I had an obsession with running away as a child. I even did it a few times when I was maybe around 7. I’d pack all the money I had and a few other “essentials.” One time a made it across the neighborhood and one time I left my elementary school campus at recess, but came back before the bell. Both times, I did not make it very far AT ALL before I chickened out. Also it was the 90s, so no one even noticed I was gone either time lol. Did any of you guys fantasize about running away all the time as a young kid? I didn’t realize until recently that this probably isn’t an indicator of a super happy childhood.
It was the dreams that sustained us, right? I genuinely thought all kids did this until recently.
did you ever run away as an older kid? i did run away at one point when i was 17. i lived in my car for a little while, but that really sucked, and in my area was unsustainable. then i moved in for about a month with a family friend until things died down enough with my mom. i knew it wasn't normal, but I'd long since given up on being normal. I'm sorry you were gaslit into thinking it was.
By that age I stayed out of the house as much as I could. I stayed with friends, or my boyfriend or slept in my car until I couldn’t take the cold. I was lucky enough to have a car and I spent a lot of time there.
Yes, for good, 2 wks after I turned 17. I moved away, a couple hrs from my parents & their Golden Child, barely saw or spoke to them them outside holidays/family get togethers at my Gmas house, which had been my place of refuge in childhood. I got emancipated, found a job, & overnight I was an adult. Exactly one year later, I put another 1000+ miles away between those bastards & myself.
👏
It was the dreams that sustained us, right?
Still is. If I ever face a situation where I realize I cannot leave this house and my parents will be alive for 10+ years, that is the day I will take my own life.
Not the same, but I was a teacher in a foreign country in 2022. I'm 25, at the time I was 23. There was this specific couple, the parents of my favorite students, that made me feel so loved. I could tell they were healthy parents from conversations I had with their kids, they praised me more in the year than my parents did during my entire life. And by the end, 23 year old me wished they'd adopted me.
Understandable. I’ve had a few times when other people have believed in me and it was so surprising I didn’t know what to do with myself.
They invited me to dinner for having their children pass their final exams, to celebrate MY work and their hard work as well. Even the dad told me I was a super teacher. To say that I called my parents and they barely reacted when I told them all of my students passed and then I had two strangers praising me... Is an understatement. They have their doors open for me anytime I want to spend vacation with them. And when their children told me they always go to them when they're in trouble, I thought wow, I ran from mine when I was in trouble. Sometimes I'd tell my mom, but she wouldn't tell my dad because he's abusive.
I’m sorry you had to grow up with that. Having my kids run to me, rather than away when they’re in trouble is a big goal of mine. The family in your story seems like an excellent found family. Hang on to them if you can ❤️.
I'm still in contact, but not as much. I love them either way, and will keep them in my heart until I die.
I couldn't show up to their classes for 5 days because my godmother who is like a mom to me was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer, and the prognosis wasn't good. I texted the mom to let her know, and she called me in the middle of an important dinner (she's an army official) to ask me what they could do for me. I found it strange they weren't mad at me, and still paid for the 5 day's work.
My dad would've forced me to keep going. I just wish I had parents like them.
Yep. My mom found out, and instead of wondering why 10 year old me wanted to run away, she got mad at me for it and told me I could do it, but I’d get murdered or raped. Which did stop me from running away, but I feel like there were better options…
There were times where I would be walking alone on roads and would pray that I get killed since I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself. I once told her that if she hated me so much, she could just go get some perfect child she likes and I'll go get adopted by someone else. Then she tells me a story about how some adopted parents microwaved and killed their kid. Thanks for telling that to 6 year old me. Very mentally sane reaction mom.
I had the same kind of thoughts, I always wished someone would break into my house to kill me. Which then turned into wanting to hire a hitman on myself (I was maybe 11 at this point so I obviously couldn’t). And then that turned into active suicidal thoughts that I just lived with for 2 years until I was hospitalized.
But yeah, that’s fucked up. I don’t know how some moms don’t wonder why their child is thinking like that and use a scare tactic instead. It baffles me that these people exist, yet here they are.
Scare tactics 24/7, my parents seem to have no capacity to actually explain their thinking behind their demands. No wonder both their kids hate them. My sister's just a tad bit more luckier than me that she's not emotionally connected to either of them since she has a safe space with me.
Me growing up was emotionally attached to my mother who's narcissistic, has CPTSD of her own, gaslights and controlled me for most of my life, and when I spoke out about it, argued and began grey-rocking/giving me the silent treatment. I cannot explain how much it hurt physically(there have been times when stress made me feel pain irl) and mentally for my subconscious to realize I lost my longest emotional connection since I was a child. I'm still trying to move on though, all this was very recent...
It’s not easy to do. I’ve been reading I’m Glad my Mom Died. She’s so good at showing that even when the love is toxic and severely unhealthy, of course we still want connection/love with our mothers. We’re wired to. It sounds like you’re doing amazing work for yourself. I’m proud of you.
I’m sorry. That’s awful.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. My mom would definitely have said something similar. That’s how she reacted to pretty much everything.
I think about the books I remember loving as a kid. My Side Of The Mountain, Mixed Up Files,… so many about children running away to make it on their own
Matilda...
Absolutely. You’re right. I definitely loved books like this too. Books were a much more achievable escape, so I became a lifelong reader.
Not the same situations but similar—
The Boxcar children
Julie and the wolves
Hatchet
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
The Phantom tollbooth
The one about the boy and blind man on a boat - island of the dolphins??
A wrinkle in time 🤷🏼♀️
Okay, I realize I’m just listing every kid book with an adventure aspect 😂 instead of “running away”. But most were in shitty situations. As a result, I imagined how nice learning to fend for myself off the grid in Alaska would be. As an eight year old.😂
Harry Potter (for me, this was in middle school).
Literally all the time. This post awakened an old memory for me, we were visiting San Francisco and my parents made a pretty nasty comment about the way I looked in a photo they took at Pier 39. 11 year old me thought “now’s the time to run away and start a new life”, when we got to a part of the city with steep hills, I took off running down the hill thinking they’d never catch me. Obviously I was wrong 😅
I love that you took your moment! All the times I tried, I realized I had not thought past the first step of running away. When I returned defeated and no one had even noticed, it was just that familiar invisible feeling again.
I’m from England, so it was pretty obvious that I ran off 😂 it may have taken a little longer for them to notice if I tried it at home
My mom used to mock me for wanting to run away. She’d laugh at all my attempts. Little did I know it isn’t normal to plan an escape every day of your life.
This resonates.
Did not have the self confidence for it
I do, but this country is so shit I don't think I even could lol. Third world country moment.
I thought it was a normal thing for kids to dream about, I guess not. I don't have many memories of it, but I heard a lot about how I would always run away while I was very young when no one was looking. I'd be blocks away before anyone noticed. While I don't remember the events too well, I remember the punishments. Since this was no good, i ended up developing a habit of just never going home for as long as possible. I'd just wander around the neighborhood even if I didn't know anyone.
One of the more depressing things is that these daydreams eventually evolved into being kidnapped because I thought somehow kidnappers would be nicer to me than my fucking family. How the fuck did I not realize how bad all this shit was until well into adulthood? I get it, but it's still baffling.
I'm middle aged now, and I still stop in my tracks as I am approaching my own fucking home where no one is going to do anything to me. It's crazy how much I know it's coming and somehow it still catches me by surprise.
I related to all of this. I also switched to staying away as long as I could as a teenager. Unfortunately, my parents did not want me doing sports or activities. I was not athletic and was told that wasn’t for me. I would have to get friend’s parents to pick me up and take me to their homes and then drop me back off after, which is a lot to ask. Middle school until I got my license I was pretty much trapped at home every day.
oof the kidnapping thing. i used to listen to female robbery by the neighbourhood and fantasize about it
All the time--but I also had books and my journals to escape into. I remember one time when I was older, maybe in high school, my parents were fighting or I'd gotten in trouble or whatever so I just...took my journal and drove to some parking-lot to write for a couple hours. It's not normal, is it?
Normal for us at least. I’ve kept a journal since I was 7. It was the only place I could express feelings. I always worried my mom would read it, as she liked to listen in on the phone and go through my room pretending she was “cleaning.” Boundaries are a brand new concept for me.
I fantasized about my dad divorcing my mom and remarrying someone that would play with me, take me on dates, and take an interest in my life. I realize now that my father was really damaged. He would have married someone equal or worse to my mom and he would have let that person mistreat me, too. I am NC with every single person in my family now.
You’re a very strong person. Good for you refusing to allow that treatment any more.
Thanks friend :)
Same. I would often run away and "move" into the staircase of our apartment building
I had myself convinced that making plans to run away when I was six was mostly normal and even kinda cute, but my therapist corrected that narrative.
Same. Before posting this I had never told anyone. Guess I have more material for therapy.
I was really into reading books where the child had to survive on their own (Hatchet, Julie of the Wolves, etc) and fantasized about running away+doing the same. Thought it was just because I wanted to have the adventure of it all. Now I know better.
I dreamt of becoming part of another family in my neighborhood. They appeared more healthy though I didn’t really know all about their lives. The daughters were always well-cared for and had new toys and nice clothes. They also seemed to have healthy boundaries.
I forgot I used to daydream about this. I don’t think much about my childhood. I have no ties to anyone from my childhood. I was very alone.
I ran away when I was 7, then again at 11. My homelife looking back was worse than I thought. I was found each time and belted for doing it but had nowhere else to go, or anyone safe to go to. Sad really.
I’m so sorry. As a mom, I cannot understand this behavior now. As a kid having to just accept a horrific lack of safety with your own family, is incredibly sad. You did not deserve that.
I was already alone, what would be the point?
I never saw the point in runaway stories etc. as a kid because my parents didn't really restrain me in a way that mattered.
So running away would have only changed in that I wouldn't have a bed to go home to and that sounded bad.
That makes sense. Bed is my favorite place to be to this day.
I have a question to all of you and I hope a few will reply: Has this wish of running away reoccured in romantic relationships for you? I can be in a nice relationship, but still have the urge to run away and start from scratch. I once ran away with my brother, walked into the woods but got hungry and walked into someone's garden to pick apples which is where we got caught.
From job, cities, and apartments I run, changing them often, but my relationships were always strong trauma bound until lately, so idk
Omg you just explained a phenomenon I see in my own life… As soon as the going gets bad in a relationship, like they’re aggressively defensive, critical or refusing to listen or stonewalling me, I’m out… I’m mentally making plans of how my new life will look without them, & what steps I need to take to make it happen. I couldn’t understand why I go so easily to this, my partner gets hurt by it. I think it’s because I’m so used to being alone, it doesn’t scare me anymore, & I know I’m happier on my own than being hurt so I’m out
Not quite the same, but I’ve been with my partner 16 years and for many of those years every single fight, I thought we were breaking up. A fight couldn’t possibly be just a fight.
My sister and I played with our Fischer-Price little people way too long. We would act out scenarios where all the children would run away and starts utopian paradise while the adults tried to kidnap them back. I’m a therapist now and d find that amusing.
Love it!
I'd take the security bar from the patio and make a bindle with a blanket and play about running away all the time.
Yes, I had a broken toy golf club and bandana I used for this. The drama 😂.
Yup twice but made the mistake of announcing it to everyone who proceeded to laugh at me instead of actually you know, being concerned or anything. Great stuff.
I’m sorry I could see that happening in my family too. That’s not the correct reaction to a child in pain.
Definitely not. I'm a mum now so I can see how crazy it was. I would be devastated and would probably arrange for therapy or something 😔
Same. Being a mom now has given me a whole new understanding of the bad childhood stuff.
Same. I creeped on your profile a little NGL and we have a lot of similarities. Proud of you for breaking the cycle 👏💪
Thank you!
Yes, and as bad as this sounds, I wanted my parents to die or get into an accident so I'd get adopted by my godmother that lived in another country. I thought about calling her all the time to get me a plane ticket. Or for my parents to divorce. All.the.time
I was definitely waiting for a divorce to make things better… 🤦♀️.
I remember wanting to tell my friends my parents divorced because that'd be an achievement, somehow. Also wanted my mom and I to move to another country was like, my dream as a 12 year old. Anything that got me away from my dad. And they're still together to this day.
When I was five or six I tried to just move into a neighbour's house that I trick-or-treated at once and noticed they didn't have any kids. In my mind, I thought they'd want me or something. I just appeared at their door and tried to live there. They IMMEDIATELY called my parents. This was my fault because I didn't mention any abuse, just that I would like to hang out there for a while. Anyway my mother eventually came to get me. She was furious.
At the time, from my perspective, I thought the couple I tried to move in with rejected me. So it was just adding more rejection to the growing pile. This didn't help in any way.
I’m so sorry.
it's a shame how relatable this subreddit is sometimes
I liked Harry Potter for this reason (before Rowling became overtly hateful, anyway...) Other kids seemed to like it for the idea they were special, but I liked it for the escapism of going somewhere else for most of the year and then being able to stay at friends' houses over the summer like Harry did...if I could make any friends, anyway :/
I couldn't actually run away because of how horrifying both of my parents constantly made the outside world to be. I was trapped, so my fantasies needed to have some kind of magical/fantastical component.
Lol yes and now I’m going NC
Proud of you!
Thank you💕 I wish nothing but light and love for your future!
I never had the guts to do it but I daydreamed about it often. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull it off anyways but found the daydreams to be of help at times.
Kind of. I became fixated on maps and circled places that sounded nice. I wanted to gtfo so bad. I even petitioned each parent (they were separated) for us to move somewhere I highlighted on my maps. Of course, I didn’t go anywhere.
Yes I often fantasized about this as a kid. Our house backed up against several acres of forest and I would sometimes wander in the forest for long lengths of time and wonder if I could survive alone if I needed to. I also thought about how I would escape out the window and barricade my door if I needed to. My parents didn’t beat me aside from occasional spanking but I was sometimes worried my dad would get his gun and shoot me when he was really angry. I had lots of anxiety clearly
It sounds like you had good reason. I’m glad we all made it out.
For sure. A few blocks away from me was a derelict apple orchard and some fields. I loved playing there and hatched a plan to run away and live there. I would build a shelter and trap rabbits for food. I loved the book "My Side of the Mountain" and was PISSED when his family decided to show up and ruin it!
I definitely thought about it a few times as a child. I thought I needed one of those bandanas tied on a stick like on TV 😅. I also once got so tired of the constant criticism to everything I said that I vowed to never speak again, I was going to be mute for the rest of my life---- it lasted probably less than an hour.
I filled diaries with plans on how to run away.
I was around seven or eight when that started, I was going to steal a horse and a puppy and then live in the woods. I had read a book about a boy who lives in a hollow tree with a pet falcon.
I constantly fantasized about escaping. For as long as I can remember. I only realized this was not normal as an adult.
Yep. I packed repeatedly.
Yes, to the point that it became a running gag in my family. I used to say I would run away to a park and live on a bench there a lot. I was never taken seriously in anything I expressed so every time I got upset they would tease me with "Are you going to go live on your park bench now?" I also called my best friend bawling begging her to let me live with her. She absolutely would have too had we not been 11 and her parents would've said no lol
I'm sorry you had to experience that, I know the invisible feeling all too well. Here's to us making our own way through life now, putting in the work & doing better!
❤️
Yes, so much that I actually ended up running away from home twice (11 and 14). When I was 17 and got a full scholarship ride to university, I ran with it. I left home, worked part time, took just enough courses to keep my scholarship, took all the student grants I could apply for, got long-term counseling, etc. I knew my home life was fcked up, but within 2-3 years of leaving home, I realized the magnitude of how dysfunctional my family really was. I often wished the police didn't find me or if CFS would've just placed me in transitional shelters back then, but I'm just thankful to be alive today. My instincts to run away as a child were, after all, what got me out of the living hell I was in.
For me I didn't fantasize about it all the time, but there were definitely a few times when I genuinely thought about it. I'd imagine walking out of my house (or crawling out my bedroom window) and start walking and never turn around. Just walking away without any specific destination, because the only thing I wanted to do was get away. But I was too scared to ever do it because I was scared the police would find me and go "well, we can't just have a young kid wandering around without an adult. That's not safe." And I'd be forced to go home. I was so scared of what kind of punishment my parents would have for that, that I never tried. Keep in mind I was around 10 yo when I thought about this the most. And then later thought about it again when I was around 14. There was a lot of verbal abuse around the times that I thought about it. And it was like, genuine consideration. I just was too scared to do it
Yes, and planned everything I could manage as well. Everytime something happens at home I console myself that once I'm financially independent, I can go NC with everyone in my family line because they're all fucking PoSs.
never stopped
Yea i have a fuzzy memory of feeling like I wanted to eacape and packing my blanket into my barney the dinosaur bag.
Yes. I sort of had an idea of what to do but I didn't know where to go.
yup. it took until adulthood to realize that it’s not just a phase every child goes through. I read that it’s an indicator of childhood trauma/cptsd, and a lot clicked. I think some kids do go through a phase of thinking that they have a “real” family out there, or are aliens that were placed with their current family, etc. But running away is something else that suggests more is going on, and is way less common than what you see on tv.
Yes. Usually took my dog to my treehouse for a few hours. My parents just thought it was funny.
All the time. And at 37 years old, I still always just want to run
I’ve fantasized about running away and starting a new life for pretty much forever. As a kid, I was always fascinated by stories of kids living on their own, (i.e., The Boxcar Children).
I still do. Going hipster for a second: My dream for the longest time was to do the van life thing way before it was mainstream.
Nowadays I want to just drive off and try to settle wherever I stop.
Yes, and I used to fantasize about being an orphan. Totally forgot about that until now!
Yes. I fantasized about it all the time.
Every single day. I also fantasized that my parents had adopted me and that I'd meet my "real" parents someday.
My dream was to run away with a circus.
How about flying away? I would fantasize in bed each night and be excited about picturing myself in my bed with bubble around me and my bed would fly up in the sky and take me away. Or I would dream about being able to jump off my stairs and float down. Or jump down a hole in my closet. Or fly down my street.
Ah my theme song back then was “Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson”, still cant listen to it without crying and I’m already 28 lol.
When I was 7 I threatened my mom that I would run away. She laughed and said "go ahead", completely missing out that it was a cry for help.
You made it a lot farther than me though. I only got to the point where I packed my bags. I never really planned on running away, I just wanted to make it seem real enough to get their attention but it didn't work.
I actually did, at 14. I left home for a week with a friend and we camped out in the woods, on friends couches, and one night in a barn.
The police were looking for us everywhere. I’m not proud of this by any means. I was a fvcked up kid who needed serious help.
I’m lucky I wasn’t sold into child trafficking.
It still tears me up how badly I hurt my mom.
I made it home and I while I did get some psychological help, I wish looking back my parents had tough loved me into an in patient psychiatric hospital. They didn’t and I continued on a fairly destructive path until college. Thankfully I graduated and turned my life around.
My essentials were my two favorite stuffed animals and a cassette player. I wrapped them up on the end of a stick with my grandfather's bandana like I saw in old cartoons. Our parents NEVER noticed, I spent many nights getting braver and braver, walking farther and farther from home, but always got scared and came back.
I love how many of us did the stick and bandana.
Yes, but it was less about the running away, and more about the fact of being far enough away to just never talk to certain family members
yes definitely. i tried to get another family to take me home when i was 5-6yo at a campground, cuz they were so nice to me. i often dreamt of running away, yeah