AITA for "not giving a damn" about my son's mental health.

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

My son has issues with how I deal with food in my house. I might be the asshole because I will not capitulate and do what he wants for the sake of his mental health.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

NTA I must admit, taking a bite out of a ring of sausage is new, never known anyone who did it but it's up to you how you eat your own food. And expecting someone to throw out a partially eaten bag of chips is down right ridiculous.

Your son is 27 years old not twelve. He has the means to move out of your house if living with you is unbearable. It may put him off his financial goal to save up for a down payment for a house but it's not out of the realm of possibilities. You made a couple of suggestions to ameliorate his concerns but if he's not willing to figure something out that works for him, he's free to pack up his stuff and find somewhere else to live.

Sounds like you raised a real gem there.

It’s pretty simple really. Tell him that while he is getting a free ride at your home he doesn’t get to make the rules. If he wants things a specific way he can go get his own place to live. You are letting him live like a child so no problem with treating him like one.

And when he tries the old “mental health” bit ask him when he plans to grow up and be an adult.

NTA. If seeing you eat sausage and how you close your chips are affecting his mental health, I doubt he is prepared to be a homeowner.

How is he going to find or build a house if something that minor is causing a major issue to the point where he's risking a free place to stay?

NTA

I was a little worried about where this was going but I agree with you. It is totally unreasonable for him to dictate how you should be preparing your own fucking food.

NTA

Your son is bonkers-level entitled. He is living in your home for free at 27 and has the nerve to claim you should change your eating habit for his mental health??? That isn't mental health and he should bring up why he thinks this is acceptable to his therapist.

NTA. I'm all for supporting someone's mental health, but we're literally talking about sausage and food preparation. While what you're doing may be.. unorthodox? I can't even think of something to call it because I'd just be like "Huh, first time I've seen someone do that."

Also, you don't need bag clips or to throw away a half eaten bag of chips. He'd probably hate me too. I actually put the bag in the freezer. They stay crisper there than if I leave them out at room temp.

At 27, your son needs to develop coping skills to manage his own mental health, rather than requiring people around him to walk on eggshells for fear ghsr something will bother him.  

Also, you are doing him a favor.  

If he keeps this up, give him a sixty day moveout notice.  

NTA. He should move out if he can't handle how you store and eat your own food. That's preposterous.

He doesn't seem to care about your mental health with the way he's policing your every move in your own home. NTA.

INFO: what is the "stuff" he got help for when younger? Are you drinking to excess? This paragraph is concerning because it sounds like you never really cared about your son's struggles:

He has been diagnosed and recieved help for stuff when he was younger. To the best of my knowledge he is still on therapy and still taking medication to help him cope. I don't judge him for this. If I were younger I might consider it for myself. As it is I would rather just drink and have short term relationships with low class people like myself.

INFO: connect the dots please. How does your eating sausage without cutting it or leaving bags closed with a rubber band relate to his mental health? In your words or his words?

There's a big gap between what's literally occurring versus your son's actual problem with it. Or this isn't about your food habits at all and either he or you are in denial about something. But we gotta start somewhere, and food storage does not directly relate to mental health, so let's start there.

ETA: lol the downvotes. Something is clearly missing here. Assuming nothing is missing is a choice to assume OP is not an asshole, rendering judgement useless

NTA - He has multiple routes available to him to avoid the very thing he is complaining about. He can put up or shut up.

NTA. You're doing him an extreme favor by allowing him to live in your home rent free. Tell him to butt out or get out. You raised him and his nitpicking is not helpful.

NTA. I’m not actually sure that this is real, but if it is, your son needs to handle his shit. Sounds like you have offered a couple of solutions that work for you, but his only suggestion is to try and change you….thats not ok in this situation.

NTA - who doesn’t love a hunk of kielbasa?

You've offered compromises and he says no. It's your home, which you've opened to him. He is making demands about things that are not relevant to anyone--anyone--but him, and he is unwilling to do anything (e.g., buying a mini fridge for roughly the same money it would cost to spend one night at the Le Motel du Scabies) other than complain.

One of the key components of mental health treatment is finding a way to live in the world with other people. Tell him if he can't get over this, he should demand a refund from his therapist. Make this hill of chips and sausage the one to die on.

NTA

NTA. Your son is attempting to assert control over things he has no right to control. How you eat in your own home and store your own food-- provided it isn't a health hazard-- is none of his business.

I think he needs to leave. If this were a romantic relationship, I would call it abusive. It is at least borderline.

Nta He shouldn't be so effected by your habits. He should bring this up in therapy or move out. It's unreasonable for a 27yo to expect other people to change every little thing they do for his benefit

nta

but next time try telling him that while you love him very much and obviously care about his mental health, the "concerns" he has do not rise to you needing to adjust your behavior to accommodate him.

INFO

It depends on what kind of mental health problems your son has. If it's schizophrenia, he might have a hard time controlling his obsessive behavior. If I were you, I'd see if there is a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter local to you. They provide support for families of people with mental illness. They were very helpful to my wife and I when our son was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I think you should have a conversation with your son that you are doing him a MASSIVE indulgence allowing him to live in your house. You are going to live there the way you please. If he doesn’t like it, he can leave. 

As for the mental health bullshit. Tell him word for word “harden the fuck up.”  NTA. 

What kind of savage are you? Biting off a piece...lmao

NTA but your son needs to learn how to cope when things can't be exactly as HE wants

::me, pointing in a house full of mirrors:: autism!!

Or you instilled weird af food habits in him aggressively.

Nta not liking how someone else eats is his emotion to handle. My dad does the same thing with french bread- just rips a hunk off. I think its wierd af but its his bread, not mine.

NTA though you may wish  to recommend he have a conversation with his therapist regarding discussing coping methods for problems like this

NTA. Oh Please. It surely sounds like your son is trying to find things with which to take issue. How to close a bag of chips? I personally find that "chip clips" don't seal a bag nearly as well as a rubber band.

I hope you have the patience to deal with this peacefully, I personally would respond the same way you have. Good luck.

Oh, god. He's one of those! LOL. That is super picky and needs everything the way he wants, just so. Nothing wrong with that but these type of people can be hard to live with. I hope he saves up and moves out FAST.

Plus, you gave him reasonable compromises.

NTA

"as it is I would rather just drink and have short term relationships with low class people like myself"

Based. NTA.

The entire nation of Poland stands behind you. NTA

I'm not sure what your son's mental health issue is but whether it's OCD or anxiety or something else making unrealistic accomodations isn't going to help keep him mentally healthy it will reinforce this OCD control response. If he is finding everyday triggers happening because of how you store food that belongs to you alone that he doesn't eat (or at least doesn't eat your supply of) then he needs to be working on that in his therapy which hopefully he is going to. Like it's okay for it to bother him we all have preferences or ways we'd rather do things but it's not ok for him to require you to fully bend to his will

NTA. Yes, it may bother his OCD a bit but we're not talking about an 'end himself' level of discomfort here. As someone else said - He needs to shut up or get out if it's that bad for him.

NTA.

When it comes to things like this it’s up to your adult son to manage himself.

I have some very strong food related ‘rules’ however I don’t control anyone else over them with rare exception. I’ve taught myself how to ignore things, I can literally not ‘see’ things at this point.

Only request I make is regarding food that I can’t stand the smell of. If they’re planning it, let me know so I can be elsewhere.

Just because something bothers him isn’t an automatic’i get my way’ response.

I wish the sun didn’t get up so early on weekends; but it does what it has to.

You could compromise and put the meat in a tupperware. But your fridge, your rules NTA

NTA. Mental health isn't a weapon to be wielded at other people. You're not encroaching on any of his boundaries. He is using his mental health to control how YOU live in YOUR house which is a big no no. I'm glad he's trying to better himself but apparently he hasn't learned the lesson of only being able to control your own life, not anyone else's. If he has an issue with how you live then he should avoid the things he doesn't like, not start trying to control you. If he hates seeing your sausage in the fridge (which btw what the hell? There are bigger problems in the world than jagged fucking sausage) then he can cut it himself or get a minifridge so he doesn't have to look at it just like your suggested

NTA. It's your son's job to manage his mental health now that he is an adult. He probably has some very real issues, but HE needs to find coping mechanisms, not demand you change your behaviour. If he doesn't like how you conduct yourself in your own home, he can make other arrangements.

I'm going to get some garlic sausages for dinner. Thank you lol.

I think you neeed to sugest he moves out for his mental health.

INFO: Is he diagnosed with OCD or something similar, and did you phrase what you said to him in a challenging or confrontational manner?

Without knowing either of those I'd have to say NAH though.

If it really bothers him that much, unless he does have OCD or something, he should be able to just leave the room when you're eating, so it sounds like he's being a little bit of a jerk, but if he does have OCD or something like it than you should probly have a talk with him to try and get to an understanding and come to a compromise.

And if you were confrontational with him about it or outright said you "Don't give a damn about his mental health", then that would range from being a little bit of a jerk to definitely an asshole.

Sounds like your son has OCD and the attendant generalized anxiety that goes with it. Stop pushing back like the two of you are 12, and cut him the slack he needs for managing his illness.

In fact, maybe you should just accept that your son has an illness that will be with him his entire life. Because your post leads me to believe you are one of those people who believe that "mental" illnesses don't exist, contrary to everything experts in the field say.

ESH

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I have allowed my 27 year old son to move in with me so he can save money for a house. I am not charging him anything even though he has an excellent job. I want him to be able to afford a house and I don't have any money to give him. I can do this for him though.

The problem is that he thinks I'm not taking his mental health into consideration with regards to food.

He has been diagnosed and recieved help for stuff when he was younger. To the best of my knowledge he is still on therapy and still taking medication to help him cope. I don't judge him for this. If I were younger I might consider it for myself. As it is I would rather just drink and have short term relationships with low class people like myself.

One of the main concerns he has is about how I eat. I love garlic sausage. I always keep a ring of it in the fridge. I can fry some up for breakfast, add some to pierogies, or even just break off a piece and eat it cold.

My son hates it when I do that. Just tearing off a piece. He thinks I should take it out, put it on a cutting board, slice off the part I'm going to eat then slice that into smaller slices So I don't need to bite off pieces.

I told him to stop looking at my food and to stop watching me eat if it bugs him so much. I also said if it was really an issue for him he was welcome to slice up the sausage and put it in serving size containers for me.

He said he does not like to touch meat and that he isn't my servant to cut up my food for me.

I told him tough shit. I don't have the patience to deal with this.

He says that I'm a bad parent for not caring about his mental health. I told him to buy a refrigerator for his food so he does not have to see mine.

He also has a problem with how I leave half finished bags of chips. I rarely eat an entire bag of chips. So I will roll up the top and put a rubber band around it to keep them fresh. He insists that I buy some special clips to seal the bag or throw them away half finished.

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as far as I can tell, NTA. Boo-hoo that you’re a normal dad and you’re letting him live there for free. Who cares what else comes along with it. What is his mental health regarding to food though?

NTA. I thought you might be but you offered him solutions. It's not your fault he won't use them. 

Good grief his food issues are HIS problem, not yours. You are letting him live in your house for free. Next time he complains maybe remind him if he doesn't like how you eat he is free to live elsewhere. NTA.

NTA, he's weaponizing his mental health and using it try to control you. He needs to ask his therapist to help him work on this- most mental health treatment is about helping patients to cope with the world, not finding reasons to make the world cater to them. 

Edit: added a word 

Sounds like he needs to move out if everything bothers him so much!

NTA

This is serious neurosis combined with entitlement. If you were roommates both paying equal rent I'd still say NTA. You're not doing anything to deliberately bother him. Rather, he's going out of his way to find problems. You're not trying to make him eat what he doesn't like, and it sounds like you're not eating it to deliberately make him watch.

The chip thing sent me over the edge though. Clips instead of rubber bands? How does this dude navigate the world if such a tiny difference is a huge deal for him?

NTA I've noticed a somewhat recent trend in mental health circles where ppl with diagnosed and self diagnosed issues expect everyone to adjust to them rather than working on treatment and coping mechanisms.

I admit, I'm bias towards the chip clip idea only because we have a set that we found at a garage sale that not only reseals the bags, but gives the bag a handle that makes it easier to transport. I love those things; they're super nice. XD

But in general, NTA. I sympathize with your son, as it sounds like he may have some degree of OCD and I know how that can be a pain to manage. But that's the thing: it's a pain he has to manage. From the sounds of it, you aren't be overly unhygienic with what you're doing (ripping off a piece of the sausage or closing the chip bag when you're done with it), and I think that's more than enough. Anything further from there, your son needs to come up with a way to manage his frustrations with it.

I have a husband and roommates that are all unfortunately very good at doing things that trigger my own OCD struggles, like moving cooking utensils around from different drawers than they should be or not putting the tupperware in its designated and labeled spot. It frustrates me greatly, but I just sigh and move things around. They don't care that I do this as long as the stuff is put away, which tends to add to the frustration, but eh... it's my issue to deal with, not theirs.

NTA

Your son is going to come across things in life that set off his condition (being vague because well, obviously I don't know what it is). Part of therapy and working on a mental health condition, is learning to manage being around things that set you off. If he has a problem with these things, that's something he should be bringing up to his therapist, and working with them on how HE can adjust accordingly in response.

Nta. He can buy chip clips for you to both share if they're that important to him. As far as the sausage goes, I would just offer the compromise of tossing it into one of the crisper drawers. There are such easy fixes and compromises for these things but he has to be willing to contribute/meet you at a reasonable middle.

NTA. I have OCD. The real, diagnosed kind. I need certain things done a certain way or I can't deal. I can ASK someone, like my fiance to please try to keep this in mind. I can't DEMAND that. My OCD is my problem. It's a struggle, but it DOES NOT give me permission to control the behaviors of others just because I am bothered. I can ask, but people can say no and that's their right. I have the choice to remove myself from triggering situations or environments, or just do the thing myself, like pouring a glass of water which has to be done a certain way.

When disabled, you can ask for polite accommodation, but if it's a private person and not a school or business, you really can't expect or demand anything. We have to try to learn to control our reactions to triggers, and find tools that help us cope with our struggles, NOT control others while using our issues as an excuse.

If it's that bad for him, he should be in therapy to learn more coping tools.

Nta but if it’s a germ thing maybe find out what part of the process he thinks is unsanitary and try to come up with a compromise? I have ocd and it really is a 24/7 living hell. If it’s not a germ thing then there’s nothing you can do.

reading between the lines of your post it seems like you really have washed over your sons mental health. he had issues and to your knowledge ( you don't know or not) he is taking meds and going to therapy. it does sound like you are being an AH in that regard. OCD is a really frustrating disorder, its not a choice and you wish you really wouldn't let things give you so much anxiety. IF you do care talk to him about what's going on in his life, maybe do a google on what his diagnosis is and learn a little about it. I am not telling you to give in to all his demands but maybe be a little more sympatric.

NTA… none of these sound like actual problems, just him complaining. Unless whatever prior issue he was diagnosed with is related to food or eating disorders, I think your response was fine.

NTA. He sounds like an ungrateful whiner. Let him pay rent instead elsewhere.

He’s 27 years old. He can either deal with it or leave the room or get his own place like a big boy. It is not your responsibility to manage his mental health. NTA. 

NTAH! Your son is behaving like a child tell him he can move out if he doesn’t like it!

NTA

NTA. His nitpicking is not a serious problem.

NTA and it is time for him to leave. He has absolutely no right to criticise you when he is living rent free in your house. Kick him out and enjoy the sausage in peace - him getting his own place will do wonders for his mental health.

N T A. He's all grown up now, if he doesn't like what you do in you're own house then he's more than welcome to go live by himself.

NTA

I wish my dad would do something like that for me. I'm turning 40 and still can't save up enough for a house. If my dad let us stay rent free he could eat whatever however and require me to stand on my head when interacting with him and I'd do it happily. That alone would make sure my mental health was A-OK

That said I don't expect my dad to. I'm living somewhere on my own, bills are paid, wife is happy. He's under no obligation to help with me getting a house.

NTA
I'm with you on the sausage, not your issue. He needs to figure it out.
On the other hand, it's silly but would it kill you to spent a couple of dollars in chip clips??

NTA, but I don’t get how does this affect his mental health

NTA as someone who has dealt with mental health issues - and most of my friends are neurodivergent too - he is lucky and it’s good for him to learn what is and is not appropriate to expect of others. Your responses are spot on. 

NTA. You are doing him a favor. He doesn't get to dictate how you eat while living rent free in your home.

Nta if he doesn’t like it he’s free to move out

NTA. Beggars should not be choosers. When I graduated college, my wife and I moved in with my parents to save money. Though they are lovely people, we didn't always like the way things were done in their house. But we also knew it was their right to run their house as they please. If I was to live there free of charge, I had to accept that. I decided I would rather move out.