u/Head_Commission_255 There are plenty of law firms that suck at employment law. Most lawyers don't know anything about employment law since it isn't on the bar exam.
You should be engaging in concerted activity with your coworkers to discuss the hostile work environment.
u/BlazinWasian757 Your friend should have a consult with an employment law attorney in his jurisdiction. If there is no employment law cause of action then he needs to ask about promissory estoppel (justifiable, detrimental reliance). This leave had been guaranteed for months and now they want him to cancel it. He needs to threaten a lawsuit for the damages he will receive due to canceling and rescheduling a wedding and a honeymoon. Whether the lawsuit will succeed is another matter. He at least needs to call their bluff and stand up for himself. This is his wedding ffs! They should be ashamed.
He could also try to go above his manager to "clarify" that the company wants him to cancel his wedding after having his leave on the books for six months so he can work for a few hours. That that is how they treat employees which will surely boost morale. Sometimes a little public shaming does a whole lot of good (and the emails will be good for evidence if needed).
Threaten legal action as a last resort but if they don't give him time off FOR HIS WEDDING AND HONEYMOON then fuck them. AND DON'T QUIT, don't show up and let them fire you. Then you're at least eligible for unemployment.
Bonus: www.worker.gov
u/EnvironmentOne6753 You need to report this to your state AND federal DOLs. "Engaged to wait" is paid time.
I'd encourage him to write a "burn letter" rather than confronting her because he won't receive the reaction he wants. Think honestly about how she will react. I doubt it will be one of remorse or accountability. It will more likely be one of drama and manipulation, including but not limited to playing the victim, guilt tripping, non-pologies, fake tears, etc. - whatever she is prone to. The burn letter will allow him to say what he needs to say without giving her any attention or avenue to create further drama.
As for this weekend, I suggest practicing short responses that are not JADE-ing (justify, argue, defend, explain) to shut her down. The key to this is not be baited into an argument so repeat the phrase once if you have to then walk away or leave. www.outofthefog.net is my favorite resource for this subject matter and will certainly help. Best of luck.
not to make waves
Well now it is harming your child, u/CandidAssistant2672, so you and DH need to rock the boat and make some damn waves.
Look up extinction bursts if they're likely to throw tantrums. Here is a favorite resource of mine - www.outofthefog.net.
u/kjripster30 DH needs to learn about extinction bursts as well as how to set and enforce boundaries. The key with extinction bursts is you do not give in or the next one will be worse.
This really should be added to the sidebar at this point - My favorite resource - www.outofthefog.net.
It doesn't depend on the state. FLSA governs this which is federal law. Managers are ineligible to receive tips. Tips go to employees whether that be directly or through tip sharing but higher-ups like managers, supervisors, and owners cannot partake in any tips.
Under FLSA, managers are ineligible to receive any tips.
ww.dol.gov
u/DirectionProper9461 Please read "Why Does He Do That". It is about abusive men and why they are abusive. I think you will find it illuminating. "The Gift of Fear" is another good book for educating yourself about abusers.
You can google both for free online versions. Otherwise check out your local library (and the free Libby app).
DH needs to get out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Here is my favorite resource for that - www.outofthefog.net.
It seems like he has things handled but just in case I'm going to share my standard list of resources with you:
www.outofthefog.net - A GOAT resource for this subject matter. Check out the pages "what to do" and "what not to do" under the "toolbox" tab especially (shoutout to JADE, grey rock, and info diet).
the booklist from r/justnomil (on the sidebar/wiki) - This sub has become a toxic echo chamber but the booklist is still legit. It has many great titles on it, like Adults of Emotionally Immature Parents and Toxic Parents, but lacks those about assertiveness training and communication skills so check out your local library for those (and the free Libby app).
the resources from r/raisedbynarcissists (click on the wiki tab then helpful info)
therapy - Therapy is the best thing ever and I cannot recommend it enough. There are also online therapy resources like therapy youtube (see Dr. Ramani) and the many great mental health accounts on IG.
I hope these help. Good luck!
There is a glossary page on www.outofthefog.net where you will find the term and its meaning.
Two legal terms for you: harassment and (breach of) covenant of quiet enjoyment
She dumps him at first but still feels bad so they get back together but then she drunkenly tells his sister about him at a party while the sister and OP are laughing together about it. Asshole must have overheard because he confronts OP the next day and gets so angry that he slaps her in the face. That slap must have slapped a little sense into her because she finally dumps him for good and recognizes that she needs therapy for her trauma and to be single for a good while. I hope she sticks to it.
Exactly!
The lovebombing and hoovering are manipulation tactics that are part of the cycle of abuse. (Want to know more? www.outofthefog.net is a GOAT resource for this subject matter.)
Anyone who wants to read "Why Does He Do That" or "The Gift of Fear" should google either title for a free online version. And you can always check out your local library and the free Libby app as well.
u/No-Specialist-5173 I do agree with the comments that you should get this in writing. You could email your boss about "I just had some questions after our conversation earlier about the dress code and what the owner expects of me" (find a way to talk about this conversation because you are memorializing it in this email so be as accurate/verbatim as you can) then ask questions and make it seem like you are trying to kiss up.
This is because you need the documentation because this is sex stereotyping, which is an illegal form of sex discrimination in the workplace. Why sex stereotyping? Are the men held to higher standards of grooming? Are they being asked to look more "manly"? I highly doubt it. If you look clean and professional, and so do the men, then all of you are held to the same standard. The problem with the owner's expectations is the double standard, hence sex stereotyping.
According to your facts though, this is not sexual harassment. It could be if say, owner wanted you to look sexier and show more cleavage. What you have written does not evince that however. But it could come into play so again, documentation is key. (The key to good evidence is CYA - cover your ass.) Also, be aware that the rule for sexual harassment, legally speaking, is "was the conduct (1) objectively offensive and (2) subjectively unwanted?"
Bonus: www.worker.gov
This is called sex stereotyping, a form of sex discrimination, which is illegal in the workplace.
Bonus: www.worker.gov
u/Dull_Reading1101 Oh honey, all these comments agreeing about abuse aren't wrong. I know it's difficult to face but once you do it will make things easier for you to leave, which you absolutely should because abusers only escalate and the mask is off now.
Please read "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear" so you can learn how to spot abuse/manipulation and figure out a safe way to leave. Find an attorney too so you have appropriate legal advice when you leave. (If you google the books you should be able to find free online versions. Otherwise check out your local library (and the free Libby app).)
As others have said, this is assault and false imprisonment. You should report this to the police if only for the documentation because you will probably need it in the future. Honestly you should be reporting this now so you can obtain a restraining order (which is actually quite difficult to get because they require violence but your situation probably meets that threshold which is saying something) which is another level of protection for when you leave. If you're confused about anything I highly recommend you seek out the domestic violence advocates in your area as they will be extremely knowledgeable and be able to give you good advice.
Please keep your wits about you. Good luck and stay safe.
I agree that something sketchy is going on with the mom (her actions sound premeditated and intentional) but assuming that the story is true and the ashes were spread in their plot, u/throwra-inhername should consider hiring a private investigator to follow her mother and stepdad to the cemetery to obtain that information. I'm hoping this is something feasible to do because they visit often and such. At any rate, I hope she's having luck with her healing, forgiveness, and therapy journeys and that the truth of her sister's ashes reveals itself to her, her brother, and her father sooner rather than later.
u/Extreme-Bus7141 I have quite a few resources for you:
www.outofthefog.net - This is a GOAT resource. I especially enjoy the pages "what to do" and "what not to do" under the "toolbox" tab (shoutout to JADE, grey rock, and info diet).
the booklist from r/justnomil (in the sidebar/wiki) - This sub has become a toxic echo chamber but the booklist is still legit. I recommend looking up Toxic Parents and Adults of Emotionally Immature Parents first. Additionally, while this list has a bunch of great titles on it, it does lack ones about assertiveness training and communication skills so check out your local library for those (and the free Libby app).
the resources from r/raisedbynarcissists (click on the wiki tab then helpful info)
therapy - Therapy is the best thing ever and I cannot recommend it enough. There are also online therapy resources like youtube therapy (see Dr. Ramani) and the many great mental health accounts on IG.
One last note since your mother is so pushy, I can see her pulling out all the stops as you begin to set and enforce boundaries so please also look up "extinction bursts". Pro tip: You do not give in to an extinction burst or the next one will be worse.
I hope the resources help. You're headed in the right direction with your boundaries and sticking up for your wife so keep it up! Good luck!
I hope she took my advice on her update post and contacted the FBI as well as encouraging the other women to report.
If the local authorities are not going to handle this abuser appropriately then she needs to contact an agency that will (which is why you contact the FBI in these situations).
Just another cop adding to the statistic that about 50% of cops are domestic abusers. What a piece of shit. Also hoping OP and any other woman he targets is safe.
ETA: Also, shoutout to the books "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear" for helping people to learn about abusers and how to espace/avoid them. (Google them for free online versions or check out your local library (and the free Libby app).)
u/SpecificHandle734 I'm glad you called her a bully because that is appropriate. You should also call her ableist because that is how she is acting. Some other words I would use for her behavior are harassment and verbal abuse. She can act dense if she wants but I'd be calling a spade, a spade. And then if calling her out didn't change her behavior I'd lessen contact. I'm not putting a child in harm's way even if the harm stems from "family".
Marge needs to read "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear" so she can stop being hoovered back in. Therapy would also help but she has to be open for that. www.outofthefog.net is another excellent resource.
If you google the books there should be free online versions. Otherwise check out your local library (and the free Libby app).
File a wage claim with your state labor commissioner.
File a report with your state DOL.
File a report with the federal DOL. www.dol.gov/whd
Bonus: www.worker.gov
Can anybody help me? Boss owes me three paycheck and fired me without giving me them.
antiwork