You can do pretty much any activity for the first half or so of pregnancy. I maintained the same core exercise program through about 16 weeks. After that I started to modify slightly, but didn’t really need to modify much until 20-22 weeks. Second pregnancy I did a lot more core early on because I knew that was an area that would suffer second half.

This! Even though breastfeeding while drinking isn’t dangerous, caring for and especially sleeping with your baby after drinking may be.

I see everywhere that people are misunderstanding the difference in drinking pregnant vs drinking while breastfeeding. While pregnant, baby is effectively getting as much alcohol into their system as you are getting, which impacts them a lot more than it does you. While breastfeeding, baby drinks a liquid that is equivalent to your BAC, which for a single drink would be <0.1% alcohol. That’s less than fruit juice, an NA drink, etc.

You would have to drink A LOT for there to be any significant alcohol in your breastmilk which would then still have far less alcohol than a standard drink. As an example, a glass of wine at 5% alcohol is 50x greater than your breastmilk after having that glass of wine and increasing your blood alcohol content to 0.1%.

One legitimate thing to consider is how alcohol may impact your milk supply. If I had more than a single drink I would see a noticeable decrease in output. I was a “just enough” producer so this was enough to taper my intake.

Similar to my experience. I still have a lot of fear about not having enough money and the stress of being financially strapped did detract from my parents ability to be there for us. However, overall we had a wonderful childhood and there was always enough love to go around. If I had to choose, I’d rather have poor parents who were loving rather than rich parents who didn’t make time for us.

That said, for me, it was really important to be financially secure before becoming a parent. Had I had children five years earlier I would not be able to enjoy the experience the way I do. Also, my parents are in a much better place now and we won’t need to provide much or any financial support for them. That was very important to them because they were dragged down by needing to support their own parents.

Given that you are a waitress, it’s also relevant to think about the impact of missing shifts due to illness or other inevitable surprises with kids. I would work on building up a healthy (3-6 month of essential expenses) before attempting to conceive again to have a little buffer.

Being able to live within your means is a tremendous skill and it sounds like you have that. You have much more control over spending vs income. That said, there’s a floor of minimum expenses and it seems like you guys are just floating above that.

Anything I would have done on a bench I just switched to incline bench.

You have to weave it in to the schedule. I used to be a 5-6 d/wk exerciser. Now, I make sure to get at least two solid (45-60 min) workouts a week and then just try to be up and moving on other days. I clean my own house and take care of my own yard so that forces me to be moving most days. We all go for a walk after dinner when it’s nice out.

When I’m really pinched for time I combine cleaning and working out. I’ll set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes, put on my workout shoes, and run around cleaning as much as I can. I’ll take the stairs multiple times to get my heart rate up, do lunges while vacuuming, jumping jacks between folding clothes. I look ridiculous but some days that’s all I can manage.

Figure out how to weave it in for yourself. Go for a walk while pushing the stroller or while kids bike. Walk while you’re waiting for kids to finish activities. If you are trying to find an extra hour to work out it likely isn’t going to work. You have to change an inactive activity to an active one.

For food, the premade salad mixes are a lifesaver for me. I take them to lunch several days. Add veggies into whatever you’re already making. Tacos? Double the peppers, onions, beans. Spaghetti? Dice zucchini, mushrooms, onions, peppers and add to your sauce. Have a side salad with most meals. Stay satiated on fruits and veggies so you aren’t tempted to reach for high cal convenience options. Doesn’t need to be a complicated diet. Just reduce portions of other food groups and increase f/v.

Same. Had some very dark thoughts about my choice to procreate until we figured out that she has multiple foods that make her sick.

Yes, we have a joint checking and savings as well as our individual accounts. Each paycheck, a set percentage goes into each bucket (65% to joint checking, 10% to joint savings, remaining to individual account). We have enough going to joint checking to cover all our bills and some savings goals. Then the individual amounts are ours to manage and spend however we like.

It covers our family expenses and goals and gives us some independence to spend without always consulting each other. We’ve shifted the percentages a bit as our needs have changed but it’s worked really well for us.

Not really related to your post but as a stepdaughter who considers my stepdad my dad and my biological dad my moms sperm donor, thank you for fighting for the semantics. Your daughter will be so grateful.

My siblings are my siblings (not half siblings) also.

It’s truly so much easier for me to be a good parent out of our house. Going to the park, zoo, pool, kid gym, they’re entertained and these places are designed for kids. They come home tired and happy and then suddenly their toys are fun again.

At home I’m constantly having to clean up messes, take away things they can’t have, saving my house from dishevel. At home it’s endless chaos and so much harder not to lose my cool on repeat.

Yes, I drink decaf in the afternoons or evenings, and when I was pregnant. I love the taste of coffee!

Apparently how? I clean my own house, mow my own yard, work out in my basement or on the street with a pair of tennis shoes, and rarely eat out. What insinuates that I’m “apparently financially well off?” You don’t have to be rich to be an ambitious or health conscious person.

Kudos! I just got ripped on another post for saying it’s possible to be fit post pregnancy. Ignore the haters!

Your defensiveness is a you problem, not a me problem. Where did I say anything about boobs changing being anyone’s fault or any of the other nonsense you are extrapolated from my post in this response? I said I prioritized things such as working out before kids and kept doing so after kids and that it’s possible for others to do the same.

I don’t owe you any sort of explanation but I was 35 when I had my first with an emergency c-section that knocked me on my ass, a colicky baby allergic to a dozen things, and had a very difficult 11 month long breastfeeding journey. But that’s not what OP was asking about. She was asking if it’s inevitable that she will have an incredibly different body and I gave her an anecdote that it isn’t. This was someone looking for reassurance not a measurement stick of who had the hardest pregnancy and postpartum. Read the room and chill the f^ck out.

People tried to scare me about all sorts of things when I was I first married and then pregnant. I would no longer have a fit body, a clean house, a gym routine, or find time to cook healthy meals.

All of the above weren’t true. People love to blame their lack of effort or prioritization on having kids rather than what it really is. The first 6 months were wild but after that things started looking more and more like my life before kids, just with a kid added to the mix. I still work out, my body still looks mostly the same (took over a year to feel this way), my house is just as clean, and I cook the same amount as before.

If you are someone who really prioritizes these things before pregnancy and you are motivated to continue, you can do it.

Yep. Had lots of NA drinks while pregnant. The NA IPAs are so good that even my husband would drink them sometimes. I like the flavor of an ice cold hoppy brew on a hot day regardless of EtOH.

Seconding this. It’s empower now. Not as good for budgeting but pretty good for investments and net worth tracking.

You would develop several micronutrient deficiencies on a meat only diet. I knew a bro in college who tried this (eggs and meat only for weeks) and developed scurvy. I’ve heard cases of scurvy (from vitamin C deficiency) are on the rise because more and more ill-informed people are trying this.

Add a wide variety of low-carb vegetables and it’s a different story.

We had tuna noodle casserole all the time as a kid and I rarely made it because it didn’t sound good to my husband. Joke’s on him now because my kids love it!

Seeing the projections and how much saving in your teens and 20s sets you up to spend more of your earnings later on is so motivating.

At your age most people live frugally and don’t have fancy things. Even if you can afford it, don’t spend on materials, fancy apartments, or expensive cars. Save now and spend later when it is less desirable or socially normal to live with 4 roommates and eat rice and beans every day. It’s normal to do that at 18. It’s quite embarrassing to have to do it at 35.

I think ours is currently at 65/10/25 for joint checking, joint savings, individual accounts. This is all from net take home after retirement accounts, taxes, joint brokerage, etc.

It’s shifted a bit as our needs and spending has shifted. When we were still building our emergency fund, the joint savings amount was higher. When we started paying for daycare and kids stuff, individual amount dropped and more went into joint accounts. We have the option to direct deposit payroll into multiple accounts so it all just gets distributed with our allocations every paycheck.

Any personal expenses (clothing, haircuts, individual phones, personal care, fuel for cars, shopping, etc) is paid from individual. We also rotate paying on our individual cards when eating out and doing activities as a family. We’re not super strict with it and we typically have extra in our joint account that we either move to individual if one of us is low or we put the extra into our savings. We just want some independence with money and to not have to check with the other for every little thing.

Then yes, assuming it isn’t misaligning anything in your budget, I’d transfer the difference to her.

A rule of thumb is that 10% savings rate is adequate over 5 decades of working, 15% savings is adequate over 4 decades of working. 25% would be about 30 years of working, 40% would be 20 years of working.

Another rule of thumb is that by 40 you should have 3x your salary saved.

At your age, 5 decades of contributions isn’t going to happen, so 10% is far too low. If you have 30 years left of working, you need to save 25% of total salary to meet the typical needs of retirement.

Yes, at your family’s income level you should be maxing all tax advantaged account options.

The part about giving her cash is odd to me. Do you cover all expenses and she just gets to spend “her own money” on whatever she wants, so that’s why she doesn’t want to reduce that bucket? It sounds like that’s a deeper conversation worth having.

We have percentages of our income allocated into various accounts: joint checking, joint savings, individual checking, individual savings. All household stuff gets spent out of joint accounts and we have liberty to spend our individual allocations as we wish without consulting the other. However, our incomes are much more even. With that income disparity it seems in the best interest of the relationship for you to transfer money directly to her to compensate for that if that’s how you do things.

Lemon or lime with mint or basil is so refreshing. I drink probably double the water with those simple additions.