I tried to quit several times in the past year but I eventually caved and spoke to my doctor for some alternative methods and it's been gradually improving my quality of life since mid April. There's always a crash that makes me depressed but I've lost my urge and uncontrollable instinct to get intoxicated. I sometimes I dream about smoking, but it's extremely vivid and I think it's more out of fear that I would do it again.

I'm still waiting for my enjoyment in things to return, I've been able to start reading books for the first time in my life, like a lot of them that I really enjoy getting absorbed into but weirdly enough the same isn't happening for my video games or working out but maybe that just suggests a different problem.

The biggest positive lately is I'm much more well spoken and able to carry my conversations better, notably with children that I have to work with. I feel like I have the ability to have them cooperate better than other people at work and it's something I've only discovered recently and with adults it's much easier to conversate about something I'm not particularly interested in because I feel like I just have the right words to respond with that isn't full of blandness and I can bring myself to smile at them and even begin to ask questions about the topic and maybe learn something.

I never tried at life during school, socially or academically and I was in a state of high from 19-21 so maybe I just never had time to figure out what I'm really like and it's only just now coming out, never thought I'd not hate children or not hate speaking to middle aged adults who speak mindless nonsense to me but here we are, I definitely won't be smoking again lol