To preface this I 33F am a child of divorce and I have one biological brother 30M who I'll call Trevor and growing up in my mothers house it was clear he was the favorite in her eyes. To explain briefly we basically grew up differently, he could do no wrong and I was always at fault. In school I was always punished for getting grades less than an A and he was rewarded with toys and treats if he got a C. If he didn't do chores cause he didn't feel like it I would get in trouble for not doing them and he was never punished. There are many instances and I don't want to bore you with them all as we will be here all day. To note My father never tolerated this crap with my brother so this crap happened at my moms.

For years I dealt with this and when I was at college and came home with my now husband and at the time boyfriend at Christmas at my dads my brother made a comment to my step sister when we got to my dads "hurry up Danielle and eat some food before S eats it all" I was pissed when he did that cause he knew growing up I was always slightly bigger and self conscious about my looks and knew calling me fat would get under my skin. I told my dad and he immediately reprimanded Trevor who claimed I did it to him but thankfully my husband backed me up and when I told my mom what happened she said "he never does that at my house so it must be your fathers fault". These instances of him gaslighting me and making rude and hurtful comments at my mothers were constant mixed with my mother "having me buy groceries and help with bills " but Trevor never had to( he ate all the food as fast he he could and I had to get groceries again so saving money was impossible. There are other instances of him belittling the entire family for not "celebrating" him graduating college when he never told anyone he was graduating (we were supposed to graduate together me in grad and him in undergrad but he had to add on an extra semester or two for failing classes so we didn't know when he was graduating and he never communicated it so no one said a thing to him) he constantly brings it up when he thinks he is being ignored or wronged. My mother pays for his cellphone bill and refuses to let her baby boy fail but if I am struggling it's not her problem and they are too strapped to help. This unfair treatment pushed me to the point where when I got the chance to move out for a teaching job I did.

A few years later my step sister was placed into state housing (she is 6 years older than me and has a severe disability where she can't take care of herself) so she was told she had to get ride of her cats. My brother who finally moved out took in my sisters favorite cat Gabby. For years he neglected this cat but claimed she was healthy until he got in a car accident and me trying to be a good sister went to help him at his apartment with my dad and step mom. We asked him about gabby as we didn't see her except for their new cat and some hairless cat and he pointed at a hairless skin and bones cat that was rubbing on our legs and goes "she is right there". We were ANGRY and I yelled what the fuck is your problem how could you neglect her!? Brother claimed "she is healthy don't worry she is adjusting to the new cat" my dad and step mom a few days later "took gabby" and had her looked at the vet and she was extremely under weight, malnurished, dehydrated and was suffering from infections from flea bites. My dad told my brother he isn't getting her back and then asked me if I was willing and able to take gabby cause he sure as hell is not bringing her back to my brothers shitty situation where he isn't taking care of her. So my husband and I took her in and I paid 1500$ in vet bills to nurse her back to health and she eventually gained weight back and her fur grew back and she thrived and wasn't afraid of people.

Now to the situation...I had to put Gabby down she had lung cancer and she was 18 she lived a long life the last five of her years with me and my husband where she was loved and taken care of. I called my mom crying when we made the choice and begged her to not say anything to anyone cause I don't want to hear from anyone cause losing anyone even a pet sucks. What does she do? My mother called my brother and he decided to text me and wrote "How dare you making a choice to kill MY cat without talking to me first. She could have relaxed and went on her own terms iat home which is what I would have done. You are a heartless bitch for doing that" I finally had enough over 25 years of gaslighting and emotional abuse from him and I exploded... I texted him "who the fuck do you think you are? You abused gabby and let her suffer I had to pay 1500$ to save her life and you did jack shit I am sick of you not giving a rats ass about anyone or anything no one owes you a damn thing. Grow the fuck up and NEVER talk to me again until you do"...I blocked him. Apparently he told my parents what I did and my dad and step dad both backed me up and called him an asshole for acting entitled and thinking he had the right to belittle and continue to treat me like shit when he has always been in the wrong. So he stopped talking to them for a few months. My mother on the other hand thinks I should just get over it and move on. She says "I don't like that my two kids are fighting" to which I tell her I'm not fighting with him I am done with him and his games where he plays the victim and instigates me to get me to react for him to act like a victim...this isn't a single event this is years of torment and him thinking he can do no wrong because she enabled him and still does...I am not talking to him until he grows the eff up... she says I need to let it go and get over it. She also tries to invite him to events she knows I am going to to try to force us together to I just refuse to go to any family function now since I know he will act like nothing is wrong and won't own up to his mistakes and apologize. Am I the asshole for refusing to talk to my brother?

Edit: I love the feedback and glad I see I'm not in the wrong. I want to address the same comment. 1- I live in my own house with my husband and kids three hours from my mother 2- after I moved out I rarely heard from my brother it was usually either him having a manic episode or to gloat about his life but never checking in on myself or kids 3 I have only recently gone LC with my mother when I was pregnant with my son who is now 10 months old...she kept herself in check with her crazy and narcissistic ways until we found out my daughter was severely allergic to dogs and I was pregnant too (last year) and that's a whole other story for another day. I only contact her for the sake of my kids but my daughter knows how crazy my mother is and understands why we don't see her and she only comes once a month to once every three months cause she sees my step brothers three kids more often and I have finally grown a backbone when I was pregnant with my son maybe I'll do a Reddit about that story later

Final update. Thanks for the feedback and comments they mean a lot and we are going nc with my mom as she is the enabler. My brother I have been Nc for a while now and do not plan to change that ever. Tigers never changed their stripes and he will never grow up and will forever be a baby who needs my mother to hold his hands