Personal view and insecurities are something I think most of us here can relate to. I'm not going to try to talk you out of it but just remember at least that you probably have a lower view of yourself than others would :)

You can absolutely make videos in various genres with no facecam, especially things where the conversation etc. is the central part. Having no facecam is a real blessing in ways too as having to make yourself presentable and buy/maintain/check a lighting setup etc. is one of the biggest burdens of the whole thing. Not having to deal with any of that really opens up the accessiblity of it and reduces the prep time and equipment space needed. Can just jump in any time :)

I feel personally like much of the world has a general problem with a lack of ethics. People aren't afraid to do wrong, they aren't ashamed to do wrong, and the thing that matters most is themself and their own material gain. So in the absence of anything to apply standards to them they basically just do whatever for their own gain or amusement. That's a pretty huge problem and it's one we made and TV/media keeps feeding.

We need to get back to(/head to for the first time arguably in some places) a society where people's ethics and sense of right and wrong is strong enough that they don't WANT to do wrong and they don't need to be watched or they'll devolve into selfish cruelty, they monitor themselves and keep their own principles. Where people would be too ashamed to do wrong personally, have no desire to hurt others (cus why would you?) and are alert to the concept of selfishness etc. and again would be ashamed to be that way.

If we could just make that shift, pretty much everything would change. Each individual would be taking accountability for their own behaviour and keeping themself in check. We'd need less laws, life would be more pleasant and safer all round and we'd all be happier. A lot of places used to be closer to that and places like Japan these days have a lot of it due to their societal concepts of right and wrong. It's not hard, we've just been promoting the most rancid attitudes for a few decades and encouraging the worst behaviour while doing virtually nothing about the bad.

in my experience it kind of "cracks" as in you have moments of clarity as the anxiety start to reduce (tends to be the first sign things are going better), then after that it's just a gradual fading away :)

oh no problem, I hope you find a way of doing it that helps :) It's kind of just whatever you see when you close your eyes and think "blank", that's your image, can be a vague empty "stage", a grey film frame, anything, whatever wipes everything else away for you and fills the space with neutral.

Yeah that'll really help, we subconsciously scrunch up cus of the anxiety then that makes us even more anxious :S I was once so bad I slept in a tense foetal position. It is yeah but it's a real gift as you learn to spot the stuff in yourself in advance. Puts you more in control of your own mood and you can help others or spot when they're struggling too :)

Oh no problem :) It should unless you're at a level where you;re genuinely just too anxious to do so, but you really need to be at hysterical 24/7 for that (meds at that point). It's such a mean condition because it runs on anxiety and simultaneously surrounds us with freaky crap that makes the anxiety worse -_- It's unfair but you have to sort of manually take the wind out of its sails whatever ways you can and take back control, then in time it all starts to recede. Often see changes before you've even expect to because your work is having an impact in the background :)

You'll be rid of it soon!

In my experience you got to work on the anxiety and try not to look at everything else, as hard as that is. The anxiety under it all has different effects on all of us but it can do a huge range of stuff and they all tend to be hyperfocused. Most common are all sorts of fears and existential thoughts so paranoia is right up there. I would really work on shoving the thoughts and strange perspectives from your head immediately, remind yourself every time that "it's just the anxiety, not my real perspective" and don't let it keep stacking itself up. It'll help :)
I know it's not easy to instantly do that so be gentle with yourself, you'll need to work on it but you'll get there and the more you do the less background anxiety so the easier it gets overall. As the anxiety goes the whole package will go in time.

As much as you may be uncomfortable with it personally at first, it's part of who you are and part of what makes you unique :) Unless you're given reason to believe it's a problem for others it's limited to personal (natural) insecurity at this point. In time you'll grow into it, you'll learn how to use your voice more in ways that work for you subconsciously and your accent will be a familiar and memorable standout thing to viewers.

Feel like your anxiety and self issues are (as with many of us) the big problem in the room here. That's not to say you did things you wish you hadn't etc. more that your state of mind right now makes everything worse and terrifying regardless of how you might see it if you were in a more balanced state of mind and you feel at the mercy of it.

I don't think you have anything to be guilty about or ashamed of, I know that won't cut through the way you see yourself but I genuinely don't. We all have our own ways of coping and you described yourself above the feelings that doing these things helped you to deal with or placate. It sounds overall like you need and deserve some professional help to deal with those underlying issues, to take the energy away from them and allow you to stop being plagued by them. It's technically possible to just be like "oh I should just stop doing this - and so I will!" The end. But not for most of us. If life was that simple everything would be different hah, so don't be hard on yourself :)

I guess for now the thing is to make sure you don;t add to the stuff that bothers you regardless of what anyone says, allow some distance to form between you and what hurts you. I'm sorry you keep running into nasty predatory types, I suppose maybe that helps them deal with something too but that's their battle and they should get on with solving it so they aren't hurting others.
As much as anxiety makes us hyper focus on our issues, there are simple facts of reality that protect us to an extent. We (mercifully) aren't the center of the world, the stuff that completely dominates our own mind may not even be on a single other person's right now. How we see things defines them. If you don;t care/mind about things they have no power. It's not as simple as just turning that on, but with some processing of it (maybe therapy type stuff or just time and state of mind) you can have genuine peace with it. Hopefully in the near future it'll be filed away in your brain as merely a symptom of where you were during a hard time. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of, anyone with a heart will understand that (in the extremely unlikely scenario that they ever even need to know) and anyone who doesn't isn;t worth knowing, the problem solves itself! If it was me telling this story and you reading how would you see me? Would you think "oh wow what a terrible person" or would you feel sympathetic and only annoyed at the people who used your struggles against you? Most people will be on your side with this.

Not sure what the law is where you are but it may be worth going to the police about or looking into that side of thing at this point. While yes what you shared is your own free act, what they're doing now may constitute stalking/blackmail etc. Pretty solid and reliable way to ensure that it goes away if it becomes literally illegal for anyone to share or possess it and all originals are required to be destroyed.

Sorry to hear :( May be worth seeing about getting your dosage increased or something? I had the same problem (but with anti depressants) where after a while as it all settled down it wasn't actually quite enough and the bad crept back. Much better since adjusting up, much more stable. Sounds like you (like me) need a sort of safety net for the big dips that come out of nowhere. It's awful being at the mercy of them and having to recover from whatever they throw you into. Really hope you get the answers you deserve very soon :))

oh thankyou so much! ;o