Believe me, the pain of UTIs is enough to make anyone go off sex. It's a pain like no other, honestly. If you've never had one you have no idea what she is going through. I have similar problems in my relationship, I'm 36F and I have recurrent UTIs. I am literally terrified of sex because of this. ONE UTI can turn chronic / damage the bladder and the pain can last for years, once I had it for 2 years , and also the merry go round of antibiotics just kills the good bacteria and makes you more prone.

The fear is horrible. Like your wife and yourself, there is no spontaneous sex, everything is washed before and after by both, then starts the various preventatives which then continue for days, even waking during the night to drink water and pee not to let pee stagnate, I'm on edge and fearful for days after. The expense of all the preventatives and doctor visits. I also have other gynae issues and we are averaging once every 6 weeks ): ):
I crave and miss intimacy with my partner so so much. I miss the times before UTIs. I'm scared for our relationship. I want to have sex, the lack of closeness hurts me, but avoid PIV sex because I'm scared of the UTI pain. I even avoided date night tonight because of it. Maybe that can give you a glimpse into how your wife may feel. I feel like my partner (of nearly 20 years) does not fully understand and that he 'pouts' too, although I know he is trying his best with the situation. I am scared of perimenopause as well in case it gets even worse and scared I'll be denied HRT to help.

Some practical ideas - *There is an old book called I think the Encyclopedia of sexual cystitis by Angela Kilmartin, it is really old fashioned in tone but I have found following her instructions have helped cut the number of infections.
*D Mannose if the infections are caused by E Coli - you need to take it correctly, 3g of pure powder in 150ml of water, then keep in for 1 hour don not dilute with anything, then pee, every 3 hours for 3 days after sex. You can drink inbetween but not for the one hour after D mannose. Only works if E Coli UTIs
*Pee immediately after sex.
*Vaginal estrogen is *really important* even if on HRT patches.
*Taking probiotics with certain strains like Lactobaccilus Rhamnosus.
* You can get tests which are more advanced, Microgen is one, that can show if anyone is harbouring any UTI causing bacteria around their genitals and also if your wife has a healthy vaginal microbiome (this helps prevent UTI)
* Something I have found helps is using a slightly acid, sugar free lube (like another poster mentioned), and avoiding switching positions during.
* Trying other ways of intimacy such as blow jobs, hand, oral on her (maybe mouthwash with antibacterial first and her pee after etc still), dressing up, talking, breast play. I know it is not the same (don't I know it sadly), but it is ways to keep intimacy alive as best you can and the way I see it (when I am feeling positive and not feeling like a failure for barely being able to have PIV), the best way to ensure you retain those intimacies that can only be shared by lovers and differentiates you from being just friends.

That sounds good. Here in UK it's become truly shocking in the last decade. I waited over 12 months to even get a first outpatient appointment, and no medical person seems to want to help you or treat you, just constant fobbing off. It's actually scary. I don't have an EU passport, but if I did I would seriously consider getting out of UK for that reason only.

How is the healthcare system in Poland? Here in UK it is so absolutely awful that if I was Polish I'd consider moving back for that reason alone.

Thank you, I will check out that link.
I see what you mean, but for me it is a very definite do not lift. I need a surgery which will get undone if I lift. Still want to do what I can for fitness though, I've neglected it for too long.

Please... how do you teach yourself to burp?? I have this problem and it's so uncomfortable. I can only burp when I am literally so bloated I am nearly sick with it, and even then it's only occasionally. The amount of flatulence I have as a result is crazy.

I've had it my whole life too

I think you should cut yourself some slack. I have severe CPTSD as well, and I am exactly like you describe, not depressed, but cannot work and 'function' at a very very low level (most of the day hiding under the covers as you describe, most days cannot leave the house even if I try, have to do housework in 5 minute stints).

And.. I am long out of any abuse. I am literally over *20 YEARS* away from the traumas, and I have a loving family.

You are doing amazing. Honestly, you are so strong and I am in awe of your strength. I pray you get away from the source of your trauma. I think you'd do great xx

Hey thanks for replying.

I'm glad you haven't been treated any differently.

Happy Christmas xx

Thanks so much for replying.

How do you get your Summary Care Record?? Can you just ask and collect it??

Happy Christmas xx

Hi Nathan. Thanks for your reply and really useful information. It sounds like I can just request a copy of my Summary Care Record from the GP (showing condition, three medications tried and counselling tried for years) and I don't need to tell the GP until they are notified of my prescription if I am successful??

I'm sorry you haven't been back at work.

Thanks I will have a look at the options available.

Happy Christmas and I hope you are doing OK xx

Thanks so much for your considered reply 😊😊.

I'm glad to hear the GP won't have any say. I like my GP surgery and have no problems with any of them, but I'd imagined they could (if they didn't agree it would benefit me or whatever) affect me accessing.

I'm at the point - probably most people here are - where I know what works for me and want to take control of my own health. I know cannabis isn't going to cure me or 100% get rid of my symptoms, but does help significantly more than anything else I've tried and has significantly less side effects.

Happy Christmas, you chefs are probably busy this time of year xx