Love isn’t rational. You marry for love. You build a family for love and family. If your love doesn’t reciprocate, then the marriage will end up failing . You don’t treat the person you love like that. Pregnancy can and does kill women and every pregnancy does not result in a healthy child that lives.

And what’s with this ‘providing’ stuff? You mean work in a job he’d already be working in? And most women work too? Some men like to whinge that they looked at as just a wallet, but that’s the natural by product of ONLY bringing money to the table and refusing to offer anything else. Women can get money elsewhere, either themselves or in a new relationship. If you can’t offer love and support and care, it’s not a relationship, it’s a shitty business transaction that’ll be traded in as soon as a better deal comes.

So why marry at all? It’s a relationship not a business transaction. It’s two people loving and supporting each other through life’s up and downs, not ditching them for a job. No one forced him to marry and have kids, if he doesn’t want to do what it takes for those relationships then just stay single.

You’re clearly not in a good marriage if you’d even type this out lol.

Women don’t want someone to just pay the bills - they want a loving supportive relationship where you lean on each other and can count on each other in sickness and health. Most men I’ve met want this too. If you only want to work and not do anything else, why bother marrying someone? Just go be single?

It’s so true. It’s the most vulnerable time of a woman’s life. Physically it’s comparable to running a marathon for your body, let alone mentally. If you fail your partner then, it’s never forgotten. There will always be a part of them that knows they can’t rely on you and it impacts the relationship if not quickly resolved.

Yeah I agree, people seem to conflate some basic support from family to expecting them to raise them. Family have supported family forever, our survival as a species is literally due to it. We didn’t ask to be born either haha

I understand your point. Our whole society sucks like that. A sense of family and community is almost entirely absent. My parents grew up without a village and I think that has made them involved grandparents and we are so lucky because I also have a mostly non verbal son with a developmental disability and a typical daughter. My MIL is absolutely useless, worse than that she can be toxic, untreated MH issues and is a religious fanatic. Won’t provide even basic emotional support to my husband for all of the difficulties we’ve faced from our son’s shitty genetic diagnosis and epilepsy and just causes drama because she wants attention. She favours our daughter as the only girl on the side of the family. FIL is deceased.

My friends are a mixed bag, some have good support, some like you have two sets of shitty absent grandparents.

I’m sorry your parents suck. As a mother myself I cannot fathom not helping my children with their children and wanting to have a real connection with them. I don’t understand how parents can do that to their adult children. But I suppose the same parents who are happy to ship their kids off all the time to their grandparents are probably the type that were checked out parents, and are now checked out grandparents.

And when he’s home , he’s a father and partner. She works too, and does all the housework and childcare, which is way more.

I know people have answered your query, but was going to see if you had your own funds to join a gym? That way you would have access to shower facilities? Can you relocate in your car to a quieter area?

I think this is well said. Even if OP gave in to this, it won’t be enough for the husband. Do a threesome? Now he wants it again and to try something different. It’ll keep going on, because the problem is the husband is prioritising his own needs and wants, doesn’t care about OP, and isn’t faithful. I would place money on this guy having cheated. You found him on an affair website and think this is the only time? Girl kick this man to the curb before he destroys you on the way out.

We are a Moana household here (not sad about that!). I will have to try frozen again

If he’s not intellectually disabled I wonder if it’s a communication or emotional issue. Like he understands it broke but doesn’t understand why it hasn’t been repaired yet or mummy hasn’t fixed it or there’s not another one (especially if this has happened before), or wants this to happen but can’t express it well so he just asks over and over for the iPad. So maybe he understands but can’t express why hasn’t his lovely mummy magically fixed it already for him lol? And his concept of time for this to happen isn’t advanced enough yet (not uncommon for his age).

Girl they get way worse when grandkids come along, so your husband better find his spine quickly. Or this is just the warm up for when she decides you aren’t a fit mother to ‘her’ grandchildren

I’m happy for this family that their biggest problems is a kid who just wants to try things his way but otherwise willing to do these things. I have a severely disabled son and my god, I can’t even fathom getting so bent out of shape about the number of folds for a child learning to take care of their own laundry. Some parents need to learn to relax a little.

I’m a grown ass adult and 80% of the time I don’t even fold- it gets thrown in the drawers. Let the boy put his clothes away his way, what’s the harm? If it doesn’t work well he’ll soon learn for himself or adapt.

Where does it say she relied on it? It was a deal - niece gets FREE accommodation and food and use of a car in exchange for some basic assistance with two of the kids. Making breakfast and lunch and transporting them to school is pretty basic and isn’t raising them. Clearly you don’t have kids if you think those basic things are ‘raising’ them.

Girl it sounds like you are already having to parent your husband. That will get old real quick when a baby comes. Hopefully he steps up, otherwise I’d say to brace yourself and use some money to give yourself support when he fails to live up to basic expectations

Time was a big one, but in flair ups I focussed on reducing inflammation- would take anti inflammatories like ibuprofen, quality cod liver oil, and Manuka honey in warm water with a slice of lemon. Extra virgin olive oil. This would help significantly. Tried a few supplements but the noticeable difference was a triple strength probiotic, vitamin c with zinc, and NAC. Obsessively washing my hands to avoid catching the million daycare bugs my kids bring home helps too. Gentle yoga at home helped with joint and muscle pain. Resting, and not pushing myself, and avoiding exercise apart from some walking and gentle yoga here and there and stopping when anything felt off.

To be fair my child was similar at that age and I repeatedly took him to doctors with concerns , and was mostly dismissed as wait and see until after 10 months

Yes! I developed a subsequent respiratory infection and chest infection and this helped it. And I swear I was better overall after. But I also took a triple strength probiotic after as my gut was messed up and this also seemed to help.

I did read it is good for lung pleurisy - inflammation in the lungs. I was diagnosed with this early after my first Covid infection , I suspect some of it must have been hanging around.

After about a year I’m about 95% recovered and not experiencing PEM.

Gurl welcome to the rest of your life - get her out or this will be it forever. She’s toxic.

Right?!? Or here’s a thought - maybe he can actually parent his own son? Instead of making two women who aren’t his parent fight over it? Where’s his views on his mother’s behaviour and the boy always sleeping with his grandmother and her turning him into a brat?

Your husband is the big problems here. Why isn’t he parenting his son? Why is this all falling to you? Why is his mother allowed to stay indefinitely and roam chaos on your home?

Girl get some respect. This guy is a terrible father and terrible human.

Why are you with him?

He sounds quite similar to my own child at that age, who does have a genetic disability. He has low muscle tone and required intensive physio to walk and even at 5, he still struggles.

OP if it helps, some activities we did at age for my son was balancing him and gently swaying him on a gym ball to help his core muscle tone, tummy time over a leg so he had to weight bare on his arms and build that strength, encouraging rolling for toys. Closer to one we did sitting on a small step stool in front of mirrors and a couch with toys/books on top to encourage weight baring on his legs and sitting to stand (we had to help him with this for a log time). Spinning toys are a big hit and visually kids with delays and autism really love the visual movement of them and is an easy fine motor for most kids.

That’s gorgeous. I think the same about my son, he has a lot of motor issues so for him I think he understands but can’t get his body to cooperate