Hey would anyone have any advice??? Why am I struggling so much to do stuff? I find I can't focus or just don't feel like it.....

I struggle to do any tasks ir feels like i dont want to do anything

What do I do in this situation?

I guess I'm not feeling great about myself I'm always bored I just don't know what to do.....

My parents would yell at me as a child and I'd probably lock myself away, I even befriended the bullies because I didn't understand the difference between a good person or a bad person or just didn't have the right social groups.

These days it driving me mental not being able to focus on anything or enjoy anything I play fortnite alot because I like the adrenalin it gives me and tbh that might not be healthy either.

I'm also in an art burn out and generally just exhausted all the time. I wish I could be around people but that's been a struggle to find people my own age.

in CPTSDby Dragonbarry22

86%

3mo

abelabelabel

3mo

One of the things I’m learning, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again are the consequences of neglect, and how being expected to not have needs as a little kid still pop up everywhere I look as an adult.

I’m at a point where I am probably spending 10, and sometimes over 20 hours, a week actively making an effort to show up for myself and listen to my body. I'm watching YouTube videos, and have inhailed 5 or 6 audio books on codependency, caretaking, and being a people pleaser. Plus I'm constantly trying to check in with my inner child.

Even with all that, I still often fall in to self neglect or self abandonment, or find myself literally not noticing what is going on in my body.

Most recently - I was laid off in mid January. Since then I’ve made some major updates to a side hustle, cleared out a ton of clutter, cut my expenses, secured a certificate and am working on a second one, began networking, have made codependency recovery a priority, put an old car up for sale, and am actively looking for work in between studying 4-5 hrs a day for my new cert.

A week and a half ago I also decided to start focusing on my sleep - getting out of bed early in the morning has been a challenge, and I discovered that it was likely my body having low cortisol in the mornings after years of chronic stress finally being tampered down, and an ongoing effort to abstain from alcohol over the past 12 months. My body’s homeostasis is just set up for some morning inertia now that I’m not in chronic fight-flight or have extra cortisol and adrenaline floating around to get me up fast after a night of booze.

Anyway - so that’s been exactly one month of work. I started to feel resentment after a week of “failing” to get out of bed early.

It took me two days of reflection and doing a personal inventory to remind me - how much I’d already accomplished in a month - and also how easy it was for me to forget, minimize, and begin showing up with my inner critic EVEN WHILE IM SPENDING 10 and sometimes 20+ HOURS A WEEK ON EXACTLY THIS TYPE OF HEALING.

It’s madness.

You are likely working much harder than you think. Under some of that resistance is a legitimate need for rest, acknowledgement, self compassion, and maybe even slowing down.

When we were in survival mode as children, we didn’t choose to be this way. Hopefully now you are in a place that’s safe enough to maybe take a second look at what you’re actually working on, and how monumental and fundamental and imperative the work you’re doing is, and forgive yourself. And rest. And then repeat and repeat. . .

Dragonbarry22

2mo

It dosent help I don't have a cpap machine I have developed sleep aonea most recently that one of my major issues but it just a waiting game to get it because of ndis hard to work with

[deleted]

3mo

Do you have a therapist, as of now? I'd say, seek professional help. Your nervous system is probably dysregulated due to the trauma you possibly experienced. It's best you talk to a professional about it to find out what's wrong and the reasons for it. We can just make assumptions here.

Dragonbarry22

3mo

I'm waiting on a psychiatrist I'm probably thinking my depression not exactly depression

I've realised by another comment cause it just can't be none existence idk I thought it was normal for it sometimes be not depressed and sometimes we are

Alot that sleep apnea as well more recently

Terrible_Helicopter5

2mo

First I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear that your parents yelled at you. Shouldn't have happened. To have your parents yell at you, is really fcking hard for a kid. Nowhere to escape or find comfort. Horrible, seriously.

Second, I think it's complex issue. Could be many things. ADHD for example, makes it hard to do "boring" stuff. It has to do with dopamine etc. Adhd is normal for kids who grew up with abuse.

Other things is like, procrastinating because of avoidance of something. Something traumatic that's still unconscious, maybe a mental process/inner critic.

It could be that you're seriously just exhausted. Your head and soul is too overwhelmed to do anything.

Depression, maybe you just avoid life, because of trauma. Very legit.

Other things, is like.. Neuroscience. How you sleep, social life, how much day light and excersice you get.. Hormones etc. At what hours you have light in your eyes, for example, if we have light in our eyes after 23.00, the body put out a hormone that makes us less happy with life. (I learned it from the Huberman Lab, a neuroscience podcast)

Also, most importantly. How the brain developed as a kid. Our experiences. Everything impacts the brain. I am absolutely not shaming you, your reactions/actions are very legit considering your story. I was a wreck as an young adult, my brain chemistry was a disaster.

And, the brain can change. It's not forever. Things we didn't learn as a kid, well learn as an adult. Brain chemistry can change. Don't stress about it but please do seek help.

You are very valuable and deserves a good life. It's possible to feel good too.

If you seek help and don't get it, try again. There's a lot of bad doctors and therapists out there so make sure you only settle for the good ones. Fire the rest.

LangdonAlg3r

2mo

This is an excellent post!

Dragonbarry22

2mo

I know my dad has bpd as well I tend to get snappy around people sometimes for no particular reason I try my best not to, but it like I get super agitated.

I do know my sleep apnea has developed recently the past year but I'm not sure if I've had that my entire life tbh or just insomnia.

But I do struggle a lot both attention span wise and keeping focus with something.

I do have moments where I'll absolutely enjoy something for a small time preiod but then it just falls flat on my head.

I also got diagnosed with digeorge syndrome which is a chromosome deletion but I have been told you can still have adhd or bp with that.

I definitely have learning disabilities as well that's all my parents looked into because I was failing school

Dragonbarry22

2mo

I know my dad has bpd as well I tend to get snappy around people sometimes for no particular reason I try my best not to, but it like I get super agitated.

I do know my sleep apnea has developed recently the past year but I'm not sure if I've had that my entire life tbh or just insomnia.

But I do struggle a lot both attention span wise and keeping focus with something.

I do have moments where I'll absolutely enjoy something for a small time preiod but then it just falls flat on my head.

I also got diagnosed with digeorge syndrome which is a chromosome deletion but I have been told you can still have adhd or bp with that.

I definitely have learning disabilities as well that's all my parents looked into because I was failing school

Terrible_Helicopter5

2mo

Yea that's intense for a kid. Bpd is no joke, I feel for your dad too.

Please, do seek help. These things are hard to solve all on your own. You deserve a better health and a fulfilling life. I truly mean it.

Getting diagnosed was for me very relieving, I have an easier time accepting things I struggle with, and not compare myself to others etc.

Also about the insomnia, it's very much related to trauma and possible diagnosises.

At night, it's more quiet and your thoughts gets louder. Occupying yourself instead of sleeping, is a way of avoiding your own mind.

I recently learned that when you use your head, you activate your digestive system, which is related to the sleep cycle. If you use your head within 2 hours before sleep, that may cause insomnia.

But then again, if you use games to avoid painful thoughts, that's valid.

So, first step would be to learn how to feel safe in your body and mind.

Please, allow people to help you with that. It may take time so be easy on yourself.

Little by little, you'll hopefully be able to go to sleep without distractions.

And yea. You didn't fail at school, you just didn't get the proper help. School and society failed you. Your parents too.

The school system is really bad especially for men, because it's not made for your biology. There's studies showing that men struggle more, due how school was set up. School is a quite new structure, in the history of mankind,so don't beat yourself up about it.

My younger sister has learning disabilities too. I just want to say that you are no less because of it. It pains me to my soul that she is ashamed about it.

I really hope things improve for you. Something about your story touched my heart and I wish you all the best.

Take really good care of yourself and remember that if a health care professional makes you feel bad - fire them.

Only settle for the good ones, that treat you with respect and empathy.

Dragonbarry22

2mo

I feel for your dad too

I mean on some cases yeah but also looking back, he was still abusive i mean he wasnt as bad as the other family members I guess thats complicated as well.

the only way to have a propper conversation with him when hes drunk which wasnt healthy

otherwise im just having to wait a few months for the psychiatrist thing I think i wanted to get the assessment first before I got another therapist

Terrible_Helicopter5

2mo

Yea, diagnosises is not an excuse for abuse. He would have been abusive even without bpd, it's not the diagnosis that caused it

I just meant that bpd is hard and I can empathise with him on that singular thing.

But you need to feel sorry for him. I have no empathy for my mother even though she has some diagnosis. She's an adult, she should've dealt with it instead of using it as an excuse and sledge hammer

WhoIsTheBoogeyman

they/them

3mo

I have this experience sometimes. It's hard to get through it, but I find that writing about it helps.

Pick one thing that you want to make into a good habit, then figure out what the bare minimum you'd have to do to get started on that habit and try to do that bare minimum one thing every day.

For example, I'm trying to exercise more, so my bare minimum thing is to get out of bed in the morning and go to the gym to swipe my card. I don't even have to do any exercise once I'm there. I just need to go.

Maybe that's too big a bare minimum thing, though. Maybe your bare minimum exercise thing would be to put on some shoes just for taking walks. You don't actually have to take the walk, just putting on the shoes is enough.

Try to put the shoes on every day and not worry about whether you actually walk, or not.

Or say you want to learn a new language. The bare minimum thing for that would maybe be to open Duolingo once a day. Not even do a lesson, but just open the app.

Doing tiny little things and building habits is a good way to start a positive spiral, even if you're in the middle of a downward spiral due to other issues. It's a good way to start feeling good about one little thing about yourself. It's a low-stakes way to move forward.

Dragonbarry22

2mo

The struggle with art I don't set a goal same with writing I work on my ideas and build up so I have an outline for start to finish but maybe without a speffic timeline to finish my brain dosent want to.

Atm I'm aware of this but because of sleep apnea it a lot harder to work on this but I do think because of not having a structure is why im struggling or at least a small part of it

cchhrr

3mo

I tell myself I’ll do what I need to do for just one minute. Which sounds doable right? One minute of effort towards your goal. That usually gets the ball rolling. Or if I don’t know where to start, I start from anywhere. It doesn’t matter where I start as long as I’m making changes.

LangdonAlg3r

2mo

OP: As someone with ADHD I can say that your post sounds a lot like the kinds of experiences I have with that. Different people have different things that help them, but adderall has helped me a ton. Therapy has helped too. I’ve learned what things are related to that and cause me extra struggles. I’ve also learned to be more accepting of myself and my limitations. Those limitations also come along with different strengths as well.

I think you should maybe look into ADHD. I also think it could just be the CPTSD or depression or all of the above. It can be one thing and that one thing or that one thing getting worse can bring everything else down. I struggle with motivation and the adderall helps a ton, but if I’m struggling more with depression then it helps a lot less.

That experience of not being able to get off the couch and start doing whatever you want or need to get done has been a struggle for me for my whole life.

Dragonbarry22

2mo

I know my dad has bpd as well I tend to get snappy around people sometimes for no particular reason I try my best not to, but it like I get super agitated.

I do know my sleep apnea has developed recently the past year but I'm not sure if I've had that my entire life tbh or just insomnia.

But I do struggle a lot both attention span wise and keeping focus with something.

I do have moments where I'll absolutely enjoy something for a small time preiod but then it just falls flat on my head.

I also got diagnosed with digeorge syndrome which is a chromosome deletion but I have been told you can still have adhd or bp with that.

I definitely have learning disabilities as well that's all my parents looked into because I was failing school

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3mo

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