England isnt a dystopean nightmare where parenting is concerned. It happens everywhere people who shouldnt be parents have kids and those kids grow up wanting to escape a bad home.

Especially in western countries, that dont have tradition for fx, taking care of the elderly family members inside their childrens own homes, OR financially caring for parents or grandparents.

In some countries doing so is mandated by law, and in other countries, even in europe, cultural traditions make it a much more taboo thing to cut relations with parents, as it impacts the entire family differently than it does in the northern ones again, due to how families are structured, dependency wise and also traditionally as far as family values and responsibilities go.

I know several danish gen x'ers who are estranged from their ww2 boomer 1 gen parents. But this might also be a scenario thats more prevalent between actual boomer 1s and gen x'ers - more so than in younger generations like Millenials or Zs.

Its actually curious and I wonder if more GenXers than millenials and Zs are estranged from their parents, percentage wise.

In Sweden, as far as I am aware the age when which an adult child moves out, is significantly higher than in Denmark, and perhaps this is an indication of stronger traditional dependency ties than whats seen in financially comparatively similar countries, fx Denmark.

Som udgangspunkt mener jeg egentlig at man skal bruge anmeldelserne for at købe en bil som man ville med en hvilken somhelst vare med en margin for stil og indvendige preferencer selvfølgelig.

Nu ved jeg jo ikke hvad det er for en type anmeldelser?

Har folk haft motor problemer/batteri problemer? Er reservedelene dyre? Er lakken i orden eller klager folk over samlinger af paneler og døre etc Er bilen bygget ordentligt? (dette var faktisk et problem for Tesla i starten) Får den hurtigt reperationsbehov etc. Hvis vi er nede i den slags issues, går du efter den der har GODE anmeldelser.

Eller kan de ikke lide betrækkets udseende og farve optioner, eller er det bilens udseende og er rattet ikke sportigt nok? Men hvis kritikken kører på de bløde ting, så ignorerer du vel bare det, og går med hvad du bedst kan lide?

NTA - Being proposed to, Springing it on the person is pressure they dont need at an important moment with enough pressure to say yes already weighing on them.

You should feel comfortable being honest with the person you end up marrying one day. This is not the person. When you tell them no, to something they want, they should not resort to manipulative or negative comments about you as a person, or get so upset with you, that being honest becomes harder in the future.

Ofcourse NTA

NTA

Also lol, wonder what that was actually about. Cant be about biscuits and gravy. NOONE is that addicted to biscuits and gravy that they think its an ok ask at 9 in the evening with a hubby whose had a long day and an early morning.

Something else is going on.

How tonedeaf can a composer get?

NTA

The way you are arguing about this is a little odd to me. You cant control who you feel close to, but usually its with the people who make an effort to know you. His sister hasnt done that. She isnt close - She doesnt get to take care of the most important thing in your world. All the other stuff where your partner takes offense is just noise.

It really boils down to this one thing. Who knows you. Who can you say you trust to keep you in mind whenever they are taking care of baby? Thats the group of people you leave baby with. Noone else.

Your partner already promised his sister, without checking in with you, which btw is nuts. He is arguing more about this because he doesnt want to have to dissappoint his sister. Which is a weird set of priorities.

Just tell your husband he shouldnt make those kinds of promises without talking it through with you first, and its his problem that he did so. It doesnt obligate you in the slightest.

NTA

He can clearly handle that you dont live at home for most of the year right? But when you visit his suddenly reverts to infantalising you and refusing your basic rights to privacy and respect? He is risking you not coming home to visit with this behaviour.

Ask him if thats what he wants to happen. When he gets riled up with a long winded no and takes offense, tell him that he only has one option to him then. 1) To accept he forced the lock by refusing to knock and 2) to get therapy, because you will never come visit with him for an overnight stay if your bedroom does not have a lock, if he still hasnt adressed HIS anxiety. Remind him that his choice not to adress and work out the issues he struggles with have never been, and never will be a valid excuse to deprive you of respect and privacy. You are not ok with him boundary stomping you anymore and he needs to hear you. It will have consequences for your future relationship if he continues with this behaviour and refuses therapy.

Sometimes being blunt and verbalising whats at stake IS whats needed. Your mom has given up. One day you'll be asked to visit, your dads new place , and then this conversation will happen anyway. So...

NTA

Your husband is wrong. She is refusing to let you have your own style without derogatory comments over and over again. Trying to "gift" a bag which is the opposite of the style youve shown, becomes trying to "force" it on you the moment your refusal is not accepted. Another red flag that your mil does not care about how you feel, the things you like and isnt afraid of trying to boundary stomp and force change.

With gifts its indeed the thought that counts. The thought here was to force you to change your style and being manipulative about it. Love language employed as a sneak attack is nasty.

Your husband should have these things pointed out to him, and then you could make it clear you are not going to enable or encourage that behaviour in any way. That it probably wont be the last time, as far as your spider senses tell you, his mom will chose to try and push, then cry about these types of things, and that he needs to buckle up and understand whats going on now, so he doesnt end up screwing your relationship up, by standing with momma, rather than his wife.

Tell him pointedly to never ask you to enable behaviour that is trying to make you smaller or change who you are, nomatter where its coming from, and to ask you to do so, is already him letting you down slightly. He could have said:

"Mom you know wife loves colors and youve seen her bag many many times. This doesnt seem like a genuine gift moreso it seems like you are using this new bag to force my wife to wear a bag you like instead.. Its ok if you dont like wifes bag, but its not ok, to expect her to dress for you. I havent heard my wife make snarky comments about your beige palette. Its unfortunate I havent said anything to stop the comments you've been making before it comes to this point. But its not ok mom. You need to stop, my wife deserves to be able to wear what she likes with attacks or snide comments from you."

But instead he is asking YOU to be the doormat so his mom doesnt cry. He is not thinking rationally.

Please let him red the comments in this thread.

OOP's situation is extreme granted, but I still think it pretty accurately portrays the idea still lodged firmly in society that women are the default caretakers of OTHERS and to not step up, as a woman, is at odds with what many people expect from them. Hence the judgement and the offense taken by the other people who also wont step up.

Its unfortunate her own kids are also trapped in this point of view.

Jeg har en ulykkesforsikring og en udvidet villa forsikring. Forleden så jeg at min udvidede villa forsikring har en ulykkes forsikring inkluderet. Jeg skal have ringet og spurgt ind til hvad det er for noget. Jeg er ikke sur endnu. Det kan jo være det ikke er de samme ting det dækker.

ESH

At the time of arriving at the place:

You had a preference whereas they had a need, seeing as two couples had already brought dogs. Your inability to cope and your stubbornness ruined the evening.

Did you state anywhere in the conversations prior that you wouldnt eat with dogs there? If you did, then there is some leeway for your refusal to go outside. But if you did not, then I think you are to blame for the evening not working out.

You just waltzed in, made a unilateral last minute decission you then sprung on everyone else, creating an impossible situation because 2 couples brought dogs already.

He arranged a table so the dogs could come. Probably so the other couple could also attend. What did you want to do with your insistance. Send them on their way? Have them magic their dogs gone? - What you did was force a splitting of the party and a akward social scenario for EVERYONE else but yourself. Maybe you enjoy social confrontation, but as you said, the night fizzled, and most likely because most people do NOT love having to these encounters forced on them.

Mind you, the guy who brought the dogs, and the other couple, are kinda assholes too. Because thats alot of dogs, and OP doesnt say that he informed people that dogs would be coming. I dont know that everyone wants to eat or drink with dogs around. I dont know if these dogs were wellbehaved lying on the ground doing nothing for hours type of dogs... Or if they were rowdy or not able to stay still and calm...

Seems like OP and the dog guy doing the reservations are kinda similar personalities. Both are selfscentered and very concerned with getting what they want, nomatter how it might sit with the other people around them.

Tell him to take the toddler with him when he leaves you with the baby. He can take the toddler to the bathroom with him, and have his pee time.

NTA for everything but asking him to hold it. Thats not a reasonable demand, but you can ask him to take the toddler or to time it with you as much as possible. If he refuses and keeps doing this nonsense, get up, hand him crying baby, and go take your pee/alone time after him, every single time. I promise you, he will really quickly learn to coordinate his pees with you.

I dont understand how he can say no and refuse cooperation, when they are his children? Are you his nanny, maid and sex buddy in one? Or his wife? Because the kids are also his responsibility, and he needs to share in the logistics, which means HE CANT GO PEE without checking with you if you are breastfeeding he needs to go before or after. He is being incredibly childish and I honestly dont know how you manage travelling with 3 kids on your own.

NTA

Show him what you wrote, as if he agrees to the way you retell the story, then afterwards, show him all the replies.

Ps. He should have his pee cultured for e-coli UTI. They feel different for men and are much rarer, but an urge to go frequently is part of it and they can come and go if they dont take hold. They can be managed with D-mannose supplements or ofcourse antibiotics but, d-mannose would be the first thing I'd attempt.

NTA

Sounds like your brother is a misogynistic a-hole. So good riddance, and make sure he doesnt actually get into your wedding. The way he behaves I wouldnt be shocked to learn he showed up to make a scene.

Your mother is so so wrong for enabling this really bad behavior and just calling it him being sensitive about never having had a gf. How is she able to listen to the diatribe from his mouth and being ok to let it slide, IN HER OWN HOME???

Dont invite someone who doesnt view your future wife as "family" - to your wedding. Your brother doesnt even begin to grasp that your fiance, soon to be wife IS your closest family, and that parents, siblings etc are one wrung down on the ladder.

Do not apologise for sticking up for your wife. Do not enable this behaviour. let it have consequences. He cannot attend the wedding. He cannot be at social gatherings, if they want you and your wife there, if he mouths off about your fiance or your wife, or your marriage and your parents will have to make a choice soon enough about wether they continue to cuddle and enable this horror of a son, or actually start to let him feel the consequences of his behaviour because YOU wont be smoothing the waters to keep the peace.

If you apologise you'll be letting your wife and yourself and your relationship down, and creating a precedence for his behaviour being acceptable.

Actually tell your parents, and your brother, that HIS apology is now a condition for him attending the wedding, and being welcome in your home. Let them know, without any doubt you arent going to continue the nonsense of enabling your very disturbed younger brother. Might as well make the battle now, rather than later. It needs to happen.

YTA

Being the breadwinner doing something you dont like doing is a lot worse than being the breadwinner doing a job you like - which is how it is for you. The former being how it was for him.

You cant afford to live where you are living. Its a hard thing to adapt to. But forcing him to take a job he hates in this life, is not a feasible solution either. Do you actually understand that making someone spend their days doing shit they dont like, so you dont have to make any changes you dont want to make IS NOT a feasible solution longterm either. And its not how you do things in a PARTNERSHIP.

Let him work the way he likes and move to something you can afford. - If you were alone, you'd not be able to afford the place either right? - So, you only actually have 2 options.

Leave him, move and live alone someplace you can afford.

Stay with him, move together, to whatever place you can afford.

Staying is NOT a feasible option if you want both of you to have contentment and happiness in your lives.

Time is a valuable resource. Dont make the person you love look back in 10 years and regret how he spent his time.

DOWNSIZE, COMMUTE - stay together

LEAVE HIM, DOWNSIZE, COMMUTE - be alone.

Or, the extraordinary solution: YOU find a better paying job you may or may not like, and continue living in your expensive flat, being the breadwinner. I know - shooocking solution. He should just find a better paying job right?

Those are you options.

Not giving a friend a +1 to a wedding when he has a SO of 5 yrs is odd imo. But I can see alot of people dont share that opinion.

Your gf's reaction reeks of insecurity, and there is no doubt you'll hurt her feelings if you go. - On the other hand, the one with all the control, and the +1s to give, might also have her feelings hurt, but I think if it was important you be there AND she respected your own relationship of 5+ yrs, you'd not be in this situation regardless of how small the wedding was.

Op is NTA - he didnt decide on the invites.

For what its worth. I would not go to a wedding my own partner wasnt invited to. He is my significant other. I dont really want to encourage the idea that we arent a couple when it comes to our social relationships especially on big occasions where it matters to my SO if they are being excluded. Its probably OP having been ok with his partner being not invited/included on several previous occasions, and apparently never insisted she be.

This sport is soooo dramatic at times. I honestly thought Tsunoda had gone a diatribe of just absolute abuse towards Zhou. But he used the bad word for challenged, - and has to do mea culpa because of that.

The whole stage and pony show that follows these kinds of infringements are ridiculously dramatic imo. Look at Tsunoda posting in his japanese english, probably deliberately so you can all see how his english might have been why this happened.... like we actually believe that Yuki doesnt know what the R word is - As if he hasnt been called one several times for his vocal diarea with regular intervals by his team hah!

Sometimes a driver attempts what looks like murder on the course - but you dont get a public apology for it - you just get some BS line from the driver during the interviews.

Silly priorities and silly drama.

middle - have one older sister and one younger sister. My older sister has a child, my youngest does not but she is special needs.

I was not burdened with more or less chores than my older sibling, I just watched my mom. My mom sucked at mom'ing. I worried that I'd be similar. My older sister doesnt think much at all, and I think it helped her live a more normal life. Although she did end up doing to another woman what was done to my mom, had an affair for several years, got a kid with the guy and ended up marrying him after he divorced his wife.

So, I donnu. I feel like I made the right call. Both my mom and my elder sister are not people Id want to emulate.

small YTA

As a parent you must know to encourage the qualities in your kid that you want them to own and nourish. So what are you doing exactly? Your pride doesnt allow for it, in this case? Your need for him to enjoy himself - basically infantalising him, because you feel like thats what he needs, is trumfing what HE himself, wants to do? How is that good parenting, when the kid is 17???

If you dont get a crown, only luck is keeping you from an infection, as the tooths insides are unprotected. An infection could cost you your job, and leave all of you worse off.

You are risking that, because of pride and ego.. Take your sons help. Allow him to feel he has some agency in how well things go for the family and stop trying to crush that small step into adulthood it actually is for a boy to want to help and take responsibility for the family staying on top.

NTA

But I see that your family wont recognise the sacrifice and the parentification, which is a form of childabuse, that you were subjected to for years.

Since they want you to behave like it never happened, get over it, on their time and convenience schedule, maybe it IS better to go low to no contact with them?

You have every and I do mean EVERY right to not want to take over childcare/activation for your siblings, especially if they refuse to recognise that you already did alot of childcare without having agency to say no or refuse.

You should let them read all the comments in this thread.

I realise they wont have been old enough to appreciate the sacrifices you made, but surely, they can look up parentification and try to understand why you want to have 100% agency in your life, where child chores are concerned, and pushing you on it, or making you feel bad for upholding those boundaries that were so completely crushed by your mother, now as an adult is absolutely a hill for you to die on.

Also, many uncles and aunts are low activity, low involvement members of the family. And they arent crucified for it. But like others have their specific boundaries respected, not pushed or emotionally blackmailed in order to give them up and - "get over it".

Your nan, is TA here for saying those things to you. Your sister is selfinvolved and unempathetic and its terrible that she doesnt really appreciate or understand how much you did for them when you were just a child yourself. To come after you now, must be heartbreaking for you.

I get you want to explain yourself to them, but please OP - for the love of god, do not expect these fundamentally selfish people, to validate how you feel. Its not convenient for them to do so. Your nan sounds like she is a nasty person, and she never showed up for you as a kid, and still feels comfortable dictating to you how you should "get over it". Thats not a good indicator for how this family is going to respond when you explain and basically hope that they agree you can be a laid back member of the family after hearing what you have to say. You hope for understanding, tolerance, patience, room to be where you are with your feelings on this trauma, and I seriously worry for you going into those conversations. I doubt you will get the empathy you hope for unless your sister and other sibling suddenly wake up with the ability to consider what it must have been like for you as a kid. And it doesnt sound like thats the direction they are gonna pick.

Hvis du kan klare en tur på 40 minutter så er Græsted en fantastisk by. Var forbi for nogle uger siden. Det er også cykel afstand til flere fantastiske strande, og skov.

Og så har Græsted en Menu butik der burde hædres. Det var som at træde ind i en old school Irma, men uden de pebrede priser. Det er hands down den bedste brugs jeg har brugt i årtier. Det grønne, blomsterne, delikatessen osv..

Anyways. Jeg går ikke normalt og husker på hvordan en brugs er indrettet. Men den her gjorde indtryk.

Mårum er også en option. Eller andre byer omkring Græsted, såsom Liseleje, og Tisvildeleje. De kan iøvrigt opleves hvis i sætter jer i bilen og kører derop en dag, - da de alle ligger tæt på hinanden.

Birkerød og Allerød og Hillerød er også udemærkede, men markant større end "stederne" oppe tættere på kysten, så måske ville I syntes de var for travle. Birkerød og Allerød, er måske lidt pricy, netop fordi de ligger i meget tæt pendler afstand til KBH med excellent offentlig transport forbindelser oveni.

Af alle byerne jeg nævner er Græsted nok den billigste, da den ligger et par kilometer fra stranden, i modsætning til Liseleje og Tisvildeleje. Mårum er også ret affordable.

Helsinge og Ramløse er fantastiske - og Helsinge har jo den gamle Real skole, der er en utrolig god privat skole.

Jeg har selv boet i Ramløse og tilbragt mine somre i Vejby og Tisvildeleje med Hillerød som den tætteste "store" by.

Kør op og brug en weekend på de gamle fisker steder nordpå, og så kør gennem hillerød, allerød, Birkerød og få en feel for det område. Ramløse og Helsinge ligger tættere på Aresø. og er lidt mere stille.

Min mand og jeg boede også i KBH, først ved Runddelen mens vi gik på Uni, så flyttede vi til kbh k - helt centralt til kanikkestræde. Puha, det er ikke for enhver med den aktivitet, non stop - Så til sidst flyttede vi over sundet til Skåne. Vildt affordable priser, men man pendler jo så en time hver vej. Du kan forhandle en brobiz med arbejdet, og hvis du arbejder hjemmefra et par dage om ugen er den jo fin. Så er der bare problemet, med det svenske.... og deres "kaviar" på tube. Kultur Shock for alle. Der er gode skatte regler for øresundsgængere, og når du bor her kan du købe bil uden den vægtafgift du kender fra Danmark fordi du kører med svenske plader. Recommend!

No is a full sentence.

When you open the door for discussion it can sound like you are giving room to negotiate, if you are talking to people who dont care about your no, or your boundaries. Or just selfinvolved people who find your boundaries to be, occasionally, inconvenient.

No. In this case, should have been a full sentence.

NTA

Whenever they want you to hold up all of the family harmony alone, just let it strengthen your resolve to take a step back from this particular part of your family, as they are not above being manipulative and dismissive of your feelings.

YTA

What you did to that other passenger, who just like you suffered through the same flight was sociopathic in its display of no empathy or consideration. You definately need therapy.

I wonder if there is a pattern of withdrawel from OPs mom, when OP fails to live up to the emotional response her mother seeks from her. OP is left feeling uncertain and antsy about wether she is OK to have the feelings she has after their interaction, even coming here to ask if she is TA.

OP might do well to consider if she is even allowed to be herself and have genuine emotional responses in this relationship with her mother, without going through this sort of punishing limbo after not responding the way her mother wants.

NTA

You dont have to be a scripted side character in your moms narrative. You can have your thoughts and feelings and remain true to them without ever entering a-hole territory, and if your mother cant allow you your boundaries, or accept your reactions without some kind of emotional withdrawel, guilt or other manipulative behaviour, consider taking a page out of your sisters book.

The dresden files.

I didnt even like the books much, never read past book 3, but even I could tell that series was not done right.

Wheel of time, atleast season 1. It seems they understod it was a bit weak and upped the game for season 2. That was ok.

The Dark Tower. Everyone could have told the producers it needed to be a gritty tv show, probably spanning several seasons, to do the world building and storyline justice.

The Passage - like others mentioned, this book is amasing and terrifying. And the series was just bleh. Didnt even come close to touching the actual menace and terror in the book

The Witcher. That one started out great, but then seemed to think it could do better than the original story and just lost the plot in my opinion. Didnt help any, that they sort of tried to turn Henry Cavill into a villain in the process.

This is the way. It shows OP is concerned with the funeral and the familys grief but isnt about to be present as emotional support, which a personal bouquet could be interpreted as.