AITA for forbidding my 14yo daughter from interacting with a girl with mental issues?

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

1. Banning my daughter from hanging out with the girl
2. My daughter, who is usually compliant, is kind of rebelling against it

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

YTA. Your daughter needs to learn how to interact with everyone around her -- including people with disabilities. Forbidding her from doing so now will only leave her unprepared for when something like this happens when she is an adult.

YTA

Your daughter will meet people with mental disorders throughout her life. If you take the time to discuss any 'upsets' etc with your daughter, she can learn how best manage her own responses to 'challenging' behaviours, understand that sometimes negative responses are NOT her fault, and even to be a good friend to/with people with mental disorders if there is a friendship, at the same time as maintaining healthy boundaries for her own wellbeing.

If you need more information about mental disorders MIND charity (UK) has some really good plain English info.

Mood disorders are not contagious. Your child can't "catch it". Unless the other kid is violent toward yours, or is encouraging yours to engage in bullying or illegal behavior, what's your problem?

YTA. You realize that many people have mental disorders and they live normal, productive lives right? Also, how are you going to prevent this? Nothing stopping your daughter from interacting her in school or on social media. Do better.

It's funny that you believe you're in a position of telling your 14 year old daughter who she will or won't be friends with.

And even funnier that you think she won't go out of her way to do the exact opposite of whatever you're telling her to do.

YTA. How can you control that your 14yo daughter won't communicate with her classmate at the school? Will you follow her 24/7 and every time she tries to say something push her away or cover her mouth, just how!?

What a nonsensical demand from you. I have no clue what is happening inside your brain but you might want to do a hard factory reset there.

YTA. Can you articulate how you think this student will corrupt your daughter? You’re attempting to teach your daughter to other her because she’s not neurotypical, and that’s a bad example to set if you can’t cite specific behaviours or incidents and how they’re bad.

Protect her from what exactly? You are teaching her to treat people differently because of something out of their control. YTA

If that girl really suffers from a mental disorder, I hope she is getting the help she needs.

YTA. I grew up with a mentally disabled brother and it had a positive influence, not a negative one. Interacting with all kinds of people makes you grow as a person. It's probably your lack of interaction with different kinds of people that had a negative influence on you, making you into someone who forbids their daughter from spending time with people who are different.

YTA.. Shame on you for not allowing your daughter to be friends with someone who is clearly struggling. Where's your empathy? You can sit down and have a talk with your daughter about mental health and what to do and how to handle it. She's 14, not 4. She needs to start learning about life and the different people in it. Shame on you for teaching your daughter to treat people like lepers. Give your head a shake, and take a good, hard look at yourself and the person you've become.. gross.

YTA

I don't even know where to begin with...

With this behavior you're teaching your child to stigmatize mental health issues and the people having them. You're teaching your child that these people aren't worth the time and friendship of others. You're teaching your child to divide people in boxes of worthy and less worthy humans and to treat the neurotypical people better.

Please rethink your position. You have the chance to raise an understanding and compassionate human being by educating yourself and your child. Teach your kid to understand that mental health issues can't always be regulated but that for example negative emotional outbursts aren't the fault of the person and should never be taken personally.

Teach your child what healthy boundaries are so they can be implemented in the friendship and only if the new friend crosses them over and over again there's a reason to worry and to overthink the contact.

Talk to the other child's parents and ask how the mental health is affecting the kid and their lives and see if maybe you and them can benefit from each other's experiences.

Trust your child and talk about emotions and mental health and comfort and discomfort. Encourage your child to built a friendship with the kid while also explainong how to stay save and to express feelings etc.

YTA. People with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence and bullying than perpetrators of it. There's study after study showing this, yet people refuse to acknowledge it. This is a horrible take on your part and you need to check your bias.

YTA. in so, so many ways.

let's start with a major one, in today's world it's going to be expetionally difficult to keep your child from people with mental illness. you can't shield your child from that, and you're honestly not protecting her, you're sheltering her from reality, and this part plays into part two

you're further stigmatizing mental illness. you're teaching your own child that if she ever has some sort of mental issue she should be kept away from others all the time. that's not advice on dealing with mental illness, that's how you treat a fucking werewolf. you're also stigmatizing the illness for another child that isn't your own, without even knowing what ails her. which makes me wonder...

what do you think you're protecting her from exactly? mental illness isn't contagious, and just because someone has a mood disorder doesn't mean they treat others badly. I've known plenty of people who had no diagnosis and as far as was known had no illness, but were still a lot to deal with emotionally. hell most of the people I know with a mental illness end up tearing themselves up if someone else ever gets caught up in it. it's why many of us with an illness push people away, and why many of us know how valiable friends are, because we've likely lost a few. you mention your daughter is in school, and kids going through puberty have enough emotional shit to deal with, don't ostricize other people because they don't fit your idea of good, don't teach your child to do so, and don't try to keep your child from a normal life. this is genuinely a fantastic learning moment for your daughter.

this last part isn't a point against you, but I genuinely do think this can be a teaching moment. I have 2 personality disorders. this has outted itself in a very heavy depressions and strong social isolation. I've had therapy to deal with this, which has been fantastic help, but it has taken so much time to recover from all the bad things that happened that I've missed learning about certain essentials in life that would allow one to take care of themselves. being ostricized played a huge part in that. and you want to know something weird? people describe me as a positive and kind person, even while I deeply despised myself and thought of myself as genuine bad. despite my issues others perceived me to be optimistic, a part of that is, in spite of my ailments I still have normal decency and a good upbringing and morals. which leads back to my question of what you think you're protecting your child from. a friendship with someone who may be slightly different? but different isn't bad.

YTA. I had undiagnosed mental health conditions as a teen. Was diagnosed as 15 but suffered with them for ages before that. A mood disorder doesn't mean she is a bad person. You're teaching your daughter a horrible way to treat people.

I hope your daughter grows up to be a better, more empathetic and understanding person than you are. YTA

This is a deeply weird take. Why would you not want your daughter from learning how to understand and be friends with people who are different from her? What possible risk could there be? Mental illness is not contagious, and many folk will struggle with mental illness at least at one point in their lives. Surely it's in your daughter's best interests to see that people with mental illness are still valued members of their communities. YTA

YTA

I can’t even list all the ways what you are trying to do is wrong and stupid. Defer to your daughter on this one and stop making mental health issues a stigma. It’s GOOD and healthy that the other girl is open about it. It’s good and healthy for your daughter to understand everyone struggles in different ways. Also good for her for standing up to you.

Bait, YTA for posting

YTA, but mostly for your lack of pragmatism. We can make a moral argument on oversheltering/tyranny, but unless you're switching schools, your ban means nothing.

As the mom of a kid with a developmental disability- I’m gonna go against the grain here and say thank you. Thank you for not exposing your daughter’s friend, who has to go through enough in their daily life, to your outright ableism. Thank you for raising a child who couldn’t be more different from you. Thank you for exposing idiots in this comment section who are equally as enlightened as you are.

Trust me when I tell you that you not being in this kid’s life is a blessing.

Ah yes, the best people to shun are those with feelings of worthlessness, emptiness, depression , and anxiety. What a great lesson /s. YTA.

YTA She’s right. You sound like a dictator.

YTA

How exactly is avoiding this person going to serve your daughter in the long run? She needs to learn how to deal with all sorts, not to mention a mood disorder doesn't make the kid a leper....

What kind of illinformed, unhinged bs fid I just read?

YTA

YTA and deeply ignorant. It's 2024, there's absolutely no reason for anybody to go through life thinking mental health issues are contagious like the flu.

YTA Its not contagious like measels or the flu! I didnt catch lesbian from sitting next to somebody on the bus!

Your daughter maybe the only friend that girl has to be her friend and have somebody be there for her.

Im glad your daughter didnt catch your nasty case of discrimination!!!!

YTA, and an ableist one at that.

INFO: Protect her from what?

Protect her from what, exactly? YTA.

YTA. Mental health issues aren't contagious and people who have them aren't dangerous or a bad influence. What if your daughter was the one struggling? After hearing the way you speak about this girl, do you think she'd trust you enough to tell you?

YTA there are a lot of people with mental disorders but are stable like you and me

Stop being prejudice to people with sicknesses

Also that girl needs a friend to be there for her.

I didn’t have anyone at 14 to help with me and my mental breakdowns all my ex friends were busy with another friend that transferred.

Since then I keep people at a distance cause of what they did.

YTA. As others have pointed out, you can't actually control your daughters interactions with the other girl. You're only going to make her hide them from you. Instead, you should be creating an open dialogue about ways to prevent depression and anxiety, healthy interactions with someone who is struggling with these, and maybe even ways to be encouraging to the other person.

In her lifetime, your daughter will encounter many many people who are struggling with a mental issue. She should be taught compassion, not aversion.

People with mood disorders are not inherently bad people that will have negative impacts on the people they interact with. I have a mood disorder and if I didn't tell you, you would never know. The only person my mood disorder negatively affects is me lol.

YTA Please educate yourself on mental illness

Your daughter sounds like a very good person who is not willing to judge people for stuff like mood disorders, learn from her

Definitely YTA. You are actively teaching your daughter to stigmatize and devalue people with mental illness.

YTA. You can't tell your kid who they will and will not be friends with. What you are telling them is who they can talk to you about. Would you say the same thing about someone who is in the LGBTQ+ community she wanted to be friends with?

Sheltering kids only makes them either sneak around you or become stunted in later life when confronted with what you tried to shelter them from.

YTA, and shame on you.

Sounds like you're the one with the mental disorder AND you're ignorant.

YTA, it’s not contagious

She's going to have to learn how to interact with people different from herself at some point. Maybe she'll avoid the girl all on her own. Maybe she won't, and she'll get herself into some minor social trouble, and learn from it. Maybe she won't avoid the girl, and still, nothing bad will happen... and you're worrying over nothing. Mood disorders aren't contagious, after all. And you don't disclose what you mean by a "mood disorder", either -- are you afraid of some teen with depression? Or is it something much more serious? (My judgment doesn't change, either way, but I'm curious what you find so scary.)

YTA. You know that forbidding behavior with teens only makes that behavior more appealing, right? She feels like you're trying to control her, and now in order to break that feeling of control, she's going to be that much more tempted to get to know the girl just to defy you.

YTA. Here is your opportunity to teach your daughter to be a kind, compassionate person.

YTA.

This is encouraging Ableism.

Bro, what the actual fuck?! Are you afraid your daughter's gonna 'catch' something from this girl? What are you protecting from her exactly.
She's right, you are a dictator, and I think you got some mental issues of your own.

You don't appear to have bothered to educate yourself as to the nature of the 'some sort of mood disorder'. How do you know that any interaction would be negative? And how can you credit yourself with being able to protect your daughter from anything, what with you being so endlessly ignorant?

A mood disorders is something outside the girls control.

Being judgemental and narrowminded is a choice.

So .. would rather ban my kids for interaction with your type of ppl than ppl dealing with mental health issues.

YTA. An overwhelming majority of humans have mental issues of some sort, likely including you as much as you’d like to pretend you don’t. You can’t just quarantine your daughter away from other people.

YTA

YTA Jesus fucking christ

YTA

You are an ableist and a controlling AH.

I can tell from your wording 'some sort of mood disorder' that you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, so I am not going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are simply worried about your daughter befriending the girl and getting hurt. You just don't want your daughter hanging around the special kid. You come off very ignorant here, YTA.

YTA and it’ll probably cause the exact opposite to happen. Better to have had a talk with your daughter to discuss your concerns and let her make her own decision.

info- what negative impact do you think she would be having just from interacting with her?

YTA

Mood disorders aren't contagious

YTA. Don’t let your empathy show too much OP

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A girl in my daughter's class has some sort of mood disorder. She has made it very obvious and everyone knows. I am afraid that it would have a negative impact on my daughter so I told her she is banned from interacting with her. My daughter calls me a dictator for it but I am just trying to protect her. AITA?

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YTA - first, you can't ban a 14-year-old from making friends with someone. She's too old for that and it's not your place to tell a teenager who her friends can be. Also, if she has mental health issues - which you make sound like it's assumed and a source of gossip but I'll take your word for it - then your daughter is showing empathy by reaching out to this kid.

YTA. You're not protecting her, you're being an asshole

YTA

Just because someone has any medical issues doesn't mean they should be ignored or shunned. I'm disabled and wear a brace on my leg so in summer it's obvious also my left arm/hand have next to no muscle mass so that doesn't help either LOL.

The point that I'm getting to is that kids will sometimes ask questions or look which I'm perfectly fine with (yes, I'm aware some people are not.) But parents will pull their kids away and say things like "don't look at him" or "Just ignore him" and others. Some apologize for their kids some don't. I think the only thing parents should be apologizing for is their own behavior. Kids want to learn about different things or how others can accomplish things that are simple to the child. Which in turn teaches acceptance yet the parents make it feel like we are being shunned or something to be ashamed of. What you did by telling your kid not to interact with the other child is exactly the issue. You should be the one who needs to apologize for your own behavior.

Oh.... and for the record since you don't seem to get it but mental illness doesn't rub off onto others. Your child understands acceptance of everyone something you need to learn yourself.

YTA. I have well-managed bipolar disorder (mood disorder). I'm a university professor with a healthy marraige and wonderful friends. Having a mental illness does not make you a bad or dangerous person. Educate yourself. I hope your daughter grows up to have more empathy than you do.

NTA, although forbidding is strong language. I would speak to your daughter about how you would want her to surround herself with people who have a positive outlook and can help lift her up and grow. The friends disorders can be an issue if they drag your daughter down and cause drama for her.

Ultimately, she has to make the call though, not you. You can just help her notice if the friendship is in fact having a negative impact.

Not enough info. It depends on how exactly her "mood disorder" (Which is very unlikely to be the correct term) causes her to act. If she has bene known to act violently, make false accusations or otherwise lie a lot, or engage in dangerous behaviours, such as starting fires, N T A. If she is anxious, depressed or paranoid, Y T A. Under the latter circumstances, she needs the support of a friend, and is no more likely than any other child to lead your daughter astray.

I'm going with not enough info to tell. I know the standard Reddit response is to be 100% accepting of everything and there can never be anything wrong with befriending someone who is "different". However, this is not reality.

There are many cases of impressionable kids getting into bad situations after being influenced by stronger personalities. In this particular case there is no idea how impressionable your daughter is and what sort of behavior/attitudes the girl with mood disorder has. If your kid is strong, seen as a leader, and independent there probably isn't much risk. On the other hand if she is easily influenced and seeks approval from others then there may be more concern. A lot of it is a matter of degrees and there are no black and white lines...gray rules the world. OP your task is to balance empathy for someone not "normal" against daughter's safety (especially in mental health area).

If you have not already done so I suggest having frank discussions about this with your daughter and balance those talks with what you know of her and the other girl. Also, don't let some fear of the unknown rule the roost. As I wrote: not enough info to make a judgement call.

NTA. I am not saying it is necessarily right, but I get wanting to protect your kid. Best way would be to find out if the girl is actually potentially harmful to be around. If her behaviour is harmless, why not. If it seems she is a risk to your dauthers mental safety, then no.