I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/svvvg
Originally posted to r/AITAH
For refusing to let my sister move in and take my master bedroom because she had to break her lease?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas + u/soayherder + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings:
Original Post: June 23, 2024
My (F22) sister (F24) works fly in fly out in the Australian mines (big money) for 5+ she’s had many shared leases with people over the years. She’s struggling to find a roommate at the moment.
About a month ago, we had a casual conversation about the idea of her staying at the place I’m renting with my partner (M24). Important detail, me and my partner have separate rooms as we need our own space and it works for our sleeping schedules. A couple ideas were thrown around, I offered the spare room which is very small and can only fit a bed. She proposed taking my master bedroom and offered to pay more, which means me and my partner would have to share or one of us move into the tiny room. I said I would talk to my partner about this and get back to her.
As of a couple days ago, she told me the landlord is not allowing a second person. For context, I left abruptly from a toxic workplace and now on mental health leave. She straight up texted me, “I don’t want to stress you out more but….. when can I move in lmao”. Told her I would sleep on it, then the next day she texted, “two weeks to move in?”. I had a talk to with my partner and we agreed it’s better if she takes the spare bedroom as she’s 2 weeks on at her mining job and 1 week off. I called her and said she can have the spare bedroom, then she had the audacity to say she’s moving into my master bedroom because and she will pay more. I said absolutely fucking not because the room will be empty for two week at a time. And on top of that she’s unclean and untidy, my worry is she will leave my room disgusting. She did not take this well and said that I agreed to her taking my room (which didn’t happen).
Today she blew up my phone with texts saying I’m petty for not letting her have my room, and that she deserves luxuries. Also she doesn’t want to come home to a tiny room after living in one at work. I’m a young person who is finally living in my own place after being in shitty living situations. Why does she feel entitled to take my room and disrupt my life for her convenience? I know she’s my sister and I understand her situation and feel for her but this can’t be the solution. Am I the asshole?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Dry_Sandwich_860: This is not going to work. You know you'd be crazy to let her move in. Don't do it.
She'll pull this drama every time she wants something. It will create problems in your relationship.
Tell her it's not going to work. She will push back and tell her that the way she's behaving right now is a sign that it can't possibly work. You are on stress leave from work and can't have this at home.
OOP: You’re totally right, she’s being entitled. I do feel bad about setting this boundary even though I shouldn’t.
bythebrook88:
I’m petty for not letting her have my room, and that she deserves luxuries
She may deserve luxuries, but not YOUR luxuries. She can pay for hers elsewhere.
Update/context: June 23, 2024 (same day, 11 hours later)
Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/hmebONPGfP
Thanks for all the comments and validation, really gave me some perspective.
Here’s the update.
Just FYI this is my partner’s account as I don’t have my own.
My sister and I have had a rocky relationship since forever (due to childhood trauma), I’ve cut her off many times due to this kind of disrespect and breaking of boundaries. I’m not perfect myself but I want this relationship to work.
Our phone conversation ended in a screaming match where I stated she will only get the spare room, but she insisted it was unfair because she would pay more money!!
She later texted me a photo of a workmate holding up the middle finger with a text saying “(name) said you are being petty lmao”
I texted back in the fashion many of you suggested.
OP: “Tell him he’s a cunt”
OP: “You’re a guest at my home you’re not taking the master bedroom. That’ll be empty for two weeks”
Sister: “You cannot keep using the excuse "It will be empty for two weeks" How the fuck do you think I've had roommates before and how anyone that does FIFO have roommate before like I'm gonna go live in a small room for my break as Well as going back to work and living a small room again like awesome no luxuries sweet”
OP: “You are not a roommate! I’m doing you a favour by letting you have a roof over your head for a short while, you don’t get “luxuries” when it’s your only option. Also my “luxuries” get taken away in MY home because you say so???. your VERY out of touch with the average full time young adult living in a strangers room because that’s their only option, Absolutely not fair. I finally have something to myself After three years of shit…..”
Sister: “Girl you aren’t the very last and only option lmao your just the easiest”
OP: “Okay then my offer is off the table”
Would I be the asshole if I cut off this bitch off again?
Relevant Comments
natteringly: In the original post, many people advised you to withdraw the offer right away. I'm a bit alarmed to see you continued to negotiate with her... but thankfully she gave you an out, and you were able to take it.
Is there part of the story we're missing here? Has she hosted you in luxurious fashion in the past? Rescued you from a terrible housing situation at the last minute? I just can't understand why she would feel so entitled, and behave so badly, unless she's done you a similar favour in the past.
In any case, it looks like this is resolved. If she continues to harass you and send flying monkeys, by all means block her and them.
OOP: She has done nothing of the sort, I am just a very defeated doormat I guess. I’m currently self reflecting on everything.
Relevant Comments
MissFerne: If you let her in, with her attitude (wanting to take over your home) she will never leave.
Batgirl_1984: NTA. She FAFO and you called her bluff. Go tell her to stay with one of her “many” other options. Deuces! ✌🏻