Am I wrong for expecting my friend to pay for her half of dinner?

You are not wrong but you are never getting paid. Don’t go out with her again.

Are we assuming she hasn’t paid you back yet?

Let your friend keep her $40 so she can apply it to the therapy she desperately needs.

JK, go NC on her for good. She is not a friend. She's an albatross.

It’s a lesson learned, let it go and block her jk sort of. This isn’t worth preserving, but it’s hard. No more outings with her that isn’t somewhere free. She can’t respect you, that’s not a friendship worth having.

Ypu aren't seeing that money. Just use this for the next time. If you remain friends with her and she pulls the one check scam again remind her of this time and tell the waiter 1 check. Pay yours and leave her to drown.

Do not assign her a role in your wedding as you will be stuck paying for her expenses! She will also want to bring her user boyfriend as her plus one so you will have two of them taking advantage of you.

You're definitely not wrong for expecting her to pay her half. It's not fair for you to keep covering for her, especially with your wedding coming up. Maybe it's time to have a serious chat with her about this.

Your friend is using you, just like her bf is using her. Stop this vicious cycle. Cut her off and move on with your life.

Her boyfriend isn’t the toxic one.

Sorry you had to find out.

No, you're not wrong. If you get your money back, going forward you should make it clear to wait staff (in her presence) before ordering that you will require separate checks. If she continues to ghost you and doesn't pay you back, you're probably out of luck on these 40 bucks, but should consider it the price of finding out your supposed friend is anything but, and take a step back from the friendship.

Stop going out with her. She is not a “friend”.

Not wrong, but you learned you can lose a friendship over $40. Sometimes it’s worth it.

My husband had this leech of a friend borrow $25 and then ghost. Best $25 he ever spent. Is this person really your friend or maybe this is $40 well spent?

You’re never going to see that $40. Unless you want to foot the bill, stop going out to eat or drink with that “friend.”

Seems to me that’s the last time you’ll have dinner with that friend. She clearly struggles with boundaries, first with her boyfriend and then when you set them- asking to split the cheque. So, be clear in yours. “I had a great dinner out with you but I didn’t agree to pay for the meal. Can you please pay me the $40 and if you can’t pay- please understand that we won’t be going out together for dinner anytime soon. Please understand that I have a lot of wedding expenses and can’t afford to take anyone out on my dime at the moment.”

You’ll never get that money back, so I’d say something once more and let it and the friendship go.

You’re not wrong, but in her defense, the last time I tried to use the Zelle app it gave this message when my WiFi was on. So I deleted it and reinstalled it and got the same message.

So I logged into my bank where I can pay with Zelle as an option, the message wasn’t identical, but similar and of course it wouldn’t there either.

I googled it and apparently it’s a pretty common issue with Zelle and I still don’t have a fix.

This may not be the case with your friend, but I thought it might be worth mentioning. If it is a she should find another way to pay you asap though.

Doesn’t sound like much of a friend to leave you hanging out to dry like that. Lesson learned, don’t go anywhere with her like that again.

Why is she putting herself into debt over this douche?

Not wrong. She has more important priorities. Let her deal with those as you deal with those who make you a priority. Simple as that. If she is going through some things, she needs to let you know so you can be of help. If she doesn't, then she has it. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. You follow that same logic and be with those who don't mooch meals and are so involved with other people, they aren't present when they are with you.

I think your friend is being dominated (can’t think of a better word right now) by her bf. He was probably harassing her while at dinner. One of those jealous posessive types and probably not allowed to spend money unless he says so. So cut back on a few things you’d normally get till it matches the $40 Take it as a loss and a experience.

You’re not wrong for expecting her to pay but you’re wrong for being overly passive when the situation occurred . As soon as she asked for 1 check , it was time to put your foot down and say no. Then , when she made the WiFi excuse it was once again time to tell her , no that’s not how phones work , I’ll show you how to Zelle using your service . You allowed her to cheat you out of money by refusing to confront the behavior as it was occurring . She probably knew you would act this way , leading to her cheating you out of the money . Time to move on from this friendship and learn how to be more confrontational in the future when people try to walk on you .

As they say, lend someone $20 and you never see them again..best $20 you spend.

Sounds like it only cost you 40 bucks to get rid of a loser friend. What’s the problem? Thats pretty cheap for getting rid is a loser from your life.

YNW, BUT forget the $40 and forget your "friend". Consider this an inexpensive life lesson...ok, maybe a little expensive. Oh, and don't be angry with her, pity her. Eventually she's going to wind up alone and truly not understand why.

We had "Jimmy the Leach". He was forever "forgetting" his wallet, "forgot" to go pick up his pay check, had to pay an "unexpected" bill, etc. It got to the point where we'd tell him we were going to one place then go to another! Jimmy eventually figured out no one wanted him around.

I would say, please don’t agree to go out with me if you don’t have the money to pay for your food and drinks. I didn’t budget on paying for you too. If you couldn’t afford that restaurant, we could’ve done something less expensive. I feel like you took advantage of me and I don’t feel like that’s what friends do to friends.

Honestly look at it like this. It only cost you $40 to get rid of a shitty ass friend. You made out and one less guest at the wedding who's going to bring a shitty boyfriend

Who suggested dinner? It's worse if she did.

Now you know how she can be so generous with the boyfriend. She is playing with house money, by getting others to cover for her and pay for her nights out.

Why do you have her as a friend ?

Also, never go out to dinner with her again!! Lol

How often do you guys usually go out and this happens. The best way to get your money back is to tell her “hey it’s okay that you don’t have it rn, it’s no rush give it to me when you get paid”. This will usually get a response. And then remind her on her pay date and whether you get your money or not that has to be the last time you go out with her.

You eat the $40 and move on. You state she’s done this in the past yet you keep going out with her. Live and learn. Life’s not worth arguing over $40. Just never invite her to dinner again.

In the future you need to speak up and tell the server you need seperate checks. Maybe just blurt out "seperate checks" at the beginning with the server if dining with this friend. If they get mad just mention the $40. If you wanted the money back and felt very petty you could go out to dinner with her "forget" your wallet and let her say 1 check and then play dumb and ask her to cover you. 

There is a lot of information about the friend, her life, the waiter hitting on you. At the end I'm wondering, what the hell have you been doing there? She doesn't seem to be a good friend to hang out with, being on her phone and not "helping" with the waiter situation.

If i were in her place, I'd tip the waiter about my friend's engagement to stop this awkward situation and help her out. I'd let my phone off too. Usually, with my good friends, we're fighting to invite the other, using or faking a bathroom stop as an excuse to pay first for the whole check, this whole escape/zelle not working is odd, even more if she spends tons on her loser BF and knows you're getting married soon.

First you’re not wrong. Does he have access to her accounts? Like would not cause an issue for her if he sees she’s eating out without him?

It sounds like she’s in an abusive relationship.

I don't get this 1 table 1 bill. Here i is 1 person 1 bill. If someone wants to treat the other guests then that person grabs all the bills from the waiter and pays it all. You have you bill she has hers you pay your bill she pays hers. Period. You know this is a toxic relationship why do you keep asking for more. Cut the ties and quick

If you lend money make it low enough that they were worth losing it over is how I do it

Consider that money lost and this friendship, well, that’s up to you but personally, I’m not about to get used. Would I end the friendship? Probably not but would I see or communicate this person frequently and trust them? Nope..

All things considered, $40 is a decent price to pay for an educational adventure. Saved yourself a bigger hit in the future.

I don’t know where you live, but in the US it’s much better to ask for separate checks when you first sit down. “Can you cover me?” “No, sorry I can’t. Let’s eat another time.”

Next time tell the waiter to have the manager bring 2 checks and explain to the manager the waiters behavior and provide them with contact info for your friend. The waiter’s behavior will most likly be enough to get you at least a discount

Next time she wants to go out, state flatly..."Ok, this time YOU will pay the entire bill, right? You know, since you did NOT pay me the $40 you owe me from the last time we went out." When she says she does not have enough, "Sorry, I cannot make it and I definitely cannot afford it...I have been about $40 short for awhile now."

You're not wrong. Next time, only pay your portion. Although it was a single check, explain that you don't have the funds to pay more than what you budgeted for and ask them to charge only you for your portion.

She's in a downward spiral of anxiety and codependency. Her trash bf is playing her for everything he can get. You know she won't listen to anyone who says to break up with him. All you can do is go LC, and never place yourself in a position where you wind up paying for her or giving her money. If you still want to invite her to your wedding, have her invite read "no guest". Of course you know there won't be a wedding gift.

Someday she may hit rock bottom and break up with the guy. More likely, he'll bankrupt her, then leave when he's found a new mark. She's going to need a friend who can listen (but no money), and encourage her to get therapy.

Your “friend” just screwed you over, on purpose.

You are not wrong, and you know what it sucks what your friend did to you but look on the bright side. You are lucky it was only $40, imagine if she had done this and wracked up your bill to $100+.

She is not your friend, and if you ever decide to go out with her again, tell the waitress or waiter upfront that it is separate checks I do not let your friend tell them otherwise.

I thought you were going to say, the she had run out on a bill with this waiter. I would count it as a lesson learned and not go out with her again, I made the mistake of letting a friend stay at my condo for a few days, because she was fighting with her abusive husband, that lasted 6 months, she took advantage of me , she never offered to help pay for anything, I said to her that my electric and water bill had doubled since she moved in, she didn’t pick up after herself, ate my food, I asked her to contribute to the bills, she wrote me a check and it bounced, she came home one day, the locks were changed and her stuff was sitting in the hall, haven’t talked to her in years

Your friend is in an abusive relationship. If you ever go out for dinner with her again, tell her you’re paying cash and let her figure out her own way. Sad but true.

As others have said, that's a pretty good price for the information it gave you about her. Use it well.

maybe her money is just for her boyfriend, hahahaha

Wait three days bringing up maybe one more time and then tell her off cuz what she's doing is not okay or there's another route next time you go insist on separate checks

Forget the money, and the "friend"

!UpdateMe

You are not wrong, but you did say this is her MO. I wouldn't go to a frank stand with her in the future. Ask for your money every time she contacts you. You will probably stop hearing from her. As for her toxic relationship, she is the only one who can fix that.

Next time meet for coffee and she’ll only screw you out of $10! It sounds like you too are in a toxic relationship.

Why did she agree to go to dinner if she didn’t have money? Moocher!

This is not a real friend.

You’re an idiot when she said same check that’s when you leave and say thank bae, I’ll get you next time… she’s left guilted by her own doing and you can go home to your fiancé and explain the freeloading mess you don’t have to invite to any wedding varieties…

Text your friend tell her not to worry about the $40. but for the price of the $40 take your name out of her phone, delete, it’s over. Tell her not to worry about the wedding. You are D O N E. You will get a response. Good Luck with your marriage❣️

Did she still not respond ???

All these people back you up but you know her hahaha I would have said split checks when we sat down. You wanted her company and something to bitch about… do better

There’s a great scene from A Bronx Tale where Sonny stops the main character (I can’t spell his name to save my life) from beating up a kid who owes him 20 bucks. He says how for 20 bucks he has the security that the deadbeat dude will never ask him for money again and that the 20 bucks he lost was a small loss in actuality and he got the positive of removing a shitty person from his life.

I’m not saying your friend is a shitty person, but it definitely seems like a one sided friendship and they care more about feeding their failing relationship then maintaining their positive relationships with friends. It seems like they need to grow and learn they need to be smart with their money and not blow it on someone who sucks them dry mentally. They’re putting their partner over you when they’re clearly not a good fit and that’s not a trait of a good friend. Further more it’s kind of scummy the way they weaseled their way into you paying the bill. They could have just been honest and said “hey I didn’t realize I didn’t have enough could you cover me and I’ll make it up to you ASAP”. But they basically tricked you and that’s so gross and dishonest.

Sucks you lost 40 bucks but you also saw where their priorities lie, may be best to just cut your losses. You’re not wrong to be upset.

Not wrong but you know you're never getting the money back, right? What are you getting out of this friendship?

Not wrong. Also I’m not standing up for the waiter, but if your friend was on the phone the whole time, obviously he’d only talk to you. But I trust your judgement.

Also this person isn’t your friend. You need to drop them

SHE didnt buy him all that swag for his birthday, YOU DID. When she's broke you pay to cover her shortfall. But he continues to get spoiled. Time to start reminding her "You really cant afford it so we wont be going to XYZ for dinner (or ABC this weekend) and I cant afford to cover you because I AM ALSO BROKE.

I would just not require the $40 and just ubfriend her. It’s not about the $40, but about the lying and being dumb on her part

NOT wrong but put doing thing together on hold till the $40 is paid. 

Friends under hardship, you invite out to dinner. Friends"" that presume on you and feed the idiots..... you don't enable them.

Clearly you did this to yourself. Insisted on the $40 and stop going out with her. She's a leech.

I’m thinking the waiter didn’t give 2 💩about you 😁

Your friend is not paying you back. She did that on purpose expecting you to pay. Why would she need to zelle you when she could have paid? If she didn't say when she would specifically send the money she won't and hope you forgot about it. The No wi-fi is a bs excuse. Do not go out to eat with her ever again. Hang out at your places where it's free to eat, or she can bring her own food.

Your friend is a cliche. Dude who never has his wallet. She seems to have some psychological issues. You need to decide how much the friendship means to you. If its a lot. Accept that you will always get the check and only invite her when you can afford to treat. I never loan money, I give it away. That way there are no hard feelings and if I can’t afford to loose it I dont give it

She doesn’t have the money - or if she does - you’re not getting paid back

Kiss the $40 goodbye...

If you know she’s flaky like this don’t go out with her again. You don’t need her company that bad for dinner or lunch!The next outing should be her treat! You’re not getting the $40 back anytime soon! Just write it off and stay away from her! She’s not a good friend

You can always invite her to dinner one more time. Eat exactly $40 worth, then stick her with the bill. When she calls to find out where you are, tell her you'll Zelle her your part! 😁

Can’t you send a bill to her via Zelle? I know you can with Venmo. You need to send her a text and ask if she intends to pay you back? If she says no or doesn’t respond you need to cut this friendship off. If you keep letting her do this, she will keep doing it.

She is not your friend.

Time ro grow (go) apart

So it is obvious that she is not a friend because of the money situation (you ain't never seeing it again) but I will also throw in the situation with the waiter.

You said he made you uncomfortable, she agreed, she proceeds to go outside and leave you alone with the waiter. I would never do that to a friend! EVER!

You are not wrong but you will be if you not immediately block this person from your life!

You’re not wrong but her life is chaotic. Give her space. Thankfully it was just dinner and not a larger expense. I hope she’s not coming to the wedding. She’s not a friend, because she took advantage of you. She knew full well she didn’t have money for dinner but sat and ordered and ate $40 worth of food with tax and tip. She should have declined to go out with you.

Think of it this way. It only cost you 40 dollars to find out where you stand in her hierarchy of importance.

Now you can cut all future losses that would definitely be coming from her.

You don’t know what else to do?

She scammed you out of a $40 dinner. Stop hanging out with this person, that’s what you do.

No not wrong.

If she suggests eating out again, say you need the $40 she owes you first. If you do go out, say (to the waiter) up front, before you look at the menu, that you want separate checks.

She seems to be in an abusive relationship, so don't cut ties completely, but don't be manipulated again into subsidising her choices.

I’ve been in your situation before. I’ve also been invited out when I don’t have the money. I’ve never in my life sprung it on a “friend”

Trying to wrap my head around who goes out to dinner with a friend with no funds to pay for it.

Get a new friend and dump this lady. Take the loss

I need some follow up answers…. What is this friend to you? Like, known her forever, been besties since you were both conceived kinda thing? Or acquaintance you met along the way? Does she do other things for you like send you a card/ text/ gift for your birthday/ other holidays? Does she occasionally pick up the whole tab if you go out? The TYPE of friend she is, is very important. Is she your ride or die bestie just going through a tough time because she’s blinded by dickweed? Or is she just a person you call friend and hang out with once in a while?

You’re probably never going to see that money and I’d take it as a lesson to let her know you can’t buy hers next time or don’t go out with her anymore. If she’s your ride or die, then you need to have a convo with her and be like- hey, I love you and I support you, but as long as you’re with dickweed and giving yourself financial crisis, I cannot be apart of that situation. If she’s just a person you call friend, just distance yourself and stop reaching out. She will disappear- with that $40 lol

Edit: spelling

If she's your real friend and she's going through some things, just swallow the $40. It'll hurt you but a friend is worth it. However, it shouldn't happen again. I hope your friend leaves her parasite and you get back on good terms.

Good luck.

Not wrong at all except for this happening before. Whatever app you’re using, send her a request AND text her. Don’t go out with her again.

Does her bf even work? $2600 seems absolutely insane to me for a birthday. What does he get for her?

I would message her and tell her that if she wants to end this friendship over money that’s her choice. Either she sends you the $40 or you will never speak to her again. She can’t keep using you and mooching off you just because she is choosing to date a leech. Be clear you won’t stand for this again apology and the money or friendship over.

What if, I know crazy idea here, the waiter was talking to you cause your "friend" was glued to her phone. I know, wild. If you're worried about 40 bucks, you're too poor to get married homie. GL