What are we telling our kids heading to adulthood?

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"Until I die, I'm always here for you and remember that no matter how shitty things get, you can always come home."

Teach them about paperwork. I was really overwhelmed by how many things I needed to sign as a young adult. For a while, it felt like every time I left the house, I needed to sign something.

I got the advice "You can become anything you want. You just have to follow your dream." That was obviously sh*t advice, and made me make a lot of bad decisions.

Instead, I tell my son that what he chooses (to study, hobbies, even friends) isn't the big deal. What is important is that when you have made a choice, you must focus on it and make it your intention/goal/purpose.

This specifically is from a study I read. It showed that what people chose wasn't as important for their success or satisfaction in life. What was important for that was them approaching what they had chosen as "Now this is my purpose".

That really hit me. It is the advice I should have gotten. So I give it to my son.

My advice would be to do something that they like to do, BUT, there needs to be an ROI determination as well. Things like computer science, engineering, or even finance all allow for creative aspects, while being able to do a job that will earn pretty well.

Also, if you are that strapped for money, you should have them do community college, living at home, and then transfer after a year or two. Saves a lot of money then.

Also, the trades are an option for sure if its skilled. Stuff like electrian, welders, or plumbers all make quite good money.

I would suggest they have a gap year or two prior to any post high school education. Do miliary service, join the peace corps, find a local charity to volunteer at, start a business, get a full time job, do an unpaid internship or something like this to have them do something meaningful with their life while finding out who they want to be. Then if they want to go to school, suggest going to community college and then on to the cheapest 4-year option they can go to. The actual education is trending toward worthless at this point in the job market, and ultimately the piece of paper is what you are even going for. Don't take on debt, and don't live beyond their means. Lastly, use these years to learn how to be happy without any material wants.

I'm a teacher and teach an adulthood readiness class. I recommend students don't go to college unless they know exactly what they want to do, it's being 100% paid for, or start at community college & take a variety of classes. If they are unsure take a gap year or two and figure out what they want to do and who they really are. I also lay out the cost of college if student loans have to be used and why I say what I say about being sure about going to college.

My own children are 13 & 11. We've already started having the discussion about what options are available both without a college degree and with college degree. We aren't discouraging our own kids from going to college, but we aren't encouraging them either.

We live on some acreage and have already discussed building a tiny home for them to live in. They would have to help us build it, pay insurance and utilities on it and a fair, but not outrageous amount of rent, but that they can live in our home as long as they want too and share in expenses.

I'm really worried for them. What even my husband and I have, I don't see our own children having.

Please excuse any errors I'm on a flight and there's a lot of turbulence and crying children, in addition to me having a raging headache.

Life is just life. Do what makes you happy as long as you are able to take care of yourself. The game is rigged, the rules are made up and the points don’t matter.

Failure is inevitable, it's what you do next that makes a difference. Mistakes happen and shit happens, but the most successful people know how to handle strife, usually because they've been through it themselves and they've done all the wrong things enough to know how to look like am expert at life.

And that I will always be there to help them clean up their mistakes no matter how bad they are, and I won't make them feel worse about it either.

“No one has all the answers; Life brings Bad so you can appreciate the Good; Everyone’s going to die”

Told my nephew his three best options were either an in state college, go into the trades, or roll the dice on his own business. I didn't mention military service because he hasn't ever shown an interest in it, and it's not really compatible with his personality.

The only thing I said not to do was go into retail or food service. I spent seven years at a restaurant making enough money to screw around as a pretend adult, but it left me with a work history no employer cared about except at other restaurants. If I could go back, I'd have done just about anything else.

I’m an 86er with a kid who just started college. She married her best friend before college so that she would be viewed as independent by the state and get more Fafsa money. We had her at 19, we’re broke most her life and then started to do ok just in time to get denied all financial aid but not soon enough to save any money for it.

But otherwise, my wife pushes her to toward smart financial decisions (major in science, take classes that let you graduate early, work and save) and I remind her to take time to enjoy life in the moment, make friends and community a priority, work toward maintaining those relationships, and that time is more valuable than money. No salary is worth spending your work week miserable.

I also try to remind her to exercise and have tried to model good work ethic and kindness and humor.

But who knows really. AI might render a science degree worthless and society could fully collapse into civil war. So that seizing the day but seems the most important part to me

If they don't mind working, community college and vocational schools. The trades are dying right now, and those who can do them --- can name their price. Ive taken up all kinds of stuff over the years, and highly encourage my son to do the same. He's been side by side with me for every welding and woodwork project. Watched along for all electrical installs in the house as well. Highly encouraged on my part to go to a trade school. Also a note I have two different bachelor's, attending two different universities. And a few other technical certificates from community colleges. I will not be recommending a university for my child.

I'm pretty sure they told us all to go to college during and post-recession to buy time before we all hit the already abysmal job market. Whether it was the right thing to do or not is debatable but I am grateful for the common sense and critical thinking skills my 4 year degree got me. I just wish I had better capitalized on the networking opportunities, and picked an area of study that would have actually applied to my real, adult life.

My parents pushed me out the nest and just allowed me to fall on my ass. It wasn’t very helpful. They just rent radio silent after I left. Don’t do this.

No kids here, but I'm an '84 baby who is starting over. I got the BS in nursing from the expensive school, like I was supposed to, and burned out mid-pandemic. I'm going back for a certificate to do medical billing and coding. The job demand is ridiculous.

Advise your kids to consider the ROI, but also what will benefit them down the road. Healthcare and technology are going to be in high demand. That all being said, they should ENJOY what they're doing. They can change their minds down the road, and getting a degree in one field doesn't mean they have to stay in that field.

Lol a hellscape.

That you’re going to be cooked alive with the rest of the planet because the our capitalist overlords hate us and themselves, but have a deep fondness for yachts.

You sit down and look at the cost v benefit of degree programs, with the goal of identifying a degree program they could complete that will provide the highest return.

The key point being a degree program they could complete. There's no point chasing a high difficulty engineering degree if they're bad at math, regardless of the potential return. If there isn't anything viable in terms of degree programs, they need some useful skills. If they have the disposition, things like Python have a lot of uses and a lot of resources, and don't require a lot of financial investment.

Demonstration of ability > degree in a lot of spaces right now. So if they have something they can do (marketable skill), help them figure out building a portfolio. For example, if they start learning Python, they can easily set up a github account and push code into it to demonstrate their ability.

Outside of that:

Tell them not to fall for credit cards, especially right now. Credit cards are always a big risk, and right now interest rates will decimate their 20s if they fall into that. Help teach them to discern the curated lifestyles they're going to be seeing from reality. Most people aren't jetsetting and living it up, including influencers.

Trust no one. Every man for themselves.

Find purpose in life. This is what I focus most of my advice around.

Have them look into the advice of Bill Perkins.

Honesty - we’re pushing careers in trades, union apprenticeships, and community college.

I feel somewhat blessed by our struggles as it’s shown our kids how life can be really hard sometimes and you just can’t give up. They are humble and driven. They want to do things that bring positive change to the world because of what they’ve gone through with our family. We’ve always been a unit though, through everything. I think that has taught them strength and perseverance through dark times. I try to give them hope when I decided to go back to school to get a better financial situation for us. I think us being truthful and honest has kept our kids open with us. We don’t sugar coat too many things but always remind them that there is a way to turn mistakes into successes. The world could say you’re not capable but if you believe you are, you will be. I hope they go to school, and I’d understand if they needed a gap year. They want to be important people in the community so I support their decisions on how to get there.

Go to WGU and get a cheap but accredited degree. It’s all online and under 10k a year.

I told mine that office jobs in the military are ok to pay for college if it comes right down to it. That she will have a home with us even if we have to build an apartment in the garage. That adulting is hard as shit sometimes.

Do your kids “need” to go away to college?

Can they do a local community college and work part time? That’s what I did for my associates. Later in life I did my bachelors online, but from a state school. Later in life it was easier to qualify for grants and scholarships.

They can also do credit by examination, CLEP, DANTES, Excelsior, whatever they can manage. Doing this will save thousands of dollars if not 10s of thousands, because you can transfer usually 30 credits, that’s a whole year.

I keep saying I’m going to to start saving for their college, but I haven’t gotten around to opening a 529 plan or whatever.

I’m not really sure. I feel like my teens are vastly less prepared than I was and I was far from ready! Like, I need an adult but I’m the oldest in my house so I am the adult.

I will definitely be impressing upon my kids that college isn't their only path to success, but they need to learn some sort of skill. My 6 year old has already told me he never wants to move out, so I don't have to impress upon him that he's welcome always 🤣

Regularly go to the doctor, pay your bills on time, not only is it ok to make mistakes but you will, invest in good shoes

Don’t have children. Not bc children are bad but we have no idea how much worse it can get here. Or try to go to Canada.

Same place you are and an 83 baby. With two becoming seniors, I have tried to be real. “This is what I was told but this is my actual lived experience.”

What’s the problem?  Your life seems fine.  You got married and had kids and have been raising them in the most prosperous and most free country on earth.  Opportunities are boundless and they have their whole lives ahead of them.  

Why do people insist on painting every struggle as an existential crisis and act like the future of humanity is at stake?  Their opportunity is the same as yours was and yours turned out fine.  Not everyone will walk the same path or encounter the same challenges or experiences but we all have the same opportunity to pursue passions and careers and make choices for ourselves.  Difficult times and the consequences of our choices is part of the journey and part of the learning.  Why act like things are so miserable?  Why treat it like they’ve already lost when they are just starting?

The real difference between people like you and happy, successful people is their attitude.  

also 84 kid. no kids. i wish someone would have explained how long college debt lasts.

i wish someone would have explained that trades are necessary.

i wish someone would have explained that once you graduate highschool the bond with everyone in highschool disappears. they’re just people you know

my parents were awesome and i stayed a long time before moving out.

my parents still will commiserate and explain that it’s normal to have problems and how they navigated them.

if you’re breaking the picked out at 17 cycle i’m betting you’re a good parent.

also, i mean sometimes getting any job is better than no job, even if it’s just to kinda keep you mentally sharp.

Good Luck.

My parents told us we had to do something and they'd be here to support our journey to independence. It's a stance I think really shaped my relationship with them and becoming an adult.      

I always pretty clear cut and dry goals, I wanted to do engineering. That required a degree.    

My sister struggled with the choice. My mother explored every option imaginable, from becoming a clown, to a mortician, to a vet, and I couldn't even keep track of what else. She had us tour colleges, trades colleges, trade union training centers, everything, I got dragged along just in case.       

At one point feeling discouraged I asked if I joined a convent would she support that. She she'd like to respect the nuns time and I wasn't particularly religious so she'd promise me a tour if I went to church and bible study. I got over my discouragement and went back to engineering school. So even if your kids suggest something you don't think quite suits, or starts getting roadblocks, them don't sugar coat your expectations. Be supportive but not blind. 

Be frugal.

Never trust the government no matter who's at the top leading it.

Pay your taxes. Eventually you will be found.

Financial health is just as important as mental health, take care of both.

People have rights, just don't let them use theirs to bully you into submission.

Mostly, "Good luck! Don't buy property on the coast, it won't be there in 10 years."

Also do not run up lots of college debt. College is fine but don't give yourself a mortgage payment right at 18. Try community college.

I went to a private school and I really regret not going a university where I would have received a more condensed and directed education. Go for scholarships and stay away from liberal arts schools.

Dont have kids no aim to ever have them so..

Dont go to college unless you are really set on that degree/degrees. As it will probably change.

Tade school are worth it, protect your body though.

If military service is wanted do it. Severing others is worthy cause. ",though will likely be colorblind as i am so unless desperate need probably not going to get pass the recruiter." There are other options to sever.

Save for retirement. Simplely a 10 15k into a vti ot voo will set you ahead by oth others by wonders.

Protect your body. Its all you got you don't want to deal with pain forever.

I tell everyone not to do a traditional liberal arts bachelor's degree. But instead, find a professional program. Examples: nursing, pharmacy, tech schools, dental hygienist, the list goes on.

I second the gap year advice. I did seasonal work at a national park for 6 months. I found it on Coolworks.com. They provided housing and 3 meals a day and I got to live in a national park. They do it at ski resorts too. Different types of work. There are worse things they could do 🤷‍♀️

Very little, I guide them as best as possible but they’ll make their own choices. I can confidently say I raised them to be intelligent critical thinkers but everyone makes mistakes and just does plain dumb shit in youth. I’m definitely not doing anything to frighten them or shoot their nerves by calling the world a hell scape lol. They knew long ago if they didn’t get scholarships and wanted to go to college they could either go military or stay at home with us and go to community college while they work and we’ll help as we can.

HUGE proponent of:

"If you don't know what you want to do career-wise, go to the local community college for a year or two and get your Gen ed credits out of the way, or take a gap year and work any old job you can get while you figure out your next move."

"Trade schools and apprenticeships are always a good option."

"Military service has its pros and cons just like everything else, but if it appeals to you, I'm not gonna say no."

The truth.

I tell them if they want all these things they will have to work hard to get it.

Then I make it imperative they understand hard work is only half of it. Strong social and network skills is the other half. They must strive to reach out to others.

Sure have fun and enjoy your youth but look for a good balance and find out what’s really important to you.

Then when you do REALIZE it will likely change as you age. I used to be a die hard mt biker/skiier. Now I’m a full time dad and engineer with a passion for distance running in my free time.

I teach at a tech center for highschool students and plan is to stay there until we strike it rich (🤪) or retire. My daughter is only 4, so a lot could change. My advice to her would be to pick a class at the tech center or enroll in our early college program so she can graduate with a certification or associates degree. Then I would tell her to work full time for a year or two and think about how she wants to move forward. If she wants to go to college I’d say community college unless she did early college in high school, then I would recommend one of the three colleges in our town. I’d tell her to live at home with us and save as much money as possible. I would advise her to avoid student loans all together unless she wants to be a doctor or something like that.

I'm gonna give her a heads up on puberty

All I was told was HAIR GROWS HERE AND HERE AND HERE, ALSO TITS

Told me fuck all about the emotional chemical imbalance shit that turns on and off at random, for the next half a decade or so, that would've been a nice heads up instead of freaking out going, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEE"

There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting at a community college. Even better: there are community colleges that have dorms so students still get the "college experience" at a more affordable price.

For the parents out there: check and see if your kid's high school/district has a dual enrollment program. Get to know the pathways for your kid to take advanced placement (AP) classes that can earn college credit by taking an exam at the end of the year. These pathways can start as early as middle school so don't wait to learn what the school/district offers. Ask your kid's school about ACT/SAT prep options because a high score could equal scholarships later. Know what kind of scholarships are offered by your state and do the FAFSA on time.

The best way to make college affordable (other than saving tons of money up) is to work every with single resource you can and that process starts long before kids start applying to colleges.

Im 34 with a 14 year old and a 11 year old. I tell my girls to do what they love and work hard for it. Its about all i can think of for the unpredictable future.

Also an 84 baby who had his kids a lot younger than most ( twins at 13, wear your condoms men)

I always told them learn a couple skills that can keep you hireable whenever , one went into the Coast guard then did cybersecurity, the other one also became an electrician.

I talked to them about financial literacy more when they were teens and they both have investments im stuff, outside of that you just teach them the life lessons to hopefully make them good people lol

Lol I’m an RN with two bachelors degrees…. If I could go back, I’d become a welder or an electrician. And also make them learn personal finance early. Help them get a good first credit card and learn how it works. Make sure they understand how much the basics cost so they know what they need to make BEFORE they decide to major in English and go 100k in debt. If they like a career, have them look at job boards to see if there are actually jobs available. Things like that 💁‍♀️

Invest early.

Run away in a zig zaging path

OK, so I am a single mom of an 18, 16, 14 and 11yo.

Financially, I encouraged getting a job at 14, and then opened a Roth IRA in a guardian account for them and made them put half their paycheck in there. This means the eldest has about 12,000 saved there right now and if things go well, will have a million dollars saved by the time retirement hits.

Higher education wise, I made them look at the local Jr College and see what certification programs they had and the pay afterwards. For example, my local school has a certificate program for radiologist tech (the person that gives the x-rays, not the doctor) which will cost about 17,000 over 2.5 years. The starting pay is something like 65,000 starting, but with further education (often paid for by the hospital) you can make 80,000 to 90,000 a year. This is what my 18yo is doing.

The 2nd child wants to go into engineering, and will likely go the military route as they always like having electric or mechanical engineering people.

Now, I am also a "friendly adult" to several of my kids friends and advise them.

My eldest child had a friend that could not afford to live on their own nor afford the rent theparents wanted (which is despicable if you ask me) so they actually got hired at a hotel national park. Turns out you can live on site for a reduced rate, get a meal plan and actually save money. Thry also got wifi for free and are doing community college online. It is dorm living (but it is 120 dollars a month), and the pay sucks (15 dollars an hour) and do have to be responsible enough to not do federal crimes (which marijuana is illegal on the federal level with the added bonus of making you a federal felon for life).

But that is what I am doing.

“Learn a trade”

No kids, but for almost the last decade part of my job was to create post-high school transition plans for high school students with mild disabilities. Their disabilities ranged from depression/anxiety to visual impairments to mild intellectual disabilities, low-support-needs autism, ADHD, etc. Basically - at-risk for being unemployed after high school, but attending regular classes and able to perform well in a variety of jobs or go to college with some basic accommodations. Many are interested in trades, especially any type of construction job and HVAC. They see their relatives doing well in those jobs. Girls ask about cosmetology and healthcare (but not nursing usually as that’s too much school- anything that only requires a 2 year degree). They want something that will not take 4+ years and will still get them a decent, stable living without tons of debt. Also anything public sector like military, government jobs, firefighters, etc are popular choices.

Trades do exist.

Older one (technically step) was forced into a specific state school by her parents and then not helped one bit. She’s doing well though in adulthood and is an excellent saver.

My oldest chose school in Europe which is just under $9K for the year. Rent, food, transportation etc are all drastically cheaper, so they’ll graduate with no debt.

In general I’ve told them they’re under no expectations to follow the traditional “life path” set out for us to feed capitalism, and they can choose to build their lives the way that most fulfills them. I’ve focused a lot more on building and maintaining relationships, connections, living within your means and caring for your mental health. How to save and invest, while still finding ways to have a good time and enjoy being young and relatively free. Less focus on material things and more on meaningful experiences and relationships.

I'm never having kids so they don't have to suffer in this hellscape known as the world.
That said, if I did have kids I'd likely encourage them to drop out of society if nothing works out for them. I mean, society is impossible, it's not worth participating in anymore. It's the route I'm going.

Shit, yall have kids reaching adulthood? My wife and I just got our first dog and it’s a lot lol

You give them facts. Things like, there are few good jobs around here. You need to consider moving to an area of the country where you can get a good job. College is expensive. If you go, you need to pick a major that will earn you enough to pay back your loan. You must do the research to determine this; it is nothing more than a math problem. An alternative to this is entering a well paying trade or even the military. Then, there are 2 year degrees that allow you to get a decent job, earn money and obtain more education, paying as you go. Despite your biased opinion, the US is not a "hellscape" for everyone. It can be a good place to live provided you have a good job which requires you to gain a skill or knowledge in demand.

You tell them debt is a killer. Credit card debt, car loans and the like represent earning money to pay interest for absolutely no benefit. You tell them to save at least 10% of their earnings for a rainy day; 15% is even better. Living below their means, investing for the long term and knowing the difference between wants and needs is the path to long term financial security.

Kindness and empathy always matter. Voting, putting back the shopping cart and saying thank you are attributes of good citizens. Hopefully none of this comes as new information, but is merely a reminder.

My husband has a very well paying job so we are paying for college. Our 20 year old still lives at home. We are cushioning their entrance into adulthood as best we can while working to teach them how to navigate this fucked up world. It seems a lot harder than when we were 18 and set loose upon the world.

Learn how to work hard and work well with others. Hopefully they are the type of people that want to excel at anything they are tasked to do. Their plans might not work out exactly like they want, but their attitude and determination can carry them far into unexpected bright futures. Tell them to have an open heart and open mind. Tell them to look for value in their work, no matter what the work is. And tell them it’s ok to make mistakes, because sometimes it’s the only way you really learn anything.

I was told I had to go to college to be successful and then went on to work with several people who did not have degrees, some of them making more money than me because of some obscure specialization.

I am not making that same mistake with my son, also because I can't afford to pay for a college degree just for the shits and giggles. I will promote a technical school so je can learn a proper skill, and he can go to college if he can pay for it or gets scholarships.

He's 2, so still too young to talk about this, but my thing is "I don't care what job you have, how much money you make, how successful you become; I just want you to be kind." Him being a good person, with proper morals, is more important to me than anything else, and I am willing to financially support him forever if that's the consequence of him being a good person

I tell my oldest to get training in a “thing”. Don’t go to college and get a bachelor’s in something that doesn’t directly translate into a job title. I don’t care if my kids end up as LPNs or Petroleum Engineers. Get a “thing”. If you don’t like it, reassess later. Oh and community college first. Always.

When it comes to college, there are a variety of books out there that will go into detail on this but…you do not have to pay retail for college.

There are a number of strategies you can employ to cut those college expenses by half or more.

I just wanted to throw that out there. Sticker shock is a thing, but keep digging and you can find more affordable options

I give my kids advice on not going straight to a 4-year. We are a strong military family and support that direction to be able to get financial support for college after they get out - and by then they’d know better what they want to do as adults. If the military isn’t attractive to them we talk about getting their general electives done at a community college and then transferring to a 4 year college to finish when they know what they want to focus on.

We also work hard to educate on budgeting and not getting sucked into mainstream consumerism or “keeping up” with their peers.

'83 baby here with a 16-year-old. I've told her to follow her dreams and, if something doesn't work out, she can always live with me, and we will figure out next steps.

I'll pay for undergrad at any state school. If that is not what she wants I will give her that amount per year towards tuition somewhere else or living expenses while she gets established. She is currently debating between wanting to go to college and eventually med school or if she wants to become a tattoo artist. I want her to do whatever makes her happy and I'm able to support her until she gets it figured out.

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I'm already teaching my 6 year old the concept of earning and budgeting. I know you said yours are at adulthood already, but I feel many kids today and young adults don't understand those concepts. I work with college kids, 18 to 25 mostly, and majority, if not all, don't understand the concept of needing to earn what you want. I can go on writing a novel about how our generation has done a poor job of raising kids but that's for another time.

What I mean is, we need to teach our kids that we do not live in some fantasy world where everything is given to us like when we are growing up. The world is a fickle bitch, and she doesn't care for your feelings. Life is going to throw many curveball at you and it's your job to decide are you going to let it pin you down or keep moving. Many young adults today will spiral into depression at life's first curveball and that's a problem. They need to understand the high rewards won't come easily, they're going to need to work at it.

Part of working at it means k owing how to live within their means. It means that yes, right now things are expensive, so does that mean they're going to have the same lifestyle as they did living st home with parents, no. Does it mean they're going to have their parents continue to give them everything, no it doesn't. If they want nice things, then that means potentially getting a 2nd job to afford it. Like above, many young adults don't grasp this concept.

My oldest is 11 so I'm just laying the groundwork now. I'm also an 84 baby and yeah, everything they told us was a lie. I tell her ALL THE TIME there are plenty of ways to make a good living that doesn't require a higher education. She is smart AF but unless she wants to be like, a doctor or lawyer or engineer or whatever she doesn't have to get a degree. It's not required for most jobs and I think it will shift back to not being a prerequisite to answer phones in a hair salon. Right now she says she wants to be a tattoo artist and I'm proper chuffed because that is a great way to own your own business and make bank (if you're good - which she is). I also have a few friends who are artists and have talked about how to get apprenticeships, etc.

Anyway. Mostly I'm trying to get her to think about her choices vs what we were told which is "work hard and go to college and you'll make 80k the day you graduate." It's all bullshit. Aim reasonable, work hard and be smart and you'll do ok.

I always wonder the same. Many redditors are quick to say "College is a scam!!!" but if you have a child entering into adulthood, what would you recommend then?? Throw them to the wolves in the bottom of the barrel entry level job market?

Gonna go against the grain here, my ex husband is a 43 year old electrician. When we met 20 years ago, he was young and full of energy. Now he grunts and groans and grabs his back as he gets off the couch. Manual labor is HARD on your body, and the people who push the trades conveniently gloss over that fact. "Make lots of money without going to college, learn a trade!" No mention of the cost of that choice, which is your body. He's moved up to a supervisory role, which helps, but 22 years adds up. I have aged the same number of years since the, but I work in an office, and I do not grunt and groan and grab my back. I feel just fine.

Our son is 16 and has grown up seeing parents on 2 very different paths: he won't be following in dad's footsteps. As it turns out, he's looking at a degree in exercise science so he's not following my path either, but he distinctly doesn't want to be broken-down by the time he's 50.

As for advice on advising your kids, after seeing what's out there with other parents of college-bound teens is: they're probably going to do what they want to do, whatever advice you give. They have to learn through trial and error like we did. We do the best we can to prepare them, and then we just have to let them go. A lot of the things they need to know, you should have already taught them--how to: manage money, advocate for yourself, ask for the things you want/need, base-level feed yourself, negotiate, read a contract, handle disappointment or rejection, take responsibility for your actions, etc. I feel like if you've done all of that then you're really just there as a guard rail.

College was getting rather suspect in the 1970's....worse every decade after. At this point, it is just "high school" unless you major in physics, mathematics, chemistry, etc.

I joined the Army in the 80's, got out and college was well covered.... but back then, plenty of kids were paying for college with a waiter type job....slow going though.

College is losing respect (by employers) big time. You need a masters, too....and even then.... big deal. Most of the majors available these days are nothing more than an extended, multi-year, Spring Breaks with stoner professors.

I can't help but notice that many young successful people have taken another route. They take a job at, say, a grocery store....but don't think of it as a trash job ... they are diligent, then become assistant managers and on up....they make more than most college kids these days (without incurring ANY debt!).

Lots of places just want a good, reliable, no-drama, competent person....put in your time, don't treat the job like an afterthought....and things will happen for you. THAT person has become a rarity, these days, and people notice when they finally get one.

Well, I don’t think you should tell them the U.S. is a hellscape, even if that’s what you think. That would set a pretty bad precedent and I think would give them a very defeatist attitude.

Life might turn out very differently for them.

All you have to them is that life is hard and it isn’t fair. Self-reliance and good financial literacy will take you a long ways.

I'd push them into trades unless you're 200% sure college is a viable plan, and then make a viable plan. Trades are so overlooked nowadays, despite it being an honest living and an area that's woefully in need of new people.

Never let them be ashamed of living well within their means, and make the best of it. Perspective is everything.

Be a savage and lap a weak society. Mine are 11 and 14 and on their way already. Lions not sheep.

I think it's pretty unconscionable to steer most kids towards student loan debt. I specifically moved to a state with a good university system and I live in a city that offers full tuition grants to city high school grads. My kids are still young so I realize this isn't really helpful if your kids are already college age. But I also will find a way to cover what doesn't get paid for by grants and scholarships even if it means selling both of my kidneys. I am lucky to have a career where I can really grind if I need to and I figure their college years I will do what I can to maximize my earnings at the expense of my work-life balance while they're in school.

I do NOT want my kids taking on student loan debt and I know the prevailing advice is that you can't take a loan for retirement like you can for college, but I think it's a bold assumption that our generation is going to be able to retire between falling standards of living and our projected lower lifespans because of it, and student loan debt is SO burdensome I don't want them spending the rest of their lives digging out from under it. I'm encouraging community college and commuting, both things that were presented to me as unsatisfactory compromises on quality of experience.

You know how people talk about generational wealth and the sometimes subtle ways that looks, I think student loans are generational poverty and I'm willing to take one for the team so my kids can at least have a blank slate.

I plan to be more open to encouraging my kids to consider trades than my parents were although I think degree inflation and jobs requiring bachelors degrees even when they're really not needed makes not getting a bachelors degree potentially risky. I would love to see a big societal reset on this: my first job out of college was as an administrative assistant and that 💯didn't need the bachelors degree it required.

Basically I am having more class realism with my kids than my parents did with me. The "traditional college experience" of residential college is not worth a lifetime of debt and while I firmly believe in the intellectual benefits of a liberal arts education, we'll have to find other ways to make them broad, critical thinkers.

Love yourself, love everyone else, love what you do.

If they don’t know what they want to do career-wise, pick a trade that’s in demand in your area and focus on that for the time being. They can always work for a few years and then go to college if they decide there’s something that financially makes sense to pursue, in which case they need to save up and apply for scholarships. Student loans are not the way to go. They can definitely make a living but will need to be smart about it. This is not the time to pursue your dreams. That privilege is for the wealthy.

There are going to be events and activities in life that you have to do. It doesn't matter if you hate them or not. You have to do them. For example, specific classes to graduate high-school/college. Hate the subject? Hate it ENOUGH to pass it the first time. Had a high school teacher say that to me. Ironically, I didn't hate his class.

Things cost way more than you expect them to. This forced me to learn how to budget and tack on more due to inflation. Even then, things will cost more. Pre-planning, if you can, makes a whole world of difference. Savings is part of that pre-planning. Learning how to pay yourself first as a means to save for the future.

Buying a car? or a house? Talk to someone who has a car or been living in a house for years. Ask about what types of expenses they have incurred. Find out how much it cost. The newer the expense, the better for your budget. New roof twenty years ago cost me a fraction of what it cost me two years ago. Two years ago it was over 8k because there was more damage than they initially thought. I know now that I'll likely need to save 12k for the next roof replacement in another 20 years. That sounds awful, but if you breakdown 12k by 20 years, it's $600 a year.

How much are utilities for the style of home you plan to buy? What type of fuel does the vehicle require? How much will that cost weekly/monthly?

Ask them about any insurance issues. I had one person tell me to never get the extended home warranty because it was garbage. Had another tell me that they got it and it saved them $3k when they needed furnace work done. Then a third told me that the insurance company hired a crappy repair mechanic that just took the money and ran.

Put your money in the stock market NOW

College one of your many choices when are you done with high school. If that is what you decide to do, let’s figure out a way for you attend school without it being a financial burden on you or us for years to come.

If you decide that learning in a classroom isn’t something you’re interested in, let’s look at vocational training and apprenticeships. You can always decide to go back to school later if the trade you’ve chosen isn’t what you love, but you will have a skill to fall back on.

If you decide that neither are something you’re interested, let’s talk about how to support yourself using the skills you already have while you explore yourself and the world.

Regardless of what you choose, you will never be homeless, you will never be hungry and you will always be loved.

That’s the general gist of what I have been telling my 12 year old…obviously in an age appropriate way.

the US is a hellscape.

I don't understand this sort of attitude. Have you ever lived outside the US? The US is doing fine. Not perfect, but compared to anywhere any time before the 20th century this is fantastic, not to mention comparing it to most places and times since then

I’d recommend trade school or if they really want to do college, go the military route. You can knock out almost if not all your schooling for free while in the military or use the GI Bill once you get out. If I could do it all over again I would have just went to the Navel Academy but I didn’t have any guidance.

Mine is 2 . She just wants Peppa. Her biggest concern is not getting her juice in time and being a diva regarding her tablet . I’m a year older than you so it helps so much to hear your opinions , OP

College is great for the experience, but man is the price absurd.

My advice to them would be to find a field that has respected certification paths. Self teach using youtube, books, and possibly a relatively affordable training program like CBT nuggets.

Get certified. Get a job. Keep getting certified. Don't jump straight to CCNP out of high school with no networking experience because that will make things hard. Get CCNA if networking is what they enjoy and work in the field, when it comes time to renew renew it with CCNP. Keep moving.

However I would STRONGLY recommend pursuing knowledge for the sake of knowledge as well. Watch TED talks, find a topic that excites them, dive deep. Maybe audit some psych classes at a community college if they will let them.

It is important to be able to make a good living, but it is possibly more important to live and learn beyond your career. That is the biggest thing I got out of college. It wasn't my diploma, it was the broadening of my horizons. But College doesn't have a monopoly on that. Especially in this day and age.

I’m pretty sure my child will do tremendously better than I did growing up.

My parents were immigrants, my dad worked all day and was gone all day, my mom was a psycho Latino airhead piece of shit garbage.

I can’t wait to teach my son math, writing, team him how to invest long term with stocks. No matter what happens my children are going to gain knowledge from a young age that I had to figure out in life by myself.

College is also garbage, skipping that 100%. Unless they want to go down a specific career path, but I’ll prepare them myself. They won’t go into college blind for a worthless degree.

the US is a hellscape

The height of overdramatization lol

If you think the US is a hellscape, you should go live somewhere else for a while, so you can get some perspective and realize that the US is actually pretty damn good.

Yall are having kids!?

Maybe…don’t have kids? Or, be absurdly selfish and act without reason? What do you think, dude?

Why did you bring kids into this world without thinking?

I'm encouraging mine to move abroad, after going for a trade of some sort.  The US is a hellscape. I have a daughter. She needs away from here immediately. Other places aren't as hostile, have better pay,benefits, vacation, sick days, insurance, lower crime rates, almost zero gun violence, care about the environment, etc... I would love to join her eventually, but I have a past I have to deal with first. 

There's not going to be anything good for her here for at least the next decade. She can always come home, but she might not always be able to leave. I'll miss her, but we'll make do. 

Hellscspe is maybe a bit extreme. Can it be tough? Sure. But I think it would be better to be here than many other places, like active war zones or third world countries.

In any event:

1. Take on debt wisely. Sometimes you need to and that's ok, but be prudent and make sure there's a payoff at the end of it.

2. Along those lines, don't rush into college. I wasn't ready at 18 but when I did go I crushed it. Wouldn't have done as well if I followed the crowd.

3. Most Americans can actually agree on a huge majority of issues. Respect different opinions and recognize that people aren't generally idiots, in fact their view has been shaped by their experiences. Find common ground and work to understand differences while.being respectful.

4. Life is beautiful. It's a struggle, but it's worth living. Reach out to help those around you. Be humble, be gracious. Don't let the bad shake you, and recognize that there is a lot of good in the world and in people.

5. As someone earlier said, I'm here. You always have a home with me. Take risks and don't settle for mediocrity.

You can’t be giving advice when you call these times a hellscape. We are the lowest ever for famine and violence is down. Yeah everyone is an aggressive middle class spoiled scammer but that’s not a hellscape. These kids will see through your social media doom and gloom hopefully

Same things we were told and hope they listen.

Keep Costs low for an education.

Look at job placement rates, starting salaries, salary after 10 years, projected job growth. Major in something that pays the bills. Like art? That's awesome. Do art! But make sure you have something to fall back on.

I am one of the many who graduated with crippling debt (120k) for a degree I wasn't even interested in because I was told I needed a degree, so just get one no matter what. My kid isn't taking out student loans. He can go anywhere he'd like if he earns a scholarship, or he can go to community college and earn a scholarship to complete his degree somewhere else, or go to a trade school (I'd strongly suggest he follow a path into a union). I have a savings account for him that I will advise him to invest instead of using it to rent an apartment or something like that. He's only 2, so that's as far as I've thought it through so far.

Go learn a trade. Usually make more money and are in demand because no one is replacing retiring people fast enough.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Nah, I’m kidding, I don’t have kids.

i've been saving up to give my future child a good start in life. honestly, if you aren't coming from generational wealth, not sure how you're going to make it.

i would tell them to marry well because you need an equal or better financial partner if you aren't a rockstar yourself. you can look past some flaws if you're financially healthy.

healthcare seems like the most viable path right now, so nurse or PA if they aren't dr material.

Don't be a consumer.

Christ is king.