Hi all Im young woman musician and some tragic garbage has hit my life and I guess I’m just looking for some clarity/input. I started my band about a year ago and until about 2 weeks ago it grew into me having a studio in my house, and playing original songs around my local town. We started as a 3 piece then a few months ago I found a killer lead guitar player. Unfortunately the guy I started the band with did something really gross to me, so much so I had to report him to the police. Now him and my bass player have left and it’s just me and my lead. I don’t know my lead as well and he’s a lot better then me. I’m not sure he’s gonna stick around but I don’t know. I put a lot of work into this band and now I have a big hole in my life for my music outlet and I’m just experiencing grief I guess. Have any of you had a band/project that fall apart? How did you deal with it? Edit: Thanks folks I really appreciate it, this is all very validating and gives me hope for my future endeavors. Makes me think I can really turn this around in my favor.
First, an honest talk with the lead player. Let him know exactly what's up and ask him about his level of commitment.
Assuming that goes well, it's time to find a drummer. Aside from the normal social media ads, do everything you can to be at some kind of scene in your free time. Shows, open mics, music store, just be there and be looking. Be on the scene you want to be on.
A bass player will show up at this point, it's a weird universal occurrence that I can't explain. Moving on.
Keep making progress in the background. Write songs, practice, make art, make friends, it will come together.
Oh, and don't trash talk about the former members, even if they deserve it. Just move forward and don't dwell on the past. Just like in any other relationship, don't talk about your ex, talk about your next.
Trash talk and warning others is not the same thing
Yea if this guy is a predator then everyone in the scene should know about it imo
Don't wait 20 years to say anything otherwise people will accuse you of lying. Or being jealous of other's success. Tell your truth starting right now and never stop
Funny enough I’ve been debating this because I was the “Manager” and I made most of of not all the connections. I made the band happen and he just played his songs. I could absolutely tell everyone but I’m probably only going to do it if my peers ask. I lost a lot of friends in the process (which I didn’t know would happen because he hurt me lol) but my professional music connections are intact. I’m not sure how it’s gonna play out but I plan on being honest at every point lol
Agreed.
Great comment until
don't trash talk about the former members
local music scenes are typically pretty tight and small. people should 100% know this isnt a safe person to be in a band with
Whoa, not what I meant. Trash talk as in "X has a stupid haircut" or "X has a cheap amp". Letting someone know who assaulted you doesn't seem like trash talk to me.
A bass player will show up at this point, it's a weird universal occurrence that I can't explain.
This is strangely true. As a bass player, I can confirm this happens.
The base player distribution system
Try to maintain the alliance of your lead guitar player, who it sounds like you have strong musical chemistry with. Get his input and what direction he'd like to take the band, and see if you have a common vision. And find a new drummer and bass player.
It is not unusual for bands to loose members for any number of reasons. Substance abuse, emotions running high, they did some unacceptable shit, or they just plain walked away from it.
Typically the groups that succeed just keep pushing forwards anyway. They take the momentum and just keep going no matter what. Even if you don't "succeed", whatever that means, its still a good characteristic to have, to keep building on your dream.
Remember to keep a positive attitude towards new band members who did not commit the crimes of your previous band members. Its a fresh start every time. Good luck.
If you've got a studio in your house you're way ahead of any other bands at this point. Practice space is like, 50% of having a band. I doubt your guitarist will bolt if he has a comfortable place to work lol. If you build it they will come.
There will be other bands and probably in other cities. Lot's of people out there looking for folks to make music with. I know it feels bad now, but it will pass.
You don't mention what your talent is but if you are the front person, develop the ability to perform without the band. Do solo gigs and gather new musicians. Nothing holds a band together better than Gigs. Sounds like you have the contacts in your local town. Develop it like a business. Steady work attracts the better players. Edit to add: You can reach a point where shit stops falling apart.
We shared our spot light but I guess it’s just me now and my lead. The guy that left had his songs and I had mine. I sing and play guitar. But rn I need to work on my technical skill because I gotta make up for what I lost in the guys that left. It’s actually kinda nice because I can look at what I need to work on now
Like any other relationship, bands are typically temporary. Might be time for the next project. Often times the next project is far more satisfying than the previous. Enjoy the band while it lasts, but don’t let mourning your previous lineup stop you from finding your next.
I was in a punk band as a teenager. I played bass and sang, my best friend played guitar and sang, and our mutual friend played drums. I liked writing lyrics but not singing, so we auditioned a few full time vocalists but nothing came to fruition. Guitarist friend didn’t really want to sing, and spent more time noodling than anything and it got annoying. He just wanted to have fun, I wanted to make songs. We were together for two years but towards the end there was a lot of tension and eventually the guitarist quick to go back to school and when he did, the drummer quit too because he wasn’t having fun anymore. I took the time to evaluate the role I played in the dissolution, but more than that I shifted directions and started playing music that I enjoyed but couldn’t fit into the limitations of a sludgy punk outfit.
I’m sorry your band seems to be falling apart, but I recommend taking the time to explore other sounds you weren’t able to before. You have an opportunity to start again with more experience, and you should hold on to that.
Every band is temporary, things have their time and then they change. Yours changed for a bad reason so leave it behind. For you it's about the music. Get out there and show 'em.
Everyone’s advice is spot on! You have experienced negativity but it takes courage to not spread negativity by talking down about former band mates. Time to move on and rebuild into an even better band! I’m a drummer looking to show a band what I got.
Hundreds. Projects fall through all the time. It’s the game. Talk and be honest with people and if it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out.
I just recently had a similar situation happen.
Our lead singer (that I started the band with), was the focus of an allegation and the rest of us were tipped off to it.
We decided to end the project and break the news to him that we are all done after 2.5 years.
It sucks, but our other guitarist and I have something new going
Sorry this happened to you. Here’s my take on it, but I’m not too experienced myself.
Ask the lead guitarist if he knows anybody who would fit in the band AND he likes working with. A lot of the time the main singer and/or songwriter doesn’t have to be the most technically skilled member of the band. They bring something else to the table; personality and artistic vision.
So even if the people he knows are at a higher technical level, they will probably just be happy to get to play together. Plus, playing with people that are better than yourself is in my experience the best way to get better at your instrument.
Replacing members is common. Sorry to hear that happened. Just schedule a practice and keep it moving.
write a song about it!
I’m actually working on it rn lol. Might be a few songs to come out of it lol
turn fire to steam
I've lost a ton of bands over the years. When that happens I decide I'm done with music. Then in several months something comes together again and I'm not quite done with music.
Step 1: have a real conversation about what happened with the hotshot guitar player. He was into the music to join, I bet he wants to keep going.
Step 2: replace the criminal and his buddy.
Step 3: get that thing going and get some gigs booked.
My situation was a bit different but since we’re talking about band breakups I’ll throw it out there.
My band started out as 3 of us. All of us played guitar and bass, and we all wound up learning the drums, to various degrees of success. Grew into a four piece. In the 2 or so years we played together our practice space moved quite a bit. Eventually, one of the founding members departed because he’d always leave us on the hook and our styles were kind of diverging in a way that wasn’t harmonious. I was the elder of the group and held down a full time job, so I was able to afford gear for the band that allowed us to realize some of our “dreams.” Well, after about 2 months as a three piece my other 2 band members got into it about where they wanted the band to go (“going pro” and touring with a regimented schedule or just keeping it more fun and like a hobby). Everyone split after that as no agreement was reached and at that point, in my eyes, it was all over. A couple weeks later I awkwardly brought all of my gear home and started setting up my own spot in my basement.
Needless to say, breaking up the band, though a strain on the friendships between some of us, in the end was refreshing. I was able to work in solitude and I took the songs I had written for the band but we never used and made an album by myself. It helped me learn a lot about production, forced me to get better at playing, allowed me to experiment, and left my time open ended so I could work whenever I wanted. I’m not saying you should break up what’s left of the band, but what I am saying is sometimes unexpected change can be good or better in the long run. My heart breaks for you in regards to your former band mate, and I wish you the best going forward!
That really sucks I'm sorry you had to deal with it. If the lead player is still down to collaborate start looking for other members, or look into throwing an octave down pedal on the lead players pedal board! Even if the lead player doesn't stick around I would encourage you to seek other folks to play with.