Ah, this is lovely and why are my dumb human eyeballs leaking saline solution?!

Happy cake day!

Oh, I think OP’s ex is paying up now.

I hate to say this, but I think she is using you for money. You’re bankrolling everything and getting nothing back.

But we’re going to be okay. I’m sure of it.

If this was a movie, the main frame would pause and Morgan Freeman would pop in with a small audience narration to the contrary.

Ovadrive

Also, he’s 1.27 times the man they are.

It’s like the IT Helpdesk telling you to reboot; ditch everyone and eff ‘em is the first line of resolution!

Watching a family friend revising The Knowledge years ago was impressive. For any non-UK peeps, or non-Londoners, this is/was (not sure to what extent they use satnav now) the detailed, most efficient route knowledge about the whole of London that a London cab driver had to physically memorise in order to pass the test. He’d bring an enormous London map, pasted to a board with his whenever he visited, and we’d find the most ridiculous, obscure routes to test him, and he’d recite it perfectly. It was basically Google Maps in your head, and took about 3 years of study to pass the exam to be a London cabbie, IIRC).

Also, many of the cabbies were “characters” with the gift of the gab… you’d always get a decent anecdote on a ride, which was worth the money in itself.

I’m wondering how an email address ‘mysteriously’ got to his parents, and the fiancée is unfortunately the prime suspect.

Yes, but the Germans can launder their beans on toast whilst they bathe.

Lamprey fish.

Best friend/ lover. When you’re put up on a pedestal, the only way is down.

Well, the way I see it is, is if you’re not talking at all for years, a person is zero on the friendship scale and is just a set of memories at that point. If you try to make contact, they may respond positively, which is much better odds than the zero it was. If they don’t want to, or just don’t, they’re still a zero and a set of memories. You’re no worse off, and you can mentally close the chapter, and devote your time, thoughts and actions to other things.

If someone had just drifted out of my life with no drama, I’d be open to catching up (personally). Good luck!

A scoop of your finest old pelvis, please. 👀

Sounds like it was over before “Order number four hundred and thirty-two to your collection point please”.

Don’t forget the low iron levels. I think that’s so she’s too fatigued to run away after she realises that tracking dress sizes is the only reason this dude can count to 12.

As they say, people leave bosses, not the job.

There’s a brain?

Is that the word for a bolster cushion with a soulmate printed on it?

Moreover, someone should tell the bride all the red flags also clash with pink. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

But he shaves them with his katana.

27 IQ points as well. And the Emotional IQ is so low and long gone , you’d have to get an archaeological survey team in to dig for it.

At uni, one of our housemates was like this and eventually everyone got sick of having to wash up after her, before they could even cook or eat themselves. We agreed to all buy our own cheap plates and pans, and keep them in our own cupboards. It worked well, especially when the other 4 housemates all used to put her long-abandoned plates and pans back in her own cupboard, sometimes still with the food in/on. She took a crash course in how to use washing up liquid pretty quickly.

I put my head under the covers or wear a sleep mask. Beats the persistent and annoying mobile ringtones!