wonder if anyone else is the same way?

I've seen a reddit comment saying weed can help break people out of dissociation.

God I can't understand how people can smoke weed to cope, it makes everything worse for me. I get quiet and it seems to make my problems way more apparent. I cry every time I smoke because I feel guilt about things I wouldn't think about if I was sober.

resident evil 2

Also it makes my social anxiety worse and I usually never say anything the entire time I'm high. I think I feel shame.

I'm not sure if I dissociate in my daily life, but I feel like something similar happens to me. When I smoke weed, it's like I feel psychologically naked or something. I start questioning my decisions about everything and I just feel so bad. I usually end up crying when I'm alone because I feel guilty about stuff. I don't know what it is about it, but I wish I had the language to articulate it.

This was my concern as well. I wonder what therapy would be best for trauma caused by emotional neglect?

No, I love kids. I like to think how I behave around them rubs off on them and maybe if they have traumatizing parents they'll know what it feels like to be treated correctly.

I know this is an old post, but how did you reconnect with your old self?