archive.is/TnMeu
The Satanic Temple will send its "Ministers of Satan" into Oklahoma public schools if chaplaincy bill becomes law | TST spokeswoman: This is a "groundbreaking initiative for equal religious representation. It offers an unprecedented opportunity for our Ministers of Satan to join the state workforce"
“ I don’t think science knows!” /S
"Science is obviously a satanic plot to make life better for sinners. They aren't going to want to go to heaven if they aren't suffering here."
User deleted comment
1mo
Imagine how much progress we could've made even earlier without religion!
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1mo
A lot of the early works by Roman and Greek philosophers were destroyed in Europe during the dark ages. What has survived was mostly preserved in the Middle East because at that time they were into mathematics, science and knowledge.
It's part of the reason we use arabic numerals rather than Roman numerals.
Yeah, it's a shame so many of the learning centers outside of Europe eroded. Timbuktu, Baghdad, Alexandria, I'm sure I'm missing many. Imagine the minds going to waste in those parts and what could be achieved if there was adequate education globally. I know it's a mix of religious fundamentalism, colonialism, and the Cold War, and these places didn't get destroyed overnight, but imagine if we had an MIT or Oxford in every region of every continent themselves competing for the great minds around the world.
Oh shit! I didn't know that
Ugh!
We would be nearly 500 years into the future. Religion has robbed us of SO MUCH.
There was a time graph of human advancement I saw many years ago, and it looked like the stock market. slow and steady for a real long time, hovering at 50 cents a share for centuries, and then we IPO'd, and the graph started steadily climbing, making jump after jump, then in the Middle Ages, the market crashed like the 30's, and took hundreds of years to recover. Then it shot up again, and rose higher and higher, faster and faster. It was a sad, sobering picture of the utter uselessness and destruction of religion.
I think there was a Family Guy episode where Brian and Stewie are jumping between timelines. In one timeline Christianity never happened, and therefore meg is hot and technology is super advanced.
The attitude hasn't changed all that much. I've heard roughly this at the bowling alley.
Is this a quote? I love it!
I was raised an evangelical YEC. I deal with my trauma through humor.
Same
Written on My IPhone
They're very selective about the science they believe in.
man , I wish I was a kid these days ... I mean , except for the fact that tik tok and other social medias will probably rot my brain for the rest of my life , having satanists come into my school ...
If they can just dress up like any metal band as well , I'd probably convert on the spot lol
Lol. No kidding. I would have Judas Priest requests at the ready!
i would much rather have someone like the pope emeritus iv in full regalia.
I hadn’t seen him before this week and already seen him twice in three days.
obviously, the church is calling you.
Papa III was my favourite
I’m excited to see what vibe papa V brings
oH nO, QuIcK gEt ThE CROSSES
mwa hahaha!
“Real girl scout samoas? Hail Satan!”
I said better cookies. Girl Scout cookies these days are terrible!
Maybe thats why there are only about 4 cookies in each box - less to have to suffer through.
And yet, we still buy them, to give our brats SOME sales... dammit! T_T
Oh, of course! I was a girl scout too, so yeah. But like everything else, they are much different than they were.
Hello brother
Well met!
Cookies???🍪 im here for that
Ik, r?
Yup
Join the darkside we have cookies
The best!
Yes there soft and delicious just like grandma used to make
Lol, Oklahoma accidentally letting science back into schools.
The devil is in the details.
Task failed successfully.
🤘🔥🔥🤘
The devil is in the details.
You magnificent bastard! Take me, I'm yours!
Mrs Jones?!?
I understood that reference
<boom chicka waa waaa>
Typical for Christians, can't even do wrong correctly.
😂
Where they will teach the antithesis to Christianity and religion in general, logic and critical thinking. If you mess with Satanism they'll teach your children how to think and make decisions on their own. I'm sure they're horrified...
I would 100% feel safer sending my children to TST events.
This is something that mystifies me. My very Catholic friend still goes to church and takes his kids with him. When I asked about child abuse in the church, he said "Well, I don't let them out of my sight, and I'd certainly never leave them alone."
Dude who is a true believer won't leave his children alone in the house of god with the representatives of god, but he still goes every Sunday.
Otherwise he's intelligent, thoughtful, and reasonable. Indoctrination is a bitch.
User deleted comment
1mo
1000% agree on the doctor thing, my wife was at the local hospital for minor surgery a few weeks ago, and the hardest part of the wait was a group of cultists talking about how "God will see their loved one through" and "its in God's hands" and how "it's all part of his plan". Took literally every ounce of self control I had to not turn around and bitch them out about how absolutely fucking rude that shit is to chock up the decade+ of medical training and debt their doctor put them self through so they could eventually save that person's life, or at least try to, and how their God didn't exist. The funniest part, was overhearing them talk about how their other family member left some specific denomination of their cult, because, and I quote, "they just couldn't handle the 'cultist mentality' anymore" took everything I had to not die of laughter.
Or they'd just forget about god at that point and just bitch about incompetency and go shopping for a lawyer.
Also gotta love when a doctor saves a life; no, it wasn't the doctor's extraordinarily long and difficult life spent learning and studying medicine that healed the injured person, it was god simply using that doctor as a meat marionette.
Also odd how a "medical miracle" is always something internal. Miraculously saved (not a mis-diagnosis)! Nobody ever miraculously regrows an arm.
Isaiah 45:6 says, "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things".
User deleted comment
1mo
I think attendees need to be in a receptive mental state. Some of us were raised going to mass and not encouraged to question/think through some of the obvious concepts. I was pretty deep into Catholicism, not pushy for anyone but myself and my kids. My 8 y/o daughter loudly questioned (at Easter mass no less!) being told she was made on god’s image when she’s a girl and god is portrayed as an old man. 😳 damn, good question
A lot of catholics I see go to church do it for the networking, since a lot of them are rich greedy fucks.
Which I can respect a lot more than because of beliefs, at least.
Indoctrination is a bitch.
It sure is.
I have been staunchly Agnostic for many years (because maybe it really was "Aliens" or "Thor" or some Eldritch-God).
But nevertheless I still feel "the Fear of God" sometimes.
ie I literally will feel fearful that my choice of Belief will cause me untold pain and suffering in the afterlife.
Sure sounds like brainwashing and PTSD, doesn't it?
All forms of organized Religion are just brainwashing with a pretty coat of paint.
It's estimated that 6% of clergy are rapists. Imagine if 6% of any other job were pedophiles. These places still have summer camps!
"Teach the controversy."
"Wait, not like that."
Can they distribute worship condoms?
With the overpopulation problem worldwide condoms should be everywhere in free bubble gum machines. Or maybe free online. That way no one is embarrassed when they get the economy size.
As a TST member, I would like to do my sacred duty to inform you that condoms ARE available, for free, by mail!
In the USA- scroll to the bottom for a list by state https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/sexual-health/free-condoms
In the UK- https://www.letstalkaboutit.nhs.uk/contraception/condoms/
Be safe out there!
I know a fellow satanist who works in healthcare. He keeps a basket of free condoms on his desk for patients to take if they want.
The very cynical might tell you that overpopulation is really only a concern in developing countries. Europe, Japan, the US are looking at declining populations and fewer cogs in the machine. The white Christian nationalist puppet masters don’t actually care about birth control or abortion for religious reasons, they just need more people of working age to keep the future economy running. If their preferred humans aren’t breeding enough they’ll have to let in more brown people.
Hail Satan!
Twice
Hail you ⛧
Praise Satan and praise thyself
The difference between Christians and the Satanic Temple, is that Christians actually believe in Satan.
Also, TST is more likely to value the (alleged) teachings of Jesus.
Based on the satanic tenets they definitely would
I don't think I could handle the hostility, or worse. TST folks are brave.
We need those folks otherwise the situation in the US would be far more dire. I applaud their bravery, I wish I could do more to help (outside of giving donations to TST) but I live in a state that believes in the separation of church and state (California).
Buy their hot sauce! It's fucking good.
Hot as the devil’s taint?
Do you have a name for the sauce? My family loves spicy food.
They should also bring a couple of Imams with them to really send Oklahoma over the edge.
I grew up in Oklahoma, the same dimwits that would get upset and suspend me at my Metallica shirt with the words life in hell on it would applaud the Christian kids for their shirts threatening life in hell.
Trust me, we take pride in making those idiots cry tears of rage. Fuck all them idiot Okies. But they'll just make those same mental gymnastics part of the enforcement of the bill. Deputy Cletus will only enforce what he sees fit on who he sees as derelict.
HAIL fucking SATAN!!!
Throw up your horns!
\m/
Just not the woodland critter Christmas kind of
Ya got a problem with cute critters bub? /s
HAIL fucking YOU ⛧
Hahahahaha this is one of the best things I’ve seen in a while. It’s almost like the religious community that pushed for this only views themselves as a legitimate faith.
It’s almost like religion has made people so arrogant and disillusioned with reality that they think forcibly injecting their personal religion into the GOVERNMENT is the only thing to do.
Going against the founding fathers wishes, while saying this is what the founding fathers would have wanted is so Republican it hurts lol
"We want faith back in schools!"
Ten minutes later:
"Not like that!!!"
Clutches purls /s
Thank u for sharing that... kinda surprised I hadn't before.
It sums up the religious right's perspective perfectly
Yeah, sometimes it takes looking at the extremes to understand the normal.
Proceeds to scream insults at him for a minute straight.
“I’m pissed cause he won’t repent!”
This woman needs help lol.
TST WORKING FOR A BETTER FUTURE AS ALWAYS ‼️‼️
Many thanks to TST organizers!
Doing the Dark Lord's work.
As an Oklahoman absolutely fed up with the Christian Nationalist route this state is taking, I say “bring on the Satan chaplains!” Fuck Ryan Walters.
I wish Satanists would show up on people's doorsteps like Jehovah's Witnesses
Maybe they do but enough people invite them in for a nice long chat and a cup of tea that they just don't have the time to get to you
Rep. Kevin West, R-Moore, the House sponsor for SB36, said in a statement that chaplains will not be allowed to proselytize and school districts and parents will have control over who will be allowed in schools as a chaplain.
If they're forbidden to proselytize then why chaplains? Instead, how about some licensed social workers, tutors, councilors, or musicians? Calling them chaplains and encouraging religious people to participate indicates that they are there for religious reasons, counseling, or whatever.
Also, they had better define the fuck out of "proselytize" and what these religious kooks are allowed to do and what they're forbidden from doing. Handing out pamphlets is as much proselytizing as a full blown Mass. Again, why hire religious people who are in the business of being religious and getting people to join their religion if you then disallow them to do anything religious? See, it's disingenuous from the start. It's a wink and a nod to "oh no they won't be giving sermons" hint hint and they won't be talking about god wink nudge.
Also this bullshit about "parents will have control over who will be allowed" is just trying to keep people they don't approve of - in this instance The Satanic Temple - away while they invite Cardinal Dick Grabby pedo because he is from their church. Also, that's unconstitutional, if one religion is allowed then they all are.
This whole thing is bullshit from top to bottom. FUCK these people.
Also, "Oral Roberts University" is just fucking hilarious. Oral is an Asshole, and the University is a Scam.
Yeah, the no proselytizing thing will only be used against non-christian nationalists. They will preach and spread their gospel from hall to hall and ignore the law.
Hall Mass
Would be interesting if lawyers handed out business cards outside these schools looking for illegal proselytizing cases to take on pro bono.
lol, the new "Ambulance Chaser" hahah
Tithe, y'all! Send TST at least five dollars a month; more if you can afford it. This organization is doing more to help Americans than most non-profits. But, the effort is expensive. Please, pitch in.
Thank you for this comment! Yesterday I donated to Plan C Pills, now I’m inspired to donate to TST lol
They're great folks. We need more of them
How long will it take this SCOTUS to decide 5-4 that they can now decide what is a religion and what is not?
It's already federally recognized as a religion
For now. A year from now we might have a state religion.
Guaranteed this is going to happen. They are no longer custodians of the Constitution but politicians dressed in black robes.
politicians dressed in black robes
Sounds culty
This should have more upvotes.because that is exactly what is going to happen.
Fuck yeah, shove that shit right back down their throats.
Fucking love it. You want Religion involved in state proceedings? You're an idiot if you think that only includes *your* Religion.
An idiot, or drowning in privilege.
Anyone know how to become one of these ministers?
The Satanic Temple actually has educational coursework and a certification process to be a Minister of Satan, as well as ongoing requirements for community building and outreach once ordained. You also need a letter of approval from an existing Minister to be considered. They're not like the Universal Life Church who'll ordain anyone who asks.
Also, being ordained doesn't automatically qualify someone to be a chaplain (most chaplaincy positions require a degree and training, though I'm not sure about this Oklahoma law), nor is being ordained a requirement for being a chaplain. Humanist chaplains are a thing, for example.
No way they are getting approved. They should have equal access but they won't get it. If Christians get approval, I would like to see Muslims, Jews, Satanists, Jehovah Witnesses all get access, but it wont happen.
No way they are getting approved.
That's sort of the point. If a law opens up a position to religious figures, it must allow all religions equally. The only legal way to keep the Satanists out, in theory anyway, is to drop the program entirely. And that is the outcome the Satanic Temple would prefer. They're just ready to exercise their rights if the program is approved.
The evangelicals have started trying a "Satanism isn't a real religion" approach, but it's already been recognized as valid by the federal government, so it seems more like wishful thinking than anything serious.
I hope you are right, religion should not be in schools.
Christians: Religions we don't like in schools makes us uncomfortable!
Everyone else: Now you get it!
It is a shame the kids / students are caught up in this political-religious bullshit. That is the real crime here.
Bring the light!
That morning star is surely bright!
Christianity raped, enslaved, and burned a third of the world. Satanism at worst boosted sales at hot topic and passively scared evangelicals in their sleep.
I feel safer with the Satanists. Besides They have goth chicks/dudes and way better music 🤘
Am Oklahoman. Am down for this. If the religious nutjobs here want to monopolize class time to preach about their invisible sky daddy. Then all religions should have a seat at that table. Or we could just keep all religions out of publicly funded classrooms and actually teach kids real stuff that allows them to be contributing members of society instead of being political leaches like the church.
Going into schools and teaching kids basic humanistic principles like...
Have empathy and understanding for people that might be having a rough time or who's situations are worse than yours.
Treat other people the way you would like to be treated.
Those two things are really all a person needs for morals, and some good communication skills.
TST puts out a pot of honey.
Christians can’t stop getting their hands caught in it. All day, all night, every day, an unlimited number of them falling over themselves to stick their hands in.
My kid asked about joining the good news club in 2nd grade because it had a pizza party and GTG club each week. I tried to figure out what it was. It was Christian religious indoctrination disguised as an after school club, and they bribed kids with pizza and ice cream.
My kids in 7th grade now and already sees how hypocritical the religious kids are (trying drinking, drugs, sexuality, hating LGBT and claiming they are faithful good people. We’ve taught our kid that you should be kind and generous to all people and that if you do something bad on Wednesday, it’s still bad even if you ask for forgiveness on Sunday. Morals are human and natural, not god made. If you need a fear of damnation to not be a piece of shit, that means you’re just a piece of shit human and no amount of religion will fix that.
(I have no issue with faith, it used to do a lot of good, but in the last 20-30 years, it’s been bastardized and used as a hateful and discriminatory tool to attack the others. Rather than preaching love, peace, kindness, compassion and support, it teaches that if you don’t vote republican and support liars, cheaters, adulterers, rapists, pedophiles, etc, YOU are going to burn in fire. (Even if the Bible never says this). It’s wacky honestly.
Can you imagine this in Florida?
The TST is working to do the same thing in Florida right now.
Nice
Hail Satan!
User deleted comment
1mo
Good for them. The Satanic Panic of the 80s/90s deserves a reboot, thos time with The Satanic Temple as the guys fighting the good fight.
I am an ex fundamental baptist ordained preacher turned atheist…. I think i want to be a satanic priest just to piss off fucking deluded people who think Religion has ANY place in public education!
I love this.
How do I sign up? My children would love to be ministered to by a satanic chaplain
Although atheist I see the future
The government will first claim the Temple is not a legitimate religion, there will be a protracted legal battle costing taxpayers hundreds if not a million dollars, they will lose, and then the state will end the program.
Satan is good
Well, he's also not real, but, it's fun to do good things ironically in his name!
I mean, he does punish the wicked. That kinda makes him a good guy
He has all the best albums!
Christian's albums:
Creed
Stryper
Billy Ray Cyrus
...oof
This is the way…
All hail Satan!!
Yeah they seem to miss the idea that chaplaincy is an interfaith profession. They better be prepared for Muslim, buddhism, pagan, atheistic, agnostic, and satanic chaplains to join up.
Also as someone studying to be an interfaith hospice chaplain, this stuff pisses me off so badly. It’s going to do irreparable harm to how some people view chaplains as a profession and their willingness to reach out support during times where we’re ACTUALLY needed.
And they probably won’t diddle the kids!
The only miracle that Jesus did that can be proved is making people stupid.
"And son, when you see your mom on the weekend, tell her SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!"
One of the OK superintendents is tweeting about it and getting pretty severely ratioed. You love to see it!
It's a funny time period where the Satanic Temple has better morals and reputation than the Catholic church.
Good. Maybe they save some children from the christian or evangelical rapists.
The Satanic Temple. The only religion actually doing the Lord's work.
Satanic Temple is once again doing the Lord’s work. Keep at it, you Patriots!
Please donate here
Now I really want to write a Bad News Bears reboot entitled the End Times Ursidae. It's about a Minister of Satan who gets assigned to a school in crisis. Discovering that many of the worst troublemakers are both baseball fans and on the school baseball team, this plucky priest volunteers to replace the latest coach to quit. Though at first troubled by their general hostility and inability to function as a team, wise Satanic leadership sees him unify the group with common goals in campaigns of pranks perpetrated on local moral authorities. Now bonded as a group, their coach rallies the lot into a winning season and a dramatic, if ultimately defeated, effort in the regional championship game. Of course, they could go farther in the sequel.
What about atheism? Can I go and teach religion is something cave elders used to control cave people with unsubstantiated fears and unwarranted praise and thanks?
No; atheism is not a religion. That’s the entire point of TST.
A lot of the reason that the Satanic Temple got founded is because attempts to curtail Christian indoctrination through pure atheistic principles were being blocked, and some of the justification was that atheism wasn't a religion, and therefore the opponents of atheism didn't have to pay lip service to the 1st Amendment when they did things to block atheists.
By following all the legal rules for an established religion, the Satanic Temple can do the things that the atheists were not able to do, and the conservatives can't legally do anything to block them (at least directly) without setting up precedents that would damage their own influence.
They should.
CoS will Karen cry about this. But this reminds me of when Anton in the 1960s got Satanism to be recognized as an official religion by the US government.
Thank God for Satan/ s
Well played ST
Despite legalities, I don’t believe this will be a successful attempt. Fucking Oklahoma man, this will be tied up in courts forever
I can hear the Christian temper tantrums now...
I probably would not draw the kids I'm most likely their grandparents age
To think that Oklahoma school districts won’t simply discriminate against non-Christian religions is beyond naive.
Breaking News: diminishing Christianity's influence inspires Satan's. Back to you Cotton
Satanist Davy Crockett: “you may all go to hell and I will go to Oklahoma!”
That guy towards the end is so sure that Christian chaplains won't share their religious faith that I'm sure he'll welcome any qualified chaplain, since they'll only offer support and not share their faith.
If fully true based as hell
You go satan1!
As a child the TST was always showcased to me as people who literally worship the devil.
When I eventually learned that it was political opposition to Christian nationalist efforts to erode the separation of church and state, I tried explaining it to my Christian friends. Unfortunately they were not interested in exploring the nuance of political Satanism.
I tried explaining it to my Christian friends. Unfortunately they were not interested in exploring the nuance of political Satanism.
Of course you and I know there's no such thing as magic, but it turns out when someone has been indoctrinated into magical thinking since they were a child, you can perform something very much like magic on them.
For example, when you utter the magic word "Satan" to a devout christian, they temporarily lose all ability to use their brain and can only utter pre-programmed responses.
And when you utter the magic phrase "We will be holding a Satanic ritual at [place] on [date]," you can summon devout christians to that very time and place as if they are helpless but to obey.
It's fascinating to see, albeit a little disturbing.
Indoctrination is a scary, terrible thing. My mom is so deeply inculcated, she resorts to cult thought-stopping techniques when I probe her on hard theological issues.
Evangelical Christianity is the political type, and that's how I was raised to interpret it. I was one of the ones who had a difficult time with the conservative emotional intuitions and developing my own bullshit theological interpretation. I tried to make logical sense of it, but it's quite literally impossible to do this. It requires active denial of reality, or delusional thinking.
The devil was always a lot more difficult to believe in than God. It was confusing. It seemed like a flat villain character. A way to conveniently free people of accountability and rob them of autonomy. If I had explored what the devil represents more deeply, I think I would have saved myself a lot of emotional torment.
I understand what the devil is supposed to represent a lot better in adulthood than I ever did as a child. The devil tests God's capabilities, torments the faithful, pokes holes in the theological framework, tries to get Jesus to question God's intent and worship him instead of God. The devil is individualism, knowledge, reason, skepticism. I suppose if God is the logical opposite, that means God is groupthink, ignorance, emotional bias, blind loyalty.
Religious people are too fucking stupid to protect themselves from this level of trollmanship. They are not critical thinkers at all. Case in point! Go ministry of Satan, Go!!!
Never heard of a satanist r#ping children. Or killing in name of satan.
I think I know my next career calling.
Where do I sign up to be a minister of our dark lord?
Hope more line up. Muslims, Jews, ….
And islamicists also..
Christian Right Wingers: Noooo, not like that!!
I feel like atheists should do the same. I've been told a lot of times that atheism is a religion so why not shove that shit in their face?
Wonderful, those Satanists really doing their part to make society a better place, for real.
{⸸}•𓃶•{⸸}
So I could spread the true word of Zeus and the Gods of Olympus?
Religion has killed more people than cancer, yet we still try to cure cancer
Hail Satan!
They'll come in in nice suits and be all sensible and shit.
Once again, the Church of Satan is doing “God’s work”. 😂
Not Church of Satan; The Satanic Temple is a completely different organization.
Scare them with satan. Ironic
🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿
I wonder who will actually go for TST. These people will have to live in these communities, and will no doubt face fierce hatred from parents.
TST has ordained ministers ready to go for efforts like this. They’re seriously brave to take it on and well worth donating to support.
finally... after all that fanfare forever... get the job done.
They’ll just do what Ronny DeathSentence did in Floriduh when folks were using his book ban to ban the bable - rewrite the law.
I expect the same in Jokelahoma.
They will deploy the nefarious tactics of Science, and Better Cookies!