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25d
Already have both.
Then keep those up. You're not a fully fleshed out adult as of yet
They don’t really help, the meds just made me not feel anything for months which was scary. Now the only thing holding me together is this animated film I’m making.
It can be tough to get right, but give them that feedback about your experience with the meds and ask them to see what they might be able to do to make that better. Maybe different dosage or different meds. If anything is true in health care, you absolutely have to advocate for yourself if you want to get the best care possible. Best of luck and I hope it gets more manageable!
Dude honestly no one gives a shit in the UK. Doctor just wants me gone the moment I’m in there, I just wanna be creative man. All the professional help crap just complicates things. Plus I don’t have the drive or motivation to seek out more care.
Hey! I had a similar experience to you regarding the healthcare professionals not caring and getting nowhere. I eventually found a doctor that sincerely seems more torn up over my complications than I do (I’m kinda numb at this point). He cares soooo much and is incredibly helpful. My meds don’t seem to help that much either, but there’s lots of different kinds, and I’m determined to stick to seeing my doctor and trying until I find something that helps. Please try to remain positive, which I know is not always possible. Much love to you, and make sure you don’t give up on music. I am a bit older than you, and your experience reminds me of mine. Message me if you want to talk.
Therapy can sometimes be ok. I’ve tried lots of meds. They always make me worse.
Exactly this dude, therapy ain’t the answer for everyone
my therapist thinks therapy works because i break down to a hysterical baby when he asks me to think about my trauma. therapy really is ridiculous
talking out normal feelings is pretty nice though.
I try to self therapize myself. I know that’s ridiculous and believe me it can lead to some fun thought loops. But I’m managing it. My trauma usually leads me to feeling numb rather than bawling. Anger tears lol
it’s the “new effective” treatment thing. idk it might not be bullshit cuz my trauma doesn’t really effect me day to day. but those stupid beeps that go back and forth, while you watch a dot and think about your pain. that simple bullshit broke me down. if it ain’t bullshit tho don’t matter idk who’d want to feel everything all over again. talking out normal feelings is great
good luck man. i relate to this post somewhat. depression is a bitch to take care of
Dude...I don't think you are going to get the answers you need on Reddit. I would consider talking to a professional. Your problem seems way bigger than trying to decide if you want to stay in this band. You sound really depressed.
Good Luck and I hope you can keep playing.
So for the record are you saying I should leave or?
Doesn't matter. Neither will solve your problems.
Well fuck it then lmao
Leaving the band won’t cure your depression
No it won’t, but neither has the therapist or the meds so realistically I’m sure it’s a case of not finding my true calling yet. People are so quick to jump to “you need therapy” you need this or that. The only thing I need in my life is purpose.
Glad to hear you’re trying things. If you’re not getting joy and fulfillment out of being in a band then you don’t have to keep doing it. But if you don’t get joy out if travel experiences and social connections then I don’t know what sort of purpose could fill that void. There’s definitely the possibility to work on education and employment and still be in the band or try some other social hobbies. I hope you figure it out, for me it was meds and then I was able to make a family after a few years of normaler brain chemistry.
Even when I travel to the gigs I walk off by myself and smoke cigarettes. At least I did at the last gig. I do try from time to time. Education was never my thing, I’ve made full animated films the past year. Not Pixar level, looks more like ps2 tbh, but that’s given me more fulfilment. Plus I can make soundtracks. So its not like I sit here and rot away. Purpose is different for everyone I suppose. Loneliness and bitterness are poison
It's already been suggested for you to take care of your mental health. I agree. I'll just add, if traveling isn't your thing, being an instrumentalist for a living is not going to work for you
I originally gave up for years because of this. As much as I enjoy gigging it just feels like I’m wasting my time when I could be focusing on my own music or my own ventures etc.
Cliche, but: “what are your goals!?”… Seriously; sounds like you’re a well-rounded, critical, musician. Ok, go make some big boy goals and find the path to them. It might be this band (if you explain to them what your goals are, and give them an opportunity to move towards them), or it might be a different band (if you provide your goals up front!).
And nobody gets hurt when you say “yall knew this from the beginning; these are my goals, I want to get there. I don’t see it happening here.” People change, life situations change. Not all bands work out. BUT as long as you have a goal and your bandmates know it, you’ll know if you’re headed in the right direction.
And it’s okay to change your goals, but you gotta tell your band mates, they got goals too! (Hopefully!)
If music really is your life then I'd recommend firstly getting a job and then join another band. If you are a good bassist it shouldn't be much of a problem to find another group. It's difficult to join a serious project if you are unemployed.
It’s not that simple man, I have no qualifications and severe social anxiety. Band stuff is just hard
Unfortunately, it is. I have severe anxiety, almost passed out on my first gig and when I got the news of my first big tour I fell over and blacked out from fear. It took me a lot of work to get to where I am today, I still don't consider myself a professional, but a lot of these decisions really are that simple, you just have to let them be.
Do you socialise much? I always find it interesting when people say they have anxiety yet go outa lot.
I suffered from acrophobia for a few years. I spent A LOT of time and work to be able to go out and meet people and function outside so I can do what I love. I don't see it as an excuse to not try for the things that I love. Sorry for my harsh words but it seems like you do...
I really feel like I can’t relate to anyone. This motivation that you get to actually do this. I’m sat here currently just wanting to leave my band.
my social anxiety almost fully went away after trying mdma at 20. idk it completely 180d the kinda person i am. and you said yourself your lonely and bitter lol. you gotta make more friends. have more fun. i don’t recommend a drug problem but if you haven’t had an amazing night in a while some molly might do you good
“Feel sad? Just do drugs!”
Honest question, how old are you?
lol i’m still 20. 21 November.
molly made me quit wanting to make grunge. it was life changing
I would look at it this way. It's fine to be in a band that is ok. You say you love music great, that is your thing. I would personally lean into that and go play at open mics and meet other like minded musicians.
Don't quit the band because of these feelings, quit if it is getting in the way of your other success. I would hold onto them as much as possible until you are ready to move into better things in my life. So what if they have careers in science or sound way more successful. That is not your success. Also it is really healthy to surround yourself with these people, it could motivate you. Also if one of them has a recording studio, that is a piece in your networking that you will want in the future.
Networking is such an important thing in the music industry. I have a kick ass band that I love and nobody really knows about it because all we have done is sat at home and made music. We are now going about trying to find places to play. It's an uphill battle. Hold onto what ever you can and meet as many people as you can.
That’s why I haven’t left yet, call it manipulative but having access to a studio for free sounds like a great idea. Also as much as it hurts my ego and makes me feel completely useless, I know being around people better than me can only be a good thing. Plus as my life stands right now. Not many people like me because I used to be an alcoholic. Kind of need a better view
Sounds like your on a journey. I think it's a lot harder for musicians as we have a lot more emotion wrapped up in our interests. That emotion is what makes us sound great.
I struggled for 10 years to find people to play with. They are still my friends but one is head programmer for a hospital information system operating in three states, very successful dude. Another programs for the federal government. Another programs for a national lab. I definitely hear what you are saying.
Try to stay focused on what you want and go after it. I eventually found great people to be in a band with and that for me at least made a world of difference. Before that, I was about to give up.
Sounds like your problem is that you're out of work and feeling shitty about it. Playing in bands isn't going to change the material circumstances of your life. It is a good way to meet people and make friends, but not if you have a perpetually sour attitude about it. Get a job, don't quit the band, and start treating the gigs as opportunities to bond with your bandmates and meet new people rather than ordeals you have to get through. Travel for chump gigs can be annoying but honestly if you're not working then is the time wasted really an issue?
Have you thought about joining or starting a second band? Taking up a different instrument? Doing a solo studio project? If you feel like your musical life is slipping by then get out there and make some music. Depression is a bitch but staying active really is the best thing for it.
I am fortunate to not have to work atm and I am aware of that fact, so I have spent the last year continuing to stay sober and get other passions. I can animate 3D stuff, make soundtracks and play multiple instruments competently. Not a master at any but it keeps things interesting and I enjoy the challenge. I’ve been working on a film nonstop for 8 weeks straight now.
I agree about the whole bonding thing but honestly I just feel so inferior around them. Even if I’m the best musically.
That's depression talking my dude. It's a very real and very personal struggle, you'll have to find your own path forward, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that cutting good people out of your life won't make it better. Like if you want to quit that band and join a different one that's fine but don't do anything that will reduce the amount of social interaction you get or how often you leave your house.
That’s quite literally my only social outlet rn. I pushed everyone I’ve ever known away through the drinking or the random disappearing act I do.
Then I mean come on, you know damn well it wouldn't be good for you to quit.
What you need is additional social outlets. Right now you have so much riding on this band and your connection to the other members and it's getting in your head.
It sounds like you might have a lot of ego tied up in music. Maybe consider taking up some new hobby where being bad at it wouldn't threaten your sense of self. You could take up a nerd hobby like MtG or Warhammer, easy to find a new social group that way. Or join a running group or a book club. Literally anything that has you interacting with other humans face to face. Don't give up music but it can't be your only outlet.