CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LOSER DROPPED THE BALL AGAIN, THE ONE WITH THE BJS AND THE FANTASIES ON THE WEIRD ASS PODCAST, BUT WHATEVER. HAPPY FRIDAY TO EVERYONE AND DON'T FORGET THE FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHT SPECIALS WE HAVE TONIGHT, COLORADO SPRINGS CAN CONTINUE ON THEIR RECENT RUN OF SHAME VS RHODE ISLAND AND EL PASO CAN PROVE TO US ALL THAT THEY FINALLY HAVE IT FIGURED OUT AND LAST WEEK WASN'T A FLUKE.
ALSO NICE TO SEE SO MANY STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS THIS WEEK AFTER THE WHOLE INDY DEBACLE. ALL EYES ON DETROIT AS THAT WILL OPEN UP AN INTERESTING #SOCCERWARZ CHAPTER BY ITSELF.
CAPS ON, FLAIR UP, AND FUCK SOFTBALL THAT GOES LONGER THAN THE ALLOTTED TV TIME.
BEHOLD! THE MAGIC 9 BALL OF DESPAIR HAS SPOKEN:
INDY SOCCER WILL DIE, BUT WILL BE REBORN ONCE KUNTZ MEMORIAL FIELD HAS BEEN CONVERTED INTO AN 8K SEAT RUGBY VENUE. BE READY FOR FC UNITED INDIANAPOLIS CITY ATHLETIC TO TAKE THE FIELD IN MLSNEXTPRO’ER: THE PRO-ENNING.
AFTER DETROIT CITY SPENDS MILLIONS TO CLEAN UP THE MEDICAL WASTE LEFT OVER FROM THE UNDISCOVERED PATIENT ZERO AT THE OLD HOSPITAL, THEIR STADIUM WILL BE BUILT, ONLY TO HAVE DON GARBER SHOW UP BEFORE THE GRAND OPENING WITH AN MLS FLAG PLANTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PITCH. “BY GOD, I’VE DISCOVERED SOCCER,” HE’LL PROCLAIM. BEFORE DCFC EVEN HAS A CHANCE TO STEP ON THE FIELD, AFC DETROIT WANDERERS WILL SPRING FROM THE GROUND AND THE MLS-IZATION WILL BE COMPLETE.
THE BYB AND THE NORTHERN GUARD WILL BE FORCED TO PLAY SOCCER AGAINST EACH OTHER ON NEUTRAL GROUND IN FORT WAYNE, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH TOLEDO IS RIGHT THERE, NEITHER ORG WOULD AGREE TO SET FOOT IN OHIO. THESE MATCHES WILL CONTINUE UNTIL DON GARBER’S PRESERVED HEAD IN A JAR JOINS FORCES WITH RICHARD NIXON AND BURNS FORT WAYNE TO THE GROUND. AT WHICH POINT, BOTH GROUPS WILL MOVE UNDERGROUND.