For Those with Numerous Food Allergies: How Do You Cope?

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I have 3 anaphylactic allergies and I haven’t eaten out in over a decade. I don’t participate in functions where food is being served or I provide my own food with the explanation that it’s a safe meal for me. I can’t ask peers to cater to my needs. It’s unreasonable and it puts my life at risk. Times friends and family members have tried to accommodate my needs I’ve had numerous exposures due to accidents in prep or serving. Ends with me in the hospital and my friend or family having trauma from nearly killing me.

I understand your frustration, I understand your want to be accepted into normal functions. The hardest part of this diagnosis is facing the fact that I have a medical condition that limits my ability to integrate into typical scenarios. Life can be fulfilling but life is different.

I guess each person has to come to terms with their own risk assessment. Eating out and food handling by others comes with risk, are you willing to subject yourself to the consequences of those risks? Epipen administration, emergency medicine, hospitalization, intubation, intensive care unit stays, risk of cardiac arrest, loss of faculties, and of course end of life.

Please stay safe! Keep those epipens close by.

I have oral allergy syndrome. It's not anaphylactic but many many foods are out for me. I need to travel for work a couple of times a year and I can say that I feel your pain. It's so poorly understood by others. Having to explain things again and again is exhausting.

There’s already a lot of good advice here, but I’ll add one that I don’t see. I’ve lived with a long list of allergies since I started eating solids some 40+ years ago. Some are anaphylactic, some are very bad for my EoE, some just make me very uncomfortable. The one thing that has been a very big help on my attitudes around food has been THERAPY. lol. Sorry to shout. But it gets left out a lot. Allergies bring a lot of anxiety and trauma. Working it out with a therapist has been a big help in accepting my situation and recognizing that the bad feelings around it are a normal reaction to a co start life-threatening environment. I’ve been hospitalized for anaphylaxis in four countries on three continents. In one of them I blacked out before getting treated and as I lost consciousness I was entirely convinced I wasn’t going to wake. It wears away at a person.

As for social life, it definitely isn’t easy. I always eat before I go out. I also carry safe emergency foods in my car (like dried meats and freeze dried fruits). If I really want to participate in a BBQ (maybe once every few years) I bring all my own ingredients and a grill cover. I only use them once, so no risk of picking anything up off the grill. I don’t go to restaurants that are primarily seafood (because even the smell will make me sick), and I don’t go to cheap restaurants. They really don’t care and are often staffed by teenagers and stoners.

Another thing I try to avoid is the United States, but that might be difficult for you if you live there. Food regulations are insanely lax there and it’s basically impossible to avoid soy and corn. When I do go there (once a year to see my parents) I only use imported oils that were not bottled in the States.

Anyways, this is getting long and I didn’t intend to write a novel. If you just want to chat and vent, you’re welcome to message me. Good luck with your journey, and I wish you the best of health.

Thank you to everyone who commented. It doesn’t really make things any easier, but this is more interaction I’ve had with people like me than I’ve had in my entire life. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

I’m anaphylactic to peanuts & hazelnuts, OAS to way too many things, used to be anaphylactic to dairy, and I am vegan by choice (though to me, it’s the same ‘choice’ as a Muslim ‘choosing’ to avoid alcohol, so I don’t consider it something I can freely pick and choose on the day).

When I was anaphylactic to dairy, restaurants consisted of a small select few, everything scrubbed with baby wipes, me squished between the wall and my parents at a booth (so no servers walking past me with food), and I ate food brought from home. Sandwiches or beans in a thermos. I got so sick of those two things after ten years, but I had few options.

When I first became vegan, restaurants were extremely limited. Most of my meals consisted of sides. There was one restaurant where the only thing available was a plain baked potato (I ate with ketchup), and a side of lettuce with sliced cucumber, no dressing. I didn’t go to restaurants often. Now it’s much easier for me, but I still only go out to restaurants a few times a year. Sometimes I’ll just bring food from home or I’ll eat before I go and just have a side when I’m there (in which case I’m really just going to spend time with family). The other day I went to a texmex place and had nothing but onion rings because nothing else was safe for me. And those rings were greasy as all hell lol. Hurt my stomach.

I was born with my dairy allergy and so never ate at restaurants normally until I was 9. Went vegan at 15, so I will say it’s easier for me because I’ve only ever gone 6 years where I could eat ‘normally’ at a restaurant (though I have MANY places I can eat at normally now as well since plantbased options are available almost everywhere now). It’s easier for me because I grew up with restrictions. It did suck harder after I had to start avoiding a lot of places again when I became vegan.

Anyways, my best tip is to make yourself at home at the restaurant. If you’re paying for food, it shouldn’t matter what you order. I went to a Mexican place and brought my own tortillas and dairy-free sour cream. Ordered their vegetarian fajitas so they brought the peppers/onions, mushrooms, lettuce, and tomato.

I’ve also made myself a meal from the sides plenty of times. I’ll get a baked potato, mixed veggies or a garden salad, and sometimes I’ll bring my own toppings. Takes a little creativity and a bit of not caring about what others might think. But it can be doable so long as the allergens aren’t airborne or contact-anaphylactic (eg. Family friend will go into anaphylaxis from the corn in the liners on a raspberry tin… or if popcorn is made three rooms over… restaurants are a definite no-go!)

I’m sorry to hear that but I understand a bit, though it’s second hand. My 3 year old is the one with multiple food allergies and it began when he was 6 months old - as soon as we started him on solids. Turns out he’s allergic to…. Over 10 foods, if you count all the nuts he’s allergic to or haven’t been tested on yet.

On top of that, we’re allium-free vegetarians by choice, so I was always accustomed to asking questions if we traveled or dined out at a new place because of friends, etc. To be honest, most of my friends let me choose the place and we typically go to the same handful of places because it’s nice to eat out and not worry or give them trouble.

My toddler’s allergies overlap a lot and being vegetarian cuts into it. He was never tested for foods we don’t eat as a family so we avoid those for him as well. Wheat allergy? A lot of alternatives are meat based or contains nuts or eggs (both of which he’s allergic to). Vegan diet? They often use healthy fats like avocado and nuts (he’s allergic to avocado as well) and tons of alliums. There’s a very small section of foods he can have but because he’s a toddler, he’s picky on top of that. He eats more than his sister, who is just picky with no allergies, and it gets sad because he wants to eat what everyone else is eating. And he hates most of the GF alternatives because they’re tough/grainy.

What do we do? We’ve asked our usual restaurants. Out of around 5, he can only eat maybe 1-3 dishes at 2 of them. We still cook a lot but it’s hit or miss with him.

Restaurants are a little better at being aware of allergies (same with vegetarian/vegan food) these days, but there’s always a chance of cross contamination or human forgetfulness. Like that time we told the waiter all his allergies, we were recommended the GF pancakes, and turns out the GF pancakes aren’t vegan because they contain EGGS. Because they have GF pancakes and vegan pancakes, but not one that is both. Or we got fried rice and there was no oil or salt and only tiny bits of cabbage (this was a one off though… new chef) to be super safe; needless to say the hungry toddler didn’t eat any of it because he values taste over hunger, hah.

Honestly, you just deal. No one in our family has food allergies but we had to learn fast. We eat out but keep him in mind. We also bring a pack of EpiPens whenever we’re out of the house, even if food isn’t involved. His sister has a problem of leaving crumbs when she eats or food out that she doesn’t finish but after a few mishaps, she’s mostly got it down to not leave her food out. I haven’t gone to a few of my favorite restaurants recently because he can’t eat much at all (and the liberal use of peanuts there and I don’t trust them due to cross contamination) and he is too young to fully understand why we won’t let him eat everything or to explain it himself, though he’s getting there.

I was eating a hard boiled egg yesterday and he said that he’s allergic to eggs! I was so proud. His preschool is excellent with food allergies and dietary restrictions. He generally knows not to eat anything someone who he doesn’t trust/knows gives him. We do pack lunch for him but they provide pre-approved snacks/treats, some of them, the kids make themselves, and if there’s anything new, they’ll check the ingredients and send the list to us to double check as well. My daughter knows to check with me before giving him anything that’s new or even ones that are old - just in case. We have alternatives for him and they look very similar to the regular version.

Know you’re not alone! It’s frustrating and you feel left out half the time, but it’s your life on the line. I’ve met a few kids with one or two food allergies (mostly nuts) but not anyone with multiple allergies to common foods like my son so far. I hope I’ll meet one one day around his age so he’ll have a friend with something in common and a mutual understanding. (And I can talk to the parents since we’ll have something in common as well.)

Stop trying to eat food anyone else has prepared.

I go out a lot and have lots of fun. I go out dancing, I go out to festivals, concerts, museums, etc. Food isn’t the focus. I bring my own food.

I’ve grown up With it and honestly get the struggle Forreal I’m 25 and i basically can’t eat out anywhere, get food at large events, or really get or eat any food that I didn’t make myself and feel wholly comfortable about it in the first place and it really does suck

But at the same time

I’ve got no control over my body or my allergies I was born with them, this is me and if people would like to be my friend or respect me then they have to understand my allergies. Furthermore, you should never feel embarrassed about trying to make sure that you don’t die, anyone else would do the same thing if they could potentially die in a situation, so don’t feel embarrassed, if anything feel empowered regarding it because you are taking control and making sure you aren’t gonna have a bad reaction

People will always make fun of you for eating just a burger patty, at the end of the day, it is what it is, it either a bigger meal that you can “fit in” better with or just having something to eat in general and sometimes just having something to eat is enough.

I don’t even expect restaurants to fully understand I worked in one for a couple years and it’s a miracle no 16 year kid flipping parties never cross contaminated one and killed me, kitchens at restaurants are hectic places and it’s almost like playing Russian roulette every time knowing what goes on behind the doors, I’ve got faith in people but that can only go so far

I still eat at restaurants when I can and eat out if I can but the best thing one can do is just accept it and move on, this is life, it sucks, but if anything it’s kinda funny because we eat healthier than 90% if the population because if it so there’s that

For reference, I’ve outside my body looking down at myself nearly dead 3 separate times from allergens, the last being when I was 16 and my brain is still traumatized from that so I understand, but at a certain point, acceptance is the only way forward

I've got more than enough allergies, many of them anaphylactic, so I experience the same feelings of hurt, betrayal, and being perceived as "less than".

A burger patty on a plate? That's not even bare minimum, even though that's the best that the restaurants can do to protect you and themselves from liability.

Turning your nose up to EVERY restaurant's food is the way to go for this specific facet. NONE are good enough for you. And because of that, you have more of an incentive to never eat out.

I'm glad that more restaurants accommodate for peanuts, nuts, and dairy (and even refuse to use these foods in all their dishes), but it hurts more that the reasons they give that they can't accommodate more is somewhat rooted in reality...but not your experience, so even they aren't enough for you.

You matter so much more to yourself than any restaurant, or even ppl who insist you eat there. Some sort of distance must be made between you and these privileged creeps (and those family members who choose to refuse to "get it" and act in your best interest).

Don't even get me started on dating...

Above all...therapy is paramount. Because even the inner rage you and others like us have at the world, as justified as it is, can easily consume you. Therapy from someone who specializes in coping with allergies will help you develop tools in keeping a cool head while not sacrificing on your values. The therapist might even have an out of the box insight that no one has thought of here that can help you feel more at ease.

Stay safe out there.

I have 11 ana food allergies, and it sucks. If you haven't already and you're open to it, therapy really does help. The depression and anxiety are normal. I've been struggling with leaving my house since a bad reaction from touching something last August. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings, you're already going through enough.

With going out to eat... There's no good answer. Nothing you're going to want to hear or like hearing. Except in some specific places you trust, it's not safe to eat at restaurants. If they're giving you a burger pattie on a plate, they're at least paying attention. If I try to eat out, I start with the allergy card and explain that if they can't accommodate I am happy to just drink. I've had some places tell me they don't think me sitting there and drinking a soda or beer is safe. I say thank you and move on. The only place I go out to eat, I know the managers and the kitchen staff. I only go at certain times.

Try to find activities and events that don't focus around food. Always have a snack or a backup of some kind. I bring my own individual meals to family events. I'm doing a group camping trip this July, and I'll bring my own food options, cooler, etc.

It's a lot to wrap your head around. You have a legal disability, which your work is required to accommodate. That can mean a lot of different things. I find for myself, usually too physically and mentally exhausted after a reaction to get out of bed for a few days. There are no easy answers. Keep reaching out to your community, this community, for support.

I’m allergic or intolerant to just about everything. Severe allergies, allergic asthma and esophagitis, OAS and cross reactive and I get debilitating headaches from fragrances.

So I only eat beef and only if I cook it myself. September will be 3 years of only eating beef, salt and water.

But I haven’t used an inhaler in years now, I get way fewer headaches, and generally I’ve never felt better.

My child is ana to dairy, peanut and sesame. Due to the severity of his allergies we haven’t even tried all of the tree nuts yet so we avoid those as well.

We talk to every single manager at any place to go out to eat and now we have safe people, not places. I literally have a notepad list on my phone of people along with the restaurant names. It’s a short list.

I also breastfeed my little one so I have to avoid all of his allergens. It’s extremely difficult, but we make it through. I bring my own salad dressing, I always have snacks in my purse in case we can’t eat something.

A huge benefit is having understanding friends and family. They will go to the places we can go or will come to our house as I love to cook and can avoid all the allergen fears too.

I have 9 allergies; 3 anaphylactic, 6 milder.

BUT, I still eat out because I enjoy socializing with my friends. It just takes a lot of planning + having ppl in your life who are considerate/understanding.

The hardest part is spontaneous hangouts to locations I’ve never visited or that don’t have the ingredients easily accessible. If I’m unsure, and don’t feel like spending the effort to ask the crew, I’ll order a something from my “safety bites”. I.e. French fries, rice, etc.

If a friend is booking dinner, they’ll usually ask on my behalf what dishes don’t have my allergens. But if they don’t/can’t, they’ll let me know the restaurant in advance so that I can do my own research.

TLDR: It comes down to planning ahead. Keep a notes app on your phone of your go-to places and dishes. Call the restaurants and ask about the menu beforehand. If unexpected things come up, try not to stress. If spending time with your friends it the priority, Go for your “safety bites” and try to focus on enjoying the moment.

Let me know if you find an answer to this. I developed 30+ food allergies over the last couple years and basically I constantly oscillate between a state of rage and depression. I can use all the coping mechanisms I want but at the end of the day this isn't fucking fair. The general public doesn't understand what we're going through and usually doesn't seem to care. Society just isn't built for us. Events are almost always built around eating food with others, and unless we subject ourselves to reactions we're always going to feel excluded.

I've tried going to therapy but whenever I would tell them I want to talk about this, they basically just tell me that my situation sucks and they don't know what else to say. I'm switching therapists to see if this new one is any better. For now I think it's helpful sometimes to just write down all your feelings to vent when you need to. And if there's even one person in your life who is truly empathetic to your situation, choose to spend your time with people like them who won't make you miserable

When I worked, i worked remotely. I never go out to eat-it is just too risky. If i need to grocery shop, i have a neighbor drive me. I wear a mask when i am around other people as i have experienced anaphylaxis from other people's clothing. The produce aisle, let alone those sample givers in the local grocery and warehouse stores, is enough to kill me. I carry an epi-pen and benadryl 100% of the time. Having said those facts, to cope i focus on the fact i am still alive (first anaphylaxis in 1970) and instead of focusing on what i lost, i focus on what i have. If I don't like something about my life, i make a realistic action plan on how to change it, then implement the plan. I also help other people, as often as i can, so i'm not isolated as most people cannot be near me, proximity wise without harming my health. Knowing I'm working on my action plan helps me be patient with the change process. I food prep in advance, so I have meals ready to thaw and eat when I need them and don't have to cook every meal, every condiment, from scratch every day. Good luck finding what works best for you in your area and given your circumstances.

It sucks, but you have to be an advocate for yourself. No one else can do it for you, and no one really understands food allergies unless they have them. For events that involve food, i just assume i wont be eating much & eat beforehand or bring my own food. A lot of restaurants are afraid of liability issues which is completely understandable

you might want to check out the book “Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life” by Sandra Beasley. it’s a memoir-style book of essays written by a woman with 10+ allergies. I have 7 major food allergies, diagnosed as a baby, & it has been one of the only books I felt like really understood what I was going through. I don’t have as many allergies as you, but I completely sympathize with feeling embarrassed in the workplace and in social situations. People might look at you weird in the moment for having to advocate for yourself, but most will move on because no one is as worried about anyone else as much as they are about themselves. Plus, after years of being known as “the girl with a bunch of allergies” the friends I have nowadays don’t see me just for that; they see me for my personhood and not my disability. Find your people who are willing to go to allergy friendly restaurants or alternate activities that don’t involve food!

I was born with allergies….as a newborn I was allergic to regular milk formula i would immediately poop it out everytime and had to switch to non dairy formula from then as I got older I got more and more next thing you know I’m allergic to all nuts milk wheat soy egg fish shellfish pork I was tested back then my allergic reactions were visible on the outside for ppl to see like lips swelling mouth and tongue etc then if severe it goes to my throat but when I was around 20 my allergic reaction changed in which actually it more deadly because it only swells deep internally in my throat there nothing really that noticeable out the outside just only under eye swelling and cheeks but to other ppl they would probably think it’s like an out door allergy growing up with allergies I was just used to it even with all those allergies I thought I still had a lot of choices to eat but now I’m 21 and I am now worried about my situation the things I used to eat for 6+ years the small choices of food I enjoyed I now can’t eat anymore and I realized recently that I had been eating foods that I was allergic too the wholetime and food that had small amounts of my allergens and I knew about that for most of the food I eat but some I didn’t know like ate Burger King nuggets for 6+ years straight I only ate chicken nuggets and fries recently found out I was litterally eating fried wheat batter in which I should have known it just didn’t have a reaction and just didn’t think anything of it well at least noticeable reaction I didn’t feel any discomfort and I felt normal also ate thing that had small traces example soy lecithin etc but if i am currently suffering from allergic reaction and I eat something with that allergen then i will have the reaction again so when I have a active allergic reaction even from the smallest traces of my allergens makes my reaction trigger easily over and over again causing relapses so if that if happen I stay at home and eat safes food I’m even allergic to perfume some perfume have nuts and stuff it was hard in my workplace ppl wore perfumes i was allergic to and didn’t care and because my reaction is that my throat swell up but like my deeper in my internal throat from the outside people think I look normal but in actually I am closing up inside also under my eyes and my cheeks would swell but people don’t notice it and think it’s normal or outdoor allergies but someone like me or my mom notices the eye and cheek swelling I had people tell me I was lying about my allergic reactions because people can’t see on the outside like if I have my mouth open and they shine a light nothing is swollen in there my tongue lip cheeks the opening my mouth doesn’t swell anymore in my case it’s not noticeable to other ppl in which my reaction actually is more deadlier so only until my voice gets hoarse or having heavy breathing/or having a hard time breathing for people to be serious about me then they will take me seriously and I don’t want to wait the last minute until im dying for my chances to not be revived so I prevent it before hand with Benadryl and epipen if needed I don’t eat at restaurants it kinda hard to socialize with other people and I can’t eat with them not only that some people would make very insensitive rude comments about my allergy situation also worrying about dating life also they will have to accept that I can’t eat at restaurants there other alternatives we can eat together but eat different foods or if they want to eat something I make or they can choose anything that want to eat but then you know some ppl would feel uncomfortable or feel bad and I say there no need to this is how it is and that it’s has to be accepted and I’m okay and I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable to eat if your hungry don’t hesitate to go somewhere so if that happen they go somewhere they order food and eat and I sit there with them and just chill and talk. But some people may feel it’s a hassle…. Or they feel bad or awkward because they are the only one eating I worry about becoming allergic to everything so im going back to my allergist to what going on or if I have some other disorder that trigger my allergies etc idk even then I am still very lucky and should be grateful as there are people that eat the same 5+ food everyday I worry that it would be me also in the future. Also some foods like nuts strong fish smells triggers my allergies too going along with somes perfume I am allergic to it can be very small that other ppl can’t smell or maybe there nose is stuffed up or just very little to smell but my body detects it even if I can’t smell it or recognize myself my body does and I get an reaction which doesn’t help my case when ppl told me I’m lying about my allergies in my face :/

OP I think you’re misdirecting your anger at your situation — which I absolutely get — to these restaurants that are just trying their best to not unalive you in their dining room. Have you ever considered therapy? Cognitive behavioral therapy is very helpful to processing these kinds of feelings. You have experienced/are experiencing a huge loss and it’s fair to be sad and angry about it, but it’s not fair to blame others.

Also, OP, have you talked to an allergist about xolair or OIT or anything? I have 5ish allergies and I struggle to get enough food on a daily basis, quite literally, because I react so much to even the slightest cross contamination. 10 is a ton and it sounds so hard to manage.

I’m honestly surprised you’ve even been trying to eat at restaurants. Of course it’s unfair that you can’t have the same restaurant experience as other people, but it’s also unfair to expect that a restaurant will have the capability to perfectly cater to any one particular person’s combination of dietary restrictions.

I dated a guy years ago who had several food allergies - primarily peanuts (anaphylactic), tree nuts, and soy. Even though his allergies are fairly common/easier to accommodate, we just didn’t eat out, ever. I learned to make several more complicated/labor-intensive dishes I liked at home because I wanted him to get to experience them - I never otherwise would have bothered to learn how to make them. If we wanted to eat a nice dinner with friends, we cooked everything from scratch.

As someone who cooks a lot and already some experience accommodating food allergies, it has still been a difficult and expensive process trying to figure out how to accommodate my son’s many allergies (anaphylactic to wheat and cashews; also allergic to peanuts, other tree nuts besides almond, dairy, eggs, avocado, shrimp, and peppercorns), and there are many things I simply haven’t been able to replicate or things that taste at best 80% as good as the original.

If I suddenly had to accommodate a different extensive set of allergies, I might not have the knowledge of how to make reasonable adjustments, and I might not have the ingredients on hand to make adjustments even if I knew what to do. I would certainly find it “unfair” then if the person I was cooking for complained about whatever I did make.

I don't eat out. Ever. I brown bag lunch or a meal or whatever to any gathering I'm invited to.

I obviously don't want to divert attention from the coping strategies (which are so important!) But I saw another comment about OIT, and I just wanted to add that it is working very well so far for my child with peanut and egg allergies, and I know someone else whose child had many more allergies (peanuts, tree nuts, dairy, egg, soy, shellfish, perhaps more, I don't fully recall) and successfully reached food freedom for all of them after doing OIT for a number of years. I know OIT is more often talked about with children, because the results tend to be better the younger you are, BUT from what I understand OIT is still possible in adults too. I think there just might be a higher risk of reaction during updoses. It's definitely worth talking about with your allergist...or seeking out an allergist that specializes in OIT for multiple foods with the goal of food freedom.