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INFO: So as I understand it:
- Ace accidently crashed into your car.
- You got made whole through yours and his foster family's insurance.
- Extorted an extra 10k from a fostering family.
- Pressed charges on a 16 year old anyway.
Hard not to see you as a raging asshole here unless there are a lot of missing details. He stole his parents car, not yours. The collateral here sucks, but you were made whole and I'm not seeing a criminal complaint worth filing here. He's also going to face considerable challenges from this action being on his record regardless of if you press charges.
Did police find him as deliberately crashing his car into yours as an attempt to destroy your car? Is there a history here with "Ace" doing other criminal actions against you to hate him so much?
Well let's not forget, he smoked a vape in their back garden!
Edit: Obviously YTA, you aren't helping, you are getting revenge, and extorting extra money from a foster family.
A vape. In the garden. LOCK HIM UP. Clearly a career criminal.
JFC OP, way to just keep piling on. You ARE the massive AH. Give them back the money. If you don't, I sincerely hope some of this is in writing, on text, whatsapp or video, because you could and should be done for extortion.
YTA
I mean, it’s kind of in writing now, here on Reddit. Why people post details about potential legal cases on social media is beyond me.
Because its fake lol. People just in here making up stories like "a toddler spilled ice cream on my shoes so I kicked her in the face and I don't see why her mom is that upset. Those shoes cost 45$!! Aita???"
The actions of a criminal. There’s clearly nothing more that can be done to save this child.
Apart from trying to use this as a chance for him to make things right (by the law if it’s really necessary) and by not extorting 10k from his foster parents!
Before we decide that I'd like to know two things.
OP said the kid stole the car. Did he actually? Or did he do as many foolish teenagers do and take their parent's car without permission? Even if technically theft, not the same thing as regular theft.
Most times this stuff doesn't get reported to police either. I know plenty of people who did this shit (it never got reported ofc) and didn't do anything else. It is absolutely not an indication of being irredeemable.
And in terms of the crash, OP is implying the kid did it deliberately. But is that true? Or was it an accident caused by an inexperienced driver?
The rest of it is just unrelated. So what the kid vapes. Even if not legal where they live, that's super common among youth now, unfortunately.
He's not going to prison for a few years either. I had a couple of kids do this with my car. The police caught them. I wasn't involved. They got probation. So he may be coming back OP, and he'll be mad.
He's not going to prison for a few years either
Don't bank on that. The justice system is subject to the whims of many people. That the kids in your case got probation doesn't mean this kid won't get time.
Lawyer here, with lots of experience in the field. He’s not going to jail unless he has a very long record and this is the last straw and/ or he is charged as an adult. Even then, it’s highly unlikely. . I can hardly imagine a scenario where he would go to jail. This would be a really long comment if I listed all the reasons.
True, but I'd like OP to worry a little.
I'm not in the us, but I 'd like to share something about a similar case which happened in my country a few years ago. A 15 yo girl took her parents' car and she crashed it. She was sentenced to 6 weekends of house arrest (she had school during the week) and sone comunity service. Op might be in for quite the shock.
They tend to throw the book at foster kids to make an example of them. Who’s going to call them out? Their parents? They are property of DYS, DHR or whatever they call it in your state.
It’s much easier to just throw them in juvie until they age out.
One more thing. Did the kid crash into it in OP's driveway, or was OP's wife driving the vehicle at the time?
Also, OP says it was totaled but then said the insurance and family with the kid paid to repair the vehicle. Which is it? If it was totaled, then it will have a salvage title and it may be hard to sell down the road.
They also don’t total out very expensive cars($50k! Just in case you didn’t see that) for $10k in damage. Generally, it’s got to hit 80% of the value. So unless this was a very expensive 10+ year old car…
Ah, good catch. Makes no sense to talk about repairing a car that is totalled. Granted, sometimes insurance companies do write off cars that aren’t damaged that badly because of high repair costs, especially with older vehicles that how low book value even if they are in great condition, but I don’t think that’s what happened here given that a) OP’s description of the car indicates severe damage to a newer vehicle, not an older reliable car and b) the used market in North America is sitting rather high in price rn, so a repair would be even more likely if the car was salvageable. My cousin actually just had his car stolen and he got far more from the insurer than normally expected because of this. Oh, and it would also be fraud to take money from the insurance company for writing off a car and then take money from the other party to fix it, wouldn’t it? Especially in exchange for not pressing charges (I absolutely don’t believe for a moment they just have the money in “hope” of this). Even if they had followed through, that’s extortion. I think OP may be a liar. Or they are running a criminal fraud and extortion scheme, which makes them a worse liar. Oh my.
The foster family needs to file extortion charges on OP. Might help keep him from a life of crime! OP, YTA.
Is stealing cars not a big deal where you come from?
Depends. Stealing cars as in breaking into someone's car, stealing it and selling it, i.e. the legal meaning of stealing a car? Very big deal.
Borrowing your parent's car without license and permission? That's rare but it happens. It's a breach of trust that usually leads to grounding and losing video game access for a considerable amount of time.
To pretend the two are the same is insane.
Taking a car to joyride easily fits within the legal definition of auto larceny.
In the UK, that's TWOC - Taking Without Consent - and is emphatically NOT the same as theft. Theft is taking something with the intent to keep it.
Yeah but OP used dollars so its probaboy the U.S.
Okay and? Plenty of teenagers have taken their parents cars out for joyrides. You’re acting as though he stole it from them at gunpoint or some shit. He’s a kid.
But OP called the back yard a ‘garden’ so actually no, it’s more likely they’re in the UK.
Let's be honest, it's most likely the whole thing is badly made up.
Just what I thought. Pure fiction, badly written.
How about Canada, where they have back gardens and dollars? Or Australia? Is New Zealand dollars, I dunno?
Maybe he was in the garden which is located in the back yard where there’s taller plants to hide his criminally hitting said vape?
Your a black and white kinda person? Love people like you. /s
They're not his parents and he had no reason to believe taking their car was anything but theft. Then to compound the crime he crashed it into the neighbor's car at a speed great enough to total both. Yeah, it's car theft.
The state legally are his parents, so you should file a claim with them. You don’t know what he believed or didn’t believe
Guardians are not parents. Foster children are not adopted children.
Guardians have the same legal rights as parents in the U.S. I agree otherwise. The saddest thing about this is that the child will probably be removed from the Foster Parents home. They could lose their license too.
Isn’t that a distinction for them to worry about? Their first priority here seems to be Ace’s well-being and future, as it should be. I 112% guarantee you if Ace were the biological son of OP’s neighbors in this wealthy neighborhood, this would have been resolved hush-hush with the kid making a Very Serious Apology and maybe mowing OP’s lawn or cleaning the gutters or something.
This isn’t a “serious crime,” it’s teenaged bullshit that came with unfortunately heavy financial consequences. There is zero reason there need to be legal consequences.
I’m not even sure what OP is pressing charges for, - his car wasn’t stolen. Reckless driving? Is that even a criminal offense, when there’s only property damage involved?
YTA, OP, and that’s putting it mildly. A blatantly classist AH with no mercy for a troubled child. Karma’s a bitch, man.
Foster children have foster parents. They are a parent to the kid according to the terminology used by the law.
"borrowing without permission"
This is why it's always been so obvious to me that a huge amount of this subreddit is kids.
That's theft, bucko.
Actually in the US joyriding is what that is and it's completely different laws and consequences that come with it, it's not grand theft auto
Adults know that theft requires intent to permanently deprive of ownership, kid. Because I'm apparently dealing with a kid I have to spell out that that obviously doesn't mean borrowing without permission is or should be legal, it just means they are not the same crimes.
I can tell you right now that the latter happens a lot. I spent years as a claims adjuster and had multiple cases where not just a kid but like a family friend, a random cousin or someone an extended family member "gave permission to" took car keys, "borrowed the car" and ended up causing an accident.
The furious insured wouldn't want us to cover the accident arguing that the car was "stolen" because they didn't know or give permission. In each case we had to be very clear that if you wanted us to deny a claim because you said the car was stolen, you'd have to file a police report and cooperate with authorities.
People would always drop it because they were pissed but they knew there was a difference between a jackass family member taking the keys and not saying anything and stealing a car.
It sounds like OP is using "stole" in a general sense. I doubt the child's parents reported him for auto theft.
It is, but he didn't steal the OP's car. If the foster parents wanted to press charges this would be a whole different matter.
The foster child didn’t steal OP’s 50k car
They’re going to need the testimony of the people whose car was stolen.
Well thats pretty easy. Either they allowed their unlicensed 16 year old to drive their car or they didn't. The parents can either admit to a crime or admit their son comitted a crime.
But let’s be real here. DAs don’t like going to trial. They’ll settle when they can, especially if they don’t have the direct testimony they need, given willingly.
I could see a very easy plea deal down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah.... OP, I worked with kids. These foster parents, who have experience with children, probably know better than you what's in the best interests of this kid right now. So if you're pressing charges when they're begging you not to, it's not to teach the kid a lesson, or make him a better person, it's to punish a child who seems to have already had a hard life.
Do you usually struggle this much with empathy? Like if you saw a puppy get run over, would you laugh? Or only laugh if it had been barking and bugging you previously? Maybe do some digging about your issues. Maybe with a therapist.
Next time he goes on a joyride, that kid might very well kill somebody. He is an obvious short term danger to himself and others.
Frank Herbert makes a distinction between sensitivity and sentimentality: "If, while driving, you suddenly change direction to avoid an animal, you are sensitive. If, while doing so, you crush three people, you are sentimental."
Taking in a kid with serious issues is being sensitive (if you are equipped for it). Sheltering said kid from the consequences of serious offenses, that caused major consequences and could have caused people to die, is sentimentality.
And how is prison going to prevent or fix any of that? We know prison just criminalises children further.
Insurance wouldn't pay enough for a new car, as they depreciate as soon as you drive them off the lot. I read this as the extra $10,000 was the difference between the cost to replace the slightly used car with a new one if the same model. OP was made whole by the foster parents but he did not extort that extra payment. They were being nice, recognizing their kid caused the problem. NAH
When my car was totalled, insurance covered the value of the car+. It was enough that I bought the car back, and fixed it up at no cost thanks to the insurance money.
Depends on the insurance and how old the car is I believe.
Absolutely! And book value, along sometimes with negotiation skills
The book value of my car is actually more than what I paid for it. The place I bought it from keeps offering to buy it back at the Kelly Blue Book value + 2k. One of these days I may actually take them up on it - it will cost them money even if I immediately buy a new car from them.
The car is a year old... I don't know how it works in the USA, but here you usually get the replacement value in the first three years. OP saw it as punishment, not as a needed extra to buy a new car.
This really depends on a lot of factors:
- Age of the car?
- Value of similar car (make & model) sold in the area?
- Amount used to finance car (how much was the downpayment vs total cost)?
- How many payments have been made?
- Did OP have GAP insurance?
Depending on the answers above - it is very possible the "value" of the car paid by insurance would not allow OP to buy the exact same car again. Further - the bank gets first dibs to the money to pay off the auto loan. You get whatever's leftover. A car purchase within a year's time may have dinged OP's credit score in such a way that a new loan would be at a higher interest rate. Speaking of - interest rates are high.
--
I just had to replace one of my cars totalled due to a no-fault accident (similar to OP). My car wasn't new, but it was well-maintained, reliable, and almost paid off. What I got back for the car wouldn't have purchased a used car that checked all the boxes mine did. I had to pull out a new $20k loan just to get a new car that did what I needed it to.
Thank you for the clear and thorough explanation. Given the rest of OP’s post, I think he would have mentioned if the insurance hadn’t fully covered the car, but we simply don’t know.
He sees it as a punishment, I see it as them trying to bribe him not to press charges.
Yeah so let's ignore the fact that a 16 year old stole a car probably wasn't really safe with it because I doubt he'd crash otherwise.
He could've killed someone by driving like a moron! He wasn't driving slowly if he totaled 2 cars.
Yes OP stole the 10k not defending that but I'd say everyone is raging Asshole here.
Op didn't steal the money. He told the parents that he was pressing charges, no matter what, they gave him the money hoping he would change his mind, even though he told them he wouldn't, then the got stroppy that he stuck to his word. But I completely agree with the rest.
I would say:
- Ace illegally and recklessly drove a car, that he stole (multiple felonies?).
- He caused a major crash, but there was only material damage due to sheer luck.
- The foster parents tried to put the information under the rug by lying to the authorities and insurance (a felony?).
- They tried to silence a witness by bribing him (a felony?). Said witness accepted the money as a gift, but was upfront that he would still tell the truth.
The foster parents tried to put the information under the rug by lying to the authorities and insurance (a felony?).
Nowhere did OP ever hint at insurance fraud. Nor is what they did bribery.
Joyriding isn't a felony
What is OP pressing charges for exactly?
I don't understand what the charge would be.
I think op has written the boy off way back when he smoked the vape and just wants to get rid of him. The car incident is just a convenient excuse.
Hmm i wonder if the parents got him on record that the condition of the 10k is to not press charges? Is it fraud if he accepts then still presses charges?
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6mo
Read his other comments. He admits in the comments that he led them on into thinking if he got the cash he wouldn't press charges.
That said, are you doing ok? It's fine to step away from AITA if you need a break. It seems like it is causing you emotional distress.
The post doesn't say he was made whole by insurance…just that they had insurance and offered to to "contribute" to a new car. That doesn't sound like OPs damages were completely handled. If they were handled…then the additional 10K was either part of handling it or extra. If extra…he should not take that 10K because his car was replaced. If the 10K was part of the making him whole…then he should keep it. The important issue…which we have not enough info to decide…is that OP needs to be made whole but no more than made whole. So it comes down to whether the 10K was extra or not over his damages and that's not clear either way from the post.
Whether the kid gets charges for stealing the car and hitting his car is an entirely different issue…and in my view it's separate and distinct from being made whole on the damages. And I think the kid should get charged because he's a troubled teen and perhaps this will shake some sense into him and he'll become a productive member of society. Letting him get away with stealing a car and totaling both it (I presume) and OPs car will just increase his entitlement.
An additional factor is whether he actually "stole" the car from his foster parents…and if they declined to say he did and that he was allowed to take it then they need to be charged for letting an unlicensed driver take their car. If he took it without permission…yeah, that's stealing the car.
Note that my vote here is INFO, I'm asking OP for clarification before casting a verdict and providing where my headspace is at. You are not OP, but if you feel strongly you may want to vote as your own top level comment. Nested comments are not used in the final tally.
The next time he steals and crashes a car, he could crash into someone and seriously injure or kill them. He needs this behaviour shut down now with severe consequences or he will continue to escalate.
As for the foster parents - they won't be able to buy him out of trouble for the rest of his life, they need to learn this lesson now.
He purposely stole a car and presumably doesn't have a license. That's extremely intentional.
YTA you were going to press charges all along but mislead them to make money.
ETA I don’t believe the edit added after all the YTA’s
I hope this gets upvoted. I’m trying to understand how he did both and doesn’t think he’s TA or a blackmailer. They gave him money under duress.
He told them upfront he would be pressing charges and they tried to sway him with the cash even though he said it wouldn't make a difference.
Have you ever had a car totaled before? You never get what you paid for it and to find a similar model for the same price is not that common.
Why should OP be out of pocket for getting a similar vehicle when someone else totaled their car?
NTA
You mean the edit that came after everyone voted OP a raging ass?
Nope, he added that. Check out the original version of the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2HbgVxpJq7
What does it have to do a totaled car with going to jail? You pay, insurance covers at max it becomes a civil matter if more money are owned.
It's entirely reasonable to expect to be compensated for both car and for the boy to have consequences. NTA.
But he was compensated for the car by the insurance. He took 10k to not press charges on the kid and then still did. So the 10k is not going to the car.
The insurance covered the cost of the car. OP extorted more money from the family and wants the boy punished.
YTA. This is about revenge. You're pissed and want the kid to hurt. You also want to hurt the neighbors. This has nothing to do with making sure others are protected.
Furthermore, it sounds like you might have taken payment from them with the understanding that you would drop the charges. If that's the case and you didn't drop the charges, you're stealing from them.
This has nothing to do with making sure others are protected.
if you fucking total a car while hitting another, not moving car you were speeding, massively. Its sheer luck and absolutely not due to his abilities as a driver that he didnt kill someone. A kid running after their ball for example. That kid is dangerous and reckless without any understanding or care of the dangers they put others in. Punishment is justified and can very well improve safety for everyone living there.
My understanding is that totalling a car can happen at relatively low levels of damage - isn't it just when the cost of repairs is higher than the value of the car so that insurance won't cover it? If its a high value car (especially if vintage or something) then it could be 'totalled' without being smashed to pieces. Open to being corrected on this but that's what I was thinking!
Correct. I once saw a truck that looked to only have bumper damage get totalled because it was an older model and too difficult to get replaced.
My friend used to joke that his car was technically totaled any time he was running low on gas.
stealing this for my janky kia soul hahahah
I worked with someone who’s cheap runaround car was written off after a low speed fender bender because the angle of the bump happened to cause damage to multiple panels - the cost to repair just wasn’t worth it to the insurer.
Yep. If the frame is bent, you're screwed.
that's the key thing and it almost always is - even extremely low speed impacts into small objects can cause structural warping. Totals it for insurance purposes and if it's not insured good luck ever selling it
Yeah, I think so to. I think the cost to repair the damage has to be more than what the car is worth. While the car is $50,000 or so, it probably has some expensive parts in it.
You are correct. This is why, for example, a car will almost always be totaled out if the airbags deploy, even in the absence of any other significant damage – because replacing the airbags is so expensive that it's almost never worth paying for.
12 years ago or so I lost traction going down a smaller hill that curves because black ice had started to form and the city hadn't done anything for the roads yet.
I was only going 15ish but I hit a wall around a property and it triggered the airbags. The damage itself was mostly cosmetic/external but the airbags going off are what made the car deemed totalled.
It just depends on what specifically is damaged. Some replacement parts can be surprisingly pricey even if they are something you rarely think about, if at all.
My car was totaled because the other car hit directly on my wheel, which broke the axle. It wasn't hit very hard, but was a very bad place to be hit.
It’s not hard to total a 50k beemer. Tap the bumper and it’s 10k for sure.
I don't disagree that there should be consequences. I'm just calling BS that OP's concern is about the safety of his neighborhood. I think he's just pressing charges for revenge.
While I won't disagree that punishment is merited, it's also worth noting that punishment isn't going to fix the problem - it'll just remove it from the public for a short time. The kid needs rehabilitated and that doesn't happen behind bars.
You could kill a kid running to grab a ball going the normal speed limit. You’re driving a metal death trap. And absolutely the teen needs punished. But you really think a few years in jail/juvie is the answer? You think that will help him? Like seriously? Talk about school to prison pipeline, imagine supporting that.
You can absolutely total a car you hit without having been speeding while hitting it.
YTA. On your side there were no real criminal actions. If their insurance and payment were going to make you whole for the vehicle collision, you should’ve dropped it. It was their car that was stolen, they should’ve pressed charges if they wanted to. If that wasn’t going to make you whole, then press charges as you need a paper trail to recoup a monetary amount to make you whole.
All you’ve done is direct a child that has had no real upbringing into a system that is going to further his inability to function in general society. YTA, big time.
Everyone is acting like the insurance payout makes OP whole, but I wonder if their premiums are going to go up for years based on this. There are states where any claim will increase premiums, even if you're not at fault.
The claim is on the neighbor's insurance.
It still will effect OP'S insurance
My policy requires a collision or liability claim were the insured is at least 50% at fault for it to affect my insurance. It is clearly stated in the policy.
That’s probably because you’re not in a no fault state, but there are 12 no fault states where u/FoggyDaze415 would be correct. Never personally understood why no fault laws exist, yes it makes it easier to resolve a situation, but ultimately just puts the cost of things onto those involved, even the innocent party. Just more laws formulated to help the elite.
I think YTA because you stated that the insurance paid you and you got 10 grand extra.
You arent pressing charges to get what you are owed you are doing it because you want to see a troubled child punished.
Prisons literally create criminals. This kid isnt going to get better by being sent to prison hes far more likely to become stuck in a cycle of crime.
Hes a kid not a monster. What he did was wrong. And i wish there was a system where you could insist he gets actual support to stop him from doing this kind of thing again. But sadly there isnt.
You are within your legal rights to press charges but morally id say thats pretty horrible.
I just don’t think OPs story is true. He can’t press charges. He can take his complaint to the police and if they think they have a case they can take it to the DA’s office who will then be the one pressing charges.
Here’s the great bit - how is it going to be proven the car was stolen when the owners of the vehicle don’t want the kid charged? Unless OP has omitted anything the foster parents or the kid would need to admit the car was stolen. They can’t just take OP’s hearsay for it - and OP hasn’t said anything that leads me to even believe the car was 100% stolen. The kid could have asked to borrow the car.
I don’t think this is true and even if it were I don’t think a grand theft auto charge would stick. Given that the police would have had to have been contacted regarding an accident totaling a $50k car it seems pretty unlikely law enforcement determined the manner with which the vehicle collided with the other vehicle was criminal in nature or they’d already have those charges rolling.
I wasn't sure, but then I saw some of your responses to other people and you are, most definitely, an asshole. YTA.
I don't know why you didn't just let insurance cover it and move on. Instead it seems like you are basically blackmailing the parents or something and going about this in a really shady way. Hell, you even think a 16 year old kid vaping in the back yard is a sign of them being too lenient in how they "control" this kid. Come on.
Like, yeah, obviously what happened sucks and it's ridiculous this kid crashed into your nice car. But you have to know if someone is getting into a new foster home at 16, their life has not been easy whatsoever and you seem to want to further punish this kid even though insurance could have squared away this whole thing without going there.
It's classism. OP clearly looks down on and has it out for the kid because he's a foster kid. I guarantee you that if he wasn't a foster kid, he wouldn't be having the same reaction.
I don’t understand why you got paid 10k. If it was for you to not press charges, you absolutely are the AH for taking it and still pressing charges. If that was the reason they offered it, you should return the money. If they paid you simply for the inconvenience it caused you, then you’re not wrong to keep it. As for pressing charges, I think it’s necessary. My brother in law behaved exactly like this in his earlier teen years. He continued to have people give him slack, and now he’s in prison for attacking his mom and step dad with a knife because he couldn’t do whatever he wanted while living in their house. That kind of behavior needs there to be consequences. Far more often than not, when it goes unpunished, it either continues or escalates, which is already terrifying considering he could have killer someone with this incident.
I don’t understand why you got paid 10k.
I suspect the foster parents committed insurance fraud by hiding who was really driving.
Hadn’t even considered that. Could absolutely be a possibility.
YTA - just sounds like revenge to me. You want "the best for the kid" let him go to counceling. If he get's "looked up to learn his lesson", he will probaply come out worse, because prison dosen't make better persons integration and rehabilitation does.
Why on earth would you take the 10K? You don't need them you got the insurance money, that's what insurance is for. You just want to punish the parents to.
"I don’t have any issues with them as they paid for their negligence, the issue is the kid." Yes these evil parents dont look there kids up proerly and don't monitore them 24-7. You can't even say it's there "parenting fauls" if they took him as a foster child.
Why on earth would you take the 10K?
That's the thing. OP keeps saying he told them he wouldn't drop the charges no matter how much they paid him, but he also chose to take the money. If he had some moral objection to the out-of-court settlement he could have refused to take it. It's not like they hacked his bank account and deposited 10k against his will. Greedy, vengeful bastard
I’m not a legal professional but surely if this goes to court the defence will highlight this 10 grand pretty quickly and the OP will find themselves in very hot water.
surely if this goes to court the defence will highlight this 10 grand pretty quickly and the OP will find themselves in very hot water.
My wife is a defense attorney, and in this scenario I wouldn't bet on OP's water temperature changing at all. It might help get the kid's charges dismissed, but I really doubt it would result in OP getting in trouble.
I imagine there would have to be some sort of signed agreement for this to become a legal issue for OP?
YTA. And you're punishing these foster parents who are trying to help these kids. You didn't take this teenager's money, you took the foster parents' money. If you were consistent, you'd give the money back and pursue the teen in civil court.
You stole money from foster parents. In what world are you not TA?
YES. How is he not giving them the money back right now? How is his lawyer not making him?!
Sounds like they tried to bribe him to me.
INFO
So rather than letting insurance cover it, you let them pay you ten grand, which if the car is 'totalled' isn't that not enough?
Yes, you are a massive AH.
This kid already grew up in the system, and you want to ruin his life more by pressing criminal charges. Kids make stupid mistakes, and you're going to make that follow him for the rest of his life. Thank God he does have to live with hurting someone.
It's all fun and games until this kid runs over your child because everyone just lets him run wild. NTA
That's not what happened tho. The kid should face consequences in proportion to what ACTUALLY happened, in this instance 2 cars were damaged. Nobody died/got killed. I can't imagine being so petty as to want to send a foster kid to jail over a second hand car.
Don't get me wrong, there should be consequences but kids don't wind up in foster care bc they were being raised by the Brady Bunch. That teen has seen/experienced things that kids aren't equipped to handle, heck most adults would be traumatized by things like that.
INFO : what are you pressing charge over ?
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6mo
Right? He has an “expensive luxury car” that “costed $50k”
“Costed” about the price of a decently equipped minivan.
Somebody is 14 and bored.
Hey now, $50k is a whole lotta money when you're 14. ;)
ETA: Yes, it was sarcasm. $50k is a large sum of money to most people for sure (including me), but it won't buy you anything that most people would refer to as a "luxury car." ... Unless you're 14, making up a story for Reddit clout and have no idea what a luxury car goes for these days, which was what I was getting at. Like the comment I originally responded to.
…is there a point of life where $50,000 is not a lot of money? Or am I missing sarcasm…?
Because that’s a lot of goddamn money
It depends on the context. But in terms of luxury cars it's a small amount of money. It's like bmw 3 series money.
I would love to be able to afford a new BMW 3-series. Lol.
QUESTION: They paid you or their insurance company paid? Why was there only a $10k payout on a $50k car?
What were the specific charges you pressed?
YTA for taking their money if you knew it was in exchange for dropping charges. Since you're not dropping charges you should give it back. Absolutely shameless extortion. Gross. Your wife is probably going to be embarrassed by you for keeping it.
You can’t press charges. Only a DA can do that. You could certainly ask for them to do that but I don’t believe they did. Is this rage bait? Are you lonely and just want people to interact with you? You posted this an hour ago and your title says “for wanting to” then the body says you have. I’m not buying it.
YTA.
Firstly, lol, "very expensive luxury car that costed about 50 thousand dollars"... bad news friend, that's not a cheap car, but, come on. You said "very expensive" twice, so I just feel like maybe you need to reign in how important you think you are here. Insurance made you whole again and the neighbor even threw in for punitive damages. Your ego is overreacting here, a lot.
Anyways, Ace sucks for making bad choices- but you said yourself he's got mental health and developmental issues. Those things need more work than jail- getting him arrested is exactly what would keep him in this cycle that your neighbors are trying to break. With a 16 year old foster kid, you've got to give a little because otherwise you'll get massive push back- vaping in the yard is pretty mild behavior. Do you know for sure this kid stole their car? Obviously he crashed it, but is he unlicensed and took the car without asking? Troubled teens stealing cars and crashing them isn't really as uncommon as it should be- but it's hardly a "criminal in the making". OP, take a moment and google "teen takes car crash"- this isn't a rarity- that doesn't make it okay, but take a breather and realize this kid didn't just hotwire a stranger's car here.
YTA for accepting money for the damage, on top of their insurance about to pay for replacement of your car, AND then also wanting to further destroy a 16 year old's life you know nothing about.
I can't stand anyone who would write off a child for good as though they have absolutely no chance of turning their lives around- and a foster kid in this situation didn't choose to have a sh*tty life, one was given to him to begin with. Shame on you for being so far up your own ass you can't see past your "very expensive" (again, LOL) car, and for wanting to make this kid "pay" as though his life hasn't been punishment enough. But it's clear that you don't care about this kid's life, so why the hell do you care if everything thinks you are an AH too?
AND- finally, I don't even know on what grounds you'd succeed in pressing charges and why you want to go wasting money on a lawyer to cause problems for you, your neighbor, and this kid who is already clearly dealing with some shit. It was an accident, insurance responded... sounds like a civil court issue, and you've already got $10k from the neighbor, so what, you think you are gonna get this kid locked up? Doubt it.
YTA if you were paid for the damages and nobody was hurt there's no reason for you press charges especially if you took the money.
You most definitely are the asshole. And parts of your story do not make sense to me. If you bought a $50k car last year and it was totaled, how is it that $10k from the family makes you whole? And you said they have insurance. Why are they giving you cash? These people may be "lenient" but they are doing what most people would never think to do. Are you, by pressing charges and fretting over your car, helping or hurting the good work they try to do?
YTA. A massive one at that.
Um: wait. So insurance is covering the car and they paid you 10k cahs ON TOP OF THAT, with the understanding that by paying you, you would dork the charges, they paid you, and you didn’t drop the charges?! YTA! Like that’s stealing and rude and just downright unnecessary. The kid is 16. Not 18. He has probably had a hard life (not saying that makes it ok) but I’m sure he’s going through ALOT and you adding to that just because you think he’s a “punk”. You’re wife is right. Give them the money back or drop the charges. Or don’t and stay the asshole, just know, you are indeed the AH!
In this, YTA, bud.
The "costed" (cost) of your damaged vehicle plays no part in this.
If another person hit your car, would you expect them to also pay you $10k, in addition to the insurance making you whole? Smells like extortion when you have no right to persecute or impose penalties on another person outside of legal boundaries & the legal system.
Are you truly "protecting society" by pursuing charges against this child... in addition to the $10k (on top of insurance payments) you were paid for the inconvenience the child's actions caused? Seems vindictive.
Why did you take $10k from the family when you were going to pursue legal action against the child? You could have chosen Civil Court for this, but you probably knew you wouldn't get $10k from that.
There are plenty of kids who don't have the "bag of hammers" to haul around that THIS kid has who are making bad decisions & causing property damage.
Have you even considered forgiving the child for a bad decision & using your expensive-car-lifestyle by mentoring & investing time in this child? No. You seem to care about getting paid & issuing compounding punishment to the child & his fostering family.
You've made an effort to highlight your "very expensive car" & this child's emotional & foster care status. Why do you believe that warrants extra consequences for THIS child, since those 2 factors are mentioned so often in your explanation of the situation.
- You seem to feel this child unworthy of forgiveness for his bad decision, seemingly based on how expensive your car is & this child's emotional & foster status. Do you have children? If so, are your children the only children in the world who don't do dumb shit?
- You seem to feel this child unworthy of forgiveness for his bad decision, seemingly based on how expensive your car is & this child's emotional & foster status. Do you have children? If so, are your children the only children in the world who don't do dumb shit?
You are NOT helping society by putting this child in jail. What this child needs is for people to invest themselves in teaching him that he can be forgiven & learn to make better decisions that will benefit him in his way- ahead. He needs to know that people give a shit about him. Or, is your expensive car- perfect people lifestyle not suited for that personal investment in a child that hasn't has the lifestyle you seem to boast about?
Assholery 101, buddy.
LOL in what world is a $50k car a luxury car anymore? That’s what a good number of Toyotas and Hyundais cost nowadays. YTA and you seem to have a superiority complex over these people when if you actually took a look at yourself you’d realize you’re not the one above them.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
- I decided to press charges against my neighbours foster child, who destroyed my car, even though they paid me.
- It seriously upset them and my wife because they believe I overreacted.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA you're just rubbing your hands because the "little delinquent" finally made a wrong move and you can go for him.
Raging asshole. At least give them their money back, you ass.
YTA.
If a kid is in the foster system they’ve generally lived through hell before making it to that point.
His foster parents are trying to help him. That takes time. You can’t undo a lifetime of damage in a matter of weeks.
You’d rather see him thrown in jail. There’s no rehabilitation involved in jail/prison. He will come out worse off than he is now.
His foster parents are his last hope of having a healthy life. I’m not saying it isn’t possible to turn things around on his own later down the line, but it’s unlikely without a strong support system.
So, yes, YTA. You extorted them and are now selfishly prosecuting this kid instead of allowing him to get real help.
YTA, easy
So a couple things: if you are worried about this kid turning out to be a criminal, pressing charges and having him spend years in jail is almost a 100% guaranteed way to make sure that happens. Missing two years of highschool, coming out with a record that will disqualify him from most jobs, and being in direct contact with career criminals is what makes recidivism so high in this country. Kids come out with no options other than their brand new criminal connections and basically need to turn back to crime.
Second, the damages were covered. You were paid an additional 10k on top of what the insurance covered, and you're still not satisfied. The only reason I can think of for that is you hate this kid and want to ruin his life as revenge.
YTA.
You're worried about a "criminal in the making" for crashing a car and vaping...and you feel the answer is to start him in the criminal system.
I'd offer to show you the stats on how your action would actually set him off on a worse path, given that he's already a near adult in the foster system, but you only want your revenge.
YTA
YTA. What do you even mean by "press charges" in this case? Your car wasn't stolen. A kid driving without a license accidentally hit your car. Insurance paid for it. It's unlikely that he'll be charged with stealing his foster parents' car unless they reported it stolen; most teens who drive their parents' cars without permission aren't charged with theft. Whether to charge him with driving without a license based on the police report you made when the car was hit is up to the police at this point, and isn't about you.
NTA. You by pressing charges are doing society a favor. The parents are enablers and want you to enable this boy's bad behavior too. Fuck that, let the kid take his medicine. Get your money and car fixed too.
YTA for the way you talk about your neighbor's kids as if they're not even human beings. the prison system is extremely punitive, it's not a good place for a troubled child, regardless of how much you seem to feel they deserve to be punished. pressing charges on a struggling child makes you an asshole.
Individuals don’t get the choice of pressing criminal charges, the state makes that choice. Even if you tell the state you want to drop the charges, that doesn’t mean the charges are dropped, it doesn’t work that way.
I can tell the exact kind of person OP is: Wealthy, snobbish, and condescending.
“I just bought a 50,000 car and this troubled kid hit it and needs to learn his lesson even though he has gone through hell his entire life, he needs more of a shit life”
YTA
There's a lot of research that shows that kids being labeled delinquent at a young age causes others to discriminate against them and leads them to become more delinquent as a result, because they feel it's already too late to change (Google "labeling theory")
There's also a great deal of research that shows that kids who repeatedly go through the justice system become more likely to commit crime as adults, not less, because of the things they are exposed to in the system.
It sounds like these foster parents are doing their best to rehabilitate this kid, get him help for his traumatic history, and help him get a new start, while you are labeling and discriminating against this child for his history. Your insistence on pressing charges will likely destroy any progress this child may have been making in a supportive home.
YTA. Extortion is a worse offense than joyriding a parent's car without permission and having a non-injury collision. They are actively self-sacrificing to give a throwaway teen a chance, and you are using them aa a cash machine out of spite.
You are a horrible human.
You don’t need 10k from a struggling foster family if you just bought a 50k car. You sound like a limp dick AH
A very expensive luxury car at $50k? Is that a Kia?
YTA. he's 16 and clearly had a harder life than you'll understand. you know what doesn't make that any easier? sending him back to jail.
the parents already made it right. you said yourself that you were fine accepting that. you think you'd be a better parent for him? think you'd do better? right.
NTA. People don't realize how fucking dangerous a car is. It's basically a 1 ton metal weapon with wheels, and this kid could have absolutely fucking killed someone. It's not like he got in a fight at school or graffitied a wall. He's 16, that's old enough to know the damage a car can do, and he needs to learn.
That still doesn't justify stealing from the foster parents who are actively being him help and whose insurance already paid for the damage.
YTA. You didn't have to accept the $10K. If you knew you were going to press charges either way, and insurance was covering it, you shouldn't have accepted their money.
As a side note, have you ever been 16? Did you ever do something dumb that endangered yourself and others? I bet you did and I bet you got away with it much of the time. This is a kid - his brain isn't fully formed, he doesn't have the same sense of right and wrong as an adult, and he doesn't have the same understanding of danger and mortality. And on top of that, he grew up in the system, where he didn't have a stable family. Let his parents punish him.
YTA
If you were planning on pressing charges, then you shouldn't have accepted the $10K.
The value of your vehicle is YOUR responsibility. You should have it insured properly AND park it in the garage.
YTA- period. End of story. Massive asshole.
YTA. Insurance takes care of these issues. Wanting to punish him additionally just seems like an AH move. They should definitely report your felony blackmail.
YTA
You were made whole and you are still pressing charges. Not only where you made whole but you extorted more money from your neighbor. You suck.
YTA so much
You are the huge asshole and not only that, but you are a criminal who belongs in front court.
YTA I can't understand why you felt entitled to TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS when their insurance paid for your car to be replaced. And then you filed charges anyway.
YTA. You didn't have to take the money, they did not force you to take it, you took it willingly. Your wife is right, either drop the charges or give the money back
yta its a minor sue the guardians why ruin the litle chance this child has
You are pathetic.
You extorted money from a fostering family. Never mind Ace being a so-called criminal, you are. You took their money on the condition of not calling law enforcement, and then did so anyway.
And I’m not even going to begin with your sweeping judgements towards a minor with learning difficulties and mental health issues.
Your neighbours are right. YTA. A sanctimonious, horrid AH. Shame on you.
super massive AH
Had he taken your car, then you would be right to press charges. However, he took his foster parents' car. They should be the ones to deal with that.
He caused an accident, which is what that was. He did not maliciously crash into your car. When there's an accident, insurance or the party responsible pays and that's the end of it. So, that should have been the end of it. Huge, YTA.
YTA - you’re extorting a foster child in a foster family… though I wouldn’t expect more from an out of touch AH who buys a car for 50k for fuck sake. 🙄🤮
YTA, it sounds like you should move away from this lovely foster family just trying to help their foster son. It sounds like this boy has been through alot he is just a kid.
YTA. If you're going to press charges, fine, that's fine. But you're an asshole for extorting them for money beforehand.
YTA, he is not your child to punish. I would absolutely hate to have you as a neighbor. Insurance covered your car. Get over yourself.
YTA. Hey, maybe when you're done using extortion against orphans, you'd like to enjoy a warm-buttered puppy for a snack and then go find a blind person to push down some stairs?
In my opinion you qualify as an a-hole. They're probably going to fall, but they are trying to pull Ace back on track and you just made that impossible. Yeah, he deserves to be punished. But sometimes all it takes is a little kindness to turn a life around. Sounds like Ace could use that.
YTA. Sending "Ace" to prison isn't going to improve his behavior.
YTA. He's definitely a troubled kid, and your desire for revenge ain't gonna help that though is it.
From your words, it still sounds like you deliberately misled them.
I’m confused on how you can even press charges in this situation. You’ve been paid by insurance for the value of your car, I’m assuming since the car was parked in your driveway when it happened that no one was in it so there’s no personal injury and Your car wasn’t the one stolen.
I mean there’s definitely a case for charges to be laid on the boy but not by what happened to you. The boys parents or their insurance would have a case and so would the police if the kid had no license or some other law was broken. But you? Your unharmed and made whole and no crime was committed to your property just an insurance covered incident.
YTA and a bit naive. $50,000 is an average car, not a luxury one.
Omg YTA and a freaking thief
I’m going with ESH…
I think if you were going to press charges you should not have accepted the money as that will come back to bite you…. They are TA for begging you to not press charges for a major crime. FYI, his insurance could REQUIRE he press charges or they wouldn’t cover the damages. As for the neighbor’s insurance, did they lie and say they were driving? This would trigger an insurance fraud claim that again would lead to him pressing charges. Them not wanting charges pressed could also be selfish as it would be a mark on their fostering… it may hurt their chances of getting more kids? People need to learn their actions have consequences
YTA. He’s a 16yo kid who’s most likely had an incredibly difficult life. Of course he’s going to make mistakes. But this is the time to teach him right and wrong, not throw him into prison/juvie so that he can go even further down the wrong path. This is not going to help him, it’s just your own petty way of getting revenge. People like you are the reason people stay on the path of crime instead of getting better.
YTA
You got paid the damages to your property. Does it suck that it even happened? Yes. But paying for the damages is taking accountability. This is purely because you don’t like the troubled 16 year old that’s somehow ruining your life by just existing in the same neighborhood.
YTA...And a raging one at that. You still may have a chance to make it right. Please do before you ruin a child's life by being petty.
By pressing charges you are accelerating his journey to a life of crime. Once ppl enter the prison system, the likelihood of exiting it is low. Is that what you want for this kid?? Is that what your end goal is? For him to connect with other troubles kids, commiserate together and reinforce what ever traumas this kid has dealt with (bc we are all smart enough here to know that the foster system fucks up more kids than it helps). You're basically signing this kids permission slip to connect with more troubled youth, hence opening him up to scarier experiences. And we're not even talking about the violence (physical, verbal, sexual) that occurs in youth detention centres.
Or do you want this kid to straighten up? BC if that's what you want, you are going about it in the exact wrong way. Jail does not rehabilitate anyone.
Someone get in touch with the neighbors and tell them to press a counter suit for extortion. Geeeeez.
YTA. -OP is a piece of work.
YTA
I worked in a behavioral rehab home for youths, and kids like Ace came in all the time. As much of a menace he is, it sounds like he needs placed in one of the homes I worked in. He likely has developmental issues accompanied with years of childhood abuse, negligence, and abandonment issues.
I know you just see him as a kid that wrecked your car. It happens, even to "good" kids, that's what insurance is for.
Your situation, I'd let insurance take care of it and drop the charges as a starting point. I'd also give your neighbors the money back ON CONDITION that they seek increased help for Ace. He doesn't need a therapist to talk about his feelings and trauma once a week, he needs at least part-time care with trained staff.
YTA. Sending a kid to prison at that age is more likely to make them more of a criminal than allowing them to continue Therapy. The kid already has a shit life and you’re trying to make it shittier.
YTA. First, because of your poor syntax, this is hard to understand. Did the foster family's insurance pay for your car? If so, on top of that, did you extort an additional 10k from this foster family? That's illegal.
I am a teacher who works at a 6 - 12 public school. Vaping is incredibly common with youth now, so this kid vaping in his foster family's backyard isn't the jaw dropping sin you seem to think it is. And nobody gives a shit that you have a "very expensive luxury car." That doesn't make crashing into it any worse.
This kid shouldn't have taken his foster family's car, but he doesn't deserve to be put away for a few years for his dumb luck of crashing into your "very expensive luxury car" by accident. I have to admit that when I was a kid, I stole my mother's car a few times. I was lucky enough to never get in an accident, or you would have had me doing hard time.
YTA I sure hope life treats you as you are - an asshole and thief.
YTA
- You say yourself IT was an accident
- Foster Patents are No magicans they cant Change a Kid instantly...
- USA criminal system IS fucked big time cause ITS only about punishing and Not Rehabilitation.
-> you probably killed the Last Chance this Young Kid Had.
Kids dont get Born with flaws. They Get failed by the society and there Parents. Your defintely the asshole
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