To set the scene, my roommate, we'll call him James, and I dated for 3 years but broke up at the end of 2020. We've remained close friends and work in a similar field as eachother. James owns the place we used to live in together now, but has tenants and we rent a different place in a different city.

We haven't lived together since we broke up, but with both of us regularly working away from home, we agreed it would make sense to share a hub home since we both moved to the same city. This was just shy of a year ago and at the time I had another friend (24f), we'll call her Jess, looking for a place to stay, who also regularly works away from home and asked him if he would be interested in a third roommate. We had a discussion on it and in the end agreed that it would be fine and lower the rent.

When the 3 of us originally agreed to move in together, we were all single and it was agreed that reasonable notice for guests was expected. Usually a day before or the night before if possible, otherwise just letting the group know when they knew; I.E. before walking in the house, just shooting a text when the idea to come home with a guest occurred. And there shouldn't just be a constant rotation or random people coming in.

Jess started seeing someone almost immediately, so whenever she's home, her bf is over. This has been an issue, but it's not relevant because she's supposed to be moving out next month anyways.

James was away for work and met a woman, which he ended up trying to get her on working at his next job, which didn't pan out and he ended up bringing her to stay in our house without any real conversation. They weren't really dating but they were physically involved, and it ended up becoming a way bigger issue in the end than it was worth. She did eventually leave after 2 and a half months, but I had decided to move out slightly before she had left because there was no respect or boundaries. Everything we had discussed went out the window.

With Jess moving out, (she was supposed to be out already, but didn't find a place in time) and James' kind-of-ex leaving, I had agreed to move back in with the condition that no one is allowed to move in, we are the only ones to live in the house, but we can have guests (did not clarify longevity, but said it can't be long term stays) with reasonable notice, same as before, with either the night before or as soon as either party knew.

Nothing about people showing up randomly when the related roommate was away was mentioned because that seems kind of common sense.

The reason I'm making this post, is that he had a friend over, which I wasn't aware about, but wasn't an issue because I wasn't home, and his friend had left some things at the house. He's going back to work tomorrow morning, and asked me to let her in to get her stuff if she came by while he was gone.

I tried to simply say no, as I don't feel comfortable letting someone I don't know into the house, even if it is his friend, he is not there. I also asked why he couldn't just bring her things to her, since he had some running around to do anyways. I got some spiel about her not having anywhere to go, or anywhere to store them.

I tried to be calm, but got a bit upset, and said "your friends problems are not my responsibilities." I said he can take her things to her or she can come get them when he is back in town. If he is so adamant about her coming in while he is away, he can have our landlord escort her in to grab her things.

There is a lot more to the general conversation, where he accused me of attacking him (verbally) when I pointed out other examples, and saying we've done so much for eachother (started to say he's done to much for me) and that this request really wasn't that big of a deal. I replied that a lot of the things I agreed to do for him previously were outside of my boundaries and was after he had pushed me to agreeing and that I am no longer agreeing after I've said no, when I am uncomfortable just to appease him.

It is literally just to come get her things, so I feel bad, but I did give options, and I don't feel like I should feel obligated. But I'd like some outside perspective if I am being too much or if it does seem like he's disrespecting my boundaries.