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This is tough. You have OSDD, and while I have DID, I do not get black out amnesia often (like I'm mostly aware of my alters' actions). This makes the whole concept of system accountability easy for us to understand since we remember our headmates' actions. HOWEVER - imagine have absolutely zero recollection of what your alters do. You say their host isn't telling the truth about their actions - is it not telling the truth, or is it them not remembering?
All in all, idk this person or you, so I could be talking out of my ass. I do agree with system accountability for all systems regardless of amnesia, I'm just pointing out how difficult it must be for systems with high dissociative amnesia barriers.
I have a persecutor alter, and I've been making great progress with him. I would encourage your friend to try and have a conversation with that alter. Get to the route of the behavior and try to work something out
At this point I couldn’t even call this person an ex-friend because can you really call a one sided relationship based upon lies and deception a friendship? Let’s just say somebody that I used to know…
I do understand the amnesia side of things. We had conversations about how hard it is and which is worse… doing things and not having any recollection of or watching yourself do them and not be able to stop yourself.
For myself I’ve watched myself say and do some horrible things to people in my life (non-violent) but my other alters have taken accountability and worked with that alter to heal and done our best to repair things after the fact. Knowing myself though if I was being told that I was doing horrible things and couldn’t remember I’d make sure to not put myself in positions to be able to continue the behavior. It sucks feeling like you have to be the one to take responsibility for another alters bad action but we are still 1 system and have to live with ourselves.
Since I have no plans on contacting this person it’s more of an abstract question to get peoples thoughts than an ask for how to approach. Thank you for your thoughts!