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I can see how this one girl I know might be a little weird, but I like her and don't mind it
Someone will come along and like your weird. Own it!
The opinion you hold of yourself is more important than the opinions of you held be others
If you love yourself and you love what you do, then it really doesn't matter what others think
And anyone who tells you otherwise is gaslighting you and you should cut them out of your life IMHO
If you love yourself and you love what you do, then it really doesn't matter what others think
Can we not be so overindulging on these matters?
I agree it is important more so what people think about themselves to an extent than what others think about them. You have to live with yourself all the time, and you know what you think whereas you can only know so much about what others think, so it is important to embrace who you are than constantly chasing what you think other people want you to be.
However, we're not born perfect, and we're not raised perfectly, and we have to work on improving ourselves otherwise we just allow those flaws to continue existing or to grow. Sometimes I do bad things or I'm inconsiderate of others, and if I just absolve myself of the times I treat others poorly, is that OK as long as I love myself and love what I do? No it's not OK. It does matter how other people are impacted by that. It doesn't make me the devil for having flaws or not being able to fix them overnight, so I shouldn't hate myself for it, but I certainly shouldn't embrace it and tell myself "fuck the haters".
Yeah I got a friend/acquaintance who is weird, hell I'm weird in some ways so I get it, but he gets overly intense about conspiracy theories and refuses to listen to reason and will demean people for not believing in fairies or Atlantis or cancer guns or whatever he's into. It can be annoying and rude and drive people away. I've known a few "weird" people, who also had pretty unlikeable and selfish aspects to them.
Respectfully... You missed the point. I don't think a serial killer should be like, welp, fuck the haters, but if someone is working to do well and living a good life, if someone has a problem with them... That person should say fuck the haters
I mean, there's a whole lot of space between living a good life and being a serial killer, and that's a lot of what I was speaking to. I don't see how I missed the point, rather I sought to temper the good intentions but misguided blind encouragement of behaviors that do exist in that space between perfect and evil.
From my experience and perception, there is a lot of people who are too willing to indulge their bad behaviors because of the notion that they're just buying into the idea that the only opinion that matters is their own and it doesn't matter what other people think. Thus just blindly throwing that out there without knowing the specific people you're giving that information to and their circumstances seems worthy of tempering that overindulgence.
I think she wanted to know why you're calling this girl you know weird
Dunno, not in a bad way... Guess it's in the eye of the beholder
She's the cutest person I know
Happy cake day!
Though enabling behavior is comforting and often well intended, it's not very helpful. Sure, there's a chance you'll meet someone who is willing to accept you for you but if you recognize opportunities for self-improvement and develop yourself accordingly, you'll be a better person for it and increase the chances that you'll find someone willing to accept you and you'll be more willing to set a higher standard.
Four months ago you posted that you feel weird and conversationally awkward and concerned that behavior is repelling people. It sounds like the guys you mentioned here are confirming your past introspection.
These behaviors don't make you a bad person but if they're causing people to be distant or driving them away the resulting lack of engagement, friendships, and romantic interactions can lead to feelings of worthlessness. You may want to really assess these aspects of yourself and ask how much value (not identity, value) you put on these quirks. As off-putting as it may sound, you may want to poll friends, family members, and strangers. If, after objectively looking a given aspect and its affect on your life, the answer is "I absolutely love that part of me", then wear it like a ribbon, accept it as a limitation, and use it as a filter.
For instance, I appreciate that I have never had any desire to have kids and that my life doesn't revolve around raising a child so much that I'm fine with not being able to platonically connect with people who've made parenting the focal point their identity and I use that fact as a time and energy saver when meeting new people. There's nothing wrong with them whatsoever and I don't push them away, it just helps to know where we will likely stand.
For anything that doesn't make the "non-negotiables" list, try to determine what would be the easiest thing to change and go for that one first. Once you've made substantial gains in that area, reassess and pick the thing that causes a lot of damage but also doesn't seem impossible to change and use the momentum from your last victory to target that thing next. Even if you don't make tremendous improvements, you’ll likely reap benefits and get a sense of accomplishment from small achievements.
Hope this helps. Reach out if you’d like to chat on the subject.
I figured you did.
They're right OP. Most of my life when I was younger I would meet a lot of "normal" people. On the other hand, people thought I was weird and I didn't have friends from middle school through high school. Spent 2 years in conscription I learnt how to be more normal, before I went into uni and here despite me mostly learning how to behave more normally, I met a LOT of weird people in my school, but normal people still exist here. I finally made friends are my closest friends are the best we vibe so well.
Recently I've been talking to more new people outside my close circle and I figured that there are two kinds of people on earth, the normal people and the weird people. I realize I don't have to fit in with the normal people because if I just be myself, I attract the weird people and guess what? I am also attracted to weird people. Being normal is okay, but personally I just find normal people boring and uninteresting. And usually these weird people are neurodivergent in some way.
But anyway, main point is if you just be yourself you'll attract the right people, whom you yourself will be attracted to and enjoy being in their company. Just because someone finds you weird, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it just means you aren't compatible and you should probably move on and find people who can appreciate you for who you truly are.
I myself find myself oddly really attracted to weird introverts, for some reason I find them cute and very interesting. Weird people are fun and interesting to me and the convos we have are just so stimulating. Normal people to me are boring as fuck and since they find me weird anyway we just stay away from each other, and that's fine. They have people they are compatible with and I have people im compatible with. You really gotta find people who appreciate your weirdness because I'm telling you those people certainly exist!
Yeah dude I’m odd as fuck but eventually people that love you for it emerge in your life as time goes on
I was going to say this. I get called weird and crazy, too, but it’s generally as a compliment and got a positive tone to it. Let your freak flag fly, it will attract the right people to you.
Yes it will. Or bring out their weird/ freak side that they were afraid to show
I second this. My man calls me a freak and weirdo all the time and it’s followed by he’s loves it.
Absolutely this !! 27 and still play Pokémon Go, while it’s not the weirdest hobby, it isnt always that easy to have a conversation about it because, people my age aren’t necessarily actively playing.
Had a 1 year relationship and my ex wouldn’t even look at my screen when I caught a shiny …. My current girlfriend and I have a jingle we sing out loud when one of us catches a shiny. And the best part is she didn’t even like Pokémon before we started dating (maybe back in 99 she did lol) but she accepted me as a whole, and that has made for countless memories now.
There is someone out there who finds everything about you and what you do not even remotely weird !!
“My current girlfriend and I have a jingle we sing out loud when one of us catches a shiny”
This is very wholesome.
That's exactly what I tell my gf. We're both weird people but we make each other happy.
And what if a person is genuinely weird?
Not sure what your question is.
Edited
Got it. My response to that is, who decides 8f someone is genuinely weird. I don't. Not my place. People are people. But we also aren't in any position to judge.
You do decide if a person is weird.
Alright. And it's this thinking that's gotten you blocked.
If you think I give a fuck about being blocked by a Weird chick you couldn’t be more wrong mate.
Wha 😭
Then that person is not to be in your life but in someone else’s 🤷🏼♀️
This ^
Well put, and very true.
This 100%! My husband goes on tangents about video games quite often to the point I have no idea what he’s talking about. I call him a dork or a nerd when he’s done explaining things to me but it’s a giggly “you’re such a dork” good news is I am catching on to the gaming vocab lol
Agreed! I love being told “you’re weird.. and it’s great!” It’s a fun little compliment.
That’s way too dramatic. All you have to do is take tone into account and if not that then how they act with the ‘weird’ person day to day which is something you and I aren’t privy to.
I was always told by people I’m weird, I used to get very upset but was not comfortable enough to tell them I don’t like that words. But then I started telling them I don’t like that word when they told me I was weird, they always got surprised and told me like “oh no! I didn’t mean it bad, like good weird, and I love it.” Then I kinda understood they meant “weird” as “different”, although I still don’t get why they think I’m weird. But whatever, I just politely ask them not to call me weird.
My oldest sister thinks me and my other older (the middle) sister are weird, because we crack up hysterically at our own "dad jokes". Im 29, my middle sister is in her 30s, and the eldest is in her 40s.
For example: on halloween my middle sister pretended to get her finger stuck in the teeth of a large skeleton rat in the middle of a very crowded trick or treating situation. She was so over the top with it, I was bent over laughing (might have slapped my knees) and literally had tears in my eyes. YES she was being a weirdo, YES she is a total nerd, and thats what made it so hysterical! AND - that was why she had done it, to laugh at being super silly as a grown woman is honestly the only way to live with some sanity (IMO).
My older sister however, was so embarassed that she turned and walked away like "IDK who tf those weirdos are" which made us laugh even harder, heheh.
😂😂😂
Tbh I do not know…. From what I see, everyone is different. So that’s why I don’t get why they say I’m “weird” or “different”, because everyone is different. I always asked them why but I can’t really remember much. My coworkers think I’m weird but they also find me very funny (even though I’m not trying to be funny), and it’s maybe the way I say things? Tbh I have no idea. But one of my ex’s favorite phrase used jokingly towards me was “Child, where did they find you from?” But I still have no idea and I stopped caring lol
I get called eccentric/quirky too. I don’t like it at all.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to find out what part of your behavior do they find weird? Maybe it would benefit you to do it more or stop doing it if that is really nonstandard. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to tell someone the thing their doing is wrong so I don't understand why you would feel offended rather than reconsider why someone would say that. I don't mean to offend you, it's just not a common thing to hear from people that you're weird, so if you do hear that, it's likely you push people back by making them feel uncomfortable around you and this may be something you don't want.
I don’t think they find my certain behaviors are weird; because then I’d know not to do because that’s weird. But if someone herself is weird, how would she even modify her behavior to not to be weird? And why would I change myself to be “not weird” when I think others are weird and I’m not weird? As long as I’m not rude, I don’t really care because to me they are the weird ones but I don’t expect them to modify themselves hahaha and I think I used to get upset by the word because to me the word “weird” is just,, very negative. Like the word retarded
Context would definitely help. Why exactly did they call you weird and what were they referring to exactly?
you’re probably weird/ socially awkward and don’t realize it. find someone who’s okay with that and accepts you as you are.
boom, problem solved.
Classic reddit response and terrible advice. Sounds like OP is a little off kilter which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
If you hear the same thing about yourself from multiple people It's probably true.
I get that there's almost an overriding need to help people feel good about themselves, but it is also important to realize that you don't necessarily have to dismiss people or their opinions or lie about things to accomplish that.
If many people say you're weird, you probably are. However being weird doesn't mean bad. Furthermore, depending on the context of how that description of you comes about, there's a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. Someone might say it in the wrong way, in the wrong context etc. and that aspect of it can be acknowledged, but it also doesn't mean they are wrong in saying someone is weird or whatever the subject matter is.
If someone says it in a way that's intended to make you feel bad, it's more a reflection of their inability to recognize that just because they don't like weird aspects of you doesn't mean there's something universally bad about you being that way.
I also would like to say that I wish people wouldn't lead off with "classic reddit response" or in some way insinuate that the behavior is exclusively or predominate to reddit. It's a behavior you can see just about anywhere if you bother to look. It's disingenuous to make it to be a reddit specific behavior and a misunderstanding of human behavior which doesn't really help the situation, because it's innate to all of us potentially on some level and some of us just have more experience or understanding of other ways to behave that keep us from saying things like that.
Personally I have to work at trying to not feed into peoples' feelings when it comes to one-on-one or in-person interactions, but online it's much easier for me to not do that. In person I am more compelled to side with the storyteller and not have a way to approach the conversation in a more balanced manner or have a wider perspective on things. Someone bitches about their friend, spouse or relative in person, of course I want to be helpful to that person and I also don't want to make things awkward, so it becomes the easy response to just feed into it, "Oh sounds like your friend is being a jerk or doesn't care about you" etc.
I also would like to say that I wish people wouldn't lead off with "classic reddit response" or in some way insinuate that the behavior is exclusively or predominate to reddit.
I think it's actually quite valuable to point out the bubble of reactionary advice on here. Not just here, but concentrated here. It's easy to take all of this impersonal text-based selected-audience advice at face value all the time. People project without getting anywhere near a full description of the situation all the time.
That doesn't happen on Facebook? It doesn't happen on Twitter or any social media platform? It happens everywhere because it's a people problem. It can be magnified by the platforms and how the platforms are constructed and in what ways the platforms encourage certain behaviors, but at it's core its a people problem and it's been around long before those platforms ever existed.
Calling out reddit users as a monolithic group is just a tired and broken trope at this point. Again it's a people problem that it happens, because it plays into yet another flaw of the human condition, the little guy vs the "man", calling out "reddit" is basically the equivalent of that.
You are getting it quite backwards. I don't care where else it happens, it happens here too and is happening in moments where it can be called out to give all viewers some perspective. If this were facebook, I'd call it "very facebook". It's not about the generalities, it's about specific pieces of advice that are doing this thing. We could be even more abstract and use walls of text to explain this phenomenon that we could invent a shorthand term for, but it's much more useful to be able to call out crap without such time investment and necessity of being hip to the lingo.
I think the other dude has a point. Yes, that’s a “classic Reddit response”. It’s also a classic human response I’ve heard outside of Reddit and most of my life before Reddit. If anything, it’s a normal human response we now for some reason blame social media on. I think if Reddit never existed, people would still dish out advice like that.
You have genuine conversations with people who have these overly reactionary takes? And, if so, do hundreds of strangers have the opportunity to overhear, come in and only stay in the front if they want to validate and amplify that?
Social media is just different. It's an asynchronous mob conversation, and each platform has its own quirks that affect it how conversations flow and organize themselves. On reddit, we are segregated by specific topics, but we can see every post from anyone, and popularity of a comment is tied directly to visibility. I'm not writing a thesis over here, but it's so far removed from getting real-time advice from a small group of people who genuinely care about you, understand you, and want to advise you on reality rather than pontificate on generalities that may become decreasingly tied to your exact situation and needs.
Reddit is good for discussing ideas, including advice. But we have to take it with a grain of salt. It's a mob of strangers having a weirdly structured conversation. In reddit advice we get long chains of discussion that often do not include OP and do not include the kind of careful contextual breaking down of OP's actual situation that is necessary to dish out helpful advice. In real conversations these things happen pretty easily and are facilitated by synchronous small-group talking, where a back-and-forth that relates exactly to the person's situation takes 5 minutes instead of 5 hours (and how many chunks of that do we get before the thread is dead?) and resists the inclusion of extraneous hot takes and goings-off. Reddit advice is often a very good read that gets into a lot of stuff, but that doesn't always mean quality, helpful, actionable advice for OP.
And it's so easy to forget to take a step back that we might be tempted to accept all of it, or perhaps worse, question the sanity of our judgement of social situations when we see odd takes that seem to be highly agreed with. And is that what we want to get on this subreddit? Hence, "classic reddit response" and similar dismissals. It's a good check.
I’m not trying to argue with you, dude.
I'm not sure what you mean. We're having a discussion, right? You're saying they had a point, that sounds like an attempt at discussion to me. Do you think I'm mad? Very confused by your response.
Exactly. "My boyfriend never finishes his coffee in the morning " REDDIT: DUMP HIM, THERE ARE BETTER MEN OUT THERE.
And every request for advice for navigating through one particular issue with a lifelong friend - DROP THEM & GET NEW FRIENDS.
Reminds me of a quote my friend was laughing about (talking to me about herself funny enough, she was very introspective when she was sober, I miss her dearly): "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're probably the asshole."
Context would deffo help because you can be either intriguingly weird like its charming or offputtingly weird like it makes people around you uncomfortable. And the definitons of the two change from person to person.
I'm called it all the time. I have aspbergers. In my opinion it means you are not an average person, you are misunderstood and more unique. You likely do make them uncomfortable but that isn't necessarily your fault either. I don't really have a solution for this, we also aren't guaranteed anything in life including a relationship, but I hope it helps that there are others out here that understand your situation and don't judge you. We may be a minority but we exist.
Every person that leaves or rejects you isn't a loss, that's one more person out of the way to the people that are supposed to be in your life. I'm a weirdo to a lot of people, and I'm fine with missing out on those people, cause when i meet people that i like who like me, it's a whole different wave.
^ This
If you know them well enough for them to be honest with you - ask WHAT makes you weird or a freak? Put them on the spot and make them answer for why they felt the need to say that...
I have friends who call me out when I do dumb stuff and they will tell me un weird - but it is JOKINGLY and not to hurt me or offend.
If numerous people tell you this stuff. and you aren't close, that's messed up! Don't deal with then anymore. No one deserves to be called names. But also consider IF you are possibly doing something (off) what could be considered a bit weird?
Look at it this way. If they feel comfortable enough to say “you’re weird,” I’d say you’re fine asking them “lol how so?”
The point is you’ll NEVER KNOW unless you say “How so?” when they say that shit, because it will never be the same answer for everyone for the question you’re asking.
Asking someone why they say something, especially on the spot, is not something you need to "know them well" for. If they felt comfortable saying it, they should feel comfortable speaking about it, so you don't need to decide on their behalf whether you're close enough.
You can also just ask good weird or bad weird, if you want, but that puts them more on the spot and might not answer why.
Right, I mean especially when they are comfortable making sweeping judgements on what she is like.
Unrelated but I just want to add some guys will insult you either because you seem confident and they want to bring you down a peg or they are intentionally negging you
So here is where you have to add more context: when did these people say it? What exactly DID they say? Did they laugh or smile when they said it or were they stern faced?
As a response to something you said? Or were they like "sorry this wont work out, youre too weird for me?"
Slightly more detailed context helps us give great advice. : )
I'm sorry but you aren't giving ANY context. So really no one can help you...
I’ve been called weird, strange, mental, you name it. The ones who added how much they love me because of it or despite (whatever the situation was) are the ones still in my life. The others I ditched in a heartbeat. And I could not be happier about my life and the people currently in it. So, dear Op, if they meant it in a fun and loving way it’s absolutely ok. However if they criticized you for it or you felt bad afterwards, then it was an attempt to hold you down and THOSE kind of people are NOT the ones you want to continue entertaining. Drop em asap. You are great the way you are and any bit that is „weird“ just shows how unique you are. Please avoid the people that make you doubt yourself and clear the space for the ones who will highly appreciate every „strange“ bit you have to offer. :)
Read about high functioning autism and reply if it's relevant for you. People don't understand it.
Unfortunately I've been in a similar position beforr. In my experience, this usually means you're with a neurotypical as a neurodivergent (diagnosed or otherwise). Or maybe you sleep with socks on, I dunno.
I was searching this entire thread for any comments asking if you are neurodivergent or not, and I’m glad to hear you are a neurodivergent!
In my experience, my own neurodivergencies (ASD, possibly ADHD) are absolutely the reasons behind me being called “weird” by people. It’s not just one thing, it’s my entire mode of being. It’s my entire existence.
Everything I do strikes people as weird. My tone, my manner of speech, the vocabulary I use, my inflection. I’ve suspected that my appearance might also play a role, because I tend to just dress like a standard guy (at least, I think I do in my head.... plain solid colored shirt, jeans, tennis shoes...) but once I start speaking I don’t “feel” like a standard guy anymore, which seems to throw people off if they were just expecting the average Joe to be speaking to them.
I found out I was ASD about 5 months ago now, and I’m 22 years old, so I’ve been learning to cope with the fact that I will never be “normal” to people. I will always be somewhat “off” or “weird” to anyone to ever encounter. Which, in my experience, had usually been a bad thing. Or in other words, people don’t call me “weird” in a friendly playful way, they call me weird with a sense of disgust and repulsiveness in their voice, which often triggers my rejection sensitive dysphoria and makes me want to self-isolate for the rest of my life...
But, I’m trying to figure out ways to cope with it. One of the primary ways — albeit remarkably difficult because my inner-critic is seriously invested in trying to get me to commit sewerslide for some reason (such a terrible voice in my head) — is to just talk to myself better. Positive affirmations.
Also, while this is similarly a difficult thing to do at times, you really need to internalize the belief that what others think of you has no bearing on what you think of yourself (assuming you also think positively about yourself). Other people do not determine your human worth. Other people do not determine the value of your unique personality.
For myself, realizing that I was ASD was at times a catastrophically depressing nightmare, because now I know that I will never be “normal.” I can never “fit in” with the crowd. I can never be like anyone else. There will always be some quality about me that others pick up on that will instantly separate me from everyone else in the room. It’s a terribly lonely, and painful existence. My existence is just wave after wave of loneliness because of this type of social segregation that occurs with me and others... often on a subconscious level that I can pick up on people of my hyper-awareness to facial cues and body language. Otherwise they just tell me upfront that I’m weird, and not in a nice way...
It can be sad, honestly. And really difficult for me, at times. Some days I can feel better about it: “why would I want to be ‘normal’ anyway? I’m my own unique self!” But on other days the loneliness creeps in and my inner voice torments me: “you will never fit in, you will always be lonely, you will never be ‘part’ of the crowd, no one will ever love you because you are a freak,” and I spend the rest of the day sobbing... I just started crying typing this paragraph out...
While I’m not trying to compare people’s struggles, I often feel like women have it a bit easier, because certain neurodivergent quirks or ‘weirdness’ might come off as cute to some men. It’s a lot more difficult for men in this society. My weirdness is not “cute,” it’s a source of being called a “creep” by a lot of people. And it’s painful.
Anyway... when it comes to dating, I’m trying to figure out if I should just lead with the “I’m neurodivergent” conversation starter, because if they’re going to leave because of that, or feel uncomfortable, then I may as well be upfront and try my chances elsewhere...
I don’t know...
My comment has kind of become a bit more pessimistic, which was not my intention in originally typing it out.
Just keeps your hopes up. And if you can, make your personality a source of the world’s most intense energy and strength. You’re doing just fine.
Thanks for the comment, I needed it
Yeah I've found that when a partner (or anyone in my life) calls me weird or strange, without giving specifics, it means the ADHD/ASD is driving them nuts (and not in the fun way :( )
I am of the opinion that our (NDs') brains are wired so differently from NTs, that once they really meet the people behind the NT mask most of us wear, it's just too alien to them. They just can't comprehend how we think, and function on a daily basis. Why doesn't the same problem happen in reverse? Because most NDs spend their entire lives working to pass as NT. Most importantly OP, if it was as simple as talking too much, they probably would have said something. You haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sure you're a lovely person, it's (to borrow from CS) you're a String that they're trying to read as a float. Not better or worse, just different. I'd try talking to your partner as directly as you can.
I’ve been called ‘weird’ most of my life. I concluded that it means my behavior or observations or demeanor or whatever is simply “outside their ‘frame of reference’” … it’s just not something they are familiar with, and they don’t know how to understand me within their limited context.
This tells me they have a relatively small ‘realm’ of awareness and comprehension.
So, consider it an odd sort of compliment from people who can’t see the sorts of things you can see.
Your advantage is that you are aware of more than they are, and because of your greater awareness, or experience, your different “data set”, you can identify patterns they cannot, and take action based on those patterns you see.
In immediate social situations, you have them on the ‘back foot’, so to speak, and while they are confused, you can pursue your goals before they are cognizant of them. If you want.
Ultimately, I’ve never found long term enjoyment or compelling reasons to hang out with people that call me ‘weird’. I seek out more interesting people, people I think are weird! and then learn from them. They usually know or can see some interesting things. They’re often much more capable of engaging directly with me. That has been more fruitful in my life.
Good luck!
I once had a dude breakup with me because I was too weird. Immediately got back on the apps and started dating like a dude (swipe right on everyone, 3 dates a week) and found my husband who is the same kind of weird as me.
Here’s the truth - pretty much everyone is weird in some way or another. Most relationships are between two weird people whose weirdness is compatible. Be weird, and find the weirdo who is right for you.
Sponge is cool :(
I agree. Why be plain old vanilla
Vanilla sponge
If they don't like how you are they're not meant to be with you... honestly I love people (even as friends) who are a bit off the ordinary, but not everyone likes the same. My best friend was an emotional mess and would text me all the time (so much inhad to break the friendshipsince my wife thought I was cheating), other of my friends was a single mom that despite it still shared a lot and was a bit either loved talking about her son or loved talking about complete crazy sh*, my wife refuses to wear makeup and is still all cutesy despite her 33y of age, being weird, crazy, etc isn't bad it's just not the norm... I want more weirdos in my life xD
Depends on the tone they use. If they say in a playful , teasing way as a joke then don’t take it too personal. Otherwise it kinda sounds like an asshole thing to say. Like don’t just call people weird and freaks without looking in the mirror first.
i weird some people out, it is what it is. I am just not everybody's cup of tea. and i am not going to pretend to be someone else to be more likeable.
sometimes i blame some of it on being almost-autistic (high on the tests, but still below the line). sometimes i joke about it, and people get interested :]
"You should meet our cousin. He's weird... like you!" Said my middle school cousins to their Sunday school teacher.
Many years later that weird gal and I are happily married with 2 wonderful kids and I couldn't be more satisfied with how my life has turned out.
There are only two kinds of people in this world. Weird people who know they are weird and weird people who don't.
Find someone who loves and appreciates your weirdness but you gotta first love and accept those things about yourself too.
Being called weird means you are authentic and original, and people that apparently gets uncomfortable with that cannot understand what makes you special. I was always called weird, but there was always fcking cool people that loved me the way I was
There’s a reason I’m single and don’t date anymore
Who cares about their opinion... you have two options: 1- (option I don’t recommend) try to change, which might lead to you feeling insecure/inadequate and you probably won’t actively be able to change you supposedly being weird anyway. 2- (option I recommend) embrace that you’re different and learn to love yourself for who you are, be a confident eccentric person, have great positive energy and attract people that will love that you’re different.
(Edit: also be aware that you might not actually be that weird lol. Some guys/people say digs like that to try to build themselves up by putting you down, or to make you feel insecure so that you depend on their approval (“negging”). So moral of the story: fvck their opinion)
People who aren’t weird in some way are pretty boring anyway. The people that told you that are probably weird in their own way lol but maybe try to act like they’re not or don’t accept that they are. I would reflect less on judging yourself and focus more on things that make you happy. If the people that told you that don’t make you happy, move on to people that are actually fun to be around and make you feel good about yourself
If he made you feel good about yourself you wouldn’t be on Reddit asking if you’re too strange and scare people away lol. That’s not feeling good about yourself, that’s questioning yourself. Calling someone weird or a freak isn’t making someone feel good about themselves. But anyway good luck with everything
“Wrong” and “weird” are two completely different things.
Everybody is weird some are open about it, some hide it. Yours is easier to see and that's good it means you are comfortable with yourself and understand what makes you happy. Don't change that for anyone. Don't justify it to anyone. Just keep being your beautiful self and keep up with all the weird things you love and the right people will spend their time being weird with you.
For context I am a weird person. I have weird habits and don't really understand some basic social norms which makes people super uncomfortable. I used to get caught up in what people thought of me but over time learned that most people don't really care or have done something weirder and the ones that do aren't worth my time anyways. In my eyes if you're not weird you're boring.
being weird isn't necessarily a bad thing. it could be either good or bad.
I actually feel like we are all a little weird in our own ways.
I've been called weird all the time. I take it as a compliment
I've been called both. At first I took it negatively. Now I wear it as a badge and am proud of my uniqueness. Those who are meant for you will align with who you are. : )
Is there any chance you could be neurodivergent and not know it?
What’s that?
I’ve usually been told I’m interesting, but weird? Yeah I’d take that as an insult unless it’s followed by “and I love that, I’m weird too”
Everyone is a wierd freak. If they didn't like you as you just move on. Also, if I didn't personally get along with a date I would not try to pin the blame on them or call them weird. So I don't think you lost out on a "catch". Dating is hard, don't take all the comments personally - dating brings out the worst behavior and the most repressed feelings in some people.
Weird is a compliment in general as far as I’m concerned. And if it doesn’t sound like that, and you don’t like them, just put it in the trash and go about your day. There are enough people out there that love weird, its unique and different. Go you
They could be saying your weird in a nice way of telling you don't seem like good relationship material. It's very easy for women and usually they do, just dismiss men and saying if he can't accept you move on, he's not good enough. But maybe you can look at this as an opportunity to think of your own behavior in the context of a relationship. Are you to loud? Do you not let him lead and be the man or guy? Are you argumentative? But maybe they are just playing games and want to put you down, but not all men are like this you need to look at the guys you're dating too.
Be honest with yourself.
Gay M28 here, only really dated one guy, and he made similar comments to me. I really thought about it and came away with some takeaways. Some of this may not be relevant to you, but these were my realizations and takeaways.
I have ADHD and am trained as a scientist. As a result, I will dive into new hobbies and interests and get really excited about these new interests. I pursue them similar to science questions and the ADHD actually makes it easier to focus, to the point of obsession... as long as I am interested. (Otherwise I am a mess lol) He mentioned that he thought I was autistic, but I think it is just kinda how I engage with the world. I have never really cared what others thought of my hobbies and interests and just kinda march to the beat of my own drum.
As a result, I have some pretty eclectic interests! I am a cyclist, and did three years of ultradistance cycling. I have played guitar since grade school and have some long nails that I use as picks. I do all of the arts and crafts, especially origami, but have made rugs, tried beading, macrame, and whatever else sounds like fun! I am always trying new activities and some stick, some don't, but I enjoy it and that's what matters to ME.
At the end of the day, I will not change who I am for someone else. I am kind, loyal, and empathetic. If my odd hobbies and different way of engaging with the world are off-putting to someone, I tend to move on pretty fast. I know my worth and don't have time for people who don't appreciate all of me. You, too, are worth more than that!! If the comments are made in a way that feels judgy or like they don't understand you, then an honest conversation should be had to understand where they are coming from and what they mean by the comments. It may have been an offhand comment or imprecise language that wasn't exactly what he meant. Otherwise, if he can't accept all of you move on--you are worth more than that.
Our eccentricities should be celebrated, and you should find someone who accepts ALL of you. And you can find someone who accepts ALL of you, even if it feels like it is taking forever. Because you are worth it ❤️
There’s great support here and that’s awesome but not very helpful. If multiple people are calling you weird then you probably are and it will continue to hinder you if you let it. When they call you weird take note of what you are doing or saying then make an effort to change it. It’s OK to have developed weird habits or traits, you can get comfortable with it and only surround yourself with people that accept it (also weird people) or you can work it out of yourself if you find it’s getting in your way or you don’t enjoy it.
Changing yourself shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing. Sure “be who you are” but if who you are is affecting you negatively then change it. Everyone has aspects of themselves they either have changed or would be beneficial to change. Make an effort to stop being weird as everyone who isn’t “weird” learns. We don’t live and probably will never live in a world where everyone can “just be themselves”. It’s a cute sentiment at best. So instead of getting comfortable with your weirdness, get uncomfortable and make an effort at becoming self aware. You aren’t unique or special or quirky for being weird, you are just weird. Do not get comfortable with it or you will stay weird.
They’re neurodivergent 😭
Well my friend calls me a freak whenever I play guitar(I am just intermediate but he thinks I am too good T-T) my gf calls me weirdo all the time so there is that type of usage, But I have also seen people using it in a disrespectful way it's kind off understandable by their tone
I get called weird a lot by women but they find it interesting & charming. Especially since I am not the flashy, thug, money hungry guy.
I adore weird women. Your perspective is amazing. Normal is boring.
i mean, the weird girls i know all get laid really often, and eventually have long relationships with guys who are also weirdos. so i don't think its a bad thing, unless you dislike a bunch of meaningless sex with guys who don't really like you, or relationships with guys who are also weird.
Can’t tell if you’re being an ass or not
Those guys sound toxic af. Just cut out toxic people from your life. Especially potential partners. That could lead to a really bad relationship and give you lots of worse issues in your life. You could try getting a therapist or counceller if you are considered. But likely they are just insecure idiots and they do sound very rude to say stuff like that.
You’re not weird, you’re “Neurodivergent” and you’re not the only one. It’s a robust community who share similar stories as yours. Find your Neurodiverse community and live happily ever after.
You should be more worried about guys calling normal and pedestrian.
I think weird people are cool. They might not mean in it in a negative way but theres a chance they do depending on how and when they say it.
When this happens to me I remember that the opposite is being called normal and I’d rather be weird than normal.
Every single person I’ve ever dated, including my husband, has called me weird, or strange, or odd, or eccentric, or a freak, or etc. along those lines. I don’t think I’m all that strange but whatever. However weird I am, it has never been a problem attracting or keeping a mate. In my youth I could not leave the house without being hooted at, hollered at, constantly hit on by men. I’m nice-looking enough, I’m average in looks (I resemble the actress Tempest Bledsoe) so it’s not how I look. I do have striking eyes and a nice body but I’m not gorgeous or super model or anything, so I think it’s my weirdo personality that appeals to men so much. Likely pheromones and a big bootah too, IDK
So don’t worry about it or think you have to change who you are. YOU pick the man, you decide if you want to keep them, not the other way around. If you don’t like them, if they don’t appreciate you then cut them loose and find your own weirdo who appreciates your weirdness. That’s what I did :D
Maybe something they read in pick up artist forums. It is is a common trick to lower the self esteem of a woman to get into a dominant position so that it is easier to score.
This is the only sane comment in this thread. If multiple people have said there is something off about you then there probably is something wrong with how you’re acting. The childish “being weird is cool” mentality on here is going to set up OP for more issues and future awkwardness. Flip the genders on this and the advice definitely changes too.
Despite of all the downvotes to my comment, I would still stick with the possibility that they are using this to make you insecure, since you did not give more context.
Its such a common trick that even its referred in the movie Crazy, Stupid Love and I would go with this explanation, if you dont have another one, that you did not mention here.
"Normal" and well socialized people can pick up on awkward and weird people very quickly. If they come off as too intense, no filter, goofy, lack of social awareness, etc normal people will disassociate with it. This is not gender specific.
If a guy on here said "women keep calling me creepy", would you also tell him "maybe those women are pick up artists who are negging you, don't worry about it and dispose them immediately"?
No, I would not, because thats not how women approach men.
I know from many people that they seek advice in such forums. This has something to do with the dating culture. I would argue that 3/4 men that you meet via dating sites are using tricks they read in there without calling them picjup artists.
people are calling me weird
ITS A POWER MOVE TO DOMINATE YOU AND FUCK YOU
How detached from reality can you be..
They sound like they might be boring. I think you’ve dodged some bullets here. Don’t worry too much, there’s people out there who will vibe with you.
How is their tone of voice when they say it?
Without any sort of context is hard to tell what anyone mean by weird. Since weird can range from lots of meaning
We need more context
In addition to all the stuff people have already said re: don't pay them any mind because there's people out there who will love you just the same, or because of whatever makes you weird, I'll also say that they may have been negging you. Which makes it EXTRA important not to let their comments weigh on you or cause you to change yourself.
There's literally no context so how can we give our opinion
I’ll admit that I called my ex-girlfriend weird and that her mannerisms were the main reason I broke up with her. I know it was rude but I think she used the word herself first. The truth is, and I told her this, that it was actually 100% my own problems that made me feel weird from things she was doing….maybe I’m the weird one 🤷🏼♂️
What kind of mannerisms did she have?
Gawd, what a bunch of simps! Run, don't walk, away from these losers and don't look back. You want someone that likes you for who you are. Don't change for anyone.
Odd to someone is cherished by another! U will find a good match eventually!
i have been called weird all my life. if they don’t mean it in a good way, they’re just not your people and that’s okay, it’s just a reflection of them, not you. also “weird” means something different to everyone and is completely subjective thing, like beauty.
Someone who starts dating you and calls you weird, what is their point in starting the relationship in the first place? To bring you down and push their ego up? Move on.
Well what kind of things are you into? That would be my first question
Eh who wants to be normal. Being weird makes life fun and interesting.
No one is compatible with everyone. This is a fact. Don't sweat it and find the right people :)
I was called boring before. The guy asked, “what’s your biggest insecurity” and I told him I’m afraid that I’m boring to people. He said, “yes you are.” Should have listened to him when he told me was an asshole. At least you’re keeping it interesting. Someone out there is going to think your the most intriguing person they know.
Had a similar experience dating “oh you read, that’s weird”, “you do that for work, weird” “that’s really your hobby (typical guy sport), weird”.
But I managed to meet my weirdo husband who is also a nerd, also has niche hobbies, and isn’t threatened or put off by my slightly androgynous interests
You will meet your weirdo match someday
Weird is good. Of all the women I've dated over the years (33m, and I've dated a LOT. YMMV), the only ones I fell in love with were weird as Hell.
Just gotta find someone thats just as weird as you.
Girl, I get that all the time. Don’t sell yourself short.
I get it with nearly any person I get close to romantically. "You're strange/weird" comes out of the blue or just after doing something in a weird way.
My standard response is "damn right I am, life is too short to be normal" or even " I tried to be normal for a little bit, found it too boring"
Every single time it has lead them to have a laugh and then get closer to me. If you are comfortable with yourself chances are others will too.
Weird people are cool. I am weird. Be weird.
I dunno, that sounds sort of like negging to me. Unless they are comfortable giving you more context, I think the comments are pretty useless. There's also the aspect of: if this person can't just talk to you openly, and just says something insulting, are they really your type? You might be quirky, or even a little strange, but what's wrong with that? Lots of people are. It's just a matter of finding compatible people.
Those guys are not worth your time, a good guy when he dated you wont insult or calling you weird, leave them.
Just my experience, lot of girls I met from online dating turned out to be weird, but I never tell on their face, I usually just not contact or doesnt initiate anything on the date.
I can give you some samples how I categorize when I find girls weird:
- She keeps spitting on the street while we're walking (this is weird and no attitude)
- Talking about how many guys she sleeps or meet during the date
- Ask to go to expensive resto, but expecting the male to pay or showing willingness to contribute
- Wearing gothic clothes or lot of piercing and lot of tattoos
- Showing negative attitude
If you're not in those list, I'd say you're not weird
Probably the best thing that happened to you – I’ll explain: The sooner, the better. Can you imagine yourself (wasting your precious time and affection) with someone that says this kind pf thing to you? The sooner they leave, the better.
Most people have one weird thing. It's no biggie usually. But look at the intonation that follows the weird comment. Or just be direct and ask good weird or bad weird. Any answer other than good weird is usually a bad sign
Maybe you are a bit weird? Doesn't make you less of a person though!
So. You probably heard it already, but find someone who loves you for you. I can be a weird guy, but every time I act weird my girlfriend turns to me and tells me she loves me. We both can be weird and we love it. Dating is hard and it took me ages to find someone who appreciated me. Don't let others define you. I accepted my weird and am the happiest I've ever been. Let's all be our happy weird selves. You're awesome just the way you are.
The only thing you can take away from them telling you this is that something made those two individuals feel uncomfortable. That could have nothing to do with you. Its their own stuff. Embrace who you are. The only thing that matters is that *you love you.
They’re projecting their BS insecurities onto you. Cut the parasites loose and don’t look back.
I'm not sure I really have advice, but I feel like this is the same for me. I know I can be socially awkward sometimes, but at the same time not sure what to do with it.
I call my loved ones weird but it’s because they are and I love them and their weirdness so it’s affectionate. But if someone is calling you weird and shaming you then byyyyyyeeeee ✋🏻
It depends on the context. My ex called me weird in a lovely way because she Liked my weird sides.
A Girl i dated told me that i have to Stop with my stupid Jokes If i want to bei with her so i told her that she might bei Dating the wrong guy If she realy hates parts of my personality that i enjoy that much.
You shouldn't ask what makes you weird because clearly it isn't harming anyone. You'll just get into your own head about it and start forcing yourself to mask those quirks, which will risk you building a relationship on someone who you don't feel comfortable being.
I’m really old and have been called weird all my life, because I could read and did for fun, because I liked birds and animals and nature, and because I like music no one had ever heard of
I found my people and I found my partner and every new job I’m still really weird
Own it
It's better to ask them than making guesses. No, it's not weird to make this question.
As a weird guy all my life, it's usually not a compliment
I have been called weird by almost every guy I’ve dated. It started in high school and continued on. Finally in my mid twenties I cornered my then boyfriend and he said it was the way I thought about things. He admitted it wasn’t a bad thing. However it did bug me a little. Now in my thirties I wear my weirdness as a badge of pride. My now boyfriend who I’m sure is my life partner (and I don’t say that lightly) told me recently that he loved how I thought and the little cute things I do like making up songs and words. (He does the same thing.) I guess what I’m trying to say is find someone who’s weirdness matches yours.
They could have meant it lovingly. If not, there will be people who do mean it that way.
Always sucks when something fizzles and without knowing more about you it’s very hard to give specific feedback but what I can say is this. I’ve ended most of my relationships because girls weren’t weird enough.
No one’s favourite dish is plain white rice. If you try and be as inoffensive as possible to everyone you’ll dull the parts of you that the right person will be crazy about.
“Just be you” is as corny advice as it gets but you can only fake who you think someone wants for so long. It’s repeated time and time again for a reason.
Find your weirdo and be weird together. When it comes to dating volume matters, go on a ton of first dates, be you and find someone who likes your brand of weird.
I’m honestly a bit socially awkward too, and know that people realize it sometimes. However, I’ve encountered many other people who are like me and have many friends who’ve accepted me for this. Therefore, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. In addition, sometimes they are the ones who are actually “weird.” I had a guy tell me one time that I was “acting off” in front of my friend, but she was quick to shut him down and tell him that I wasn’t and it was actually him. Then, she told me afterwards that he was drunk and didn’t understand our conversation when she did. It might not actually be you that’s the problem, but rather them. Also, everybody has a weird side to them and you have to find someone who accepts you for you.
I call my girlfriend weird and she calls me weird, it means pretty much nothing dude. But that's just me
Just keep being weird until it becomes normal.
People say im weird too but i take it in a positive light. As I know im a very optimistic person, who also makes most people laugh with my bad humour.
If the people you date say weird in a way thats bad. Then move on. Some see it as a good thing though, but if so they’ll let you know.
Never settle for someone who cant appreciate you for you.
Embrace your weird! Normal is boring :)
For real though, EVERYONE is at least a little weird. You just need to find someone whose brand of weird meshes with yours. It will be magical, and far more enjoyable than not doing things you want to do, or talking about what you want to talk about, for the sake of other people.
Weird is so subjective. We’d need more info about it, why he thinks you’re weird or if there’s any weird habits / interests of yours to be reasonably connected.
Either they’re bullies / demeaning, are trying to push you away, or you do something they they view as weird (either subjectively or objectively)
Are you hot?
I don’t see the problem w/ being weird or a freak. Sounds like you got a case of giving too many fucks. You can only give a certain amount of fucks, so choose wisely.
I’ve been called “weird” and/or (as much as I hate this word) “quirky” by every single person I’ve dated or been in the talking phase with. Just gotta find that person whose weird vibes with your weird ☺️
People who say that are toxic, they are the weird onces.
Just because you maybe talk about other topics or you process stuff in a other way makes them feel uncomfortable because they can't imagine someone else thinking or acting in a other way like they do.
You asking the question means you reflect on yourself and you are a thinker. A lot of people don't get that and that's their loss.
Walk away from people that say that kind of stuff and never think twice about them...
When pressed, in my case, i’ve been told that I don’t follow social convention. evidently there’s some set of implicitly understood rules that nobody ever clued my in on so i just go about my life and whenever something i say/do butts up against one of these mysterious rules, i exhibit “weirdness”.
For example, i tend to be a little too direct and a little too open with personal information. I tend to take people literally rather than noticing when they are just making smalltalk or doing formalities.
I also dress for my own comfort and don’t pay overmuch attention to myself. I’m clean and don’t do anything outrageous like wearing a ballgown or sweats to work, but what i do wear tends to fall slightly outside the bounds of what everyone else silently agreed upon (nothing trendy, minimal effort, no finishing touches or careful tailoring to a given situation, etc.)
I also tend to crack a lot of jokes (nothing mean or dirty, just… expressive?), i have a hard time keeping my feelings off my face, i tend to prioritize/value right and wrong over social relationships (evidently not a good way to stay popular).
These sorts of things make me a little out of sync with the world. I never really learned how to fit in, and when i try to i feel dirty and a bit like I’m wasting my time.
Some people really like me, especially when they really get to know me, but most - those with whom i have superficial relationships - tend to avoid me and think I’m just kinda weird.
I don’t know if that helps at all. It took me ages to figure out what the issue was. Turns out it’s a lot of things and at this point there’s little i feel i can do about it, beyond trying harder to care about my image.
Everyone's weird.
If someone calls you strange or weird and it's not followed by "but I love it", move on. You may be strange. You may be weird. But I promise you someone will love you jist the same. Not in spite of it but because of it. You'll be fine. I'm weird too. And I've also been married going on 10 years. You'll be fine.