Humbled - training is NOT the issue or the answer

Oh my friend it’s ok to not go for for walkies all the time! Focus on mental enrichment while you heal up (physically and mentally). Once you feel ready to try again start super slowly, giving both of you time to relax for a couple of days in between.

For indoor enrichment: nosework/scentwork, fill up a box with toys and throw a bunch of kibble in it, let him shred a head of cabbage (messy for you but my dog loves doing this), licki mats/bowls, chew bones (use a dog safe holder for bully sticks and the like), trick training, pet geek feeder (they hit a button and the kibble comes out—you can spread them out pretty far from each other), sit on the floor and put a leg against something and toss a treat from side to side so he has to jump over, practice calming techniques like the 1-2-3 game that you can use outside after a time…the list is endless!

Are you sure your dog likes thier walks??? People always assume wagging tail, etc means positive excitement, sometimes its just excitement but not in a good way. A dig can get overstimulated and then the get triggered easily.

U may want to consider a home treadmill? Especially for a high energy dog, there are ines made especially for dogs.

I haven't stopped walking my reactive heeler, but we definitely don't walk as much as we used to. We spend a lot of time playing fetch in the backyard, playing tug and with a flirt pole for exercise. I have so so so many enrichment toys for meals. I have a significant number of stuffed dog toys for inside play. I have herding balls, and I make make makeshift agility courses, and my 18 month old son is learning to throw a ball. My fella also loves sun bathing, so I installed a dog door to the backyard and a ring camera so I can check up on him and call him in if need be. We have dig defense spikes along our fence lines because one of our neighbors has 3 crazy, escape artist dogs.

When we leave the house, I muzzle my dog. Muzzle training has been the single best thing I have ever done for my boy. I can not recommend it highly enough. Our walks are peaceful. People see us coming and cross the road, folks with off leash dogs (usually) leash their dog (but if they don't, my dog and I are protected by my dog being leashed and muzzled). We live in south Texas, and off leash and stray dogs are rampant.

We do regular neighbourgood walking sometimes, but our favourite place to walk is empty sports grounds early in the morning. I have a non reactive dog too, I put them on a long line, and we take a lazy walk. If the dog park is empty, we go in and play fetch. I hang his muzzle on the gate and stand next to it to let anyone who turns up know to let us out before they come in.

Reactive dogs definitely need special consideration for all their lives, but it is what it is. I hope you can figure out a way to give your pup his best, and safest life <3

Are you able to drive your dog somewhere else to walk? This has been a game changer for us. We drive to a nice expansive industrial park type area, but they also have fields between the buildings and lots of mice for our dog to smell, which she finds super fun. I am finally able to relax and enjoy walks because if there is someone else with a dog there we will see them from very far away and can always hide in the fields that border the sidewalks. If you can find somewhere similar that you can drive to I highly recommend it.

I also second the person who suggested a vet behaviorist referral. Medication could benefit your dog for sure.

Finally, way to be there helping your dog! It is super hard...

I have a five year old reactive German shepherd dog. Her last walk was over a year ago. She saw another dog and got so worked up she broke her collar and was loose on a busy street. I went home and ordered her a treadmill. She took right to that and loves it. We do enrichment games and learn more tricks. I’ve noticed if I try to take her on a walk she is extremely alert on guard just waiting for another dog to show up. She’s not relaxed for a second. She gets some time in the yard but I don’t think she misses walks.

Oh gosh, I empathize. My wife BURST into tears after a walk last year and I know that I have come close myself. Nighttime walks did make life easier. But in truth, we started exploring other options for exercise and that made life so much easier for us -- and it truly improved our relationship with our sweet, leash-reactive pup.

How does your dog do off-leash? Can you take him to a dog park or off-leash area and let him run around a bit? If that doesn't seem like a good/safe option for Odie, have you considered renting a Sniff Spot so that he has some private space?

Finally, I will share that medications like fluoxetine and trazodone helped my anxious girl quite a lot. We are in a totally different place than we were last year, and I am very grateful for that. Don't give up hope!

We walk as much as we can but at off hours. Early morning, late at night, or mid workday bc I WFH.

If he has a bad reaction we’ll hold off on walks for a few days and replace with indoor enrichment or sniffspots if necessary, that way his body has time to work the cortisol out.

it’s okay to not do neighborhood walks, if you can fit in one or two longer nature hikes a week or going to sniff sports instead and do training at your house and enrichment that could be a good mix. i’m not in the camp of never walk your dog but picking different spots can help. i got to that point with my reactive dog but we came out the other side, but for now it’s okay to take breaks from the walks and the work 

The last trainer we saw had 30 years of experience in police and service dog training. He flat out said, « why are you walking your dog if all it does is cause him stress? ». He said to stop walking him altogether, to only take him out in isolated areas on a long line and let him explore, and do enrichment work at home and in our yard.

I think your next course of action is to approach your vet for referral to a behaviourist. It may be medication will help your dogs hyperarousal and get them below threshold where they are able to take on board a behaviour modification programme and relax enough

It is absolutely fine to stop walking your fog especially neighbour hood walks! You sound like you both need a stress break to let the hormones fall and trigger stacking reduce and there are other ways to enrich and tire your dog especially if you have a garden

https://www.hannegrice.com/walk-the-dog/stress-in-dogs-what-we-cant-see/

Honestly a really good thing to do when you do want to take your dog out is to.... if you have access to a car is to pop your dog in a covered crate in the car so they don't get to hyped up in transit and get them out to the countryside or a running field or sniffspot for breaks at a regular intervals

You can also take them really out of hours retail parks or science parks. Cemetaries if they permit dogs are good too

Anywhere with open space and reduced dogs so you can work on their foundation skills and lower their arousal outside

But a behaviourist or your vet and a behaviourist level trainer is a must!

But give them a break and up at home enrichment

https://aniedireland.com/100daysofenrichment/

In home enrichment, training and play is really tiring for a dog just as much as a walk.

Honestly I hate neighborhood walks and so does my dog. Its harder for her to ignore other reactive dogs across the street but when we are at the park/hiking trails she is a lot more calm and overall unbothered at any distance. We also walk on a long-line quite frequently in open spaces and she enjoys it a lot more than short lead walks.

I do neighborhood walks occasionally but usually early mornings or when its less busy walking times just so she keeps up her short lead walking skills.

Your dog probably isn’t having enough time to reduce the stress hormones between walks. Driving to a quiet area once a day or every other day is going to be so beneficial for you both and build up confidence again. Once my dog has had a walk with multiple triggers it’s a write off for a while. It can take 3 days for the cortisol to reduce. Sniffspots are great, longer leash sniff walks in huge visible fields are great. Some dogs just aren’t cut out for neighbourhood walks and passing other dogs in close proximity. My dog also loves walks but quality over quantity is so much better for you both. Trainers are good but you can’t train out a dogs genetics and good management is key. Muzzle training is an excellent deterrent to other ‘friendly’ dog walkers too. My dog has trazadone for particularly stressful times and it just brings her down from being at 110%. Others have great success with Prozac for dogs all of which aren’t a quick fix but just enable your dog to be calm enough to make good decisions and actually listen to the training you’ve both worked so hard on. On a good day my dog is perfect, on a bad day I’d swear she was completely deaf and all our training goes out the window! Speak to a veterinary behaviourist and continue with reactivity training. It can and will get better for you both.

We don't walk in our neighborhood. I like cemeteries for wandering instead.

If it were up to me, my dog would not get walked all the time (2-3 times a day), but he gets incredibly bored with our front and back yard because neither are big and spacious, so it’s minimum 2 walks a day usually. He can be reactive on walks with strangers and other dogs, and has pulled and lunged and nearly broken my damn bones. What has helped us is training, rewarding for sitting and looking and ONLY that, and doing early morning and later night walks. I know you said he’s gotten tons of training, but every dog is different and once they hit their threshold it’s hard to recover from. Usually towards the end of my dogs walk he hits it without being triggered by anything and it can be a terrible process just to get him back to the house. Try indoor and yard activities and see if your dog is ok with it! It might be something he enjoys more.

Absolutely, reducing walks in stressful environments was one of the best things I ever chose for us. Dial up the indoor (mental and physical) exercise and use every opportunity you get for decompression walks out in nature or in safe enclosed spaces. My dog got so much better after that

We drive away from home to a place to walk. I am so sorry as I completely understand what you are going through. We all have bad days and its ok!! you are doing amazing.

Late night and early morning walks. Hands free leash. Try renting at Sniffspot.com. You'll have your own area to play. Nose work is good too. Avoiding dogs, controlling contact distance to give you both a break is good too.

Three times a day is a lot, especially if he's getting triggered all the time. When my dog was getting triggered every walk we did three walks but only 5-10 minutes each to get it down to something manageable so that her experiences outside were consistently good (or at least not bad). If we had a yard this probably would've been even less. 

Now we are able 30-45 minutes twice a day and we walk during off times, 2-3pm and also 10-11pm to reduce triggers and she has a reaction maybe once a week and mostly provoked.

I throw the ball for my dog because he loves it and nothing can get his attention away from it enough for him to react. If we go on a walk it’s literally a 5-10 minute excursion up and down the same area where I know there will be no barking dogs or other triggers. He’s happy and relaxed, can sniff things, and it’s enough enrichment. Any more and he just gets anxious.

All of my past dogs have been fine now any situation and I took them with me everywhere. I’m sad it’s not the same for my current dog, but I’ve adapted our activities so that he’s happy and I’m relaxed. The only real downside is having to board him at a place he likes, rather than taking him on vacations where there is no way to control the environment enough for him.

Can I ask what your routine is for passing other dogs? I don’t know your dog but our trainer has managed to successfully train like 95% of the dogs that go through her program if the handlers work through her steps. Maybe I could try to spell it out for you if your current routine isn’t working and isn’t what she already suggests.

I had an extremely leash reactive German shothsir pointer mix for many years.

Two suggestions: 1-get a leash you can wrap around your torso/hips. At my heaviest, I was 5 times heavier than her. She could still make me wipe out even in her old age if she was triggered. I learned to use my weight to my advantage, and anchor the leash to my torso (in addition to my hand/wrist). She broke one of my friend's hand because she had wrapped the leash around her hand, and my dog saw an "enemy" and had to save us. 🙃 I started anchoring the leash to my person after that.

2- change the times you go out. It isn't convenient, but it will make everything easier. We had to move our walk times to avoid triggers. So we did early morning walks (like, 530 am, before the commuters and mommies emerged for the day) and late night runs (like 9 pm, sometimes as late as 1030). We were fortunate to have a really nice, several acre dog park near by, so for lunch I'd take her there(she enjoyed other dogs and people, but just could NOT meet them on leash).

I also became a master of off road adventures with her. We had a few forest preserves in the surrounding towns, so I got a good pair of hiking shoes and we'd go off path into the trees. She LOVED being able to sniff ALL THE THINGS, and we rarely ran into people or other dogs (squirrels and deer were another story though🐿️🐿️🐿️).

My dog gets his walks very early in the morning and fairly late at night to avoid others.

That said, have you considered anxiety meds? It's worth discussing with your vet. I was hesitant for all the same reasons people are hesitant to get themselves medicated, but it puts him at a more normal baseline to make decisions and react to stressors from.

If you have the capacity hire a behavior manager who is certified in fear free dog training. Also, a vet behaviorist. We STUGGLED for a solid 2 years with our boy. After the behavior manager and vet behaviorist he is a completely different dog. It cost a pretty penny, but we have pet insurance so it covered the vet stuff. I empathize with you on another level! I am sending you all my good vibes and I hope you can find a nice middle ground for both you and your pup!

We moved out of our apartment complex where we had major problems with off-leash dogs so we could move into a house with a private backyard.

Welllll...guess what? Now we have more off-leash dogs that jump our fence to try to play with our dogs so our dogs are back on a leash again IN THEIR OWN PRIVATE BACKYARD because people can't be bothered to keep their "friendly" dogs from roaming the neighborhood all day and night. One house lets their large female pitbull outside when they leave in the morning, rain or shine, hot or cold. Imo that borders on abuse/neglect. Not to mention the nightmare it causes for us.

It's a struggle that those of us with reactive dogs (we have two) will never see the end of, no matter what.

Others have mentioned many great walk-related ideas, but I think medication (through your vet or a vet behaviourist) is worth considering! I don’t think our pup would have made the progress she has without the meds she is on today. It can make life so much less stressful for them (and the human side of the leash by proxy) if you find a med / med combo that works well.

Some people have some success with adaptil collars and Zylkene, as some potential short term-ideas in case they might help in the meantime.

I can relate to so much of this. My 92 lb. dog actually caused my partner to break his leg a few months ago because he saw what I assume was an 8 lb dog (unleashed, yay) out on a hiking trail. He’s so well trained and has amazing behavior… when he can’t see another dog. Multiple trainers said he was hopeless. Medication did not help. Sending him away to be trained did not help. Those behavior collars did not help.

I’m sure I’m echoing so much of what’s been said but we realized walks near home just were not an option for us most days. We take advantage of late night walks when we both have to work closing shifts, and hikes in nearby state forests (esp. when it’s a little rainy/cold/ or early morning on weekdays because all of those things decrease the chance of people /other dogs. We found state forests are way less visited than state parks. We sometimes drive him to a nearby baseball field at night and just run around with him until he tires out.

Sometimes it feels so much better than when he came into my life 5 years ago and sometimes a little setback (like a broken leg) makes me feel hopeless. But honestly reframing how we thought about what to do for him has made a major difference overtime. I don’t know if I can ever stop him from getting triggered (and I’ll never stop trying to help him work towards that) but we started to focus all our energy on redirecting him faster when it does happen. Helping him trust that we want him to get away from what upsets him and find anything else to focus on. Showing him again and again that we will be calm, kind, and help him get space when he is scared. He slowly started to look to us for comfort after barking once, or even moving away on his own and asking us for a chew toy to distract himself.

This past summer we took our dog (and cat) from NY to CA on a two week road trip to see as many National State Parks as we could. My dog was able to walk in 10 National Parks and deal with some wild last minute camping situations, without any major incidents. I never could have seen myself doing that alone, let alone with a reactive dog. But he taught us that hiking is what works for him. I still couldn’t bring him to a family members house if they had a dog…. But… We listened to him, focused on what we could try to control, and have been able to do some really cool things because he kinda forced us to go outside more.

I hope you and Odie can figure out what works best for you asap. It’s very clear you love him a lot. You are not at all alone in these feelings.

Have you spoken with your vet about medication? Mt girl is on Prozac and it took the edge off just enough that I could start desensitizing her (driving to where we could see dogs fr a very far distance and slowly building up so get to getting closer). Also treated every time she looked at a dog. It took about a year but we can now walk past or greet most dogs

Not walking my dog? I wish that were an option. Once he’s had breakfast, if he hasn’t been walked yet he becomes an absolute twat. Groaning and whining and uninterested in anything but destructive chewing, guilt trip noises, and scanning for items to steal and deposit under his leash-shelf.

The thing is, he loves his walks. He pulls so hard but after years of careful evaluation, he doesn’t seem anxious or unhappy, he’s just very driven to patrol and inspect any new pee-spots or fellow dogs. A lot of it seems typical of his breed (Turkish shepherd mix) and we didn’t get him from a breeder so we don’t know how/if he was trained before he was picked up as a stray. He’s very smart and very resistant if he doesn’t think your command is a good idea/to his benefit.

Walking early (before sunrise) is our best bet. All the other dogs are usually asleep (not my guy!) and not too many fresh pee spots to obsess over. He really likes our 2-3 block route around our neighborhood and when we try to go further (or start a walk from a new location) he’s far less interested because it’s not his home territory.

Oh and I sympathize- my shoulders hurt all of the time. Someone (many people) recommend a head halter over a harness for obvious reasons (harnesses help your dog pull heavy things) but he hasn’t responded well at all to our halter training. He won’t budge as it’s not fun for him. Sometimes I think he lives for the tight pull around his ribs, counterweighted by my body weight in the opposite direction

All that to say, if you can forgo walks, give yourself a gift and play with dog at home for a day.

First of all, I love your post. It was so all written and I have the same problem. I have a three-year-old German Shepherd. I’ve done all the same things thousands of dollars in training to no avail. He’s the smartest dog in the world until another dog comes near him twice we both almost got pulled into traffic and once he pulled me around on my stomach and I finally realized this isn’t safe for either of us so we rarely give on walks. Fortunately, we have a fenced in yard and I’ve bought agility toys that I put in the house for him to use and I play with him a lot to keep him busy and active, I feel very guilty, but our health and well-being is more important

A lot of this has been said but I want to just empathize and try to provide some thoughts that have helped me.

First, it’s really hard. I can’t say enough how amazing you are for trying to work through it. My GSD and I are on year 4 of our reactivity journey and I only realized about a year ago that there is no solving; there is management, problem solving, and ongoing work. You rock for sticking with your pup. A lot would not.

Second, I’ve found amazing benefits from a combination of medication and training what is called Lat Work. I’m not sure what training you’ve done with your dog but - as silly as it sounds - rewarding and reinforcing my Charlie for sitting there silently in the presence of minor distractions to start was the most impactful thing I’ve done aside from Gabapentin and Prozac. It took a bit to get dosage and cocktail right but it’s helped a ton. I won’t recommend them for you as I’m not a vet or behaviorist but if you’re at your wits end I would say to talk to your vet about the option.

Finally - I carry high value treats in a bait bag with me for every walk. We do mostly early morning and early evening but we’ve been able to do mid days in the neighborhood for a while now after the meds and constant reinforcement. There are still triggers. There are still hard days. But knowing when to turn around. When to just call it early. And when you can push through is important. Right now it may be that you need to turn around at the sight of a dog 100 yards away. That was me at the beginning. Now, with some exception, I can simply walk off trail 15 feet and keep my dogs attention as others walk by with theirs. But I can’t keep walking and expect mine to stay calm. We’ve developed a plan together and now when we see anyone walk towards us, my dog takes me off trail and waits for his reward.

None of this may work, and you may have tried all of it already. But I want to reiterate that you’re awesome, and that what you’re feeling is acceptable. Thank you for doing your best for your dog.

I took a break from walking my dog for like a month once before I was able to get him on meds. It was the best thing for both of us. He likes being out on a walk but he would get super stressed seeing other dogs and I would be stressed the whole time. I have a yard and just played with him out there instead.

When we were able to get in to see the behaviorist, she said that was the right decision and that not all dogs benefit from walks. Once a dog goes over threshold, it can take up to 72 hours for their cortisol (stress hormone) levels to return to normal. If you continue to take them out for an activity that stresses them out, those levels are gonna stay high, they’re not gonna have the chance to settle down. So while it may be good for dogs to get the exercise, if walks are stressing them out, it affects them negatively both mentally and physically. For my dog, Prozac made a huge difference, and walks are way easier now.

We go on walks at 5am and if we see dogs, they’re easier to get away from and less likely we’ll run into a second right after.

Also - it’s comforting to hear someone with your former opinion and dog experience say how hard this is. Thanks for sharing that with us.

Best advice I’ve had for walking my dog is to wear her out with playing at home, first. Not foolproof, but it does seem to help a bit.

Also, love the name Odie!

On Sunday mornings I take mine to a school yard with a huge field on a slope. It’s not used by the kids, they have a great playground and the slope is a bit steep for play. I also have a community college nearby that is also quiet on weekends. My crazy baby has gotten much better as she ages. And I’ve learned her triggers and she has learned to look to me if she starts to freak out. It gets better.

We found that our local cemetery is pet friendly (just be respectful and stay on the main path and don't let your pup potty on the graves or headstones). It's very quiet and anyone else that's there with a dog is there for the same reason. (We all give each other a HUGE amount of distance)

But it's also ok to not walk if it's going to set you both up for failure. The only time my dog goes out near my house is just to go to the bathroom.

Take a break from walking in the immediate neighborhood. https://www.baywoof.org/featured-article/tiptoe-past-the-triggers-rethinking-neighborhood-walks

My experience sounds similar to yours and one thing that works is exercising (we do indoor fetch) before the walk and training off and on for most of the walk. For example, walk in the heel position for 5 hours then released to just be a dog for a moment to sniff, then back on the heel position.

At the end of the day, you may just never walk him again and that’s okay as long as enrichment is provided elsewhere.

Sending you love! With my dog I started walking him at really quiet times which massively helped eg 5am

I get behavioral medications from my regular vet. To see a behaviorist here costs $500 for the initial visit. I can’t afford that. Also the above suggestions are wonderful.

It's really consistency for me it's been 3 years of pushing thru it.

I'm a 60 yr old female with a 75 lb pitbull (I weigh 110).

The first 2 years walking her I cried my eyes out everyday. Then I desperately watched you tube videos on walking reactive dogs.

Now I literally start coaxing her as soon as I see "danger" ahead (this can even be a lady walking a baby in a stroller) I repeatedly and softly tell her no while jerking her collar when we get past I give her a treat if she didn't bark.

I literally stop in the middle of the road after the pass and praise and pet and give the treat. But this took 2 years for her to understand.

Last week the first walks of the spring I was nervous again. Because this winter I really slacked at walks. I wasn't feeling well and didn't have the energy.

So last week she did so good (she remembered) and after walking by a guy doing his yard without incident she stopped and looked at me. I didn't know why and then it clicked and thankfully I had treats and gave her the reward and then she happily pranced along.

She does not walk this well with my son her owner because he refuses the treat theory and wants her to just listen. Hence he can't be bothered so he only takes her to isolated fields to play fetch instead of walks.

I swear if you are consistent and patient your dog can be trained.

And any time she barked with me I told her bad girl.

If you can't manage the reactivity, you have to manage the environment.

My dog is an absolute basket case. We're so lucky that we live in a rural area but it's still almost impossible to walk him without an incident because a car might go by.

So we don't really take him on walks. He plays fetch in the yard and still gets lots of exercise - it just has to be at home. We walk the perimeter of our property and he marks it and knows it's his. I think staying in "his" territory helps him feel safe.

Playing catch in a gated ares maybe might help at least get some exercise in. I hear playing catch before a walk can help. I really like the idea of you going early morning and evening.

I agree too, "friendly" off leash dogs are my worst nightmare. I have a large breed dog and I keep my dogs leashed. But my large breed literally is sweet but these offleash dogs want to try growl and get tough with my large dog everytime. Cause my big guy gets a little excited and his size is intimidating.

My little chihuahua has actually been attacked and almost has his baby nose bitten off, random dogs running up to my guys is a no.

The other day literally 10 dogs offleash on the trail and owners said they had no leashes on them. I hate society. Or at least the entitlement or laziness of "my dog is friendly" owners.

We gave up walking for a while for the same reason, our neighborhood is full of barking front yard dogs and people walking their dogs. My dog (a pitbull) screams like she’s being brutally attacked and becomes completely unhinged when she sees other dogs from pretty much any distance.

She still has lots of energy so we take her to some places LATE at night that are fully fenced and gated, public tennis courts and a school playground near our home. She can run as much as she wants and play fetch so she still gets exercise. We also practice walking and training twice daily but she can’t go more than about a quarter of a block and we always want to stay close to home in case we need to escape from a dog sighting. It sucks but it’s way better than trying to walk her and having constant dog screaming freak outs.

Yes, I have two reactive dogs that were both adopted in their early adulthood. I have always raised other dogs from puppyhood and had no idea it could be like this. I do not walk them or take them anywhere unnecessarily. They have a huge yard to guard and they are happier to remain on their own territory. Good luck.

YES you can stop walking them! You may have to find another form of exercise, but a dog who is getting physical exercise but super stressed out by triggers is usually a less healthy and happy dog than a dog who isn't getting enough physical exercise but is also not dealing with a rush of fight or flight hormones numerous times every day.

If the exercise turns out to be hard to find substitutions for for your dog in particular, there's always a DogPacer treadmill.

Reactivity isn't something that you can simply operant condition away, but it is something that you can approach with a behavior plan and make ongoing slow improvements with. Your dog is highly unlikely to begin happily greeting every dog he meets. But it IS possible that you will be able to walk your dog in a safe neighborhood (with no loose dogs) and have him behave neutrally towards the leashed or fenced dogs you do pass.

Because this involves the fight or flight sympathetic nervous system, you have to go a lot deeper within the dog's brain to start creating changes, and the very first one is that the dog needs to feel safe in his daily life routine. While he may be eager or excited to go in walks, that is an arousal of his nervous system that could easily be both partially caused by his reactions on the walks (fight or flight is still exciting and invigorating, if not fun type exciting) as well as be feedback loop amping him up to react more strongly at the next encounter with a trigger. It takes a few days for the majority of a cortisol dump to dissipate from the bloodstream, and it can take weeks to get back to baseline. I would try to start with a cortisol vacation, so avoid triggers for at least two weeks without any reaction. During this time there's really no need to be too concerned with exercise because his brain and body will need so much extra rest to recover as the stress hormones leave his system that lack of exercise generally doesn't even come up for dogs like this until a couple weeks have passed.

If you think he would cope with stress better on anxiety meds, ask your vet for some head meds! You don't have to stay married to them forever if they stop being of benefit, but if you see him recover better from triggers after a few months on meds, then why not use every tool available to get him to a less freaked out baseline.

There's an online course called Brilliant Partners Academy (Kawalec) that focuses more on building trust and stability between you and your dog and putting to use the more recent research into neuroplasticity and emotionsl regulation instead of counterconditioning and desensitization training, which is likely too intense for your dog at the moment. Especially if you are feeling like training isn't working, it's affordable and gives you an approach that's pretty different from most positive trainers (without use of punishers). A lot of it is finding ways to support your dog better so that the two of you work together as a more adult team with different strengths and lots of autonomy. She can sound a little hippy dippy when you first get into the courses, but in my experience there's some decent science behind most of her recommendations when you go looking.

Otherwise, I would look for a board certified veterinary behaviorist. There's usually a wait and you may have to travel, but this can be really helpful when you are feeling stuck without progress. General vets only get one class in behavior for their degree so a specialist can be extremely helpful when dogs are as tricky as your sounds. They are quite expensive but one helped my dog and me when I was feeling like if I didn't find some way to start making progress I might have to consider BE. They know a lot more about the full range of head meds available and how they interact with other meds, whereas most primary care vets I have seen have only been comfortable with a few different meds at pretty low dosages. But they also look into training and the environment and everything else to help you get your dog improving so it's more than just the drugs.

You make such a good point. There is souch judgement circulating in the pet owner world. Ever sit at a rescue or shelter and listen to the staff bash anyone who returns a dog? And with so many dogs coming out of situations where they didn't get proper training early at best and were severely abused and neglected at worst, adopting a dog is sometimes a crazy hard undertaking. Everyone deserves to have a companion that brings joy to their life. Not everyone is in a position to handle a pup that has bigger issues. People don't want to support puppy mills but adopting rescue pups can sometimes mean major behavioral issues. People need to turn their judgement into understanding and compassion. ❤️

I so appreciate this post. I have the goodest, sweetest girl, who is an angel off-leash, her daycare says she’s everyone’s friend and she goes on pack walks weekly where she is obedient and greets the newbies well. I noticed reactive behavior in her at about 5 months and immediately got her training (after having a total meltdown about what it might mean for her life long-term) and learned all the tricks. I took her to all the socialization, did all the “neutrality” training, and it really feels like it is paying off. We take 5 mile walks on the weekends and she is so excited to get saddled up (we use a Halti gentle leader and it’s an absolute godsend) and walks at a heel the whole time ignoring all the other dogs. We can walk past other dogs in the neighborhood for potty breaks and so long as we take a wide angle, she can be on a slack leash. I really started to feel like I was doing it, like I had conquered her reactivity.

And then today, we went on a long walk in the neighborhood, and in the last ~5 minutes, walked past a cafe that she loves. I didn’t see that one man there at an outdoor table had an off-leash dog next to him. All of a sudden my dog reacted and scared this man’s dog. I pulled her away and got her attention and she immediately calmed down. All in time for me to hear this man say under his breath “fucking ridiculous”. I couldn’t help myself, I stopped and stared directly at him and he said “you heard me”. I said that I was sorry that I didn’t see them and he said “that’s no excuse, socialize your dog”. I tried to calmly explain I have socialized her, to which he said “THAT thing isn’t socialized” and that I have trained her every day for 2 years, to which he replied “I don’t care”. So I told him he was rude and that I hoped he could find someone to be kind to sometime today. I was proud of how calm I stayed, and even prouder of how calm my girl stayed.

And then I got home and lost it. Couldn’t function working for the rest of the day just crying. It felt like such a step back but also a realization that if she reacts even so seldomly, it doesn’t matter, she will be defined by the people around her as a bad dog and me a bad owner. It just hurts so bad so needed to vent.

Thank you for posting this and being so honest and for all of the repliers being so encouraging. I also thought that if I just did everything “right” my dog would be perfect. She is perfect to me, I love her more than myself, but it still makes me sad sometimes that other people won’t see her for the beautiful soul she is.

As for advice, the most important thing I learned to do with my dog was to give her enough space from her triggers to be able to not react AND be on a slack leash. My trainer said that the leash tension was potentially making things worse and to reward her for being neutral on a slack leash. That was the best advice and has been a game changer for us. Also, pack walks with an experienced dog walker have been incredible. Her reactivity is due to frustration, she just had major FOMO lol. The pack walks have taught her to be chill around other dogs and just walk like a good girl. The dogs in the pack gently correct each other and display the preferred behaviors that the whippersnappers pick up on. Her walker is also incredible, so gentle and patient but expects her to be good and waits to take her out until she is.

Good luck with your pup! You’re a good mom. I know because you care enough to be honest, ask for help, and not give up on your baby :)