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AITA for getting our own hotel room after our friends expected us to sleep on bunk beds?
Not the A-holeView all comments
NTA at all. but your boyfriend, phew, what a jerk! he's the one who would have been most inconvenienced by trying to fit into a small bunkbed, sheesh. he owes you an apology.
Wait till I show him this thread š
Tell him its time to stop being a doormat just because he is chillā¦
I hope you get a sincere apology out of him. He was as big an A-hole as her brother to suggest you could've/ should've played along.
Why should he apologize? He just had a different opinion.
glad to hear you're going to show him, lol. silly man.
Show him all of the threads.
You are getting bad advice from a lot of people who are discounting your BF's personhood to turn him into a pet that should always just go along with whatever you want. These people don't consider the idea that you bf might have different priorities (because he is a full person by himself), the difference in priorities may lead to you two disagreeing. Disagreements happen with couples. They also seem to think that he should never address those disagreements, even in private. This is a quick way to end a relationship.
Your BF is not TA for having different priorities and opinions than you. He merely was thinking about your finances and the short duration of the trip. He is not TA for thinking about your friend group and the dynamics of it. He is not TA for thinking that the inconvenience for a couple of days is no big deal. It is simply a matter of different priorities.
He is also not TA for suggesting that you may have been overly hostile in how you dealt with the situation. You have said that you show your face when you are angry. He may have thought that your reaction was over the top, and that you could have gotten a different result if you discussed the situation with the birthday girl and the group instead of jumping to getting your own room.
None of what he did was wrong or unreasonable. He didn't undermine you. He addressed his concerns with you privately, then let it go. That is how a healthy person deals with situations like this.
Trust me I completely agree with you thatās why Iāve kinda been ignoring people saying I should dump him or calling him TA. People are so much more complex than what most people are saying about him. My bf is a very gracious patient person but he will never not side by me in public and that takes a lot of TRUST in each other that weāre making the right decisions. Especially in a situation where itās not so serious like just getting a new hotel room, heās not going to fight me because he doesnāt feel itās necessary. But if he has a differing opinion, he most definitely will make it known to me after the fact. And that actually helps our relationship grow stronger because next time, I can just think about our previous conversations. I think he was more hung up on the money we spent, which was a lot, compared to what we originally were going to spend due to the fact that we had to book a hotel the same day on a weekend. So next time, Iāll know that he personally cares more about cutting expenses and I care more about comfort so weāll just have to find a compromise. And in the future, Iāll definitely be asking the people in charge of booking the trip A LOT more questions and make sure our accommodations are in order to avoid this whole debacle.
You should have just stayed in the room in the bed meant for you guys, fuck the other couple, you could have cut expenses and have comfort. Sometimes you need to stand your ground.
That would have caused a lot more issues, unfortunately. They go out, have fun, start to head back to the room, you're going to have to make sure every time, that either you or your partner make it to the room before them, because chances are they would lock you out and try and force your hand into sleeping on the bunk beds.
You can just ask the hotel for the key and if they put the chain thing you can just blast some baby shark through the slight opening. Lets look at them try to fuck through annoying kid music or any genre they despise. Also if the rooms were adjoined they could just go in through the other friends door, those donāt have the chain thing.
It doesn't sound like they were joined, and the hotel might not give them the key for the interior room like that, or even come open it for them. For one, they should already have a key if they're meant to, this isn't a lost key situation, for two, it sounds like a suite of some sort, because no reputable hotel has thin hallways in actual public areas, with bunk beds for guests, which means the inner doors to the rooms might not have locks that the front desk has a key for, and they would need to call maintenance most likely, or a locksmith, which they won't do with the other couple being in the room.
They'll tell you it's an issue between you and them and they're sorry, but you're welcome to either try and sort it yourself or rent a room yourself to solve the inconvenience.
Also, bold of you to assume they won't lock the connecting door. No chain thing isn't a guarantee of access through a locked door.
As for the music, lots of people can tune that stuff out.
Every hotel has keys of the inside rooms, you just ask for it because your stuff is inside and they most certainly will open it for you. There are also shit you can do to make them miserable if they dont, anything can be arranged if you are creative and petty enough, you can even remove the lock with a screwdriver upon arrival š¤·š»āāļø
Anyways this can also be solved by my initial suggestion of not being a doormat and just telling them that they cant do this and no one leaves the room until the matter is settled. Is impressive that people think they can get away with shit like this.
You realize if you lie to staff to get them up to open it and they realize someone else is inside they're going to deny unlocking it, knock, and it's just gonna cause more issues, right? And messing with hotel property like that isn't okay.
And no, your initial suggestion solves nothing because even if they "agree", it's literally just to get you to let them leave, and then they lock you out, and you're back where it started.
What they're doing isn't right, but there's literally not a solution that isn't what OP already did, and following it up by refusing to attempt that with that specific couple again.
discounting your BF's personhood to turn him into a pet that should always just go along with whatever you want.
Nobody here is telling that.
Their priorities / opinions did differ. And he did good by siding with her in public and only expressing his disagreement later in private.
But it is true that they were getting screwed over by other ppl on the trip. And OP's reaction and emotions towards that is justified and valid. She stood up for herself. While OP's BF would have preferred doing things differently, he won't get to call OP an AH for standing her ground. He disagreed, that's fine. He discussed with op in private, great. But he can't tell her she was an AH, no. Cuz she definitely was not. And her reaction was not over the top either. She was clearly standing up for herself. Telling her she over reacted is discounting her personhood š¤·š»āāļø
She says another comments that she shows her face when she gets angry. After reading her comments, I got the impression that he felt like her approach was a little much.
Please do. He's a stinker (although he gets some points back for standing by you in public).
Sorry that happened to you.
katgyrlā¢16h agoĀ : NTA at all. but your boyfriend, phew, what a jerk!...
I don't think he was a jerk. He would have been a jerk if he said those things at the time, in front of the others and undermining you. But he didn't, credit to him for having your back despite what he said to you later. That is a sign of a good and thoughtful partner. I do think he was wrong in this case, but it sounds like he was thinking you guys could just go along for the sake of the friend and not potentially ruining the trip.
The bf is saying he would prefer that inconvenience over the expense and awkwardness the gf chose unilaterally. The friends are AHs but the boyfriend certainly isnāt as long as he didnāt contradict the gf publicly
He wouldn't be the asshole even if he went against op in public. This whole "support your partner in public even if they're wrong" nonsense needs to stop. I'm not saying op is wrong, but if she was wrong then bf wouldn't be wrong for telling her she's wrong in infront of people instead of making himself look bad by going along with her.
How is the BF a jerk? He supported her publicly and only privately said that he would have put up with the discomfort to avoid the tension/extra expense. He literally did everything a good partner should do, he just had a different opinion.