Hi, I’ve been going weekly for 6 months, this is my first time ever in therapy. Now I asked him to space the sessions because I need more time to process things due to my own times and work, and to give me more time to archive the goals ( CBT) and he said I still should still go every week. Is this normal? I don’t want to upset him. But now I feel he only wants me to go weekly for the money. I started to not trust him. Please help if you have experience with therapists.
thank you!
Thank you! ☺️ It’s been hard to trust myself, and maybe his approach is making me doubt even more
I had a trauma therapist who did this to me as well. She was great at EMDR and other modalities and helped with my initial diagnosis but the forcing of appts was just one boundary she consistently crossed and I ended up leaving her after she tried to force an appt on me that I couldn’t make and then charged me for it. Listen to your gut! A good therapist and good trauma therapist will respect your boundaries. Any ethical and good doctor worth your money with trust that YOU know YOU better than anyone.
Did you ask him why he still wanted to meet weekly even with your request? He may feel that weekly is required in his professional opinion but he should explain that to you.
Yes, because I didn‘t archieved the main goal for him, which is meet new people
Yes, I feel that too. But I don’t want to quit.
I think it’s odd he is pushing you to meet these goals on his terms. Therapy isn’t as effective when your boundaries and needs aren’t respected.
I would bring these concerns up to him if you are comfortable. If not, it’s time to go and find a better trauma-informed therapist.
I recommend the modalities EMDR, IFS, or SE alongside trauma-psychoeducation over CBT any day.
Having done CBT and SE, I agree wholeheartedly with your recommendation too.
But I have to say CBT seems to be enough for some ppl.
That is a good add, I think if the modality is enough, keep with it. It is important for people to stick with what’s working for them.
With safety being a priority for healing from CPTSD, I always hope people can experience that with a CBT practitioner. I always felt so invalidated because of the approach to how I was feeling and why.
You hit the nail on the head.
Even with my nicest cbt therapists it didn't work because the modality itself doesn't seem to see my root issues. But i know a couple of ppl for whom it worked. I think they didn't have too much stuck trauma in their systems and histories, from what I know of them. I could be wrong.
Same here, I had very complex trauma that required a lot of somatic work to process. I was such a dissociated and disconnected person I had a huge inability to really absorb any learnings from CBT. I needed validation and safety that isn’t inherent to that modality. I do envy those who make process with CBT because it is truly the “go to” method.
Oh, so it is normal that in CBT I talked about X trauma in one session, and then NEVER again he asked about that important topic in my life? Is that the modality? I feel like every trauma I mentioned to him has been wrote down on his notes and not commented again. He usually only asks about my week and how I’ve been feeling the last days and if I had the chance to archieve the goals. Is this all normal ? I do feel validated and safe, but if feels like a shallow therapy, if that makes sense.
Red flag, though all my cbt style therapists have routinely ignored my trauma history 🙄
Totally makes sense, i felt it was too shallow for me too. My two cents, look for IFS or SE, which are trauma focused MODALITIES.
Thank you so much! I will, I hope to find something in my country. Finding this “trauma specialized“ CBT therapist has been quite hard.
It’s okay not to hit the goal, meeting new people is hard, it should be broken down into easier steps and it’s something you should continually work on. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, is he putting pressure on you for not meeting goals?
Yes, I feel very bad, thank you for asking. Recently I got out of a platonic friendship where I put all my trust and vulnerability on, and I felt completely betrayed by this person. It’s been only weeks since that, and it’s been really hard for me to find the desire to go to talk to people or start new activities. I wish I could have meaninful relationships, and the loneliness is a frequent topic, that’s why he pushes me. But at the same time my body want to take it slower, or I feel I’m failing for not improving faster.
Ok yeah that isn't cool. You might want to look for a new one that specializes in trauma. Typical therapists who don't understand trauma cause more issues. I went through probably 12 before I found the trauma specialist and I I wish I had done that sooner.
I went through 12 too! Before i found trauma focused (SE).
Wow 12! That’s perseverance! This is my second one, the first one wasn’t informed about trauma, low self-esteem, or depression in her patients. I ran. This one specializes in trauma, he diagnosed me. Maybe I made him sound bad. I myself am constantly bringing the subject of loneliness and that I want to feel connected with people, but at the same time I’m very discouraged and can’t picture a future where I find a partner. I’m very confused right now, maybe that’s why I want to slow down.
Maybe but you have to be comfortable with the pace. Healing is not to be rushed.
Thank you! :) that makes me feel better, I will talk to him again
The main goal for HIM? Yeah no, he doesn't get to decide what your main goal is, that is up to you.
Don't even think about whether it'll upset him, he's there to help you, and you're not responsible for his feelings.
If you need more time to not feel rushed, then take more time. No one can force you to go more often than you want.
Take this as an opportunity to see if he is able to actually work with you on your terms. Don't be afraid of quitting and find a different therapist if he makes this into a conflict.
This is the right answer! You don't need to meet his goals, you need to meet yours. My therapist isn't perfect but he always stresses that I am under no pressure to try the things that he recommends
If your motivations are pure and you're doing this for your own good, then please assert yourself and do it. Your therapist may have their own reasons other than money, but this is ultimately your decision to make for your well-being.
Tell him no we are meeting x date next. For the foreseeable future, twice a month or what it is.
A therapist should never pressure someone into more than they can handle. I asked my therapist a similar question last week because we’ve started EMDR to heal my trauma and the therapy is extremely intense. He said he trusted me to make my own decision about how often I need to go and how much time I need to recover from each session. You know your body and mind better than anyone else and you need to do what feels right for you. If you need more time for processing, then space them out.
On a side note, are you feeling a significant improvement since you started therapy? Weekly sessions for 6 months is quite intensive. If you don’t feel you’re getting the results or you don’t trust your therapist, it may be a good idea to try another therapist. Try and find one who does EMDR if you can. Wishing you all the best in your healing journey.
I am about to restart EMDR and have been considering cutting back to ever other week, I really appreciated your input. :)
I’ve been in EMDR for about 2 months and one of the first things I learned was to listen to my gut and not rush the process! Especially since it is such an intense therapy. Usually I have my appointments once a week, but there have been times that I’ve asked my therapist if we can do talk therapy that week instead, or just taken a week off from therapy as a whole. Everyone is different and you know your own needs better than anyone.
Super important to advocate for yourself — a good trauma therapist will respect those boundaries and go at your pace. My therapist will sometimes make suggestions, i.e. “I think it might be helpful to you to re-process XYZ again, what do you think?” but in the end she always leaves the decision up to me. :)
You're in charge. If you continue to go each week with this nagging doubt and resentment you're not going to get what you need from the seasons anyway. I use situations like this to assert myself calmly, be prepared for a conversation regarding the conflict then make a decision once all the cards are on the table. An explanation is the least he/she should offer and the honesty, fairness and openness is surely nothing other than growth. Isn't that why you attend? He/she should be delighted to have helped you to reach this point through therapy.
Sod that. Your therapist is an employee. They do not ever dictate to you unless they have you imprisoned in a psych ward.
When I asked mine to space out, she did not make any issues about it. The therapist is for you, not you for the therapist. Seems that not trusting him after that would be a right call, unfortunately.
That is just your therapist wanting you to pay for help you cant use because he has no other client thst he can book in the hours that you leave open.
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Trust your gut about what you need--particularly in any relationship.. Therapy is for your benefit. If your treatment feels off or you need something different, that is your right.