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Yeahhhh a girl at work is “divorcing her husband.” Who she still lives with. Who is a pharmacist at our facility. And is financially tangled up with. And has a daughter with. Ma’am, you’re still all the way married. I will NOT be entertaining you.
Remember kids, "in the process of a divorce" is just a lot of words to say "still married." Stick with 1040's rule.
I thought “separated” was like a legal term. Like “legally separated.” I fell on hard times, hit it off with a slightly older woman I met at treatment. Then after I got out I needed a place to stay (she was staying with her parents, as her husband had been beating her so badly, like, I figured it was a done deal).
Long story short, he found out I was living there and went over to the house (I wasn’t there at the time, or I might not be alive) and he sent me a million text messages saying I’m a dead man and crazy stuff like that…nobody died, but he basically kidnapped her and put a gun to her head in the woods until she managed to talk him into giving it to her. Then she got in his truck and left him in the woods for the cops to find. I think he did a couple of years for attempted murder.
People tell me I should have known what I was getting into, but I was young and I’d never even had a girlfriend before. I thought they were legally separated or something. I don’t know what I thought. It was fucking crazy. Terrifying. Then I felt guilt…yeah, it’s rough out there. Shit can get real.
Edit: kept spelling separated wrong and repeatedly
People tell me I should have known what I was getting into, but I was young and I’d never even had a girlfriend before
So one one level, you should have been aware that of the guy was abusive, there would likely have been some reaction if he found out. But on a whole other level, there's no way you could have know that his reaction was going to be attempt to murder you and/or ex-wife in cold blood.
Yup. Because before you know it, you’ve fallen for them. And they’ve decided to not actually divorce. Better yet, their partner wasn’t even aware they were in the process to get divorced. They were under the impression that the relationship was stronger than ever.
I dated three men in a row that were going through a divorce. All of them had no idea what to do with themselves in dating. After the third I decided I am done with that. You aren't ready to date, stop doing that to people.
Saw a guy on Tinder, holding a newborn in all his photos and his bio said something like "I hate my wife and gonna divorce her soon, but we live together for now, so swipe right only if you have your own place where we can meet" 🤢🤢🤢
Being able to talk with them easily. If talking with someone is like talking with a brick wall, or conversely if they ramble on and on and yet barely registers my own responses when I do get to respond, then it's just not doable
Also the opposite of true, being able to be silent with someone and not have it be uncomfortable or weird is a great thing!
I’ll be honest I do ramble on, but it’s more because I am socially awkward than not interested in what the other person has to say. Slowing down my speech does seem to help
I ramble, too, and am currently in conversation with another avid rambler. Our texts look like book reports sometimes, but I love it so much.
That just means you both enjoy it, usually. Keep that person if you enjoy them, and if they enjoy you too.
It's the best
I've never felt more compelled to fight for anyone in my life, don't you worry about that. Way ahead of ya. :)
Dishonesty. Would prefer someone be upfront about who they really are, instead of lying to appeal to my type of preference in a partner. Would save time for both parties in the long run!
Oh jeez. I knew a guy like this. Conversations were so hard because he wouldn’t share a single opinion or thought without me voicing my thoughts first, so that he could parrot it back. It gave off the most desperate energy I’d ever encountered.
Here’s the story if anyone is curious: I go grocery shopping, dude at the cash register hears me talking about Halloween Horror Nights coming up and says we should go together in a group. I love how forward he is even with so many people around us. He writes his number on my receipt and we text a bit that night. He brings up a few things about how smart he is, graduated with honors, and how he’s fluent in 4 languages including Spanish. Like okay whatever, humble brag, I get that people want to impress.
Next day is the weekend and I mention I already have plans to go to dinner and a movie with the parents. He essentially invites himself and I say, “I’m going with my parents but obviously the theater is a public place if you want to see the movie. You can just show up and sit by me.” So the guy shows up and is very pushy about putting his arm around me. I say no because my family was right there on the other side of me, and they don’t even know the guy. While still sitting there waiting for the movie to start, he pulls up his browser on his phone and the first tab is “uno momento definition.” That’s what I had texted him earlier as a cheeky little thing just because he said he was fluent in Spanish. So it was weird that he had to translate such a simple beginner’s phrase. I also notice while he’s going through his text log that my contact was up the top with my name and a crapton of the different heart emojis. Okay, cute I guess but I didn’t know guys did all that.
Movie ends and he follows us around the shopping center (theater was part of an outdoor mall situation). Everything is all good and casual, my family is talking to him and asking him questions. I still get the vibe that he’s trying to impress whenever he can. If I bring up something he’s unfamiliar with, he just makes up stuff that isn’t accurate to the topic, just for the sake of trying to relate. For example, I brought up a show that I like and he says he “loved that movie.” Just a bunch of little things like that.
While still hanging out, he wants to know when he can see me again. I say “I’m booked for a while, I’ll have to see when I can work you in...” to be playful but also because I knew I was going to need some space after that day. We spend the rest of the evening talking, but everything is very one-sided. He would ask me something and I would give my answer, but if I asked him questions, it was always, “What do you think? Well what do you like?” and it made me feel like he had no personality or opinions of him own. I couldn’t believe he wanted me that bad after just meeting me, enough to completely neglect who he is as a person. All for the sake of making me think we’re compatible. At least find out if I’m a good person.
One really uncomfortable moment (or shall I say “momento?”) was when he asked someone to take a picture of us together so that he could show HIS MOM. HIS MOM. So at that point I’m thinking the dude just gets no girls or thinks I’m top tier and is trying to use me as some kind of trophy. Why do you want your mom to know about me right away? As I mentioned before, I could be a terrible person, you don’t know yet. You actually JUST met me.
The thing that sealed the coffin was when that evening, my best male friend sent me a message. My phone was screen-up resting on my leg, and when the guy sees the name of a man pop up on my phone, he acted bewildered. Dude genuinely asked, “Wait, you’re talking to other people?”
Never saw him again.
"You like Billie Holiday?"
" I LOVE him"
Oh man, precisely that. It’s like you channeled him just then.
Wow that was a lot of red flags in one story…
I feel bad the guy. If he gave off potentially dangerous vibes that’s another thing, but he just sounds like he hasn’t socialized enough.
Hope he finds a person!
Oh believe me, I was just as socially awkward, which didn’t help me navigate his awkwardness at all. I’m not sure about him, but I was a late bloomer and had just started dating. I think I was more comfortable just because my family was there, you know?
Even so, the repetitive dishonesty/deceit was a turn off for me. It’s hard enough for me to get comfortable in dating scenarios, which isn’t any easier if I can’t believe anything you say. He’s probably married with a family now, but I’ll never check.
You may be correct, but I have known some guys who act very similarly to this. (I’m a male) With them it wasn’t so much a lack of socializing as much as an inability to recognize how different their behavior was compared to literally everybody else’s.
Perhaps. I’m on the spectrum, and it’s very possible he was as well. The only other time I’ve met someone with such a bad white-lie habit was a person who was also neurodivergent. I knew it came from a place of insecurity and just wanting to feel impressive and accepted, but anyone is going to get tired of that after a bit, as understanding as they may be.
Short term solutions lead to long term problems.
Good personal hygiene
Piggybacking on personal hygiene; one’s living conditions should not resemble a cat box either. I dated someone whose bathroom was so foul that I almost didn’t stay for sex.
> almost
Orgasms are important people!!!
I mean...
I get it.
So foul it was almost important.
Sometimes you need that post-nut clarity to tip the scales
They asked for a dating preference. Hook ups have different criteria.
Dated a guy who’s bathroom was also foul. Grimy everything, stank like piss and pot despite the numerous cinnamon brooms he put up to try to hide it, and the sink was so full of his beard hair/trimmings that I legit thought that the sink was stained brown at first. shudder Then he wondered why I didn’t want to sleep with him
I don't know if it was this extreme, but I'm imagining every single surface covered in cinnamon brooms.
But the cinnamon brooms were really his bundled beard and hair clippings.
There were 3 in the bedroom and 2 in the bathroom, iirc
jfc
What are cinnamon brooms?
Little scented cinnamon room air fresheners that are literally shaped like a broom, and they can be varying sizes. But to sum it up...it's like potpourri.
The cinnamon brooms 😂
One time I walked into a guy's apartment and it smelled so bad I literally threw up. I've always been sensitive to food smells but this was next level. Still stayed.
I have more self worth now.
I walked into a guy's apartment and it was okay. Typical bachelor stuff. But the bedroom was the stopping point. The door was closed.
When he opened the door, I threw up.
The smell was like several people had orgies all day for several weeks and the sheets never got washed in that time...
When I was living in an apartment, I brought a girl home one night and she was shocked that my apartment was clean and tidy. I was like "...doing my dishes, vacuuming and dusting aren't normal?" lol
I'm a bar bouncer and I once had to throw out a drunk middle-aged guy from my bar because he refused to keep his hands to himself with strangers. The very attractive woman he was with was horribly embarrassed and apologized profusely and I said it wasn't her fault and she was still welcome there. She left with him and came back thirty minutes later saying he had not only got thrown out of the next bar they went to, he got arrested and she was sick of his shit, so she came back to hang out with me because she thought I was nice.
She came back home with me that night and we had a good time, but after we hooked up, she said she assumed I was gay because my apartment was clean. I'm not even remotely a neat freak or anything; hell, I'm kind of a slob when I'm home alone and not expecting company. I just happened to have basic cleaned my place the day before.
Three years later, we're still friends; she lives out of state and visits maybe twice a year. It's just a funny personal anecdote now that I unintentionally "pulled a robbery" on a guy I had to 86 for being drunk and gropey and she assumed I was gay for being nice and clean until she discovered that I'm definitely not.
Not gay, I mean. NTTAWWT. I think I'm relatively nice, at least. Lol.
FFS, I had the same thing happen.
I had to ask her… Where is your floor?
Everything was covered with cat feces and roaches.
ALMOST
How was the sex?
You said almost I’m deaddddd
My favorite thing on reddit is every time this topic comes up, its common enough to get a lot of upvotes
yet theres always comments denying how common bad hygiene issues are.
To that i say one thing: Why do you think public washrooms look and smell so bad? Those people who ruin those bathrooms live SOMEWHERE.
It's worth saying that a lot of people are far less careful with stuff that isn't theirs than they would be at home tho.
Many people also don't shit in their bathroom hundreds of times a day, day after day.
Listen to Mr. I Never Had Dysentery over here!
This. I’ve dated some nasty people when I was younger and just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. If you don’t wash your junk and ass every day, you have no business getting freaky with other people.
There was something truly wrong in the head with me for being with a man who wouldn't shower for weeks and months at a time for like 9 years.
... ... how can you not shower for weeks.. i can't imagine
Depression can do that. Not saying this guy was depressed, but depression can absolutely make showers feel like too much
Honestly the bar is so low and easy to maintain hygiene. If someone can't take a shower and show up little groomed then they get the axe lol.
Sense of humor, I could probably overlook a dozen things if someone was funny and found me funny. But if someone doesn't share my sense of humor, or doesn't have any at all, I will overlook every other green flag because that's just not a person I can have long deep conversations with.
Yeah same, I need someone who finds the dark absurdity in life. Because it IS absurd.
Yes. This. 100%. While I can be serious when the situation calls for it, laughing and joking around makes every day better. I have briefly dated guys who took everything super seriously before and I just couldn't do it. And by "took everything super seriously," I don't mean that they were offended by things. I just mean that I would be trying to be playful with them and they would respond in an intellectual and analytical serious way. It was draining to be around someone who just never let themselves be silly.
I’m not a casual dater so those wishy washy “let’s just have fun and not call it anything until I’m ready 12 years from now” is a no go for me.
I am 43 years old.
Many of my guy friends are starting to feel extremely stressed out that their "I'm not really sure what I'm looking for" approach isn't working. Sir, you are deep into your retirement planning. If you are not sure now, you will never be, and you're now officially turning off women who are looking for something casual or serious.
It feels like that’s the landscape and standard now. Hard to find someone even in their late 20s that wants something serious and isn’t just out for a quick good time.
Gotta be curious about things and enjoy learning for the sake of learning.
I’ve never thought about this before but I have now added “lifelong learner” to my ever growing qualifications for a partner
My number one as well. When something comes up in conversation and we're like, 'you know, I don't know!' If their response is, 'eh' and moving on that's a huge turnoff for me. It's very unsexy to not care at all about things you don't know. It's the type of person that just lets life happen to them.
Not saying they have to obsessively solve every mystery, but to just not care at all is pretty gross.
Admittedly, this usually takes the form of: Them, "hmm, I don't know." Me, "oh! I do! Let me explain..." Them: "I don't care."
Cannot fathom having that kind of attitude; tell me all the minutiae of your niche interests, cuz I know damn well I'm gonna wanna do the same thing right back
I need someone that I can have an intelligent conversation with. If I can't have that then I begin to feel really lonely in the relationship I'm in.
I told my roommate this years ago. Two relationships later he tells me “you really need to stick to your ‘she needs to be smarter than me’ rule”
Relationships with people who can’t hold an intelligent conversation really are lonely. I’ve never used that word to describe it but that’s the perfect word for it honestly.
I want a monogamous relationship, no fooling around and excusing it as having an 'open relationship', or having multiple lovers at once. Nothing against poly people, but it just isn't for me
I need someone who's okay with pets. I've lived with pets for so long that I just don't think I could be without them, not for anyone.
I’m okay with pets. But only BEHAVED pets.
I dated this guy whose dog would incessantly jump on me when I sat on the couch, went to the bathroom, or tried to cuddle the guy.
It was seriously obnoxious. I couldn’t stand going to his place because 90% of the time was him screaming NO to his ridiculously behaved dog. And the dog was fucking huge and would bite me but it was just “playing” the guy would say.
Absolutely never again.
I feel like a lot of animal people (myself included) forget how much of a negative living with an animal can be for some people
My husband is not a dog person. I have had my Malinois since before we started dating. Fortunately she already had great house manners and never barks / jumps / begs for food etc, but still, I was willing to institute and enforce new rules when we moved in together in order to make him more comfortable. Stuff like getting the dog her own bed instead of sleeping with us, not allowed to lay in the kitchen when we are in there working, she has her own "zone" on the sectional that is covered with a blanket that I wash weekly, not allowed to stand in the hallway by the door when we are putting our shoes on and getting ready to leave. Having those rules in place has allowed us to happily live together and I even enforce them when he's not around so there's no confusion. I think a lot of people just expect their partner or roommates to just tolerate whatever pet behavior they tolerate personally and it leads to resentment and conflict. Usually it's not that someone hates dogs or cats, they just don't want the mess / noise / to be tripping over the pet constantly and those are usually things that can be remediated with good management. He loves the dog now. 🥰 And she doesn't love us any less for instituting that structure.
“And she doesn’t love us any less for instituting that structure.”
I absolutely respect this. And agree with it. I shall move forward remembering this. For me and my pups, too.
Do allergies count?
I like cats; my immune system doesn't.
They have to be reliable. Being on time for things and consistently following through with plans is a must.
Of course, things happen. I won’t look down on someone for being a little late occasionally, for cancelling plans because there’s been an emergency, or even for saying “I’m not doing great today, can we reschedule?”
But I have a life, and I value my time. I’ve actually been told that I should be “more understanding” when someone shows up 2 hours late and I’m already gone, or when someone cancels plans after I get to the location. It blows my mind how often I’ve discussed this with someone, just for them to say that I lack empathy.
Your expectations are reasonable and your time is also important. I'm sorry people have told you otherwise.
Your comment really struck me because I once went on multiple dates with a guy who was always 30 minutes late or flakey. He had a story for every time, too.... I tried to find a solution, voice my feelings and be understanding--even though we weren't even dating! He acted surprised when I broke down crying over it all.
Has actual values and not just preferences
You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
I also like - if you can't stand up to them, you can't stand beside them
The 'ol Aaron Tippin song comes to mind!
*"He'd say you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything
You've got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string
Never compromise what's right and uphold your family name
You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything"*
Need empathy.
When I ask them out, they absolutely MUST say Yes. And then when we have the date, they have to show up. Otherwise, it's a deal breaker.
Good luck meeting anyone with standards like that
What if she replies “sure :)” instead of “yes” like is it language specific?
What if she replies “sure :)” instead of “yes”
Straight to jail
How are they supposed to read those mixed signals?
Believe it or not, also jail.
Can’t believe this thread missed the reference
We have the best patients in the world… because of jail 😂 hahah classic
This man's preference for dating someone is them going on a date with him lol
I must be physically attracted to them.
There's definitely a lot more beyond physical attraction that's important, but without that element there's not much hope...
Cigarettes. Absolutely not
I could never be with someone who smokes because I’m a retired smoker but the craving never goes away, especially when you smell it. Especially on a cool fall day… damn. Being in close proximity to it would absolutely trigger me to start right back up
When it was banned from restaurants and bars it was such a benefit. After having a couple drinks I'd smell a cigarette and think why not.
I smoke, but I make damn sure I’m far away from anyone. Shit, I don’t even smoke around my dog.
I wish cigarettes didn’t exist
You have to find him/her funny and he/she has to find you funny. If you guys don't vibe like that it's gunna be a tough relationship.
Going to Costco with my wife is funnier and better than mist stand up specials.
Goals. Was my last relationship. To bad he ended the engagement :( oh well. I have hope for the future! (I think)
Can't be lazy.
I learned waaaay too late in life that my relationships were so much work because I had partners that were just lazy at everything. Professionally, domestically, romantically, it's kinda fucked up how people can want committment and then commit no effort.
Same! In a relationship im constantly giving massages, blowjobs, cleaning up for them, making them food, buying them little gifts or replacing things that get broken of theirs, telling them how amazing they are, planning and paying for dates etc. on the daily without being promoted but getting literally nothing in return, in my past relationships though I was able to just gaslight myself into thinking I'm so lucky to be with them and just ignore the fact that none of that effort gets reciprocated bc they were always really nice and appreciative about how much I was always doing for them so I felt satisfied since they were making me feel like I was worthy to be dating them but I'm kind of tired of doing that. I'd like to feel worthy without purposefully putting myself into a servant mindset. My last one was flat out abusive but I just internalized it and kept thinking I was lucky to have him until it ended and therapy helped me out of the spell. I blame Christianity though for priming me to accept being treated like this ugh, I have some self work to do
Yeah sounds like you realize them being appreciative and grateful for what you do is just not enough. They have to also reciprocate that effort to you. And that effort looks different in every relationship the way it’s expressed but it has to be there.
Has actual beliefs & morals, thoughts of their own
Can hold a long conversation with them, preferably on numerous subjects
Good listener and talker, communicates their interests and pay attention to yours
Good Personal hygiene. Not negotiable.
Must have empathy even during disagreement
No kids. It pissed off some people. I tried a few times but it always came back to "I want you to meet my kids". Nope. I'm out.
Finally met a like-minded woman and lived happily every until now. Don't compromise your core values, kids! It's worth it to hold out.
Intelligence, substance, thoughtfulness. Beyond that I’m open to anyone and anything.
Must like cats (one cat in particular)
Being open minded.
I can’t interact with people long term who have mental blocks that prevent them from even discussing things.
Super religious. I just can't put up with it.
If you are already in a relationship, or "it's complicated" you can fuck all the way off lol.
No substance abuse
Tripped up by my caffeine habit again
You caffeine addict. You disgust me. You’re probably a constant user. What is it, 3-4 times a day? What we talking about, arabica, liberica, robusta? starts searching for nearest costa
No kids. I do not want to be a parent in any capacity.
This also applies to those "on the fence", not gambling on that.
Same. Just sucks that the dating pool shrinks massively for us.
Agreed. I do not find kids a worthwhile endeavor. I don't hate, or even dislike kids, but I don't want that burden on my life.
I'm a gay guy, so sorry ladies but you're automatically ineligible
Bro sacrificed some ladies for me
And he took a few guys out if the dating pool while at it. We love you, gay man!
Bros will be bros
But then the lesbians took some outta the other pool. So it evens out.
This is for after you’ve been dating a while, but being able to open up emotionally. I don’t mean tell me your deepest darkest secrets, but if we can’t talk about our thoughts and feelings (not necessarily relationship-wise), then I don’t see how we can really build a relationship.
Went on a couple of dates a week and talked daily with a girl for almost 3 months and she’d tell me “it’s personal issues” when I would ask her if she was feeling okay (after seeming visibly upset or down). If you can’t even tell me you’re feeling upset (regardless of whether or not we talk about why), then I’m out.
not hating school. i need someone who values education, at least a little bit.
I went back to school a few years ago and got my degree in my mid-late 20's. It completely changed my life and gave me a huge love of learning. My husband on the other hand, never got his degree and works a trade. He's doing fine without a degree but loves to talk about how college is a scam.. how trades are more important... how the education system sucks. It's annoying for sure.
I understand his point of view, but my college degree bettered both of our lives so I don't understand all the hate.
I would ask myself what my husband was saying about my decision to go back to school.
I would probably eventually ask him what his fucking point is when he says that to me.
But that’s me.
Intellect
I learned the hard way that I should personally be with someone who shares my interests in gaming and nerdy stuff. Now I'm taken forever by someone who does.
How they handle themselves when they're upset. Getting mad is not a free pass to treat me like shit.
That she likes me
Putting the bar in the basement
Financial literacy. I’ve done quite well in life so far and the idea of being brought down by someone with terrible finances scares me. They don’t have to be a high earner, just smart with their money.
Currently, it is you have to be my husband. Before that it was you can't be anyone's husband.
If they drink too much, It's a no from me. I don't think consuming alcohol is funny, and it's an addiction it's often overlooked until it gets really bad.
My ex wife was a hoarder, and I will never go back to that type of life again. Bugs everywhere and she would scream at me for trying to clean. Never again
Must use turn signals.
Having a clean cheating record
Do cheaters tell you they are a cheater?
I've had men on dates admitting this with a smile on their face trying to sell it as something cheeky about them. Not realizing they just dug their own grave while doing so🥲 Always followed by some story involving alcohol, not knowing what you want in life, not being yourself and obviously never doing it again.
Oh yea, I once had an ex tell me an absolutely “hilarious” story about how his ex caught him cheating. The whole time he was telling the story he was like “yea I feel bad now but I didn’t at the time hahahahaha”
There must be at least SOME intellectual curiosity.
I'm not as intellectually curious as I was in my younger days, but I am interested in a variety of topics (some of it not just geeky stuff).
For example (and tying in with another must have), someone who proudly proclaims that they haven't read any other book than the Bible in decades.
Confidence.
Married a deeply insecure woman. Her insecurities became weaponized over the years, I'd walk on egg shells, worship the ground she walked on, and still apologize for something I didn't do by the end of the night.
It was so stressful
If he listens to Andrew Tate, it’s a hard no from me.
You’re against alfalfa males that know that they own you if they buy you some stuff and occasionally flex so hard in the mirror to the American Psycho soundtrack that they pass out?!
I don’t have kids of my own, but if I meet a deadbeat dad or a dad who doesn’t seem to really give a shit about his kids, it’s no deal. 🚩
She cant want kids and she can’t already have kids. I got a vasectomy at 25 to make sure I never have kids ever. I realize that eliminates most women from my dating pool but I’m cool with waiting a long time to meet the right one.
I’m a woman in my thirties who doesn’t want kids nor do I want to date someone with kids. I’m at the age where that is starting to shrink an already poor dating pool. It sucks, but I’d rather be alone than to settle.
Good luck, my dude!
Amen. I feel exactly the same way. Too many people settle because they’re afraid to be alone. That usually leads to divorce.
Dude, she’s your type! Ask her out!
or worse, staying in a loveless marriage just to keep up appearances and to not be "alone" even though that seems like one of the loneliest experiences imo
I have the exact same policy! I'm a woman in my 30s, and pretty much everyone in my preferred age range either has kids or is dying to get married and have them asap.
A woman in my late 30s and same. I met someone last year that had a vasectomy and didn’t want kids. Found out he had a 5 year old he didn’t know about and he decided he was going to find him and seek custody. Noped outta that situation.
I'd do the same!
A woman I used to work with was shocked that I've been in 2 long term relationships with guys with no kids. Especially since I found my current bf in my late 30s. And I've never even dated a guy with kids. I guess she figured at a certain age it was rare to find people without kids? I never found it a problem.
I love mimosas but excessive drinking when they can’t even walk or forget what happened that night because the where so out of it
I don’t want kids and will never have them but I can’t date people who hate kids. Kids are annoying but I don’t despise them like some child free people
If the date asks no questions about me and they just sit there. Or they just talk about themselves. Red flag. Not interested in narcissistic or apathetic person.
Can’t be a picky eater. I just know I’ll be constantly irritated cooking for them.
No cops. No military. Grew up in that lifestyle, I don’t want it again.
Also have to be attracted to them. I dated a guy who I found kinda ugly but wanted to not be shallow. It wasn’t worth it. Just ended up with a shit dude and a dead bedroom.
I need someone who is funny. I also need someone who is sweet. Personal hygiene is a big thing. Sometimes my ex wouldn’t brush his teeth and I hated it
I can never be with someone who smokes.
I will never date someone who admits to having a history of cheating again. Been there, done that.
No hobosexuals. I have no interest in sharing my life and home with someone who just wants to live off of my money.
No smoking/vaping/weed, or wearing strong scents. I have pulmonary disease and my lungs can't take the exposure.
If we are on a date and you spend more than 20% of the time on your phone, I'm done.
Goals, morals, opinions, and open to new ideas is a must.
Number one turnoff for me when I was dating was gullibility. Being into multilevel marketing / pyramid schemes or anything scammy. Being very into religion, superstitions, horoscopes, aliens, or anything "woo" was a hard pass.
Trump, and any trump adjacent shit.
Hard pass
This is weird but i HAVE to like their natural smell. not quite B.O. but like the way that people just smell, like that rubs off on their clothes and their room.
Willing to be adventurous when it comes to food. I love cooking and trying out restaurants and want a partner who enjoys that too. Being unable to handle any level of spice/seasoning or thinking it's a mark of pride to not eat anything even resembling a vegetable are major turnoffs for me.
I'm a female. I won't date anyone who won't eat pussy. Women get told enough that our vulvas are gross, dirty, ugly, stink, etc. I won't tolerate that from someone who claims to love me. It doesn't help that both guys I've met who won't do it had other shitty attitudes toward women, like my ex who couldn't stay hard if he could see my (small) breasts and pre-emptively warned me that if I got pregnant he would stop having sex with me because he found that gross. Or my friend's ex who made fun of how her vulva looked, and was extremely suspicious of and sexualized even the slightest physical affection between her and her women friends - like a simple hug - because she was bi. My current boyfriend doesn't do oral every time we see each other or anything, but doesn't actively mind it; that's fine. But more often than not a blanket "no" or aversion/disgust at the idea is a canary in the coal mine for other misogyny or body-shaming.
ETA: I also will not date anyone who actively prefers large breasts. Again, I have had enough messaging that mine are gross, manly, etc. I don't need that from a partner.
There are guys out there who eat pussy for their pleasure. Hang on in there.
Can’t beat enthusiastic oral sex
These threads always make me feel really good about what I could bring to the table as a man. Those guys sound ridiculous.
Especially if they expect you to go down on them!
As a man, it blows my mind that men who say this sort of shit actually exist. Are some of these people my friends? I really hope not.
I am always eternally grateful when a woman I really like is gracious enough to take her clothes off and get into bed with me.
And on the subject of small breasts: have these men never noticed that damned near every supermodel has A cups?
i just.. i cannot date someone who is actively trying to murder me... it just never works out well...
Wow, fussy.
That my potential partner isn't a serial killer.
Honorable Mention: I don't prefer my potential partner has a fetish for throwing me in an iron maiden.
I’m in my late 40s and will absolutely not date “I’m in the process of a divorce.” Call me when the ink is dry. Actually a year after the ink is dry.