are you going to therapy?

the same thing happens to me, thank you for commenting this i feel like finally someone put it into words. I will tell my therapist about it. It's the same for me, only when my dad begins being being abuse again and stops love bombing me I am finally functional. I actually become functional when I stop eating too, it's something I've been doing my whole life ''Oh exams are coming up? well nothing I can do, I have to stop eating''

I always thought this is bizarre and never understood why I did it, but I think it's because of this. I will trigger myself with videos about body image, and very strict societies, asians mostly, to tray to gain their mindset and feel like if I don't achieve those stuff I will die. I will even write myself notes like ''not studying=dying'' ''not following my skincare=dying'' it only works for a short amount of time because I know it's not real, and I'm the opposite of a materialistic person, I am bad at being delusional about reality.

I showered and cleaned my room. I was sick all day yesterday but I'm already recovered by today, which is pretty amazing! I could even have coffee today and I'm able to get out of my house and walk my dog later (:

I'm so sorry you went trough this. It's so horryfing. I wish I could do or say more than that. You deserved way more. What you said about your dad on christmas broke my heart. I know it's cliche but you are a survivor, you are better than all those fuckers who hurt you. Thank you for sharing this with me, it really means a lot.

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I am 21, I've tried to leave but I can't keep a job, I managed to get strong enough to look for a job again this week, and I hope I finally find one I can keep and I am able to work at all, it's been hard to even get out of bed.

Could I ask you something, ? I hate if this is triggering. How do you continue living knowing this is true? it's just that life doesn't seem worth living if all the people around me are this shitty, shitty enough to not even help a CHILD ??. How do you still find value in life? Have you manage to build any meaningful relationship?

I ask myself these questions and the only answer I find is I have to fucking do something, how t f is this happening and no one does nothing?

Totally. I woke up last night in the middle of the night to a mental breakdown (thanks brain, there was no need to wake me up but k) and I caught myself telling this to sooth myself ''If the abuse my parents said didn't happen truly didn't happen, then why am I feeling this way?''

lol I think I might be doing that with food. I have tons of problems around eating, and I think everything I'm actually eating it's because I'm disociated. It's like the food is then and I blink and it's not. And I have no memory of the taste or chewing it and I immediately brush my teeth because I hate remembering that I ate

as an escape, but this time I'm UNCOMFORTABLY AWARE that I'm doing it to cope

omggg I understand you completely. I think that might be a good thing, maybe the next step it's not wanting to using it as an escape anymore, and then quitting. Are you going to therapy?

my mid 20s after getting a bunch of therapy and I know it's not healthy but sometimes I really miss it. I used to get so

Same. I have been maladaptive daydreaming my whole life. Literally had multiple parents, brothers, boyfriends, people I truly had connection with. And I turned 22 and realized..I have been isolated my whole life, I have no real memories and connection with people, no experiences. All this people only exist in my head. I stopped doing it, I stopped playing videogames and watching shows and I became unable to study, I havent gone to class in almost a month now. All the shame and fear, all the memories I was supressing it's coming up and I cannot function this way

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It's the same for me, I have been crying since I'm a child at the idea of becoming an adult and having to depend on myself because even then I acknolewdge I had no family and was going to fully depend on myself to survive.

I put my trust in someone this year and ended up in an abusive relationship :) of course. So that was my last hope.

I am (well was, before I came unable to leave the house) in about 5 different sports and activities, wanting to be the best at all of them to increase my chances of being succesfull and able to provide for myself and to be loved by all my teachers because then I could increase my chances of someone taking me as their daughter, someone realizing I deserve love and to be protected. Someone to share their family with me. Ugh. Man. Literally just a poor little kid trying to survive dude, none of us deserved this

Than you for sharing this. Reading your story made me tear up.

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'' I can’t feel anything and I’m not really there, even when I want to be there. It’s hard to keep good memories bc I’ve been forcing myself to forget everything I experience since I was a child.''

I realized yesterday this is happening to me. I found myself in the ideal situation, I am finally reading again, I have the dog of my dreams, I am going to the park everyday and drinking cofefe for about 2hs everyday. My dog was traumatized by our living situation and it's always very protective of me and very alert but yesterday I was sitting down on the park reading and he laid down beside and put his head on my lap, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun, he even started crying a little bit, he does that when he's extremely happy. He relaxed in public for the first time. And it's the most beautiful thing I ever experienced but I couldn't feel anything, and I couldn't generate a memory from it. That's why I tend to take a lot of pictures but I didn't have my phone.

I'm so sorry you had to go trough this and I'm so sorry there's so many people who relate to us, we didn't deserve to go trough all of that as children and we still don't deserve this to going trough this.

I feel you. I'm sorry you are going trough this.

hat's why I want to move out of my parents house, I feel like if I'm forced into fight mode I'll become functional again. But I moved out once and I was being financially supported by my boyfriend and the moment we broke up and he said he'd stop supporting me I went trough a terrible depressive episode, I never went into fight mode. So it's probably a lie. I'll just end up homeless if I move out

I'm still a teen then :``) that in itself help lol I have a ton of issues with being an adult, I don't feel like one.

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Thanks for sharing.

Yeah honestly I have been thinking a lot lately and I think I came to the conclusion that even though I have many dreams I have to go easy on myself.

Like, I am sadly at a disvantage compare to other people, I will never be like them and that might mean that I will not achieve the same as fast.

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It seems that all the dreams in my head are moving further into the future, like I was imagining myself being 25 but now I imagine finally getting a car and traveling at my mid 30's, or early 40's and like, I'm fine with that. Like damn that little girl survived and actually made it. She got a car AND survived 40 year?

Or like who cares if it took me 12 years instead of 6 to become a doctor, I did it. And all my classmates who are dumb 18 year olds have it easy (as they should, as its supposed to) because they didn't go trough what I did, they can't even beging to comprehend what the pain people who suffer childhood tauma go trough, so who cares. That it's the majority of society and honestly it's a good thing. But I exist even if I'm different, even if I'm the minority.

u are so right.

I suffer from maladaptive daydreaming and even the character I'm obsessed with that also went trough abuse had family to support him trough it lol. I compare to him a lot, I know it's fantasy but well

I totally understand what u are saying. For me it was the same my whole life until I just couldn't, like the fear is still there but my body doesn't react to it anymore, it just won't fucking move.

"I guarantee you that at some point, everything's gonna go south on you. And you're gonna say, 'This is it. This is how I end.' Now you can either accept that... or you can get to work. ""You just do the math and solve the problem. And then onto the next problem and solve that problem. And solve the next problem too. And if you solve enough problems, you get to go home."

sorry you went trough that. it does actually. Like, trauma is there it just shows up at different times. It might be a good thing mine is showing up now and not later

totally. when I hear of people who went trough abuse they always told me they at least had 1 person. It's so upsetting. I had anybody, and even my neighboors knew of the abuse and did nothing :(

achiever workaholic type until I burnt out and now Im frozen most of the time. I am also full of things I'm passionate about and worry about wasting my potential. I was reading the other day about a role model of mine, they were describing their work day and I was astonished about how

Honestly it's great you point that out. I actually wasn't able to walk my dog three months ago and it was also the first time I was living alone. It was horryfing. I kept insisting, and insisting, and kept my routine consistent (walking him at the same time) I kept walking him later, not walking him at all. But without realizing it, now I have a set routine and I naturally walk him at 10:30am, 15:30 and 18:30 everyday. It's great to remind myself of this and I believe you could do the same if I did it

the fact that it's describe as ''events from which escape is difficult or impossible'' was important for me to hear. It gives me a bit of compassion towards myself. I really did try to escape, it was just impossible

Graciass

siiiiiii

Y?? Voto una tanga al final? Necesito saber

Muchas graciass. Y pasando por la facu vi que hacen practicas con huesos, cadaveres, esas practicas comienzan antes?