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I (20M) can’t seem to have sex with my girlfriend (20F) after I had bad sex at a club, how do I get over it?
That wasn’t ‘bad sex’, that was rape. You were sexually assaulted and it was a traumatic incident for you. Please seek therapy to come to terms with this
Came here to say this. Rape, OP. Of course you have panic attacks. I was sexually assaulted and recoiled from touch below my waist for years. Your body is protecting you from danger that isn’t there anymore.
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9d
There are a few things to consider here, she was your girlfriend so I assume you were already sexually active? you said you didn't say no or try to push her away or give any indication that you didn't want it.
You were under the influence of drugs and so was she.
When she realised that you weren't enjoying it she stopped.
Based on all of that I'm not sure you could class this as SA. In fact I think its pretty unfair to call someone a rapist when clearly she was under the impression that you may mutually enjoy the act as you didn't give any indication otherwise and she probably also had impaired judgement at the time she to the drugs.
Now I don't see drugs as being an excuse if she were to walk up to a stranger and force them to do something of course it wouldbe SA, but in a relationship she may have assumed you would enjoy the attention, and when she realised that she was under a misapprehension she withdrew.
You have every right to feel uncomfortable about sex afterwards as maybe you felt violated but I don't think it's fair to say she SA you.
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8d
“I didn’t say no”. “I didn’t say yes”….trust me bro, dudes have been prosecuted for much less in regards to sexual assault just because she said so.
Don’t let them downplay what happened to you. They would never allow you to do the same had the roles been reversed.
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8d
My dude, there are cases of married couples where the man is turned in for sexual assault by the wife. Over a disagreement about an issue totally unrelated to intimacy. It’s the ultimate upper hand.
Not saying it’s right or wrong. Just saying that’s it’s not that tricky. The guy always gets the shitty end of the stick once accused. Accuse = guilt.
If a woman engages in sexual assault of a male, it’s hardly believable because men are largely considered disposable (as are slaves). No one cares about a man’s consent. It’s not taken seriously because YOU are a servant.
Ok. I’m sorry that happened to you, but this isn’t your post. Let’s focus here on the OP. And I encourage you to write your own post for your personal share.
Even if it isn't textbook SA/R it can still feel like that for you. Have you been in therapy? Are you okay? Feelings don't have to be the same as facts. They are here and they are real for you and that matters too
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9d
100% not the same - grief therapy is something to help with the loss of your parents. If you feel comfortable, ask THAT therapist for a referral for a therapist that specializes in sexual trauma therapy. If you do not feel comfortable asking? Then look for a therapist that does Prolonged Exposure or Cognitive Processing Therapy. Do NOT use EMDR as the search term. LOTS of therapists who are getting started learning to do trauma therapy start there/it’s a weekend course; if a therapist does either CPT or PE, they usually have lots more training & experience. Quit worrying if you can wrap your head around it. Believe your body. Which is really upset around sex. Take care
I also agree that this sounds like rape. It's up to you how you choose to identify this experience, but it was not your fault, does not sound consensual at all, and you did not deserve it. In case you want them, here are some resources for male survivors of sexual violence:
- r/MenGetRapedToo
- National Male Survivor Helpline and Online Support Service is a dedicated service for men and boys in England and Wales affected by sexual violence and abuse and those who support them.
- 1 in 6 is an organization dedicated specifically to helping men and boys who have survived sexual violence. They have a 24/7 chat helpline, educational resources, and weekly chat-based online support groups with a trained facilitator.
- Male Survivor is also an organization for male sexual violence survivors. They are similar to 1 in 6 and have in-person support groups as well. If you are a male survivor located in the U.S., Male Survivor has a comprehensive directory of therapists who work with male sexual abuse survivors.
- SurvivorsUK is for men in the UK who have experienced sexual violence. All of their resources are arranged by age of survivor. They also offer referrals to ISVAs (Independent Sexual Violence Advisors) which are legal advocates who help male survivors navigate the criminal and civil justice systems.
That’s great, and keep doing that, but in order to address your problem you need to process the sexual assault too- so like the other comment says if you already have a therapist you’re comfortable with, you should tell them what you told us so you can work through it
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate emotionally OP.
Be patient with yourself, time heals all wounds and all will turn out ok ❤️
In the meantime find ways to give your gf intimacy without the sex acts you can't perform. Even if it's just an intense make out session or a bath together
This. You were raped. People will downplay it because you’re a man. Ignore it. You were violated. Please get therapy to help you through this.
What??? That can't be possible! Some women on the internet are always trying to teach that men can't be raped cause they always want sex...
/s
It's actually other men who say that. And they make fun of male sex assault victims because they're supposed to always want sex.
It's actually both
eye roll
?
You were sexually assaulted. This was rape. This was not just bad sex. You are having panic attacks because this was traumatic for you.
I suggest finding a trauma informed therapist and getting to work. This can be processed.
I wish you luck.
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9d
Let’s pretend you have a little sister. She comes to you and tells you she had gotten drunk to the point she could not walk or form sentences. Two men had started making out with her. She tried to push them away, but she wasn’t able to. They forced her to have sex with them and she woke up in a strange park. Would you say she was raped?
Regardless of what you call it, I suggest you seek specialized therapy. You deserve a good life.
Because you were too drunk to consent, plus you tried to stop it but she didn’t take no for an answer. Please go to therapy. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I wish you the best
Maybe the panic and anxiety attacks are a good indicator.
Here is the thing, the sooner you start therapy, the sooner you will have a normal life again.
You were the victim. And yes, a man can be raped by a woman.
Technically it's labelled as sexual assault (rape is specifically labelled as penetration by a dong) but yes, this would be labelled as the type of SA that is treated the same as a rape charge - horrible, really horrible, best wishes to OP
Depends on where in the world you are, it's considered rape in Sweden.
Really? That's interesting, thank you for letting me know, I try to keep up to date with legal wordings etc, outside the uk gets a lil foggy for me
Even in the uk, if a woman has sex with a man who isn’t able to give consent via age, spiking, alcohol, drugs etc it is rape regardless of whether the perpetrators had a penis. If women can rape women, women can rape men. Any kind of penetration is rape
I understand that. But he has a penis. If you ask a police officer, if a man was to use this guys penis to penetrate himself anally, that would also be rape. It doesn’t matter whose hole it is, it just matters that there is penetration.
The rape in this case could only be committed by the person with a penis not committed on the person with a penis. The legislation was deliberately written this way: (1) A person (A) commits an offence if— (a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis, (b) B does not consent to the penetration, and (c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
You can ignore the "he" as that is just the way legislation is written but the important bit is the victim,the recipient of the penis, must not consent for it to be rape.
All legal opinion on this clearly states "A rape is when a person uses their penis without consent to penetrate the vagina, mouth, or anus of another person. Legally, a person without a penis cannot commit rape, but a female may be guilty of rape if they assist a male perpetrator in an attack."
For rape to occur, a victim must have been penetrated in the vagina, anus or mouth by a penis without having given their consent. A woman could be convicted of rape if she helps a man rape someone but it requires an unwilling recipient of the penis.
Pretty sure it's just the UK with that. I remember watching a YouTube video talking about the negative legal implications of that definition.
I see, thank you
You cannot legally consent under the influence, first of all, at least in the US. That makes this event sexual assault. Even when you were intoxicated, you can recall telling the girl "no" and trying to stop it. Eventually just succumbing to pressure is not consent, even when you are sober.
Sexual trauma is also not limited to just sexual assault, so keep that in mind. The best course of action is to open up to your partner with what you are comfortable with, and seek a therapist. It may seem daunting, but you have resources available to you no matter what your status is or where you are, its just a matter of seeking them out.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I hope you're able to find peace and have intimacy with your partner when you're ready.
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9d
It's the same in the UK. You were too drunk to make full sentences or walk, you were too drunk to consent.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Please seek help. There are people yiu can talk to who can help you through this.
You already started by reaching out here, that's a good first step. Next step is a professional who knows what to say and how to help.
Please go to therapy, you deserve to feel like yourself again. Wishing you the best. Try to get a specialized sex trauma therapist, psychology today will help.
I tried to push them away but I just gave up
Brother. As someone who had a similar occurrence happen to them, and went to therapy,
Just imagine if you flip the sexes… would anyone be okay with it? (No)
(It took me a while to wrap my head around my experience too)
You were too drunk to consent, that makes it SA.
You couldn't function and tried to push them away.
You were raped, comrade, and I am so sorry. Please talk to someone trained and work thru this, these realizations will follow you until seen. Please get help, every survivor deserves that.
Hey bro, it doesn't say anything about you. You should get some professionam to help you through this. You deserve happiness.
Not being sure what happened MEANS it's rape
Maybe therapy will help you access memories of that night that you have suppressed right now. Maybe it was more traumatic than you remember it to be.
EMDR therapy is very effective at helping with PTSD. Look into that.
If you don’t know what happened… that’s how you know.
Forget about the labels for a second. You were too drunk and they had the worst sex of your life with you. So bad you don’t want to have sex anymore and you woke up disoriented.
Homeboy. I’m sorry to say this. You got raped. And your body is associating sexual contact with your experience being too intoxicated to consent, actively rejecting advances, and being taken advantage of when you were too vulnerable to have any self defense.
Listen. I want you to really listen. You did not do anything wrong by getting assaulted. Even if you were cheating it doesn’t mean you deserved what happened to you. A big reason you have that sinking feeling is because even if to you it wasn’t a big deal, your body remembers. Your body knows you didn’t want it. Your body is still there.
You are whole. You are safe in your body. And I hope you can reclaim the pleasure of it. Because my love, as Woman with multiple instances of sexual assault done to me, I know it’s hard to see yourself as someone who was taken advantage of. But you deserve to heal.
Love, you didn’t have sex you were raped. Of course you don’t feel safe to be sexual now. You need therapy my dude, trauma focused therapy from an expert in sexual assault against men.
Good luck x
Hi! You being drunk implies you were not able to give consent. That, on top of you trying to push them away to no avail until giving up means you did not want it. Unwanted, forceful sex is sexual assault and rape. Considering that this also happened around a traumatic time, it’s likely that when you try to have sex again you are (whether unconsciously or not) remembering what you went through. This can cause a trauma response that includes anxiety, dry heaving, hyperventilating, flashbacks, etc. Although it might sound like it could be very bad sex, it’s likely you’ve suppressed this memory which helps you avoid what you felt or dealt with.
Going to therapy could really help you. When you search online to find one, lots are specialized in helping victims of trauma or grief. I would suggest starting there, you never know what you may uncover and what skills you can develop to get through this. Wishing you lots of courage and healing!! 🩷
😂 Stop
Stop trolling every post in this forum. Your karma is negative and no one cares about your meaningless comments 🧚🏻♀️
Have to agree with others here - you were raped.. therapy is an appropriate path to address how you’re feeling and work through it, regardless of labels here.
Saw you said you can’t wrap your head around it. You tried pushing them away and a person cannot consent to sex if they are incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, which it sounds like was the case. Your response when put into a similar situation sounds very much like a trauma response caused by some kind of trigger - not sure how clear your memory is of that night, but if you want to pursue a healthy relationship in the future that involves sex, professional help is likely your best option.
it's probably not easy for you to accept. it's such a weird feeling having to admit to yourself that something so terrible happened to you, and its okay if you need time and can't accept it right away. I was raped too, similar setting. it took me about a year to realize and accept that I was raped, and I still feel weird writing or saying it.
but your reaction to it is normal and it's okay. you have to process what happened, and that is easiest done in therapy. it's possible to process it alone, but if you're not experienced with trauma it's very difficult without help. I would recommend you tell your girlfriend, if you are comfortable with that, chances are she will understand and support you. you can get through this, I wish you the best
1000% seek therapy. You were raped as you were unable to consent due to being heavily intoxicated. I’m so sorry this happened to you 🩷 I think that discussing what you’re feeling and how you’re feeling when put in sexual situations with someone who has the tools to help you work through it could really help you move past the block you’re experiencing with sex. Good luck OP.
You're describing being in shock. You even explicitly refer to disbelief.
There are helplines you can call who can signpost you to the right services in your area as well as let talk about your experience. This is maybe a big step for you but they are rape and sexual assault services. If you call them confidentiality they'll understand where you're at and help. Your doctor is worth a shot of all else fails.
I'm not clear on when this experience happened, you may wish to contact the police esp if there was CCTV inside. Would you recognise them if you saw them.
That said, looking at you should be your first priority.
If you haven't you may want to consider telling your gf why you can't bring yourself to have sex just yet. Only you will know her likely response to that.
I think you were sexually assaulted, mate. Im sorry.
Take as much time as you need to heal. You were absolutely assaulted and I am so so sorry :( your parents passing away and being assaulted is so much to process. The assault is not your fault. If your girlfriend is happy to take things really slow than that is lovely. You deserve the grace. When my mom passed away it was like the world lost all it's color. I have 3 children or I would've been out at clubs getting trashed also, trust me. Everyone has low points in their life but please I want to stress that this assault was not your fault. Even if you "gave up" and just let it happen. I've also been SA and been through the same thing. Therapy could be really good for you. If that's not an option, I would focus on just finding you again. Forget sex and fall back in love with life. Go on runs, take a class, learn an instrument, maybe join a support group. Take your gf on that journey with you if you would like. I'm wishing you the best! You deserve it.
See a sexual assault counsellor. Something happened to you without your consent. You are expressing feelings that I am sure are not uncommon to victims of sexual assault. Please see someone to help you with your panic and negative feelings. I wish you many good things.
people are saying a lot of very true, but probably not very helpful things. as someone who’s been in a similar, but very different situation, it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to not be able to wrap your head around it or call it what it was. that comes with time. if you aren’t ready to seek therapy (side note: if you aren’t ready, don’t. that has been shown to make things worse.), try writing some things down. it can be in a journal or online, but i’d recommend a journal because the process of writing is helpful. take your time with it and allow yourself to feel and think, but don’t push yourself either. if you start getting that sinking feeling, do something else, something that makes you happy or distracts you. as for things with your girlfriend, you might want to try taking a break from sex and being intimate in other ways. you know you’re safe, but your body doesn’t and you’ll have to gradually remind it that you are. obviously a therapist is going to be able to give you the best advice, but that’s a long process and you do have to make sure you find a therapist that you’re comfortable with and that understands you, which makes it even longer. you will get through it though, it will just take time.
I am so sorry you had to go through that and the other users are right - that was rape. I would also suggest seeking therapy because sexual trauma can really turn very ugly without working through it. Whenever you’re ready 🤍
It’s rape, you need to do therapy alone for yourself. It’s up to you when you want to tell your gf you were raped at a club before you dated her and you can’t handle sex currently.
That was not "bad sex". You were raped. I've been raped and molested many times of my life and I also can't have sex with my partners. I also panic during sex. A lot. Can't relax. Can't keep a relationship because of it. I understand how hard it is. It sucks. This sucks this happened to you, nobody deserves that.
My suggestion would be to seek some professional help. If you're from the USA there is a national sexual assault hotline that will connect you to local resources and they are more than willing to help you find what you need and if you want to file a report with the police they can help with that too. 800-656-4673 is the number. Or you can also just directly reach out to a therapist. But I highly recommend working with a therapist trained in trauma.
You need to go see a therapist. They can help you get to the bottom of your mental road blocks!
You were raped, panic attacks and not wanting sex make sense. You may need professional help. With your girlfriend maybe don't aim for full sex... start slower if you feel up to it. Just give her a sensual massage, or go down on her. You need to start with a sexual environment you feel in control of and safe.
The fact that you said that you have panic attacks says all that you need to know
You were raped. You need to see a therapist and press charges
You were raped and now you have sexual assault trauma. Please get therapy asap for this specifically.
You will continue to have avoid sex until you deal with it in therapy.
You have PTSD. I know you're already in counseling, but you need to see a counselor for PTSD. Even if you don't vividly remember it, your body clearly does. Something like EMDR will do wonders for you. It helped me so much, almost overnight.
First if all, go and check a STD test before you have sec with your girlfriend
Exactly. Two women approach a stranger in a club and force his dick inside them without knowing anything about him. I hope he wore a condom.
I bet 100$ he didn’t. He was so intoxicated. These young kids are so irresponsible in so many ways 😒😒
You were sexually assaulted. I'm so sorry, someone had sex with you while you were heavily intoxicated and you had tried to push them away. You woke up in some random park after it happened. Our society has a tendency to minimize male assault and abuse at the hands of women. On some level I believe you know what happened to you was not right. Rape is not sex, your body is dealing with this violation and mentally your trying to detach from what happened but your subconscious and trauma is not letting you. You sound like your experiencing ptsd ( I'm not a doctor) and sex has become a trigger because your mind goes to that place. It is something that does get better when you process what happened and talk to a therapist. It can take time to process an assault of a sexual nature, because it's painful to acknowledge it. Sometimes there is a part of your brain that tells you, that they didn't mean to be that aggressive, or you kissed them and you wanted them to stop but they refused to, held you down even when you tried to push them away. You are struggling, what happened to you was not ok and it was not your fault. You were drinking, when a woman is raped we are told if we have alcohol then what happened was partially our fault. Society tells us that well you should learn how to drink responsibly but when you are barely conscious you can't give consent. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't right.
This is a crazy story.
You need therapy. I hope you get well soon.
I think you need therapy (like EMDR). Not only because of the rape but also to process everything surrounding the loss of your parents. And please take an STD test before you have any kind of sex with your girlfriend.
Get some therapy dude, you need it!
Darling, you were raped, or sexually assaulted at the very least depending on how you wanna define it. You are faced with a lot of trauma from both that, and dealing with the trauma of losing your parents. My biggest recommendation as someone who’s been through similar, go to therapy. Work with someone through it, express to your girlfriend what you’re dealing with and get her onboard to help with strategies and steps to combat the trauma response you’re having. Take whoever long you need, if she’s worth it and loves you, she’ll stay and she’ll help. You’ve got this, baby steps! Sending strength from one survivor to another 🖤
Sucks man!
It sounds like your girlfriend is understanding and can help you through this
I think taking some time off sex and masterbation could help you reset
I’ve never had that kind of trauma but have had periods where I’m just as sexual, and periods where I’m really sexual. The body and mind are intertwined
It’ll feel better if you wait until things naturally shift, you’ll probably grow to really trust this girl and maybe focusing on the other aspects of your relationship could allow for a great foundation
Also never hurts to get really healthy, work on your mind and body
Your 20, you’ve got decades of sex ahead of you
Don’t stress about this, enjoy the rest of life for now :)
OP, please be kind to yourself. If your girlfriend had been sexually assaulted by two strangers when she was too drunk to speak and left in a park, would you hell her that you “don’t know what your problem is?”
I hope not. So please afford that kindness and understanding to yourself. ❤️
You were SA’d, op . They did not stop when you tried to get them to. This has left an understanding bad taste in your mouth with anything pertaining to anything sexual. Going to therapy for ptsd, relationship counseling (together, so you can both understand one another more and don’t have miscommunication) and talking about it more will help a lot.
Time for therapy.
Definitely try therapy. It will help a lot. This is ‘t your fault.
Therapy
Sounds like PTSD!
Therapy.
Ok, simple answer, you need a therapist, immediately. Specifically, someone who’s dealt with rape victims. This PTSD is going to go way beyond sex in your relationships with women in many respects. You do have a lot to talk about with a therapist but lead with your primary complaint, rape. Don’t let your trauma over losing your parents stop you from making this front and center.
Just remember you don’t even have to identify with it, just realize you experienced it. Your brain doesn’t always work with you like that, it won’t let you just see it as bad sex. It’s hard to come to terms with, and I’ll be honest, women on man rape isn taken as serious in a lot of social circles/environments and by a decent bit of people.
As a man who’s experienced that negative reaction or being joked about IRL by people I’ve shared with and the swarm of people online who are so supportive.
Therapists are amazing because they’re in that line of work, a sexual trauma therapist understands the situation better than you or I.
You may want to confide in friends or family at some point, that’s normal and healthy to share with people you trust as a serious topic.
I will just say the people that treat it like a joke, or think men can’t be raped or abused. Their opinions are ignorant, good friends, good family, good people in general would give you supportive words and be on your side. Not on the side of the rapists, to minimize their actions like a defense attorney.
That’s just all the real I got for you, you’ve got this homie.
As far as your girlfriend goes have you brought this up to her? I would doubt it, it’s an early relationship but y’all should be comfortable and learning about eachother at this point, I’m sure lots of your anxiety with the relationship is the lack of sex. So nothing is better than a conversation.
If you feel comfortable I would suggest talking to her, “I had a traumatic experience before we started dating and right now sex is a traumatic reminder. At the moment I’m not comfortable with sex but I really do enjoy the time we spend together” and I can’t plan your whole convo but either let her know what happened or that you don’t want to talk about it yet.
Maybe you don’t know where to go or what to do, ask her what she would do? Talk about therapy, maybe she knows a little bit about therapy in general or has had therapist experiences. Women experience sexual violence at a high rate, she may even be able to relate with you.
If she’s a good girlfriend and once again a good person she’ll understand and want to help you navigate through it/support you.
Now if she minimizes it, shits on you, call you less of a man, says she can’t see you the same. Leave her, for you own good. Not even out of spite, you can out of spite if you want.
But the base point is that shouldn’t have happened to you, you didn’t do anything to deserve it, and anything that happened was because of the actions of 2 people who put their sexual needs above someone else’s basic needs and raped them.
Anybody who does not see these facts is not somebody you want or need in your life. And that negative reinforcement hurts in the long run.
You seem to have gone through some trauma in your folks departing and maybe now due to your sexual club escapades you’ve forged an association between sex and trauma.
It could also be that you feel ashamed of your actions and of the person you now know you are capable of being. This in itself can cause its own trauma. It rocks your view of yourself.
Sex can still be awesome, fun and meaningful. Maybe you need to forgive yourself of previous acts and start slow with this new girlfriend. Make it meaningful. Then try to forget that bad night.
That was rape. Your reactions are absolutely normal after an assault, and I would highly recommend seeking therapy, solo for sure and maybe along with your girlfriend as well.
This wasn’t “bad sex”, this was assault and the feelings you are describing sound like a stress disorder, please go and seek therapeutic help. You have no reason to feel ashamed, but every right to mourn and grieve the person you were before that experience. Wishing you peace and happiness for the future.
Bro, you are not ready for anything sexual or romantic.
You need to take time for yourself. Learn to Grieve properly and grieve. Heal. And only then, you can actually think of romance and relationships.
Don’t worry my friend, it won’t take too much. 6 months tops of you do it right.
OR, I promise it’ll be 5 years of misery, pain, hurting yourself and a few others along the way, & you likely will become yet another person dealing with drugs and alcohol & in a rot that’s near impossible to come it of because the economy and all isn’t forgiving these days.
Hear it from someone whose been on the other side, being in “relationship” with someone who isn’t ready, will hurt, and even if you heal, your relationship won’t because you trauma bonded. It’s recipe for toxic even if you both are great. It’s the nature of it.
Talk to her, tell her you’re realizing you need time to grieve and heal and it’s not her job to be your therapist. If you’re cool, stay in touch but I’d say don’t. Give yourself a couple months of no contact so the boundaries work. Otherwise you’ll get messy.
And search good books on grief. Grab one and ready it. I promise in 6 months you’ll be a happy, kind and more mature person.
Trauma is hard, don’t let it define your life for the worst. Stay safe
You sound like you were raped
You need help
OP that was 100% rape/sexual assault. you feel this sinking feeling and panic because you are holding trama from a TRAUMATIC experience. Men can 100% be victims of rape/assault. you need to report those women asap and seek out some therapy to work through the trauma.
Friend, you were sexually assaulted. Get yourself into therapy, please.
sweetheart thats r*pe:(
Sounds like the club incident was without your consent and you're having some complicated but totally normal feelings over it and sex in general.
I hope you start talking to a professional about everything that's happened in the last couple months.
Therapy, my friend, therapy.
You might want to check out r/ptsd I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Don't feel pressured to label what happened. Even if you don't feel that it was nonconsensual, you can still be affected by trauma. Therapy is a good idea for you to start unraveling what is affecting you and hopefully get to a place where you are feeling better.
Just to say it: Men can be assaulted by women, and sometimes it doesn't get labeled as assault because of how we view sex and gender. But it's absolutely the same thing. Someone who is really intoxicated can't give consent, and it's unacceptable to take advantage of someone's intoxicated state. To lay it out: If you were super drunk, nobody should have been trying to have sex with you. It sounds like you weren't in a position to say yes, and you might have said no if you had been more sober. If a guy does that to a girl, we would say he took advantage of her intoxicated state (aka assaulted her), and it's no different if the gender roles are reversed. It gets a bit messy when everyone involved is intoxicated, which is what I mean by even if you don't feel that you were assaulted, the experience can still be traumatic.
I hope you can find a way to process what happened to you. If you can, I would really urge you to look for a therapist who has experience treating trauma. Do your best to communicate with your girlfriend, and don't feel pressured to bring sex back into your life until you're ready. It can take some time to work through something like this, but it's absolutely possible (been there and doing much better now). Take care <3
Sounds like you had a solution to your life. Simple, like, "Getting wasted in the club and having sex is the ideal life". The solution came to light as "Fuck this!", waking up in a park, and feeling the degradation of such a life. You also don't know what happened in the hours you were blacked out. This is traumatic. You reformulate. The original solution has failed. This has a lot of subconscious forces in play.
How the psyche is programmed doesn't make sense. You are aware of only a part of what moves you. Sentient logics don't fly in the face of a primal "Sex Bad" that has developed.
Commenters speak of therapy. There are different schools of thought regarding therapy. I have found many of the therapies founded on the works of Alfred Korzybski, such as Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy of Albert Ellis, are very workable,
You should read this. gsb-58-ellis.pdf (wildapricot.com)
If nothing else, do this. Tell yourself, "There is no problem". In truth there isn't, there are only troubles created inside of you. Breathe deep, and focus, "There is no problem, there is only breath". Imagine the world breathing you. The world is powerful and whole, and those characteristics will bleed into you as a dye on fabric.
Any chance you’re on some depression meds or the like? They can cause some sexual disfunction and can sometimes cause panic attacks. In any case I think you should talk to a therapist about what happened to you, but meds might be exacerbating this issue.
The only thing that confuses me is, if you were doing this already going to clubs making out with and hooking up with people why did you all of a sudden decide that you didn’t want it? I’m not trying to say that this didn’t happen to you because it does happen. When I’m trying to figure out is after months of doing that in the first place, what made you decide that you didn’t want to do that in the first place was the point of your life or you decided that you weren’t gonna do that anymore? I mean, if that was the case you were already making out with them and that’s obviously the next step so you just wanted to make out with them and not go any further? Do you see where I’m coming from? Again I’m not trying to say that you’re lying. I’m just saying, I doubt this. Again I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen it could have very well happened to you. I’m just confused that you were hooking up and making out with girls already what made this one encounter the one that you said no too?
did you not cheat on your gf???
Sounds like you were sexually assaulted / raped. It is natural to be traumatised. But the way forward is forgiveness. My suggestion would be to meditate. If you believe in a higher power, then I would recommend prayer and forgiveness. All the best.
Really…. I think I missed something here…
If you don’t fuck your girl someone else will.
I'm getting the impression there's a lot of fake stories in reddit, eh?
It's really just that a majority of these stories are obviously fake. It's almost impossible to filter truth from reality in that situation. I realize most of these fake stories are from bored teenagers, who either are interested in creating various scenarios to get a grip on how to navigate adult dating, or lonely types, but the only other possibility is that people just tend to skimp on details if their are taking the truth. They leave too many holes.
Look, if this is real, and if you feel like you were raped, get the help others are suggesting, but just know that this comes off as massively disingenuous, because of the lack of details and agency on display.
You don't need a girlfriend, you're a weirdo.
Become a celibate Christian and wait till marriage
I really hope this is satire
why would it be ?
People like you confuse me.
Just trolling.
why ?
Moderator removed comment
9d
What are you trying to say? That men can't be raped or have panic attacks?
Moderator removed comment
9d
Did you read the post?
There was a time at the club where I got completely wasted, like can’t make out full sentences or walk wasted. A girl and her friend started hitting on me and both of them made out with me. I mean I tried to push them away but I just gave up and it was the worse sex of my life and I woke up in a random park and never saw her again.
Moderator removed comment
9d
Day 453211 of men blaming other men for being raped.
That's exactly the answer I expected from some creep who refers to women as females.
39 missing replies
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