I've always had this terrible anxiety when I see someone else futher ahead in life and doing stuff that I'm not. I know that I've been dealt a shit set of cards, but I can't help but feel incredibly anxious about it. Always comparing myself to other people and never being content with what I've achieved. I know that I should focus on my mental health, but when my body decides that it's time for a big anxiety attack, I feel like a regress and that I'm not pushing forwards. Intrusive memories or thoughts keep making me freeze. I hate it and don't know what to do about it.
I do think you're right. I don't even feel jelous about real things really. I either see of hear something about someone and assume a lot of stuff about their lives. That they are increible people that give it their all all of the time. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to the point of being paralyzed. I've always done this and I hate it. Thank you for taking time to respond, you're a good person.
I constantly look at where I'm at and then see people I went to school with who are married with kids and I'm 34, never had a romantic relationship, let alone held hands, kissed or anything else. One thing that helps is the quote about how people who grew up with trauma had their brains develop for survival, where others didn't have to worry about that, so every time I think about my position I remind myself it was a miracle I survived childhood and am doing the healing work to be able to have a healthy relationship and eventually a family. If anyone has any problems with that I'll launch into an abusive situation I remember and see what the reaction is, also depending on who's asking, sometimes I'll joke about which childhood trauma they'd like to start with, and that usually ends the conversation there. Survivors of childhood trauma were built different and people who can't understand that don't know how to react, so I just find ways to make it harder for them because if they want to make aspects of my life their business, I'll really make it their business. Also, its crazy that the last conversation I had with my mum before she died was her shaming me for not being in a relationship, when she's a huge part of why I don't, but God forbid you hold an abuser accountable.
I have the same thing 😔
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You are not alone. I compare myself to others a lot, and when I do that, my mental health suffers. Anxiety, depression, etc.
Start comparing yourself to yourself. Notice the things that you do from day to day, and the little ways in which you improved day after day. Write them down!
If for a day or a month things regress, try hard not to dwell on it. Start fresh.
I've got a blog about my CPTSD that I've been working on for months, and for the past 2 months, I've let it languish. For a couple of months before that, I also let it languish. I feel guilty about it, but I have also had to realize that there is nothing to feel guilty about. I have not had the mental space to blog, lately. But I've started a new daily routine for myself, and hopefully, over time, it will pay off.
I decided to start fresh with my new daily routine, and I told my partner about it. I told them I need a routine so that I can get things done and so that things don't slip through the cracks. Now, I just need to train them and myself that my routine is sacrosanct.
It's going to be hard for the next month and a half, since we have some non-routine things coming up, but I'm going to still continue to plow ahead.
When I have an anxiety attack, I stop everything I'm doing and just concentrate on breathing.
When I freeze, I break things down into the tiniest steps. If I can manage to take just the tiniest first step, I give myself permission to take a break or to stop.
When I had a ton of work to do that I just dreaded and that was really turning the juice up on my anxiety, I worked for 10-20 minutes, then I took a break for 1-2 hours to calm my anxiety. I kept doing this until all the work was done. It took longer than it needed to, but it got done.
I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to worry about other people and what they're doing. They may well look at you and wonder why they don't have it as together as you do in some area. You can't possibly know what's inside of everyone else. They may have their own challenges, too.
There will always be steps back, but as hard as it is to remember when you're in the midst of a regression, this too shall pass, and you'll kick its ass.
But I feel ya. The yo-yo SUCKS.
I relate to you a lot. I know how helpless and hopeless you feel going through that. It is not your fault, your parents failed you. BUT, you can change for the better. I understand how hard it is to make that first step, I’m still struggling with that myself. However, as unfair as it is, you have to be the person who says “I’m done with this, I’m worth more than this.”
First of all, you need to stop comparing yourself from others. Social media is not real. When you only post or show your best moments, you want other people to think highly of you. In reality those people are probably dealing with hard shit, just like you. Just like people won’t understand or relate to your life, you won’t relate or understand theirs. We all have our struggles, doesn’t mean yours are less important. We all have traumas or bad memories. That’s not to dismiss you at all. No one else will ever understand the thoughts in your head, it’s impossible. The way you feel about yourself, life, other people…etc is a personal experience only you will know. That’s why you must be the saviour of yourself. You are so much more then you think.