"My boyfriend called me loose during sex. (...) How can I fix this?" Plus it was HER FIRST TIME
Advice SubsI think thats the key here. It sounds like she was just comfortable and aroused. Often, "tightness" just means the woman is tense.
imagine getting mad your girlfriend is relaxed, comfortable, and actually horny for you... lmfao
Well he probably won’t have to worry about it anymore. I doubt she’ll ever be relaxed and comfortable around him again.
Or anyone else at first, unfortunately. It's unreal how an asinine, careless comment like that can mess with your head for years. That sucks and I'm mad for her.
Hopefully the next person she’s with gasses her up and reassures her. But yeah I’m angry too.
Campsite rule, folks! Always strive to leave them better than you found them!
I volunteer as tribute?
Not super into the whole sex thing but I can certainly compliment and encourage with the best of them
I’m just imagining hearing your voice coming out of the dark with reassuring platitudes while the mattress creaks 💀
wheeze
Take my upvote
Yup, had a dude say lips were disgusting and unattractive when I was 14 and that stuck until I met my s/o
It took me a second to figure out what you actually meant because I was trying to imagine someone only being attracted to people with no lips on their mouth.
Especially it being your first time
Yea. My first said he didn’t believe I was a virgin because I “didn’t feel like it”. I absolutely was. I was terrified of sex. He was 8 years older than me. I thought it would be safe. It fucked me up for a long, long time. Still makes me embarrassed to think about which is sad because honestly, he was THE WORST lay I’ve had since.
I can confirm this. My first boyfriend made horrible comments that stuck with me for years
Yeah my ex once made a comment about how gross I taste when he tried to give me oral and refused to ever do it again (despite being on the receiving end of oral often) because of how gross I was… I still have issues even letting my husband give me oral sometimes because of it
I had a boyfriend who insisted I stank. I went to the doctor, horrified, and she told me that I was fine but had a defective boyfriend that should be replaced as soon as possible.
That's good medical care
Hopefully, she’ll never have sex with him again
Too much porn, too less education is issue here.
Imagine thinking her enjoying it makes her a slut.
Something tells me this has to do with sex ed, or rather the lack of it.
Right, I’ve had men comment on that and it’s like thanks…I CANT RELAX AND HAVE PELVIC FLOOR DYSFUNCTION…
Haha same! “Wow, I can hardly fit it in!” Thanks, it’s the trauma :)
Exactlyyy 😭
Tense and dry. The “tugging” sensation (vs gliding with little to no friction) happens when you’re not lubricated enough and some men seem to equate that with tightness.
Assisting with that "gliding" motion is also one of the main functions of the foreskin. The loose skin allows for less drag, as you don't just have two layers of skin sliding against each other, you also have a mobile sleeve of skin to reduce friction.
Same is true with masturbation - it's a running joke in American media that if a guy gets out hand lotion, the implication is that he's going to masturbate. That makes no sense for a European audience, because intact men don't need lubricants in order to masturbate (or to have sex, for that matter).
And this is exactly why the US started circumcision en masse. Kellogg (yep, the cereal guy) was a dr who was obsessed with stopping masturbation and promoted circumcision to do so. (He also advocated for female circumcision by burning the clitoris off, which thankfully didn’t take off as much, but it was done to many many many girls). I remember reading that when I was pregnant and instantly refused to circumcise my son.
Its why the US is the only country that does circumcision for non religious reasons
I gotta say... I like my circumcised machinery. Nothing against the uncut, but I prefer a cleaner approach.
Yea circumcision could absolutely be playing a role here. There's no "cut here" line on a baby so the Dr's guess, and they often do a terrible job so some men end up without a lot of sensation. My high school bf(18) would masturbate with such a death grip that he gave himself bleeding friction burns more than once😬.
Good lord! I never understand why so many cut guys masturbate dry.
I learned from a young age that lotion (actually spit in my case) was so much better!
I’ve been with an intact person for 13 years and yes we do need lubricant sometimes.
I vagina is loose and wet when a woman is aroused but it will tighten as she reaches climax. Dude sounds like a moron.
Am shocked at the implication OP did not climax with this sex god. Shocked I tell you.
Omg this had me cry laughing. Thank you.
I wanted to upvote this, but you were at 69 upvotes. So I just couldn't do it.
And his reaction will likely set in anxiety around sex for her so she'll have trouble feeling that way for a long time
I think it’s also a historical idea because adult men used to marry 10-year-olds.
Not to be that kind of nerd, but to be that kind of nerd, this was really only something that happened (at least in western cultures, where most of my knowledge on the topic lies) within nobility. Peasants often married within their age range and usually older teens/early twenties for the vast majority of time.
Even then, many noble men would wait until their teenage brides were at least menstruating, which happened much later than it does in the 21st century. It was kind of useless to have sex before then, anyway, because it wouldn't give any heirs, and contrary to the (made popular by loud mouth incels) belief that most men are pedophiles, most men are not pedophiles and do not want to have sex with children, even before we had the modern concept of pedophilia.
The idea of "monogamy" within the noble class also wasn't upheld v strictly, and a lot of noble men would have affairs with other noble women or sleep with prostitutes, regardless of if their wives were children, but usually especially if their wives were children. There are very few cases of noble women having children before 17ish, and the few examples we do have, such as Margaret Beauford, the 13 year old mother of English king, Henry VII, were seen with abject horror by the people around them because society viewed it as wrong and unnatural.
/nerd lecture
I was wondering whether to mention this or not. Also, brides wouldn’t even necessarily live with their husbands right away! Many girls stayed with their parents until more normal “moving-out” ages and the ‘relationship’ was just their dad doing business-y business things or noble-y noble things with their husband in the interim.
Yeah, like, history is not so black and white, and it's so very important to know this kind of stuff.
The "tightness" myth has nothing to do with marrying children. I'm sure you know this, but for some of the people reading who may not, many women, historically, would bleed after sex because their husbands were either not educated on how to properly turn on a woman or did not give enough of a shit to do so. These men would be too rough while their new wives were unaroused, and since the tissue down there is very fragile, bleeding would happen easily.
It's only in the last 100 years (but especially last 50) that women's arousal has found focus and become more moderately known. Obviously, not everyone knows, or else this post wouldn't exist, but it's been for a very short period in history that women's health has been taken into account when it comes to their husbands having sex with them.
Super interesting! Do you have any recommended readings/documentaries? This is such a wildly misunderstood time period, and often weaponized, as you mentioned.
I recommend going down the rabbit hole of the history of midwifery. Through that lense you see the absolutely fascinating effects of gender and class on women. For example noble women tended to have more children and much closer together because they didn't nurse their own babies, this often led to complications as she didn't have time to physically recover between pregnancies.
If you just want a book to read I highly recommend this one on Marie Antoinette. It's not exactly the time period you are looking for but it takes a deep dive into the marriage, mistresses, contraceptives and complicated political ties of the French court.
Unfortunately, nothing specific! Over the years, I've just read a lot of peer reviewed journals, had lots of classes on the middle to late medieval period, and then renaisance, and watched lots of documentaries. All of it had kinda culminated in general knowledge, and I know I could find sources backing me up, but I haven't got any title memorized. Since an accident last year and graduating with my masters degree, though, I haven't touched an academic article/book.
For nobility, yes.
But it's absolutely true for several religious cults around America that still continue the practice into modern day. Same ones that perpetuate myths like loose lips mean promiscuity or that women shouldn't enjoy sex.
That and you know there was zero foreplay involved. Vaginas have erectile tissue too, they expand when aroused and then contract.
That part
Adult men marrying 10 year olds was not common at any point in history. In biblical times it was commonly around 16-18. Royal marriages happened very early but were rarely consummated before 16 either.
Childbirth was an even more dangerous event back then, and risk of death for a very young girl was even higher. Also, puberty has gotten much earlier for girls due to better nutrition. In earlier times, average age of first period wasn’t until 15 or so. In the US, average age was 15 until the 1900s and the Industrial Revolution increased food supply. It dropped to 13 then, and even now is over 12.
Gross. I hate that this might actually have merit.
Marry not consummate.
Half those teen marriages would be double proxy ceremonies in reality
They were usually used as tools to gain favors or higher status in society
Vaginas can naturally be smaller also, and some people can be mentally ready and excited for sex but not physically ready
this also applies to gay dudes that are bottoms who ramp themselves up for years wanting to have sex with guys that are huge and then have the opportunity and realize that it's going to be more challenging than they thought
See also: pelvic floor muscles
Great advice. Whether she is truly "loose" or not, doing keels on a regular basis will improve sex for her future partners and for herself. This should help her regain her self-confidencen but first step is to dump this immature asshole.
I think he’s a psycho who likes it when they are tense and dry. Bro wanted dry sex that shit hurts. Even for guys. Break up with him he doesn’t deserve you girlie.
Any guy who ever tells a girl she is "too wet" is a piece of shit. If she's dry, you're not fucking doing it right.
Like sorry if it’s graphic, but you know you’re doing something right when the juice is flowing and you have to change the sheets afterwards cause it’s drenched. Complaining about wetness is real Ben Shapiro energy.
I think about his wife sometimes. She’s a doctor why doesn’t she leave?
She's a closet masochist. Only explanation that makes sense to me.
And when it's wet as fuck it not only feels better but it's also easier to not cum too quickly, Idk men who suck at sex are great for men who put in even a small amount of effort, I'm amazed at how many women have dated men that won't even go down on them.
Yeah my ex husband made me feel like crap for being too wet.i thought it was bad for a long time after. Glad he's my ex lol
He also used this to convince her to let him remove the condom.
Oh god. I missed that. He just keeps getting worse
What a fucking fucker
So just a gaslighting asshole
He literally got mad at her for enjoying the sex, which is kinda sad cause he’ll eventually figure out that he sucked at sex all along
It’s a power play. Textbook abuser behavior. Abusive men don’t like it when their female partners enjoy sex because it takes away their sense of having control over their victim.
We found Ben Shapiro's wife's Reddit account!
It boggles the mind really. It signals that he’s used to a Ben Shapiro’s wife situation. Telling on himself. She needs to throw out the whole man
/Ben Shapiro has entered the Redditor.
Man with really thin willy blames his new gf.
"It's because of your small pe--"
"Thin penis!"
"Yes, thin penis..." 😂
"It's not too small. It's too thin, OK? My dick is too thin!"
It's like a pencil!
But not as long!!!
The phrase pencil dick exists for a reason.
I wish baby corn dick would come into conversation more often.
Those tiny golf pencils
It's average, OK? It's fine. Seriously. It doesn't bother me a bit. There's nothing wrong with it. It's average. Nothing wrong with that. It's fine. Seriously.
“Hey everybody, I GOT A THIN DICK!!!”
I’m not small, I’m just thin boned!
I'm Not small, I'm just thin bonered!
Yup, pencil dicks are a thing. Her reply should have been.."well of course a pencil dick would have a lot of room in there, duh!!"
I was so tripped out on it in real life seeing it the first time. RIP.
I ended up sleeping around a bit when I was 18 or so just to see all different penises. My 2nd boyfriend in high school was very different to my first and I had a terrible sex education so i became very curious. I tried to look at porn to see the variety but it just wasn't there. I wasn't raised religiously and was free to form my own beliefs and while I didn't have NO standards, I saw nothing wrong with consensual sex between 2 single people who enjoyed each other's company.
I saw a pencil penis, a damn near micropenis, a damn near beer can penis, an uncircumsized penis, established exactly what average was, and learned that my first was in fact was not big like I told him he was and many men insist they need magnums when they definitely do not.
It was very educational and I do not regret it. It made me more confident in my body because I realized that perception of loose and tight is so much dependent on the one who yields the penis and that men are just as self conscious about their bodies as I am.
Now I need to look up what a pencil dick looks like…
I just want to preface, that because a woman had children doesn’t mean she’s loose.. I have 4 kids, 3 vaginal and one c section, and I always get told I gots the super soaker gorilla grip lol. Maybe start doing Kegals? I’ve always done them randomly since I was a child, so I think that’s why I’ve never had a complaint.
Also his dick is just a pencil dick so it should be more embarrassing for him than you. But if you are self conscious, and want peace of mind that your NOT loose, then do the kegals babe. They won’t do anything but help with that problem ❣️
That's what I came to say. Small dick energy rings loud with the Bell end
I'm betting on death grip during masturbation lol, he has no idea vaginas aren't supposed to squeeze the penis to death like a boa constrictor
The fact that he told her that he won't be able to cum from sex with her, because she's so loose. Like that sounds like a you problem buddy. And then to gaslight her into thinking shes a lying whore for it? Nah!
Yeah this screams death grip. Either that or he’s just always had sex with women who weren’t physically aroused and he has no idea what a vagina that’s not clamped down in pain feels like
Regardless, and especially because he’s being blamey and shamey instead of trying to problem solve together (like you’re supposed to do when sex isn’t perfect), this is a him problem and probably not worth salvaging tbh
Pencil dick blames gf for lack of sexual pleasure
Anybody else thinking it was actually HIS first time and he was trying to pre-explain why his performance may not be up to par??? Sounds like personal insecurity being shoved onto the only other person in the room to me…
He also sounds abusive and trying to gaslight and manipulate her, they often accuse their partners of cheating when they are abusive
Like a pencil through a hallway
in german there's this gem: like a sausage in a gym hall
In the US it's "like throwing a hotdog down a hallway". The alliteration makes it better
love that, i have a thing for alliterations :D
Either that or he's using the grip of death on himself too often
I figured he used a death grip when jerking off to porn.
Based on OP's comment, if she took it and gave it to him fresh out of the wrapper...
"This one has zero miles on it, so it's as tight as it gets. I can't help that you feel insecure because you have a pencil dick."
The BF's dick is so thin, the GF still has her hymen intact after sex.
I'd say that a vagina is only really "tight" when unaroused, but no way this dude actually got his gf aroused and excited so yhea, thin dick syndrome.
This is the truth. Poor OOP.
Film at 11.
I mean not all vaginas are created equal either.
But most guys have no idea and just think it's something you did.
Either that or the death grip
What a horrific first time with your boyfriend
Right??? I feel terrible for this poor girl! I hope the comments are enough for her to know that she is absolutely not the issue here. And obviously that she kicks this jerk to the curb. He can keep his hand as dry as he wants.
A horrific first time EVER. The thought of the emotional damage alone makes me feel so bad for this girl. This is something that I know would stick with me, and ruin sex for a long time.
*edited for spelling/grammatical errors
It’s terrifying how few dudes have sex with women who want to have sex, that so many think tight and dry is “good”.
Maybe they're just too used to their own hand?
Death grip is a thing that ruins sex.
Hell yes it is. Ruined it for me for a while. Thank the lord my girlfriend understood cause I can’t imagine what that can do to a girls self esteem.
Had that issue with my BF at first too. Its common, especially if the guy has been single for a good while. A little education and understanding from both parties is a must!
Not OOPs guy though ahaha, that ship sailed for him.
Unfortunately a lot of guys like it to hurt you. I guess it makes them feel more manly and bigger or something, but it’s more common than you’d think, with guys who aren’t total jerks otherwise even.
yep porn brained coomers all conditioned to think if you aren't ruining the lady you aren't doing it right and she'll hit up the group chat about how much of a lame you are.
It’s genuinely hard to imagine that guys could possibly think that, wow 🤯
Jackhammering and being too aggressive is the worst. I can definitely tell who watches too much porn. Ugh
User deleted comment
3mo
Dude you literally copied your comment word for word from Enderkai-kun 🤣
I hope she takes those comments to heart and dumps him.
Doesn't look like she will
This is so sad. I think Reddit at large jumps to breakups too quickly, but this is a disgusting situation and intolerable. Unfortunately this kind of talk can be so damaging that it's something that it would probably cause OOP to carry insecurities into another relationship. :(
I don’t think that guy has ever felt a pussy before this, he probably just got convinced that it’s supposed to be super tight from porn. Don’t watch porn.
Both from porn, and from how hard he grips his dick when he’s masturbating. Choking his own chicken
He took the phrase choking the chicken I bit to literally lol.
this ^
Christ almighty. Since we don’t teach sex ed or apparently even human anatomy perhaps parents need to step up and educate their children. It’s a damned shame that a woman should put up with thinking SHE is the issue, when in reality her dumb ass partner is just ignorant to how the female body responds during sex.
You're assuming that the parents know better than the kids. I figure that isn't a safe assumption.
Excellent point. That’s not at all a safe assumption.
Sounds like a small dick problem on his end.
Either that, or he's allowed the manosphere to tell him what a ciegin woman should be like.
Or a death grip issue.
Also that.
Or no-one told him that vaginas expand during intercourse
Yeah, was coming here to say this - porn addiction and/or death grip masturbation.
This one.
Or he thinks negging her will keep her compliant and under his thumb.
Woman not feeling emotionally safe with you is a massive desire killer. Sex requires vulnerability. It’s the worst thing you can possibly do if you want someone to keep fucking you.
I think the goal is to make her feel so worthless that she actually believes you are the best partner she can hope to get - and then you can treat her like dirt and use and abuse her, and she'll stay with you because she thinks you are her only chance... And people like that don't care if you have desire for them - they just fuck you, anyway.
In this case, he’d probably prefer that since she’d be dry and tense…which is probably what he’s used to and why an aroused woman is so baffling to him
"Why are you so wet and squishy down there? That's not how it's supposed to be!" 😂
Ben Shapiro vibes
Yep, most of their advice comes from “Alpha Bros” = bitter divorced guys who were horrendously emotionally abusive to their spouses but are they are far too narcissistic to realise they are the issue. They now have podcasts that teach lonely vulnerable younger guys how to emotionally abuse and manipulate woman in droves. Those tactics do work on a certain segment of woman who typically grew up in abusive households, so it feels familiar to them. For any woman with a shred of self esteem or wisdom run the other way. We need to double down on educating woman about this stuff.
100% Dudes got a tiny pecker and is trying to make it his partner's problem. Like bro, try reading a book or something.
It’s not anything real—he’s gearing up to get more abusive to her. It’s about control.
That’s the vibe I got too. If they really just had a size mismatch, he might’ve reacted poorly but not like this.
Came here to say this! Definitely a small dick issue.
My guess would be a weak erection.
Your dick ever been so small even the virgins are loose? Oooooof
More like he jacks off so tight he has no feeling anymore.
probably this, poor guy has the death grip and probably a porn addiction, so now sex doesn't feel good for him
or, little willy.
Or both ....
That's what I was thinking lol
My first thought too lol.
XD
Roll him out to the curb, throw that man away..
He have tiny pp
User deleted comment
3mo
Does this seem like a guy who would be good at foreplay?
FUCK NO HE DON'T. I keep seeing people saying it was due to her being wet from foreplay and there's no shot. He has a thin dick. The rest is cope
He probably also thinks that the clit is a myth.
The world is full of dicks, at least find one that fits.
Sounds like her boyfriend has never experienced sex with a woman who was actually enjoying it before. I hope this poor girl dumps him and finds someone who enjoys her pleasure as much as their own.
They call this guy spaghetti penis for a reason I guess.
This is why we need sex ed.
I think the person who commented earlier is correct- this isn't ignorance, it's sadism. OOP's bf wanted her to hurt their first time. Dude's brain is probably pickled in cheap vape juice and depraved hentai. I don't like to jump to conclusions, but the severity of his reaction makes me think this guy is really, really bad news.
Translation boyfriend has death grip syndrome. Throw the whole man out this is unforgivable
I was looking for this. Dude watches too much porn.
Probably uses a fl*shlight too much
IDK, tell him you'll get a second opinion?
Pussy expands during sex, also his dick is small
Sounds like he’s the type of man to feel threatened by a tampon. Being wet and 'loose' literally means she’s aroused. What a wet sock.
It’s one of 2 things. 1. He has a small pee pee 2. He has such a tight choke hold on said pee pee during his alone time literally no woman will ever satisfy him. The fact he approached this the way he did makes him an ENORMOUS pee pee head and you should throw him away and find a new one.
Add in number 3, he's negging her to reduce her sense of self worth, so she'll think that nobody else will want her.
Even if he's got a pencil dick it wouldn't explain his actions in telling her that. Death grip probably wouldn't either. But negging her because he's a pathetic loser without redeeming qualities that would make her stick around, would make perfect sense.
If she's too embarrassed to talk about what he said to her more experienced friends and find out that it's a million times more likely that he's got a tiny penis, she'd probably believe him. Thank goodness she said something to the random internet strangers and she'll get flooded with people explaining that the problem is him and not her.
PLEASE dump this guy immediately
Throw the whole trash-ass man away. Some women just have wider-set vaginas. Some men have micro penises. He sounds like he has a small peepee, and is taking it out on her.
ALSO FIR THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW!!! A penis won’t stretch out a vagina to the point it’s “loose”. Vaginas are designed to push a whole human out of a tiny hole, and have that hole go back to basically the same size as before. If a bowling ball being shoved through your clacker doesn’t flat out destroy it, then a penis isn’t going to, either. The amount of men who believe the size of a woman’s vagina is indicative of her sexual past is insane. The fact so many men have no clue how vaginas work (and loudly proclaim their imagined reasons are a fact) terrifies me.
No wonder so many can’t make a girl cum…they have no clue how it works beyond PIV, man-centered sex. They basically do the ‘insert peen here and jackhammer away til she screams’, and believe it’s an orgasm. Like…Sir, she’s screaming in pain, please don’t fool yourself. Ugh.
“Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina”
If he’s not a virgin, I don’t think he’s ever really aroused a lass before. This makes this so much worse because she sounds like she was happily enjoying it, was comfortable and had trust in him and he’s just used his own inexperience and insecurities as a weapon to make her feel like shit. I mean, he’s got what he’s wanted on that she’ll never be comfortable with him again and it’ll be tight as a church mouses ear and she’ll be dry as a nuns cunt. Poor lass.
Sounds like he’s the one with the problem, kick to crub and move on
Sooo what I am getting is that homeboy couldn’t swim in the ocean cause he lacked the proper equipment and blamed the virgin for it?!?
And that is my favorite response
I don't think I've ever wanted to hug someone so badly as I do this poor girl. What a disgusting little boy that SHOULD BE EX BF is. Truly vile.
“Man is pissed at partner because dick is too small”
I'm sorry, but you probably can't fix a micro penis.
Also vaginas are not identical person to person, do men not realize that? Just like all the rest of a person’s body parts vary between individuals, such as penises…
He is a misogynist and a liar with a skinny dick. Move on! You deserve better than this.
This is definitely a inadequacy issue. “I dont feel my penis is large enough, in fact i think its quite small, so I will just ruin my partners confidence instead of addressing my own issues.”
Someone needs to call Whole Man Disposal Services.
While I feel terrible for the OOP, I also want to shake some sense into her. She's still defending dude, seems to have no intention of breaking up and her comments overall have a feeling of her sticking her fingers in her ears and saying "lalalalala" to the supportive and genuinely helpful comments. Like, I get it. She's young, naive and confused. But, how many times does she need to hear "this is not your fault. Your bf is wrong." before she gets it through her thick skull?! People on the OP are pointing her towards sources for accurate anatomy info, for healthy sex positive info, for information on death grip and its effects...and she's STILL all "why would my bf lie about watching porn?" and "how do I fix this?". Girl, GIRL!! There is no fixing it because you are not broken, HE IS! I hope the overwhelming response to her of DTMFA gets through eventually.
Men don’t ruin your relationships because you simply don’t know how vaginas work. Challenge: IMPOSSIBLE
Replace the boyfriend. He is defective. Must have snuck by QC. Sent him back with he receipts, and a new one will be maled (or femaled depending on availability or needs) to you.
Oh I have sneaky suspicion someone death grips a little too often...
So... Is ben shapiro cheating on his wife now?
Maybe he’s too small
Dump him sis. Wtf is wrong with these men???
I would have said: "Well how small do you need it?"
Throw the whole man away. Sex is supposed to make both parties feel good and to bring them together and closer as a couple. NOT to insult, belittle and abuse the other. Hell no, say goodbye now and save yourself a lot of pain. He’s showing you who he is so believe him
Ummm your boyfriend sounds like a loser and has no education in human anatomy and that sex does not make a woman's vagina loose only guys with tiny weiners say that. Tell him his penis is so thin that if you painted it silver bent the tip it would look like a kickstand on a bike.
Apparently he also complained that she was “too wet.” Sounds like the dude is angry that it wasn’t more painful for her.