rare sight of segal standing up
Yeah where's his signature chair?
For those thinking this is a joke. He made a movie a few years ago where he's supposedly a special forces soldier and spends 95% of the movie fighting whilst sat down.
Lol, that was great. He reminds me of RDJ in Tropic Thunder in some of those clips, both appearance and voice.
When he's in his "black man voice" era, his voice reminds me of Mac when he does blackface for Lethal Weapon 5 in Always Sunny.
Lmao I read that quote and knew exactly what clip it was going to be.
I miss cumtown so much dude
Same, the trio just worked. I can't give any shit about TAFS or Stavvy's world, I actually liked a few of stavvy's episodes but TAFS is just so aggressively unfunny, Adam just isn't made to be a main guy.
Adam is fine with casual conversation and telling stories, but yeah he fundamentally doesn't have the confidence and improvisational skill to be the lead. I'm sure Nick deliberately interrupting every single bit Adam attempted for years didn't help with developing those skills though. He was shaped into just being the punching bag, and it's hard to undo that.
LOL which movie is that?
Sniper: Special Ops
dunno but lookup cumtown steven segal and they roast his movies.
Yeah, seen that one. It was 'Sniper: Special Ops', where he was camping like a newbie in a FPS.
Let’s be honest there’s probably a Segway under that cape.
Six bulletproof vests ... It's Russia,today you're loved and a hero, tomorrow your plane falls out of the skies
Wearing his formal muumuu.
Just taking a moment out of my day to remind everyone that Gene LaBell choked out Steven Segal and made him shit his pants.
Seagal did a Reddit AMA years ago and got torn several new ones. It’s hilarious thoroughly recommend. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/
My favorite quote from that is “I was in an all black band in the 50’s”. Really? When you were 8?
How could it be an all black band if Steven Seagal was in it?
He was also black but he spent so much time training in the Japanese mountains that his skin adapted to let him take in more vitamins.
Edit: spelling
The blackness drained out of his skin into his belt.
And his hair
but he spent so much time training in the Japanese mountains
And he now looks like a villain from one of those old martial arts flicks. Loololll
Oh my. This is the best AMA since Woody Harrelson…
He used Magic Shell for a hairpiece.
Hey he just wanted to talk about RAMPART
I want to ask every celebrity except for Woody Harrelson about Rampart.
Lol. One of the questions in the Segal AMA is "Have you seen the film Rampart?"
"Do you have any regrets for driving a tank into that persons house over a failed "cock fighting" raid which resulted in the death of an innocent person's dog for your TV show?"
"He said earlier animal abuse is one of his pet peeves."
"Does he abuse his peeves or what?"
Ok this one made me laugh.
My favourite quote from a deleted Redditor (thank you skeleton karma):
“Reddit was running low on gold so they hosted this AMA to mine more of it”
LOL almost 500 people are on that thread now despite it being 8 years old.
An Irish comedian (and one half of musical/comedy duo Rubberbandits) immortalised it with an amazing diorama in this video, and also interviews another stuntman who was an eye witness
Bobby Fingers is a true artist of our times. The Jeff Bezos boat is just.... gold.
I love Bobby Fingers
This is one of my favourite things in life.
Wow, is that blindboy? I saw him live last week.
His voice has changed
And they’ve got a horse outside.
Yeah Segal does aikido which is notorious in the martial arts community to be pretty much nothing but hacks. A high school wrestler would fold Segal into a pretzel.
*Gonna edit since this got a little traction and I’m getting questions/comments about aikido:
If you think Aikido looks fun, do it. You don’t need any other reason to do something. But, Aikido is not good for self defense and nobody should pretend that it is. That’s not a secret in martial arts circles. If any martial art claims that you can’t spar because it’s too “dangerous” or “deadly,” it’s nonsense. Anyone worth their salt in any martial arts sub will back that up.
If you’re interested in martial arts as a means of self defense, I encourage you to do your research. Highly marketed things like Krav Maga or whatever other “deadly self defense” program you see are usually wildly inconsistent and there’s no guarantee you’ll be getting quality self defense instruction because those curriculums and qualifications aren’t as scrutinized as they are in things like BJJ or Judo. If you go to a martial arts gym that claims to teach you to defend yourself, and they don’t do any full contact sparring, leave and take your money somewhere else.
Check out my other comments ITT for more info, but for a general starting point:
Boxing
Kickboxing
Muay Thai
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Wrestling
Judo
MMA
Some Karate disciplines
are probably the most popular combat sports that are actually effective at self defense, but there are more.
Folding him into any shape would be quite the accomplishment these days.
Teach me the secrets of folding a sphere.
Hey I’m a martial artist not a geometry doctor
I'm a black belt in judo and I love aikido. It's honestly a lot of fun to practice and you won't get hurt. That being said, it's application in self defense is EXTREMELY limited.
Cunt Dracula
It's very common to work 2 jobs in Russia. For example, sometimes carpet fitters work as barbers
He looks like a cross between a Russian priest and a Temu copy of Ming The Merciless.
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/9/98/MaxMing.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140105192023
Death to Ming!
I can hear the song, just by seeing this image.
I was thinking a zeppelin mixed a holistic medicine store.
I get the joke, but hand to God I thought he was a law man down south. WTF is he doing in Russia?
Oh, the lawman thing ended after he and the Arpaio jackass attacked a chicken farm with a siege tank. He'd been living it up in Russia on and off because he sucks Putins cock and is still technically a celebrity. However he permanently fled to Russia after getting involved in a crypto scam that had the SEC knocking on his door.
I think he also was fleeing from sexual assault allegations as well as crypto trouble. Nice guy.
They attacked the chicken farm because of rumors of an illegal chicken fighting ring.
The cops managed to murder ALL THE CHICKENS.
Also, like many Republicans, they killed a dog.
He’s a “law man” down south, and a complete fucking idiot everywhere
He was made an "honorary deputy" in a department. They did a TV show to raise the profile of it, and it ended when he drove an APC through someone's backyard wall and killed their dog.
He is a Russian citizen. Putin granted him citizenship for fluffing his nuts and being a shitbird of a feather.
a lawman? he can’t even stand up in his own movies lmao
"Way down south in the land of traitors"
Bravo.
Dude that hairline is as legit and real as the russian election, damn
He wore his formal inauguration hair hat for the occasion.
Look at that spraypainted widow's peak. What a schlub.
Wait, that's supposed to be his hair? I thought it was some kind of head covering.
I can't unsee it as a hat.
Someone said he looks like a poorly rendered bad guy from a ps2 game and i can't unsee that.
PS1 Lara Croft tits had more polygons than that hairline.
I can't unsee Will Sasso taking his life into his own hands when he used to play Steven Seagal
well, it is a hat. He wants you to think it's hair, but it's clearly a hat.
A glued on, sprayed on hat with a widows peak from the Halloween Store, on sale, clearance bin.
Maleficent!
It is technically a head cover(erd) in paint
You’re actually kind of both wrong AND right on this one…
Cosplaying as Svengali Rasputin?
It looks like Ming the Merciless's hat. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ming_the_Merciless#/media/File:Flash_Gordon_Conquers_the_Universe_(1940)_1.jpg_1.jpg)
Glorious reference
Ming doesn’t deserve to be insulted like this. At least he looks like he could walk across a room without heavy breathing.
Yeah, and it looks like the bore worms got to his brain.
Hey's just cosplaying as count chocula, give him a break.
Looking like Dracula Flow
"This shit ain't nothin' to me man, I've sold out so many times that I got fuckin' discontinued!"
Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I'm in this bitch and I can't get out
“I’m at Magic City, moving like the government.”
Came here for this hahaha. That shit ain't nothing to me man.
58% THC pre-rolled joints, rolled in keef, had me reading the book of Revelations. We are indeed close
I don't care if I go blind, I don't need to see the price tag
How can I be gay? I blew his fucking brains out
Lmao this is real, isn't it? I feel like I remember seeing this after falling asleep watching TV as a kid
It's real. it actually does work pretty well for small areas and if other's aren't super close by. Done a lot in television & movies & red carpets.
Serious answer: for unclear reasons, back in 2016, Seagall had an official visit with the dictator of Belorussia, Alexander Lukashenko. During the meeting, again for unclear reasons, Lukashenko insisted Seagall eat a raw carrot, just picked from the ground. Seagall, gamely, took a big old crunch.
From a Washington Post article about the event:
There was no hesitation on Steven Seagal's face as he took a raw, freshly peeled carrot from the hands of Belarusan President Alexander Lukashenko and bit into it with a satisfying chomp.It was an act that the former action hero was ready for. In his visits to other strongmen of the former Soviet Union, including Russian President Vladimir Putin and Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov, the self-styled spiritual guru has assumed the role of both burly wingman and cross-cultural confidant. And, despite media controversy over his visits, he does not skip the photo-op."Eat to your health, it's very good for you," said Lukashenko, who rules over what former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice in 2005 famously called the "last remaining true dictatorship in the heart of Europe."
I'm sorry what is this
Bullshido rapist fellates Belarussian's carrot.
A murderous dictator hands Seagal a carrot to deep throat.
The putin power moscow mule aikido throw zaza got me munching carrots in the forest in a Rick Owens kimono. This shit ain't nothin' to me man
Got hair like Count von Count on Sesame St.
ONE! One douchebag, ah-ah-ah!
It's hilarious. You can even see the difference in texture between his hair on the sides and the paint on top.
But remember, this man is a master of the dreaded and terrifying aikido: martial art of paying people to walk up to you one by one and let you throw or punch them to the ground.
I cant figure out if it's the worst hair plugs ever, or the worst wig ever.
It's gotta be a "wig," or physical piece of some kind, that peak looks too sharp to be hair, natural, or aftermarket. The only one he's fooling is himself.
i love the word aftermarket in context of human parts. aftermarket lips aftermarket teeth etc. haha
ONE--One cheeseburger, ah hah hah.
TWO-two cheeseburgers, ah hah hah.
THREE-three cheeseburgers, ah hah hah.
OK, now ONE-one step toward sofa OK. Enough with steps.
Is it paint or a bad toupee?
Would one be less egregious?
I think either would be the least egregious thing about him.
Homie’s got Lego hair
Imma go with Playmobil Helmet
This is what happens when stupid people make too much money.
His last good movie was Under Seige in 1992... he must have invested well... Had he invested in common sense and fashion tips his legacy would probably be the same but I'd like to think we'd have a better Steven Segal...
The conspiracy theory is all his films for awhile have just been money laundering fronts for russia.
It's not even far fetched. Movies are a great way to lose a lot of money and the accountancy can be convoluted as fuck.
Or just hire me, I'm not qualified or accountable for shit.
So you see, my movie studio needed to rent cameras. So we rented cameras from a rental house I own; but that rental house doesn't own lights so we had to go to separate rental company (that I own) to get the lights. We shot on location, but a lot of it was shot on a studio so we had to rent that as well from a company I own. Then it needed to be edited, and that takes a lot of work so we hired an editing company that I have a majority share in. Then we made a distribution deal with my brother's distribution company.
All in all it cost 100 million dollars.
Back in the day, it was the mob. Laundering dirty money for Putin's besties isn't such a stretch. Gets fatso invited to all sorts of shindigs.
He gets paid to be in a ton of direct to video action movies that all look terrible. I suspect there is some sort of money laundering going on with it, likely from Russia.
I'll never forget a scene in one of them where he's in the middle of an active combat zone, and lazily takes point while holding his weapon really awkwardly, then proceeds to swap the hands holding his rifle so he can turn a corner. There's a comment on a clip from this scene that makes me lose my shit every time: "best part is, in Steven's head he's killing it"
He was making a LOT on direct to DVD movies through at least the mid 2000s. I used to work at a Blockbuster and there was always a group of middle aged chubby dudes renting day one whatever he put out.
Eh, Executive Decision (1996) was good, but Steven Segal is still a loser.
He had like 5 minutes in that movie and died I can't morally count that as his movie.
Looks like the only thing he invested in was food.
Last good movie soley because of Erika Eleniak.... =)
I still have some weird Pavlovian response to birthday cakes...
Fatsputin
Lover of the Russian Tweens?
Dude is so wide he’s Steven Threegal.
I see this link under every Steven Segal thread every single time. And I watch the whole thing every single time.
Fa-Fa-Fatsputin
Shitty films for the silver screen
Hairline looking like it was drawn
Fa-fa-Fatsputin
Meal team six obese marine
Dresses like he was born in Hong Kong
An amazing short humourous documentary about Seagal:
Thought it'd be one of Space Ice's pieces.
My wife and I did Kimono rental when visiting Japan this year and it made me feel really fat. Then I saw this picture and felt a lot better about myself.
You think you felt fat? Steven Seagal has to rent two.
„Fun” fact is that steven was married to some Japanese gal in Japan and some time later he married again in USA but did not tell his Japanese wife about it.
Hairline on that Dracula Flow
Hairline is on point!
Hairline is a point.
Fuck Steven Segal. I’d say it to his face too, what is he going to do, refuse to stand up at me?
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But he's just a cook.
Little kid me grew up real quick watching that birthday cake scene.
Tommy Lee Jones chewing the hell out of the scenery was the best part of that movie.
Segal to Pewtin: "I vant to suck your cawwwk"
That's Will Sasso
The jet black hair dye, face and all is very off putting. Combined with the physique of Russian stacking dolls and I can't stop myself from looking.
Full blown traitor
Everyone else is disgusted that he would attend Putin’s inauguration. I’m just shocked to see a picture of Steven Seagal standing up.
"Give me the Eddie Munster"
Talk about cultural appropriation...
(Imagine looking in the mirror and thinking, "Nailed it!")
He wants SO BADLY to be authentic. I can't remember which film, but Segal had himself get mistaken for a Native American in at least one of his movies. It's been embarrassing for decades.
Now he's an Eastern tradition rat shaman? Idk.
He's claimed to be Russian, Mongolian, Native American, Irish, etc.... he lies with wanton disregard for accuracy. He's a disgrace.
He's also claimed to have worked with the CIA training agents in martial arts and firearms, to have been a police officer for 20+ years, to have taught some MMA fighter a kicking technique that won them a title, to have been the first white guy to play in a black band (or something like that), and loads more I can't be bothered to remember.
He's a delusional narcissist who probably genuinely believes his crap at this point because reality would be too painful and embarrassing.
Sounds like a good U.S presidential candidate.
Nah, he's very clearly into sucking Putin cock, so he wouldn't be.... wait a minute...
He did live in Japan for a while, and even had a Japanese wife. Then he came back to the states (leaving her behind, but telling her he would bring her over) so that he could get married again without getting a divorce.
And that's Steven Segal. He's always been a piece of shit. And a rapist, but that's not directly connected to his abandonment of his Japanese wife.
lol. I love how you gave him that tiny bit back at the end…
Sure, he’s a rapist and a piece of shit, but that’s actually unrelated to the reason why he abandoned his wife.
You're thinking of the movie "On Deadly Ground" where he plays a firefighter that goes on a spiritual journey in between killing people.
That's his schtick. He also says he's the first white man to open a dojo in Japan which is totally a lie. He also said he defended his dojo from yakuza..
Behind the Bastards has a hilarious series of episodes on how pathetic the dude really is and always has been.
Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.
‘I’ve been a total piece of human garbage for like 65 years’
It seems like those who support Putin are all bat-shit insane.
Fucking mount Dracula 🤣🤣
What a fucking bellend
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