What the "dollar store" batman uses in their utility belt.
Breaks before it’s unsheathed
“Yeah, Robin’s in the hospital again. Those knock-off Command hooks just aren’t strong enough for climbing buildings.”
"Robin, hold the satellite dish, while I make repairs with this 12 foot roll of aluminum foil"
"Stop right there,or I'll use my batgrenade!"
Throws a single firecracker at the criminal
Which ones sell firecrackers?
One that shops in Indiana, that's for damn sure.
Dollar Tree sells sparklers, snap-bangs & poppers in Ohio, but only for the couple of months before July.
"Pocket Sand!!"
A plunger attached to a rope.
"Blank-Man said this worked for him.... nope! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"
" Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hanky, pens, cigarettes, contraceptives, Vasoline, whips, chains, whistles, dildos, and a book"-George Carlin
Hang on, Robin; I’m putting on my Batskates. The Batmobile got repossessed.
Robin! Stand back... I'll capture the Penguin with my Bat Yoyos
You shall live in terror of the day I use my rubber Batband!
"The Joker was blinded by a spray-bottle the Batman took from his belt. It was mostly water and toothpaste, but the toothpaste had fluoride levels far in excess of FDA recommendations."
Batman: "i... can't move...! I've been snared! Joker... I should have known!"
Joker: "Congratulations, Dork Knight, you've walked right into my trap! And with your recent budget trouble, you don't have the tools to escape!"
Batman: "I have everything I need right here, Joker, for I know your weakness! Here, catch!" manages to pull out a small book and tosses it to Joker
Joker: "Throwing the book at me, huh Bats? I love a god joke, but that's pretty lame, don't you think? But what is this thing? Mad Libs?? Curse you, Batman, you know I can't resist these! Now, give me a noun, a verb and a preposition!"
(Joker looks up from the book to see Batman has escaped)
"Ooh, that guy makes me so mad I could..." looks down and reads "...'fart'. Hahahahaha, that's a good one!"
A three pack of dry sponges that expand when you get them wet.
Fast acting super glue.
Travel sized bottle of aspirin in case he gets hurt.
A pack of Mentos in case he sees an open bottle of Pepsi anywhere.
With those four things, I don't see how you could lose.
Fear my sticky slime bat-hand.
Robin! I can’t keep this up much longer! Slide down the Bat-pole and show them how you earned your name of Boy Wonder!
I'll use this bottle of LA Totally Awesome to clean up crime in this town
“Robin! Hand me my angry goldfish repellent!”
Hecklefish enters the chat.
• A 3 ft. spool of cheap knock-off paracord.
• A pocket-sized spray bottle of Armor All.
• A flimsy cardboard St. Patrick's Day shamrock, purchased in August. (Patrick is spelled "Patirck")
• Wired earbuds on a 9 inch long cord; one earbud has never worked.
• A faux antique metal sign decoration for a guest bathroom that says "Deposits Accepted Here."
• Another decorative sign made of wood and painted in gentle, pastel colors that says, in decorative calligraphy, "Live. Love. Poop."
• A tiny travel-sized bottle of a Malaysian brand of mouthwash.
“Ok Robin-We’re going to scale this wall using my trusty fabric gift ribbon. Then we’ll pelt the enemy with these rock hard bit-o-honey candles and some plastic champagne glasses“
Condomns?
Scrubbies and floral scents!
Random bullshit, go!
That mustache man magnetic toy
Dental floss and Roach spray.
Bat-head screwdriver
this comment deserves more upvotes
and I deserve a spanking
"Alfred, can you pick up some Fabuloso. The bathroom is looking a little rough"
Bale voice
Alfred, I know these plates, mop head and mod podge won't stop their plan... but, we can upscale this as a craft & sell it at a 300% markup on eBay, then buy a legion of bomb sniffing dogs!
“I’ll just fight off the Joker with my Bat Paper Clip.”
Dental floss, duct tape, gum, chanklas.
"We meet again, Batm- wait, who are you? Also is that a gun? Like, just a normal gun?"
"Yeah... My utility belt is just a gun holster."
Coupons!
$1 steaks and frozen burritos that expired 6 months ago and turd smell cover up stuff
"Riddle me this, Batm--- Hey, you're not Batman. You're a Chinese knockoff."
"I'm Bathero. Fear my Dark nightstick action power."