Moderator removed post
We noticed that this post/comments may pertain to safer sex practices, STI exposure, and/or STI testing. Let's everyone make sure we are not using problematic or stigmatizing language around this topic. Please refrain from using the words clean/dirty when what you really mean is STI negative/positive. Members, please feel free to report any comments to mods that are adding to the shame and stigma of being STI positive.
For more information on destigmatizing STI's by changing your vocabulary please see "CLEAN OR DIRTY? THE ROLE OF STIGMATIZING LANGUAGE" as well as the article "Having an STI Isn’t Dirty or Shameful, and Acting like It Is Hurts All of Us"
It is the stance of this sub that even the term "STD" is problematic language as "disease" is a stigmatizing word, whereas infections can be treated. Also, not everyone with an infection develops symptoms, and since there is technically no disease without symptoms, STI is the more scientifically accurate term.
advice and opinions about STI's shared by community members is not medical information and all posters should refer to their primary care physicians as well as trusted sources such as the CDC, WHO, planned parenthood, or other available resources.
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Hi u/Medium_Rock_5920 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I'm (26f) in a relationship with my boyfriend (m32), and we agreed to have an open relationship when we first started dating 2 years ago. We made a few rules--no hooking up with people we'd already been with romantically, not to tell each other when we started seeing someone else, and to wear protection with the people we did hook up with.
He told me that he had been in a situationship with a girl before he met me, and I found out tonight that they met up about a year ago (I'm assuming they hooked up, but I don't know for sure). Around that same time last year, I had gotten several yeast infections from him, and asked him if he had hooked up with anyone so I knew if I should test for STD's (I hadn't been seeing anyone else at that time). He said no.
Should I/how do I bring this up with him? I'm worried about him denying it, not having tangible proof, and if it was actually a non-sexual meet up. If he owns up to hooking up with her, is this grounds to break it off?
tl;dr: boyfriend possibly didn't follow our rules for the open relationship, and am finding out about it a year later. need advice on how to bring it up
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Posts must be relevant to polyamory, as defined by our community description:
Polyamory is only one specific type of ethical non-monogamy. It doesn't sound like that's what this post is about, so try /r/nonmonogamy?
There are a lot of flavors of non-monogamy, and polyam is just one.