Edit: tired of people saying it's too long so TLDR at bottom, also gonna point out anyone who says I'm not a good story teller, don't bother trying to tear me down. I taught myself how to write, and I don't normally write in first person due to my mind going from one topic to the other too often, also this ISN'T edited and I was half asleep when I wrote it. Also, I have a mental disability so I struggle with certain things such as remembering some words or even spelling or what words mean. I'll fix the name situation the best I can here

This took place around 9 years ago, I only remember the time line because it was the year my youngest nephew was born. I became friends with this girl, M, around the time my job had finished rebuilding for a long overdue renovation. When the store reopened, that was when we met and became friends. We were friends for maybe roughly a year, if not a little longer than that.

Some of my family that met her, didn't really like her from the get go. Though, I was blind to it, as I try to see the good in people, as sad as that is. But, over time I had started to notice a few things.

Such as when she had broken her arm, she couldn't do some things due to the kind of cast that she had. Which, wasn't water proof so it made it hard for her to do dishes. So, I had offered to help with her dishes. Though the day I was supposed to come over, I was called into work and I needed the money.

So, I thought that she'd be asleep still so I'd go over after my shift so I went to work and didn't call. Now, I started, and still think I should have said something and I felt bad. But what made it worse was that after that, M bitched, and moaned about it to coworkers all day. It had started to cause stress in me to build up as well as guilt and two of my cousins came in that day. (We're about the same age so we get along) they asked me how I'm doing and they noticed how quiet I was.

When they saw that they asked if I was okay. I had just shrugged and they knew something was wrong. Asked again and that was when I broke down in tears. Pulled me aside and asked me what happened and I had told them everything. They said that it was a jerk thing to even keep bringing it up to work of my 'friend'. When she saw I was in tears she apologized and said that she knows I couldn't stay mad at her long or something along those lines. I don't remember it.

After that, I thought that maybe things were okay again.

Though it seemed that it wasn't as I had thought.

Another thing, she was dating my best friend from high school (well my best guy friend) One day, he and I ran into each other and chatted for a bit, J let me know that he was going to break up with her. Didn't go into detail about why and just wanted to give me a heads up. He also asked me not to say anything to her which, I agreed as it wasn't my place anyway to say anything to her like that.

So, I had kept it to myself and didn't say anything that would indicate that they were going to last or not last if that makes sense?

Well he didn't do it right away because of circumstances, such as her grandparent passing away. As my friend didn't want to do anything that would only worsen her pain. So, in September, M video called me and she was just down right in tears. I don't recall everything that was said, or what she said before I ended up saying this...

'Um... I kind of knew that J was going to break up with you for a while...'

Moment I said that, she glared at me and hung up. I felt guilt over that and gave her space for the time being. After that, I went to bed as it was late at night, and I was exhausted both mentally and physically.

When morning came, I got up, got ready and was going out to hand out resumes as I wanted to get out of my job for a few reasons. One was due to lack of scheduled hours, how I was treated sometimes ect. Well, before I left my brother's home (was living with him here when I worked and back at mom's and our stepdad's home in the country when I didn't work because I lost my apartment, that is another story) I was asked if I could come into work for a shift.

I declined because I wanted to do this when I could. Plus, I didn't think I could mentally handle too many people after the night before. After that, I went out to hand out resumes to places where I knew they were hiring. As I did, I saw M at a McDonalds and frowned. So, I texted her if she was still mad at me and left it at that.

After that, I started to bike past a Tim Hortans to make my way to a pet store (love animals, helped with an animal rescue for years) Well, there was a big line in the drive thru and as I'm biking past, a car is coming out and we didn't see each other due to a truck that was in the line. It had one of those big dome things on the truck bed so we didn't see each other.

Thankfully, he wasn't going fast or anything when leaving but well, he hit the back tire of my bike which knocked me down. I fell on the ground, landing on my left arm and my leg was caught in the frame of the bike.

While I'm on the ground, I'm just kind of blinking going like 'what the fuck just happened?' Though, I just kind of laugh, as that is one of my coping mechanisms with pain. Or at least with what little pain I was feeling at the time. People came out to check up on me to make sure I was okay, I was. I just asked if someone could get my bike off of me so I could try to get up.

They do, so I try to move as I didn't feel anything in my back that would indicate pain or anything like that. I've falling on my shoulder before from riding my bike, going faster than I was, and only hurt my shoulder a bit. Though, as I tried to push myself up, I fell back down. I'm just like 'What the hell?' I look up at those around me and asked if I could have help. My arm couldn't support my weight.

I get help up, moved over so I'm no longer impeding traffic which I didn't mind. I didn't want to block anyone anyway. Anyway, an ambulance is called for me, I'm just sitting and relaxing and with how I couldn't move my arm from it's bent position I'm thinking 'I think I broke my arm'. The guy is apologizing over and over again for hitting me and I'm just like 'it's okay, we didn't see each other.'

A worker came out and asked if I was okay and I said yeah. I'm just waiting for an ambulance at that point, then they asked me for my information since I was hurt on their property. So I'm thinking, fair, and do so. Then they asked me if I wanted them to hold onto my bike for me and I asked if it isn't too much trouble. I'll ask my uncle to come get it for me.

They take my bike for me and put it where it would be safe.

Well, I get taken to the hospital after that, well after I spoke to the police as well since where I live you can't bike on the sidewalk with tires the size I had. So, that was fun. Anyway, once I get to the hospital, I'm in the waiting room debating on calling my mom or not. Pros, she won't kick my ass, cons, she'll kick my ass.

So, I called and asked my mom if she was still visiting my brother. She was and asked why. I still remember the convo.

'Hey mom, you still in town?'

'Yeah, why?'

'... I'm at the hospital.'

'What?! Why?!'

'... I was hit by a car.'

'How did you get there?!'

'Ambulance...'

'I'm on my way.'

So, after being in the waiting room for hours, among hours, I think I got there around... noon? One? I got out after 6 and didn't have my pain meds yet. Went to my job to let them know I'll have to be off for a bit till I get my cast, had broken both bones in my left elbow. So, once that was done, we went to my brother's place just to rest for a bit and that was when I got a reply back from my friend.

M texted that she was still mad at me for hiding that I knew about my friend breaking up with her before hand.

I don't remember all of what she texted but I had asked her if she could chew me out later, that I was hit by a car and broke my arm.

Well, she just kept going on and on. I'm getting fed up, glare at my phone and send this, its not verbatim but it's close.

'Look, I get that you're mad at me but I was hit by a fucking car, just got out of the hospital after being in there for longer than five hours, and I don't have anything for my fucking pain. Just bitch at me later damn it!'

After that I shut my phone off I think and just relaxed. Got my meds filled out and then went to my parents place in the country. Though, while I was off work, my 'friend' was bitching about me to coworkers both inside and outside of work. Even to the bus driver, who knew my mom, aunt and uncle as her own kid used to play with them when they were kids. The bus driver told her to shut the fuck up.

I only found that out because a coworker who I've known since I started let me know. Telling me that she had even asked our manager to keep an eye out for her because of what she was saying. Such as calling me a bitch and the like. After my first shift back she pretty much ignored me which I didn't mind, I was still in pain and the cast I had was pretty heavy as it went from my hand, past my elbow up my bicep.

When my shift was done and I was in the car with my mom and heading back home, M called me and started to go on a spiel. I can't remember it but just her saying that she was upset and that I should have said something. I had her on speaker phone so mom heard everything and got fed up.

Mom told her off, saying that it wasn't my business to tell her in the first place. Plus, it was most likely that she wouldn't have believed me anyway! Also that she knows that she was talking shit about me behind my back to coworkers and anyone that she could who wasn't even involved in our problems. Then said that if she did anything to my cat, that there would be hell to pay!

She was looking after my cat for me because my stepdad was allergic to cats, and he was kind of in the mind set that animals didn't belong inside the house (He was a farmer so that was how he was raised)

After I got home, M texted me saying how could I think that she would hurt my cat among other things. Then, she said if I didn't get my cat that weekend, she was putting her in the shelter. Of course, I'm freaking out and panicking to the point of going into a panic attack.

I found my cat, I've had her since 2014 and she is pretty much my child, and still is. So, I'm calling my friend, J, begging him to get my cat for me because of what I told. He said that he'd get her for me and not to worry. I thank him for it and trying to calm down.

Though, she had also called the cops on my mom because, I won't lie, mom did kind of threatened her. It was only because when I called her (with mom's phone as I was paying for minutes and was low) I don't remember again what was said, I was in hysterics I think by that point. Mom threatened her that if anything happened to my cat, she would find a way into the apartment building, that she knows people there, and would rip her face off and glue it to the cheek of her ass!

Yeah, cops got called.

But, when mom explained everything, he didn't give a warning, understood and said that if any other call was made to us then to let him know. Even asked later if I got my cat to a safe location which I did.

Though M told J that I owed her 10 dollars because of my cat's water dish as per agreement. Which, I said I'd pay ONLY if her power bill went up, as the cat's water dish was electric. When I found that out, I went to him and gave him 20 for the 10 he lost, but also for picking up my cat. He also loved my cat while looking after her, called her his little co-piolet as she would lay on his bed when he gamed.

After that mom and I were getting texts from unknown numbers which, I knew was her. As she had used an app on her phone before to text me with unknown numbers and the like. Sadly I couldn't prove it was M since again, the app hid her number by giving a different one. I was getting sickened with those texts so, when I got a new phone I changed my number in the process. Mom had also changed her number as well.

But wait! There's more!

Long after that, I got my cast off, finished physio and was just having a normal shift at work. I was front running, pretty much getting orders on trays or in bags. Well, who walks in? Yup, my M along with her new friend. (They're also not friends anymore, they had a fight that resulted in her wanting to ditch the friend in the country, on the side of the road, at night, M got punched in the face afterwards for getting in her new friends face constantly while yelling at her) This happened maybe a couple years later? I don't remember when.

Well, she sees me and I don't really say anything to her. I just tray her and her friends food and say the name and go back to my tasks. When she sits down, she's crying and on the phone with J, who only really talked to her when he wanted rides to get smokes. He wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole haha.

Anyway, she's crying that I was giving her a dirty and angry look.

'She was glaring at me and I don't know why!'

His answer?

'Well, you were talking shit about her behind her back and threatened to put her cat in a shelter months after she was back stabbed by her friend from high school as she lost her apartment.'

She could only say 'oh... right...'

Yeah, and another thing?

The friend, C that while I had been back stabbed, he did apologize, got his life back together and we're kind of talking again well he told me something interesting. Turns out, M had been thinking of putting my cat in a shelter for a little while before our fight. When he heard that, he just said 'I may not be talking to OP or like her right now, but I won't stand by or be near someone who would do that to someone that is supposed to be their friend'

Also, my friend J, had told me that M had been jealous of our relationship. Despite the fact that J and I were like siblings, known each other since high school and we had no romantic feelings toward the other. But, she was trying to ruin our relationship through means that I don't know or remember at this point.

Years after that, she messaged J and asked him if he'd ask me if I would ever meet with her so she could apologize to me. He felt bad for even asking me that thinking he betrayed me in some way. I said just told him 'Dude, it would have only been betraying me if you gave her my new number'. Which he thought it over and agreed with me on that.

Never met with M, I'm just thinking 'nope, you threatened my cat, talked shit about me at work, told your friend that I was the reason why you lost your job? Fuck that, you can feel guilt for it for all I care.'

Yeah, she quit working because I told the GM what was happening. She took away M shifts but what I said was just the final straw. Because she was always calling in, always complaining about being sore while working, always wanting to go home ect. Even when she had a broken arm, I could get she didn't want to work but still...

I worked with my arm in a cast, for my left arm when I'm left handed and I still worked! I didn't complain to go home, didn't whine about pain or nothing! Just came up with ways/methods to get through the shift till I could get home. So yeah, the GM took away her shifts, which made her quit. I wasn't the main reason but just the straw that broke the camels back.

TLDR: got hit by a car, broke both bones in my elbow, ex-friend was upset with me because I knew her bf (my friend) was going to break up with her and didn't say anything till after. Bitched at me about not saying anything and me asking her to bitch later after being hit. Complained to other people not involved inside and outside work and threatened to put my cat in a shelter, she called cops on my mom who threatened her, changed my number and wouldn't let her apologies to me years later.

I know the title sounds weird, but hear me out.

Okay, this event took place before the pandemic, I had worked at this job at least 6 years before I finally left its toxic environment. Yet, I got along with just about all of my coworkers. I also, won't lie, live with my mom. Which I will only say, this is because of a couple things. My stepdad passed away from lung cancer in 2018, having passed 7 months after he was diagnosed. In 2019, she and I got the house we currently live in.

Now, when this event took place, I worked nights at my job at the time. I would normally be home around 6am due to not driving at the time, and it was too cold for me to use my ebike so I would get rides from coworkers or bike depending on the weather. (This is also Canada so it can get cold, my asthma makes it hard to bike in cold weather)

This was my day off, so I was hoping to just relax and just sleep. Though that wasn't meant to happen it seemed as I was woken up by some sound above me. I live in the basement at my house, as its a finished basement and my bedroom is under the living room of the house. But I just chalked it up to mom watching some TV. So, I get out of bed and go to grab my mom's bedding that was in the dryer.

As I was getting up the stairs, and open the door that was when I see the dog.

Another thing I should point out, the dog, Buddy, was my stepdad's dog, who as he would call Buddy was his furry son. This dog, kept my mom sane when my stepdad passed away and was always comforted by this dog in everything that came into her life. (We had Buddy 3 years after my stepdad passed before he was diagnosed with lung cancer like my stepdad, we still miss this dog)

Now, it was strange for me to see this dog in the kitchen, (basement door leads into the kitchen) instead of the living room or my mom's room. He was practically glued to my mom's side. So, I asked 'what are you doing out here Buddy?' He's just wagging his tail at me, so I go toward the living room door and saw that the door was shut. Again, that confuses me so I just mentally shrug and open the door.

'Hey, mom I'm bringing up your-' I stopped when I see a VERY familiar face on the couch with my mom.

'Oh, OP! This is-'

'I know who he is mom.' I said, it wasn't clicking in for me as to what was going on. Because again, I just woke up from doing a close and didn't really get a hell of a lot of sleep.

'How do you know him?' she asked, the guy's eyes were wide since I walked into the living room.

'I work with his wife.'

Mom is in confusion and kind of leans back a little looking at the man. Asking 'Your ex-wife?' she seemed a little skeptical.

Before he could even answer, I said 'no, his current wife, -insert coworkers name-.'

Mom of course is in shock, and again I don't clue in as to what was going on. Just talking as I walk further into the living room with her bedding and set it on a chair. I pet Buddy and make sure he goes outside to do his thing and then I go back to my living room in the basement.

The guy was kicked out a while later, though before hand he had BEGGED my mom to tell me, not to tell his wife about this because she's possessive. So, for months I kept my mouth shut. Though that wasn't the only thing she told me, she had told me that the reason why Buddy was kept out of the living room was because moment this guy, let's call him J, walked into the house Buddy actually GROWLED at him. This dog, who loves EVERYONE he meets, growled at someone!

That alone shocked me when my mom told me this. Well, that and it turns out that J also knew my mom's cousin and her cousin's husband. They went to high school together. Only found that out when mom mentioned that was part of their conversation before I came up the stairs.

When mom also told me that he was there because they met on Tinder, and that this was a date, oh how I wished that I knew sooner. I would have kicked his ass out the door myself, because if there was one thing I hated, it was cheaters. My mom had been cheated on before and she hates them so she was thankful that I came up when I did.

There is still more to this story.

As I said, I had kept my mouth shut for months on not telling my coworker. Let's call her L, well months after this 'date' happened, I was working with her. As we worked, I had heard her saying that she was being kicked out of her townhouse. I was confused, and asked what happened.

L told some of us, that J tried to overdose, and she had managed to get help in time to save him. So, she had pretty much saved his life! Yet, how does he repay her?

By trying to get her kicked out of the house.

So, when I heard that I'm just like 'screw this, no repercussions!' Then, I told her everything that happened, how he met my mom, to him being at my house, to when I came up, everything.

When I was done, she just stared at me. A mix of shock, as well as... well I'm not really sure what this other look was but she looked like this had happened before. Which, she confirmed.

Turns out, J cheated on her throughout their entire marriage, they have 5 kids, her oldest is at least 20's or 30's, I don't remember. Also, he was the possessive one, not L. Whenever they 'separated' he was always allowed to see other people but not her and made damn sure of that.

Once she had everything I told her, she had finally been pushed because with what I told her, it seemed that it was far worse than what he's done in the past. Their marriage, was just toxic from what I learned later on. Not just with destroying her property (such as her phone) but he hacked into her facebook to make posts, I don't know all the details but what I do know, is that there is now a restraining order against him.

He even tried to tear her down by saying that no man would want her because she was 'used' and 'old'. (Mind you, she isn't old, she's still young and has a lot of life in her) Then, told her that she's too old to get into a union job.

But, she proved him wrong on all accounts.

Got herself a good man, got a good paying job now and she even lost weight. Hell, she's doing a damn good job living her life right now. But there was one thing that I had asked her, after I had told her everything.

'L, you said I look just like my mom right?' I had asked.

She said 'Yes, you do.' I had posted pics of me with my mom facebook from my mom's 50th birthday and L had commented just how much my mom and I look alike. I'm her clone to say the least haha. Her husband, had met me many times in the past because he would sometimes bring L coffee or bring her the debit card that she forgot.

'So, how is it that your husband didn't even notice how much I looked like my mom when he met her?' I asked.

Her words? I can't help but smile at the thought of such a thing.

'Because he's a fucking idiot!' I laughed a little at that. Even their son who also worked with us told me that his dad isn't that smart/bright. So, you can tell that it had to be true if his own wife (now ex-wife) and son tell me the same thing.

When I had even told L how he knew my mom's cousin and her husband, L had told me that it was most likely that he would have tried to get lucky with her as well. Though that wasn't going to happen anyway, because my mom's cousin is still very much in love with her husband, high school sweet hearts. So, this guy tried to get lucky, only for it to ruin his marriage.

Karma in its finest.

But, I still wished I had said something to her sooner, I won't lie. That is my only regret with this, but I'm at least happy that she got out of that toxic marriage. Now, living her best life without that jackass.

I won't lie, I don't know if this fits here fully but I think it does.

Let me set up the stage haha. When I was three, my parents had separated and my mom had dated a lot during my life. Which, I didn't mind as I had only wanted her to be happy, at least once I understood my mom and dad wouldn't get back together. She has had to endure so much heartache and dealing with a bunch of assholes during that time.

Then she meets my stepdad on a dating site.

They were supposed to meet the one day after a while and mom, was having one of those days that day. Nothing bad, just that 'I don't feel like putting on make up after mowing the lawn so fuck it'. Which was what happened, when my stepdad showed up at the house (I'm also gonna point out I didn't know mom was dating yet or meeting someone) and they had a great time together.

Mom met his family, had a fantastic time, far more than she had in her life with other guys and so did my stepdad with other women. Of course, when he first met me he thought I didn't like him since I didn't talk to him much. Mom, and myself later on, had told him I was just really shy with new people.

Though, before they married my mom had told him that she had a few conditions. One, he had to like the bee gees which he did. Second, mom said that she was a package deal. He told her that he knew about my brother and I. Mom laughed saying 'oh no, my kids are a giving, I'm talking about my mother.' Because my grandma lived with us, he didn't mind and he actually loved my grandma too and the two would joke around like a parent and child.

When I was 15 they got married and they had a great life together.

Of course they had fights here and there, but they always made up and it was never anything bad. My stepdad of course, always worried mom would leave him. First it was because he was jealous of her relationship with her first husband (my brother's dad, stepdad was her third husband, my dad was the second) and I had to assure him that he has nothing to worry about. If mom was going to leave him she would have already. After a little more words, he relaxed knowing I was right.

When he couldn't work anymore, he was worried mom would leave him and I again, told him if that was the case mom would have the moment he couldn't work because of his back. So, to make things easier on my mom, he would clean, do laundry, tend to the yard, he wanted to make things easier on her.

They were together for 12 years, married for 11 before he passed from lung cancer.

It was hard on all of us. Mom especially as it had taken her so long to find him and she lost him far too early in my opinion. After he passed, my mom and I got a house in the city and after a year she has tried dating again. Though nothing works. I had to ask her, if she was trying to find someone like her husband, she says yes and no. She knows that can't happen but she wants that.

I told her, it's most likely because she had already found her great love, and nothing will ever beat that. Because you had found the one for you so because of that, it makes it harder to beat, when you already had the best.'

She agreed, though I told her I still hope she finds happiness either way.

One day, I decided to buy her something for Christmas. I wanted to buy her a framed picture of my stepdad with his thumb print. So, I had called the funeral home to see if they still had his prints on file (he was cremated, he wanted to go with mom) and they did. They said that I just need permission of the executer of his estate to use them.

Of course, I groaned and pretty much said 'damn, that would be my mom and this is for a gift for her' So, I told them what I had planned and said I'll get her to call them when I'm done work since my break was done. After that, I called mom and of course she tried to see what I was getting her and I just said 'now mom, I'm not ruining the surprise more than I already have!'

Later the home called me, letting me know that my mom added me as someone who can access the files when I need/want, and they also assured me that they hadn't told my mom what I had in mind, as she did kind of ask them what I was doing. We both laughed.

So, I put the order in and once it arrived to my house I checked it over to make sure that it stayed in tact or was how I ordered. It was perfect! So, next day when my mom got home I gave her gift (also recording it on my phone haha) and she almost cried seeing it.

Not just because it was one of his best pictures, but because it has his thumb print and with what I had written on the frame. I had his name, and under that I have it say 'Love Your Little Weed' because that was how he would always sign his cards to her for whatever occasion. I wished I could have used his writing but sadly I had no way of getting that. But, I was happy to see that it made my mom smile because now she has a way to see her husband whenever she wants, to see him smile and in a healthy state.

sorry for the long post, for anyone who stuck around, thank you.

I was reminded of what I used to say when I was a kid while listening to a reddit video from rSlash while I was cooking the other day and now I feel bad about it. My parents had separated when I was 3 years old and I would go to my dad's every other weekend as part of the agreement through the courts. I loved going to see my dad, would sit with him, watch TV, go on the computer and play with the dog he had. Sometimes see family and my other two older brothers (I share a mom with one, and a dad with the other two) But then, I was about 11 years, he just stopped talking to me. I would call, leave messages at his house, even at the lodge he would go to. I would get no answer or return call. I was angry, hurt, and felt abandoned so I had developed anger problems and would hit (objects, not people, or at least not hard like a slap to the arm), scream and cry when pushed too far.

Mom knew why I was upset, as did my brothers and tried to help me.

Because of how much I was upset with my dad, I would say that 'he could drop dead for all I care!' or 'If he dropped dead, I wouldn't cry for him'. Or even if my family (dad's side of the family) came to my work or house, to let me know that he had passed and I would just be like 'so? why should I care? The man stopped talking to ME!'

That was what I had told myself for years.

Even when I had confronted him when I was 17 I still had no love for him though I had stopped saying most of the things I'd say. Only that I wouldn't cry when he died because by then, mom remarried and I had my stepdad (still miss you) who raised me with mom. I would try to talk to him, but got fed up with being the only one to reach out so just gave up. Telling myself if he cared, he'd reach out to me.

Never did.

Was hit by a car, broke both bones in my elbow and had contacted my dad's gf (now ex as they separated years ago now) to let him know. He never called me after wards or anything.

My dad's sister died (whom I didn't really know, or know I had an aunt had to ask my mom) was the first time in years I had seen him. If it wasn't for my brother's being with me I wouldn't have known it was him as he was cleaned shaved. (dad always had a beard or moustache) After the service, I had clung close to my brother's as I didn't want to be alone with our dad, then we all ended up going to his house. Had just wanted to go home (had only slept 3 hours because of work so had to get my mom to get me, since I didn't drive) Mom and dad talked, she gave him her cell so he could have called whenever he wanted.

Never did.

Wiped out on my ebike, had bad road rash and a bad bruise on my leg (also had torn the soft tissue in my knee which didn't find till 4 years later) Posted the picture on facebook and my aunt shared and tagged my dad in the picture.

No message, no call, nothing...

Then finally on January 28th of 2022.

I was at work when my aunt tried calling my mom on facebook (she didn't have mom's number and mom had her phone on do not disturb as this was around 7am) Mom called work and needed me home and I was confused. Work wouldn't tell me what mom said, called mom and she wouldn't tell me either. So, after I grabbed her a coffee I went home and she asked me to sit down. So I do and asked what's going on.

She tells me that my dad was found dead that morning. It was suspected that he had been there for days, lying on his kitchen floor and the remains of a shattered glass near. His neighbors had seen lights left on, mail unchecked, a door left open so they called the police of their area (dad lived less than an hour from me) They suspected it was a heart attack that did it.

When I was told, I just stared at my mom and shrugged saying 'okay.' I didn't really react or anything, just got back up, went to my chiropractor appointment, picked up my game and sat in the basement for hours. I didn't play it till the next day. I should be upset yes, I wanted to be but I wasn't. I felt bad actually that I hadn't cried for my dad.

Honestly, I didn't cry till maybe a month or two later while going over all of his things. I just broke down crying and I didn't fully understand why that was. Crying for a man who I had felt abandoned me for years. My aunt told me that even though he wasn't there he still loved me and kept all the things that I had given him over the years and he just had a lot of inner demons that he couldn't face or wouldn't know how to face.

Over a year later, I'm reminded what I used to say and I feel terrible for it. Even now, I'm trying not to cry, my hands are shaking while I'm typing this. This has been bugging me since last night and I just don't know if it was something that I had somehow predicted would happen or if it was just happenstance. All I know is that I feel bad for what I said, and I know that I can't change that. It just bothers me now, and my aunt (mom's sister) was right. I just wanted to be angry, I didn't mean the things I said in anger, I just wanted something to be angry at, both before and after he passed. Though after he passed I was angry at something else.

I feel like I was a horrible daughter to him even though to a degree I had a right to be upset. Because of something I said almost 20 years ago had came true. I haven't told my family this, I don't know if I could. Mom knew that I had said that if dad died, I wouldn't cry, as did my mom's side of the family but... I just kind of feel guilty.

I'm sorry for the long post, for those who read this, thank you. I hope you all have a good day, and cherish those you love because you never know what could happen.