Hi so, I've lived alone for quite some time but recently I'm terrified of living alone and intruders braking in. I'm a female. Is there tips to making myself feel not as terrified? I lose sleep over this. I keep a knife tucked in the side of the couch where I sleep. Mt Town is really nice and low crime rates. I'm still terrified.
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15d
I agree. Watching shows like that can make you feel paranoid. Installing a camera by the door sounds like a good idea as others have suggested. Maybe get bars for your windows as well. Also never answer the door if you are not expecting anyone. I never answer my door if someone knocks. One time my landlord needed to see me but I didn’t answer the door and I told him it would be best to just call me before hand because I don’t answer the door unless I am expecting someone. Keep your phone within reach so you can call emergency services in case of an emergency. I know it can be hard to live alone but doing little things like others have suggested can put your mind at ease. Another thing I may suggest if you can is maybe getting a roommate so you don’t have to live alone.
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14d
I understand.
What if your apartment lease says you can’t have any kind of camera on your door? That’s my issue. And they have ZERO cameras anywhere on the property. My neighbors tend to leave a rock in the door to our building so literally anyone can get in 😕
Do you live in Miami? That’s why I left!
Nope I’m in MA
That sounds crazy. Leave at the end of the lease.
Wasp spray shoots even further
Agree on the pepper gel and true crime shows. I recently watched a documentary on the Golden State Killer, I spent the evening checking and rechecking the doors..
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if they made shows about the many, many kind folk in the world and the good they do and we all wanted to watch those as much as people love to watch grisly crime shows.
Same. But fear, sex and anger sells
Yeah, but in all those reels or shorts or whatever they are calling them, there's plenty of feel good stories and heroism and puppies or cats if that's your preference. Apparently we would like to be shown some good things among the disruption and violence.
I want more good things. I subscribe to uplifting content and I find funny and positive subreddits but a lot of people enjoy negativity.
A friend of mine commented on Facebook recently that he was tired of being shown videos of people getting hurt performing stunts. I literally have never seen those videos but the algorithm shows you more of what it thinks you like. I suggested he seed it with some puppy and good news stories for a while. I was sorta joking but you really can change what you see and how you see the world by what you focus on, both in social media and just in life.
It is wild, the algorithm. I used to think everybody was seeing a plethora of slip casting, dimash, and animal rescue. Turns out that's just me, lol.
Situational awareness, keeping a low public profile( including social media), good locks on doors and windows, a loyal, protective dog, a firearm that you’re trained, proficient and comfortable using and security cameras- in that order. Also keep up good relations with your neighbors. You’ll be okay. Don’t let the fear of the unknown steal your joy from the present.
Are you allowed to have a ring door camera at your front doors and other areas of the property?
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14d
What if op rents She'd have to get the landlords permission.
I didn’t. I just stuck the doorbell on my door. Nobody cares.
Permission for what?
In another post here a person said his/her complex wasn't allowed to have cameras. That's pretty sad for these days.
I have one facing my front door and another facing my back door. I didn't ask for permission and nothing has been said to me.
Pretty sure peephole cameras exist now too
Softball bat by the door. Baseball bats are wood, but softball bats are metal.
Also put a sock on the end of the bat so when you swing it at an intruder and they grab for the bat they pull the sock off…not pull the bat out of your hands.
Oooh good idea!!
Genius! I have no award though.
Install a SimpliSafe alarm. Super easy and it’ll give you some peace knowing that help will arrive if needed (remember to check with local police station if you need to register it). I had huge anxiety over the same thing and I sleep so much easier ever since I got an alarm.
Home security system, Brinks Commercial Steel Adjustable Heavy-Duty Security Bar, and learn how to use a firearm
A dog an a 9mm
I was hoping to find this in the comments. I have this product and it’s awesome!! $20 and nobody’s coming through the door.
Yeppp! This safety bar has made me feel like 90% safer within my apartment
Don't watch the news. It's designed to raise your anxiety levels, that's what keeps coming back for more. Try to read the news rather than watch it listen you'll have more control. Glance at the headline and only open those articles that you can impact or those particular news briefs that affect your life.
I gave up on TV 15 years ago, now I watch very, very little video. I haven't turned my TV on since early last December because my bud wanted me to watch some program. I watched a little, it wasn't interesting.
Seconding this. I also haven’t had a TV on about that many years. I stream shows on my laptop if I want to watch them. I have a hard time believing that there was a time the TV was on almost all the time and I would watch the local news. If I’m staying at a hotel now I’ll occasionally turn the tv on but the intrusiveness of the ads and the level of scaremongering generally always puts me off and I turn it off almost immediately. I genuinely believe that broadcast TV and news shows have made the world worse.
Yup! I agree with you 10000%!! I attended a presentation a long time ago and it has a part I haven't forgotten about how video media affects the lizard part of our brains. Admen know this and use this underlying feelings. " ... the intrusiveness of the ads" is ongoing throughout our lives. Everywhere, it's as if the admen think they were born with the right to pitch anything and everything: beer, religion, cars, houses, et al.
Totally. My niece and nephew are 9 years old and already absolutely addicted to their screens. It kills me but I get why their parents gave in to it and don’t want to step on their feelings to bring it up. My nephew in particular will act exactly like an addict jonesing for his next hit if he can’t have his screen for even a few minutes. I hate to think what it’s doing to their little brains as they grow. I’m genX and didn’t have a phone till I was in my late 20s and I still can feel the effect on my own brain. It’s why I quit having a TV but it takes far more self discipline to put the phone down - and I can’t really manage so many aspects of life and business without one Ugh.
Yes. My children are genx /s. It seems to me that one of the things society has lost with all this connectedness, is the ability for people to make their own decisions. Not only are they attached to their devices 24x7 but they look to what others are doing to decide what they what to do next.
Yep. I stopped watching in 2016. I uninstalled the news app in 2020 from my phone!
Anywhere outside you can put motion lighting is good. Lights and cameras are decent deterrents as nobody wants to be seen. Security systems (even basic models) are a good investment in safety and most insurance companies give discounts when you do have them. And of course all of the usual stuff.. Pets, knives, bats, etc.
Is there a particular reason that this fear is coming up now? There are lots of practical tips we could give you, but I'm not sure if that's what you are looking for.
I think this is a good point. It's good to be prepared, and there are lots of decent suggestions in this thread, but I'm noticing that OP is saying "recently" they have started losing sleep over this after living alone "for quite some time." If there's an underlying cause for the anxiety or a root problem, that's where the best solutions are going to be.
A monster dog. One that'll chew the arms and legs off your intruders.
I have 3 small ones. Does that count? 😃
If they can coordinate their attacks.. you have a pack. 👍🐕🐕🐕
A dog is an excellent deterrent.
Or 3! 😁
Deadbolt locks. Close and lock windows. Keep blinds/drapes closed at night. Leave a pair of man’s shoes size very big on the porch/outside the door. Keep a mag light next to your bed. Vary your schedule.
Keep a few cans of bug spray with a long reach around and put chimes on the doorknobs/handles at night.
I've had a can of wasp spray at my bedside for years! Didn't know anyone else did this. High five! ✋
✋
Works close up and at a distance.😃
I had pieces of dowling cut so that I could fit into the window sills to block them from being opened. I also put a broom handle in the patio door track for the same thing.
The most important thing you can do is stop watching the news and realise that you are much, much safer than you believe yourself to be. Most violence against women is perpetrated by their partners. By living alone you’ve actually made yourself safer - statistically speaking - than if you were sharing a home with a man.
Indeed! If it’s a fairly safe neighborhood and she has good locks, she should be fine. Others mention situational awareness and keeping a low profile on social media.
I also think a personal alarm and the pepper spray gel is a good precaution.
THE NEWS IS POISON!!
Have you considered self-defense training or a CPL?
Not for everyone but for me an AR on my bedpost makes for a good nights sleep.
I am well-trained however and it wasn’t something i took lightly.
Unless you have a stalker or an enemy, it's highly unlikely that you'll be a victim of a crime. The biggest factors for violent crime, are an abusive home situation or involvement with street drugs or gangs. The biggest consideration in property crime is just don't make it easy. Property crime is almost exclusively opportunistic. Make it only a little bit difficult, and they'll move on. Thieves like to work fast.
If you live in a place that's not your own and can't install some sort of alarm system, there are door and window alarms on Amazon, two to a pack, that can be placed on doors and windows. The noise they make when activated will wake even the dead. Even though they aren't true alarms in the sense that no notification will go out, the noise alone will deter any but the most dedicated enemy, and probably will send them running, too.
Also, skip the knife. You'd have to get so close to someone to use it that they could easily get it away from you. Get a baseball bat. My neighbor used to call hers "The Equalizer." A baseball bat is cheap, legal, and requires zero training.
I don’t live alone . I live with my Glocks bahahahahahahaha
Omg 😆
Whistle by the bed, baseball bat, extra lights outside, sometimes leave a living room or other light on at night. Change it up. My dogs hearing & smelling abilities are the best. If she alerts, we check it out.
Bear spray.
Similar situation. I have a noisy little dog that will alert me if anyone is around my house and a machete that I keep just a few feet from the bed. Cameras on front and back of house.
Damn a machete??? Lol
Here is my security system
I’m also a woman who lives alone - my grandmother was murdered during a home break in so I’ve always been afraid being home alone. I find a camera with motion detection helps ease my mind when I hear a noise at night
A security system like Ring, which is easy to install and take with you if you move. Bear spray, a baseball bat, and maybe a taser gun unless you want to train to use a real firearm. A dog would also be a great security system, and you can look into bars that prevent windows and sliding doors from opening.
Added security is always good. On my French Doors in my bedroom I have a door jam bar. It's like a heavy duty security bar that you put under the door knob then it goes to the floor securing your door.
In my living room I have an even better security in place - a portable door lock. The only reason I don't have one on my bedroom French Doors is because I use that door often and it takes longer to remove than the security bar. Amazon carries them. https://a.co/d/0xXbjn4
Also Google "Apartment door added security" and you'll have loads of options.
Don't fret. Your confidence will build over time. You'll be ok. :)
Install cameras in each room, and facing any entrance points like doors and windows. Also cameras outside in front and back. If you have smart home make the lights and TV turn on at random hours when you're not there, so they can't predict a schedule for when you are home. I work days and nights, but I have a "night shift worker, please don't knock or ring doorbell" and it gives the impression I'm asleep, but I am home. Most break ins happen during the days. Don't let a lot of people know you live alone and if possible get a big dog. I gotta a pitbull that looks mean as hell, but he is the sweetest dog ever. Hed probably greet the robbers with his tail wagging and a ball in his mouth, but can't tell just by looking at him. If you feel safe doing this get a gun, a bra knife, pepper spray and keep several of them in purse, inside car, bedroom, and different areas of the house.
I also have signs in every window that say 24-hour surveillance.
Dogs
Whether they attack or not, as long as they're noisy
My dogs are taller than the windowsill someone might peer through casing the joint, and loud af.
People seeking easy targets move on.
Wind chimes inside if you have a patio door. Early warning system
Noonlight
I highly suggest checking out Byrna.com I actually plan on getting one soon!
Acquire an old beat up set of men’s work boots (from a secondhand store or relative/friend) and keep them at the entrance of the house. Larger the better!
It will go away in time.
I’ve lived alone for over a decade now across 5 different apartments. My first few days I double checked locks, always kept my blinds down, made sure no valuables could be seen from windows and doorways, I’d lock the door of whichever room I was in at a given time.
You simply just get used to it.
Now I sleep with my bedroom door wide open, I trust that I lock my doors when I come and go - and i do, etc etc.
Don’t obsess too much over weapons and stopping an intruder while they’re there, put more of your effort in taking care to lessen your chances of being a target. Hiding valuables from outside view, exterior security camera, keeping doors locked, etc.
Your car is more likely to be broken into than your house.
Added security is always good. On my French Doors in my bedroom I have a door jam bar. It's like a heavy duty security bar that you put under the door knob then it goes to the floor securing your door.
In my living room I have an even better security in place - a portable door lock. The only reason I don't have one on my bedroom French Doors is because I use that door often and it takes longer to remove than the security bar. Amazon carries them - portable door locks.
Also Google "Apartment door added security" and you'll have loads of options.
I'm not a gun person and a knife would mean I'd have to be close to the intruder. So for years I've had a can of wasp spray by my bed that shoots over 12 ft.
Don't fret. Your confidence will build over time. You'll be ok. :)
Has anything changed recently to make you afraid? Do you consume true crime content or has your neighborhood has more break ins?
My fear got much less when I got Ring cameras for the doorbell, driveway, back porch, and in my garage. I love that I can see all around my house any time I want. I have alerts on my phone when it detects a person. My mind is at ease now.
i live alone in a crime neighborhood & am female. i got simply safe & ring. i leave my porch lights on 24/7… it’s more difficult to discern when i’m away or home. all of my windows lock. i also have one-sided padlocks on all my doors, meaning that they have no key for the outside. i also installed a metal plate between my doors & the jamb/locks, so they can’t be kicked in. i have 2 dogs. keep a bat & taser by my bed, and a maglite by the front door, which i never answer unless i’m expecting someone. when i first started living alone here i stopped watching the news. i listened to spa or massage music playlists to sleep. i also count the things for which i’m grateful. i know i’m safe. i know i’m fortunate to have this home i adore. it’s really helped calm my nerves. now, i feel super safe. i’ve lived here for so long, with nothing to worry about that my fear eventually vanished. so, hopefully yours will, too. 💜
Get a dog. I live alone. I sleep with the windows open. My dog will scare off intruders or at least warn me so I can get up and call the police.
Get a Ring doorbell cam and they have window sensors! Get a loud dog
I have a two layered security system, a 95 lbs pair of jaws with a dog attached and once they get passed him there’ll be (most likely naked) guy standing in front of them filling them with new ventilation holes.
I added the Blink doorbell camera to my front and back door, but I also have had ADT for a long time. I usually arm it when I come into the house. I feel like the signs on the front and back lawn are also a deterrent.
I have things around my property which make noise or slow people down if they want to get in.
My front gate squeals like a banshee and I will NOT put WD40 on it, I want to hear if it moves.
I have bells hanging inside on my doorknobs. There are plants and fragile things placed in front of windows and other sliding doors so if anyone were to slide them open, it would make a ton of noise.
When I go to bed, I slide a 2x4 board on the floor between the wall and the dresser which sits next to my bedroom door so it blocks the door from opening. Someone would have to unlock the door, then basically repeatedly bodyslam the door until the board snapped, and that’s going to wake me up enough to grab a weapon or call someone.
In the winter, I don’t shovel snow off the sidewalk to my front door. I only go in through the garage door when I park my car inside, and I have packages left outside the garage door. Any footprints I see around my home would not be mine. I have cameras.
Try thinking about protecting yourself in other ways besides thinking you have to stab someone immediately. Slowing people down is going to give you more time to think or call for help if anything ever happens.
Get a ring doorbell and light. Protect you from porch pirates and light up and film guests after dark. Don't get a knife, you'll cut yourself with it. 😐 Get some bear spray to f#ck up an intruder should, god forbid, one shows up. The lights, cameras and ring stickers usually dissuade would be ne'er do wells from bothering you, the bear spray just leaves them whimpering wannabe burglars at the porch. No legal advice offered or intended.
Where do you live? I wont live on a first floor because of this reason, or a big apartment complex because they give keys out to too many maitenance men. I found a 2nd floor place with a double entrance, a private landlord that I did internet background checks on, and only one neighbor, who I also reseached online. It took awhile to find but Ive never felt safer in a home. I also have a ring doorbell camera and various cameras pointing outside as well as inside.
I have never lived in the first floor alone. I prefer 2nd or 3rd floor.
What RECENTLY brought this fear on? Did someone you know get broken into? DId you see something scaruy on the news that was a little too close to home? Something brought it on since you say you've been already living along for quite some time.
Other thank keeping a weapon, here's other things I can think of:
- Get some anti-theft devices/deterrents:
- Wooden dowels to go in windowsills, sliding doors, etc. so no one can just slide the windows/doors open @ night. You can get & have cut at Home Depot or Lowe's.
- You might see somethign else you like better, but I have this for front door to easily put in every night: YouOKLight Portable Door Lock, Strong Multi Size Hotel Door Lock, Travel Door Stopper Lock for Additional Safety, Anti-Theft Door Security Device for Hotel, Dormitory, Home, Travel, School, Apartment
- Motion/light sensor/detector
- Big dog IF you feel you can properly take care of it...(don't just get one to keep chained out back & never pay attn to it & throw it some food & water)
Have an animal- if not a guard dog, at least a cat or small dog who will notify you if anything weird's going on outside. A doorbell cam may help, and get, and learn, a pewpew.
Pound puppy. My rescues have protected me against snakes, gators, cats and those evil spicy sky raisins (bees). They have been shown to protect against break ins, they provide companionship and love. It’s a win-win.
Get a big intimidating dog
Buy an alarm system.
I'm not reading all the comments here but protecting your home is a multi-stage process.
First and foremost, I can't stress this enough but always observe local laws. It's on YOU to know them.
So properly protecting your home involves many things working in conjunction.
The first step is to know your area. If your area has been crime ridden then you might wish to consider moving if it's possible/practical.
Secondly. Stealth. Basically, you want to blend in. You don't want to stand out. Don't have anything expensive that's easily visible like a large TV or a lot of jewelry or whatever. Try to keep your blinds closed when you're not around.
Next up. Fortifications.
This will take two forms that I like to call Watchtower and Walls.
The watchtower aspect is to let you know if a threat is approaching. For this I'd recommend a Ring or Nest system. 1 camera for each door and window, plus at least one observing the entryways inside the home.
The Wall is the hard fortifications. So there's a lot of things you can do here.
Replacing the locks if possible is a good start.
I'd also recommend replacing the screws on the key latch with longer deck screws of at least 2 or 3 inches. This makes it harder to actually kick the door in.
You should also make sure your windows can be locked up. If you have an in-window AC unit, you can kinda use that with some screws to make the windows tougher to open.
And now we have the Armory.
So, again, check your local laws. I live in NC so I have more freedom with what I can do compared to someone who likes in NY or CA.
Learn hand-to-hand combatives. Boxing is gonna be the most useful and practical, but MMA, BJJ, and a few other systems do have their places.
As for weaponry.
Avoid knives and other bladed weaponry. You might find yourself on the receiving end of a murder charge. Blunt objects like baseball bats or crowbars hurt and you will have an easier time convincing investigators that using a tool to defend yourself over a knife.
Pepper spray is not a good idea to deploy in an enclosed environment as you'll likely end up blinding yourself.
As for firearms, again, check your local laws. I'm of the opinion that a 9mm pistol is a good choice. They're nice and small, aren't super loud, can generally be had for lowish prices, and if you live in an area where they don't restrict suppressors, you can get a suppressor so you don't deafen yourself. Shotguns are a classic choice but will damage your hearing if you fire them indoors. Rifles aren't a good option as they will REALLY damage your hearing, even if they are suppressed. Pistol caliber Carbines are also a good option. If you get one that is legally a rifle or a short barreled rifle, you have the best of both worlds. Pistol ammo is cheaper than rifle ammo, you can sometimes use pistol mags, they're not quite as loud and concussive as rifles, they can be suppressed more easily, and can be pretty small.
Wooden dowels that I stick in the window frames of windows that open side to side. And then those little screw-on metal window things that clip to the window frame to keep your window from opening past a certain point. I also have metal security screen doors in front of all of my doors to the outside. All deadbolt and lock on the handle. I also have those door latch things that connect to the door frame and you can swivel forward and it’ll keep the door from being opened from the outside if for any reason it has been unlocked. I keep a baseball bat under my bed.
At this point though, I know that if someone wants to get in, they’re going to get it in regardless of all of these safeguards I have up. I have three cats, and I know that they will also alert me and run away and hide if someone strange is trying to get into my house. I just try to think of my exit strategy if there was an intruder.
I'm really not trying to be a shit about it, but you can take all your bats, sprays, knives, and everything else, and I'll take my shotgun and pistol. Seriously, if someone is that worried about it, a few 00 buckshot shells ends the threat real damn quick. And my pump action doesn't need walked and doesn't shit on the floor. If OP lives in America, buy a firearm and have done with it. You can find a solid shotgun for like 250 bucks. I've never shot or stabbed anyone, thankfully, but I'd damn sure rather have 5 or 6 shells of buckshot between me and a home invader than a kitchen knife. Just my two cents
I'm going to try to save up. Thank you 😊
Look at the mossberg maverick 88. It's a solid budget option. They typically sell for around 250 bucks new. You might find something used at a gun store for less, but a lot of places like sportsmans warehouse (big box sporting goods chain) offer payment plans, like affirm or sezzle. Could make the cost more approachable. Fwiw, maybe having a firearm won't give you any peace of mind, but I just hate to see someone feeling unsafe in their own home. We're supposed to feel safe at home, if nowhere else
Do you live in a house? I couldn’t live in a house. I felt much better once I moved to an apartment complex on a high floor. Nice knowing other people are around/right next store and across the hall. And theres security or you need your to get in doors
I adopted a big dog from the shelter who dislikes strangers, especially men. The shelter told me about her personality so I knew what I was getting into. She's not afraid of anyone and has a pretty intimidating demeanor. My neighborhood is not great and she gives me peace of mind so its worth the extra work it takes to own a dog like her.
Doberman
Certainly, things like pepper spray can make you feel safer immediately, but, maybe some self-defense classes to make you more comfortable with yourself should something happen?
My local PD offers self defense classes for free. Highly recommend.
Get a big dog. I sleep like a baby. And
I feel the same way. I live in an area prone to break ins too. I lock and bar my bedroom door at night and I have my gun safe in my room. Loaded magazine ready to go if needed. By the time they can break into the bedroom they'd have made enough noise that I would wake up and have time to grab my rifle. That's what has allowed me to sleep soundly at night. Hope that helps!
But if you don't want to learn to use and own a gun then I suggest bear spray.
two words. BIG DOG.
If nothing else has changed, maybe look at why your anxiety is increasing and try to manage it
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