I can relate to this a lot. Honestly, I know this is cliche to say, but the fact that your recognizing the issue is genuinely a huge first step!! My nmom went her whole life cutting people out over perceived slights because she was convinced other people "thought they were better than her," and she would insist she wasn't lonely but it was clear she craved a connection she wasn't allowing herself to have. She just didn't know how to be vulnerable or self reflective enough to see that she was the problem, not them. And of course I don't mean to imply that it's the same with you; Im only sharing to demonstrate how deeply the coping mechanisms we use to survive our childhoods (her dad was an abusive drunkard) can affect our lives if we don't put in the work to grow and develop healthier ones.
In that same vein, I think part of why these moments - when we try to connect to someone with a healthy, supportive upbringing - are so uncomfortable is because we discover new ways to mourn the childhood we could have had. The one we deserved, but because of reasons beyond our power, we didnt get. It's not fair. It just not. There's nothing I nor anyone can say to change that fact. Have you ever heard the quote "a familiar fire is better than an unfamiliar fire"? Idk where it's from, I saw it on Tiktok, but I think our battered brain's natural instinct is to shrink away from the new and uncomfortable and towards the familiar - even when it actively hurts us and keeps us from living the kind of life we desperately, desperately want.
By gravitating to people with similar circumstances as you, your brain is doing the best it knows how to preserve whatever sense of peace you've clawed from this world. Even tho that does a disservice to you. Because only by opening yourself up to the full spectrum of what the world has to offer can you find what you're looking for.
I just started EMDR therapy after nearly a decade in and out of talk therapy, and I would highly recommend it (or any other form of somatic therapy) for getting to the root of these kinds of negative feelings that you feel powerless to stop. You deserve to live a full life!!!
Well, if you talk irl anyway like you did here, maybe people are staring at you because of your condescending attitude. You try so hard to sound smart that it reeks of insecurity, which anyone with half a brain can clock from a mile away
I just ran into a similar situation replaying Stardew Valley. I lost my own suddenly last year, and when I opened my mailbox and saw that letter from 'mom' my heart just sank through the floor
What worked for me were two things: audio books on 1.5 speed or setting a visual timer for 10/15 min and then sticking to that instead of page numbers or chapters or any marker or progress like that. Doing that a few times a week with a book I was genuinely interested in helped me tap back into that love of reading I had growing up :)
Oh and also setting reasonable goals!! Like this year, mine is to read one book a month, but that's after 2 years of reading 5-6 books total for the year. Think of it like building a muscle!
Journalism! I get to go down rabbit holes and learn for a living. Every day is something different, which my ADHD loves
I gotta go to Dollywood and the Mothman Museum at LEAST once before Im gone
I'm in a similar boat, and can I just say it is SO COOL to hear someone approached you like that! I honestly love that for you
My dad forced me to take a baseball refereeing course at the local community center with him when I was in middle school. I was the youngest person in the class by a decade, and ended up getting the second highest score on the final exam. He got the highest score and lorded it over me for yearssss. I didn't even wanna be there to begin with! Its like great job, middle age man, beating an 11 year old.
I ran into similar anxiety, and what helped me the most was a few practice sessions where all I did was stand - preferably with something to grab onto nearby. Once I got comfortable enough with that (or at least didn't feel like I was about to faceplant at any moment) I put on some music and practiced moving my arms and shifting my weight from leg to leg while still stationary.
Think of it like learning to walk. When babies are just learning to stand/walk, we don't throw them on a conveyer belt and say "good luck figuring that out!" They're given time to get comfortable and confident on their own two legs first. And it's the same with skating.
I think I understand why your family excludes you. You sound exhausting to be around. You give zero grace to people
"I am once again feeling insignificant....' you're responsible for your feelings. No one else. You communicated that you were hurt, and that's where this all should have ended. Instead you got defensive and started tying years of baggage to this one miscommunication.
No one's ever gotten mad at me for it, but a stranger did gently tell me "I didn't really mean that literally...but thanks!" and that's when I realized it wasn't necessarily expected when people say that π some people mean it more rhetorically
Ive only recently realized that when someone says "how did we even get on this topic?" that is not always an invitation to answer with a beat-to-beat breakdown of the conversation leading up to that point π
I've started doing this too! Even got my husband in on the joke bc he's a good sport. He's about 2 inches shorter than me, so he knows to subtract 2 from whatever number I say to /really/ sell it lol
What a kind and considerate answer! To add to this, when meeting new people I've started trying to reframe my mindset from "I hope they like me" to "I hope I have fun!" or "I hope this is an interesting experience!" Not only does it take the pressure off to somehow do socialing "right," but it also reminds me what I can control. I can't control how people respond to me or how I come off, but I CAN try to have a good time no matter how the conversation shakes out :)
Tell them you "I would tell you, but I had to sign an NDA"
"I wish I could read his mind" - can you imagine this same question about you ever crossing his mind? How much would you say he values your comfort and happiness? On a scale of 10?
This evening I asked my husband for a napkin and apologized for forgetting to fill the napkin holder on our kitchen table. He said "I'll do you one better" and grabbed me one along with a bunch more and refilled the holder himself. Look up the orange peel theory, and ask yourself if this is really the person you want to spend your life with. You deserve better.
NTA
Im so sorry you went through all that! I have my fair share of nightmare therapist/psych stories, and can empathize with how demoralizing it can be. Linda sounds like she has a huge chip on her shoulder and was seriously projecting
I wish my local roller derby league was like y'all's. I recently attended a boot camp marketed as "all skill levels welcome" and they started with t-stops and how to stand up without using your hands
Nope! He worked in tech.
Remember when diet coke and mentos was the biggest meme? My siblings and I asked our ndad if we could buy some and set it off in the backyard. He said he would only agree if we drew up plans for a bottle rocket sort of contraption. Each of us would have to "present" our plans and then he would "judge" which one was the most structurally sound and ONLY THEN would he buy us the damn $2 worth of mentos and diet coke. When we all decided that was far too much effort and just went over to a friend's house whose parents had bought the stuff to do it, he was FUMING and grounded us
Not sure what you mean by that, but what's happening in Palestine is absolutely genocide. The difference between a stampede and crowd crush is pretty significant. Crowd crush isn't necessarily the fault of any individual acting recklessly/without concern for others in the crowd but rather poor infrastructure and insufficient crowd control practices, which means that culpability often falls on an event's organizers, city officials, hired security or law enforcement etc.
I also have a lot of anxiety when it comes to skating around people, but I try to remind myself that if /I/ saw someone trying to learn something new and struggling with it, I wouldn't judge them - in fact I'd think they were cool like "hell yeah, look at them trying!!"
Sure, not everyone thinks like that, but since we can't know what anyone's thinking anyway, why not embrace the delusion that any onlookers we may lock eyes with are quietly gassing us up until proven otherwise π
Skating outside
Rollerskating