Moderator removed post
Hi u/PolyAnon420 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
My wife and I (44M) opened our relationship about 3 years ago. We had our ups and downs, but eventually came to the decision that while we don't want to break up our family (3 kids), we are not fullfiling each others needs. I wanted to open the relationship, and she basically agreed under the condition that she doesn't know anything about anything (don't ask don't tell). We remained friends, never had sex with each other since and continued the parenting aspect as if nothing changed.
For the past 3 years, I was quite active, including one meaningful relationship which lasted 1.5 years. Recently I've become intimate with a female friend of mine, which my wife knows (she is not friends with her). My wife found out and since then we have been on a rollercoaster of emotions. Apparently she though I was having casual sex which did not involve any feelings.
While I didn't break our "contract", I understand why it bothers her. However, this has led to much deeper discussions about our relationship. We are openly talking about either "closing" our relationship, optimizing the contract and breaking up. My wife said that she would want us to "close" our relationship, although we both agree that such a situation is probably not sustainable. She says that she cannot agree to an open marriage where there are feelings towards the other woman. I don't understand why. If our marriage has lost its love, why should I not be able to look for it elsewhere? Our domestic life is good and respectful. As for breaking up, maybe it's inevitable, but still sad. Our kids are small and experiencing a good family home.
I confused and sad. What should I do?
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Posts must be relevant to polyamory, as defined by our community description:
Polyamory is only one specific type of ethical non-monogamy. It doesn't sound like that's what this post is about, so try /r/nonmonogamy?
There are a lot of flavors of non-monogamy, and polyam is just one.