Pontifical Swiss Guard with a Halberd standing at Vatican City
"This Vatican ain't big enuff fer the both of us..."
It's also the State with the highest concentration of military special forces which make up a good number of Swiss Gaurds. That nerdy-looking fellow is likely a trained killer.
Ehhh they're more like a cross between standard the army MP and US Secret Secret Service. Our training in the Swiss army isn't anything special, and the guards are simply a VIP protective service.
And in this case VIP stands for "Very Important Pedo".
Why are they Swiss?
Swiss mercs historically guard the pope
They’re still technically mercenaries. Swiss mercenaries were hired as bodyguards for many monarchs, notably France. Swiss law now forbids the practice with a special exemption for the Pontifical Swiss Guards.
Wonder if they are trained to use it or they are supposed to drop it and reach for a gun in cases of emergency.
He's probably trained. But holding a ceremonial weapon. If you get past him there will be others like him holding real weapons that will kill anything that gets in that gate.
There's probably a Sig SG 550 sitting in the shack. He's also probably quite capable of killing you with no weapons at all.
I like to imagine they drill extensively with their renaissance weaponry as well
Nah, he's just a nerd! What's he gonna do with that haliberd anyways? Try to poke my ass when I come with my m60,, flamethrower and compound bow with explosive arrows? And those clothes, where did he get them, from the toilet store? Frigging nerd!
Why didn't anyone tell me the toilet store now sells clothes?!
Yeah, but look at his boots.
Retired pope died a while back
You missed the joke :)
Ah, because it’s .5km. I did indeed
Probably has one of the higher concentrations of pedophiles per square kilometer as well.
Figured the Vatican could at least afford to keep guard shacks painted and in good shape.
Guess peeling paint is a truly universal guard shack reality
Hey come on that's a nice pallet he's standing on.
What do you think the Palletine hill was named for?
Yeah, I was gonna say. I'm sure they have a few trinkets worth a few bucks lying around they could hawk to pay for a couple cans of paint.
This is the boutique distressed look, and companies pay thousands of dollars to neglect their properties properly
Psh they can’t even afford to upgrade their medieval units.
No no no. The entire Italian(Vatican City) aesthetic is that everything is perpetually in a state of artful decay. Applying fresh paint would ruin the experience.
Spent too much on those sick ass boots.
I wonder if he has a chair to sit inside the shack? I don't remember it 🤔
If he sits in the chair and falls asleep the Vatican will get robbed
LOL 
The Vatican isn't as extremely rich as people seem to think. Before the pandemic hit tourism their budget was about $300 million a year. Contrast that to $200 million annual budget for the Catholic diocese of Chicago. (and bear in mind the Vatican also serves as the diocese of Rome) Their budget got bigger in the past few years but that was mostly because they took over financial responsibility for a pediatric hospital in Rome.
Anyway, point is the Vatican isn't anywhere as rich as people think, and a lot less wealthy than you'd think for an organization as big as the Catholic Church. Not that much money gets bumped up the hierarchy.
The Vatican has about 1.6 billion in solely Italian stock holdings alone... It owns hundreds of thousands of properties across the world, including that Catholic diocese of Chicago... The Vatican Bank fund is roughly $5.6 billion worth of assets for the pope, cardinals, etc... Their gold reserves, even just in nice and spendable bars and not priceless artifacts, are thought to be quite subtantial too. I think it's highly misleading to pretend like the only money the Vatican has is its yearly tourist budget, the amount of money it's investments make no doubt exceeds that by an order of magnitude.
Thank you, this needed to be said. The Vatican is the largest non-government property owner on earth, with total holdings roughly the area of Texas. Aside from staggering capital gains potential, they also rent out much of this property. To suggest the Vatican are not extremely rich is ridiculous.
Indeed. It runs one of the most amazing real estate aggregation setups in the world too. Their parishioners pay the mortgage and at the end, do they own it? Nope. The Catholic church owns it...
Not to mention the easiest protection racket, it took a while and a lot of blood was spilt setting it up but boy is it a profit leader
So you're saying they can pay for the paint job?
I'm sure they could get a gallon of paint without breaking their $300 million budget.
No one knows how much money they truly have because they keep that a secret.
I mean they own priceless artifacts, art, books, and literally god knows how much land and gold. They could easily liquidate some assets if they wanted to but they don’t have to.
Their budget may be $300 mil but I bet it’s a drop in the bucket for their coffers.
Priceless artifacts are not particularly liquid.
I imagine a lot are gold. Cold be liquified rather easily in the right oven.
True but if they are of historical, cultural, or artistic value they are probably worth a lot more than the weight of the gold they are made of. Melting down Excalibur or the holy Grail for scrap seems a bit extreme just to pay for some paint on a guard house.
I wonder if you know how fucking dumb typing shit out like this is
And how much does it cost them to manufacture God? So... their return on investment is infinite? Talk to me more about how not extremely rich they are.
Yeah, but the market for god is quite saturated already. Especially with how easy you can make one yourself.
As if they don't have massive amounts of cash locked away. Not to mention the huge value of their land in Rome that they aren't using for anything productive other than fleecing people and hiding Pedos.
They can take a mortgage on all their real estate.
It ain't cheap to launder pedophiles. Have you looked at industry standard for moving expenses lately? A huge portion of that budget is just instantly spent on the sexual exploitation of children. So while $200-300B seems like a lot of money, so much is just tied up in day to day overhead.
But that's often just the price of admission for running an international church, apparently.
Most of the Vatican's net worth is due to property such as Churches and art work which cannot be sold. Liquid assets are probably only a fraction of that.
Probably a historical relic and the paperwork to get it painted started in 1918.
It is probably the gate they use to bring in the kids inconspicuously /s
Well it's a shack, so kind of expected.
That would take money that they prefer to spend on money laundering or protecting pedophiles in their ranks. If they bothered to put some fucking paint on the guard posts, soon they'd be doing crazy shit like... I don't know... helping the poor and sick and stuff. Who the fuck would want that?!
They could afford to feed every one on earth. They won’t, because as Jesus said “Fuck them poor, shoulda been born rich!”
Halberd Potter, the boy who stood.
Best. This should have been the caption.
Halberd Ponter
When I was there I overheard an American woman loudly explaining to her friend that they can’t move or speak, etc… basically laying out the Beefeater bit… then I approached one who was nice enough to give me directions to the gift shop. It was funny.
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King's.
And no they fucking aren't.
I mean, if one actually helps people out with a friendly demeanor and the other just stands there...
Yes
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Look at him. I'll give any random member of the Coldstream Guard 20 seconds to tie him in a knot.
Lmao pedo city.
Beefeaters can move and speak. In fact they give tours around the Tower of London. You're thinking of the King's Guard.
Oh! I thought beefeater was a more umbrella term. Thank you.
In the heart of the Holy See
In the home of Christianity
The seat of power is in danger!
Thy will be done!!!!!
Then the 189, In the service of heaven. They’re protecting the holy line. It was 1527, gave their lives on the steps to heaven Thy will be done!
FOR THE GRACE FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD
FOR THE HOME OF THE HOLY!
Yeah. On the way, our guide was telling about it.
"Harry Potter and the Things We Can't Talk About That Happened in the Chamber of Secrets."
You have some different world fetish.
ITT: sabaton quotes
They earned it, that song fucking slaps
It’s weird how a band whose two main members have said they’re not particularly religious somehow managed to come up with a song which uses religious language and imagery far better than actual religious songwriters.
that dork? i could take em
we Swiss are born carrying halberds, pity our mothers
I don't know, he's got a reach weapon and probably has sentinel. He'd stun lock you as soon as you got within range. Since he's a guard he also has more health and strength than an average commoner.
Two turns and you're down.
I'd like to see you try to get past a halberd. If he misses one way, he has at least two other ways to get you as he pulls back in.
More than two. Iirc he’s got a machine gun under that cloak.
Damn they out there giving 12 year olds machine guns.
Indiana Jones has entered the chat
I wonder if they actually train with their halberds still or if it’s just for show.
They do train with the halberds:
I wanted to take a pic with his Halberd but he didn't let me touch it. ;)
Nobody wants to be the guy who let a tourist impale someone
I thought they would be more like the Buckingham Guards and I thought I will have my Mr. Bean scene with him.
...Do they actually train with those?
idk but they carry mp5s under the cloaks for actual problems
Yep. I think I saw them carrying that.
Those robes are specifically floppy to hide his ripped biceps.
He does look a little nerdy though but don't underestimate the power of a common nerd 🤓😂
Human used to kill mammoths with less than that…
Luckily humans have stopped doing that
It was a unilateral decision by the woolly mammoths.
Hey man the uniform might seem wacky now but it was designed by a ninja turtle, you know... Michaelangelo
No wonder Michaelangelo also did that and that and that and....
I’ve read before that the Swiss guard are actually pretty badass
Unlikely, they are professional soldiers.
And he studied the blade
Part of me wants to believe that they wouldn't issue a weapon without training the person to use it.
Yes. They are professionally trained.
are they trained with the halberd or are they just for show?
They are well trained with the Halberd. The guide told us that a single soldier from Swiss army is like a one man army. Very strong. I don't know what to believe.
I recently read a book about the Swiss militia army, 'La place de la Concorde Suisse' by John McPhee (the book is in English) that discusses the Swiss military traditions.
It's very interesting, they are known for being excellent warriors and were considered the best mercenaries by Napoleon.
The book also explains how their army and defence strategy works in the modern times which is fascinating. There are hidden airfields and guns all over Switzerland ready to be activated at a moments notice. Most of their key infrastructure (bridges, railways etc.) is also permanently wired with explosives so they can destroy it to hinder attackers.
When did they start hiring 12 year olds to guard the Vatican?
Soon as they could join the Swiss Guard.
The day they deemed them too old to do... uhm what they love to do.
His shed could do with a lick of paint.
This sent me for some reason 😂
Yeah. The paint is chipping off. I just noticed.
In the heart of holy see In the home of Christianity The seat of power is in danger
Harry Potter is that you?
You're a bodyguard, Harry
He's still scaring off the boogey man 🤭
Ohh. I was pretty scared. Because behind him there are 50 more dorks in a roll-call which are not visible and trust me that group of dorks was very very scary.
"Nice boots! Doesn't your mum need them for work tonight? "
I know Michelangelo’s designs are classic but somebody should update those BDU’s.
The whole point is after this guy absolutely fucks you up, you then suffer the extra humiliation of it being done by a guy dressed like a circus tent.
A good point. Only thing worse would be if they did a funny dance and relieved themselves over your crumpled body. Would have been a great Python skit.
Sir dweeb
I still think the Catholic Church is really a long running game of D&D that they took way too seriously and forgot was just a game. Popes are basically just a succession of DMs. And what's up with everyone playing fucking monks and clerics? You'd think some would roll up a sorc or wizard or something
I love the architecture behind
I love his gaters
The boots covered with the chaps? I dont know what gaters is but yea hes got drip
Wimpy Halberd. Scaling must be E for Str. D for Dex. Durability probably a max of 10.
. . . Wait, what am I saying? It's probably a weapon and catalyst. Scaling A for Faith/Int. Boosts the power of all miracles. Durability 500, nigh unbreakable. The Holy Halberd. Wipes in PvE and destroys in PvP. Demons beware.
Don’t underestimate that Halberd.
Halberds are a pretty good weapons. Hard to counter.
I could just see it using as a poking tool.
The halberds are for show. The Swiss Guard have access to some pretty advanced weapons when SHTF, suchbas Glocks, MP-7 SMG's, SG552 Assault rifles and PSG-1 Sniper rifles.
I e heard these guys are some of the best of the best and are trained with old and modern weapons.
Heard it from the Internet tho so who knows lol
Thought this was Hogwarts for a minute.
9 confirmed kills
What would happen if you walked over with a can of paint and started to fix the paint job?
Fear of roving horsemen?
fr thought this was Harry Potter on guard duty at Hogwarts
I wonder how long this soldier in front of the main gate of the Vatican works.
I thought it was poor writing that Harry wanted to become a cop after leaving Hogwarts but here we are.
I hope they are being well enough to stand like a robot all day long while being on duty. I don't assume they stand at night too right?
So many people relating to this guy as Harry, reminds me of the parody video of Harry and Voldemort from Tom and Cic. Some people have next world fetishes here.
What a shitty job. Standing outside in the sun all day in dark multiple layer clothes.
The weather is cold in Europe.
Potential baddies end up laughing themselves into jail.
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That and it’s in Italy, which were axis 🤦♂️
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You are correct but obviously to attack the Vatican one would have to be granted passage by Italy or take it by force. So…
It’s in Italy. It maybe independent but it’s entirely surrounded by Italy. ( Google it )
It's comments like these that make me fear for mankind's future..
Pedo police
So that’s the dumb fuck that lets Alucard waltz right into to grab a pigeon.
All the criminals are inside my dude.
That’s just an off duty altar boy
Looks like a pole axe to me
Seems to be a bit young to be a Swiss mercenary...
Ah well, child soldiers are a long standing tradition amongst mercenary companies
But then again, if I were a child, I wouldn't go anywhere near Vatican without a halberd.
Catholic church sure does like em young
I thought Swiss Guards had bigger halberds. Disappointing.
Dude looks like Max Foss to me… could this be a future video of his?
The western world is becoming a shabby mess.
We need to go back.
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The Vatican is the place with the highest concentration of Popes in the world, with approximately 2 Popes pr square kilometer.